View Full Version : Favourite one-liners

12-20-2007, 02:10 AM
Please slap me silly if someone started a thread like this already. Anyway, I was watching a typical Disney animated movie on TV a little while ago, Treasure Planet, and in amongst the usual banal stuff, came this line, delivered to the teenage main character by the professor helping him in his quest, on the occasion of a compatriot's injury:

"Dangit, Jim! I'm an astrophysicist, not a doctor!"

Got me right in the funnybone. :)

So ... from the position of a writer, what are your favourite one-liners, other than the obvious ones like "I'll be back" and such?

12-20-2007, 02:13 AM
Since we were recently quoting Stand By Me in another thread, I'll start with "No Ace, just you."

(But on to the real question - why are you watching Disney movies by yourself CC?)

12-20-2007, 02:13 AM
"Can I borrow your towel? My car just hit a water buffalo."

12-20-2007, 02:14 AM
"In my country, they would go crazy for these two... [points to minister's wife] this one, not so much." -- Borat.

12-20-2007, 02:15 AM

12-20-2007, 02:15 AM
I have to set the lines up for these two, by giving the lines before them. They are both from Wonder Boys:

JAMES LEER: Now, that is a big trunk. It holds a tuba, a suitcase, a dead dog, and a garment bag almost perfectly.
GRADY TRIPP: That's just what they used to say in the ads.

GRADY TRIPP: Trust me, James, when the family pet's been assassinated, the owner doesn't want to hear one of her students was the trigger man.
JAMES LEER: Does she want to hear it was one of her professors?
GRADY TRIPP: ...I've got tenure.

12-20-2007, 02:16 AM
"And since you've got 'Replica' printed on the side of your guns and I've got 'Desert Eagle .50' printed on the side of mine, that should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence."

- Bullet Tooth Tony in Snatch

12-20-2007, 02:16 AM
"I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass - and I'm all out of bubblegum."

12-20-2007, 02:16 AM
(But on to the real question - why are you watching Disney movies by yourself CC?)
I'm a very lonely man. ;)

12-20-2007, 02:17 AM
"I'm one stomach flu away from being my ideal weight" -- Devil Wears Prada

12-20-2007, 02:18 AM
I'm a very lonely man. ;)
What movie is that from?

12-20-2007, 02:19 AM
My biography. :D

Okay, a real one, from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Indy, the kid and the girl are in a plane and the pilot is dead. The girl asks Indy if he can fly a plane, to which he says, "No." Pause while he looks at her hopefully. "Can you?"

12-20-2007, 02:22 AM
"Mein Fhürer, I can walk!"

12-20-2007, 02:25 AM
"Do I have anything in my teeth?" Ace Ventura with a mouthful of asparagus sticking out...

12-20-2007, 02:26 AM
What movie is that from?

Either I Am Legend or Ron Jeremy's biography.

12-20-2007, 02:27 AM
"I know... This all sounds like some bad movie!"

Top Secret!

12-20-2007, 02:31 AM
"I love you"
"I know"

12-20-2007, 02:32 AM
"That's what I love about these high school girls - I keep getting older, they stay the same age."

- Wooderson in Dazed & Confused

12-20-2007, 02:34 AM
John Candy in Planes, Trains and Automobiles:


12-20-2007, 02:34 AM
Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?

Jersey Chick
12-20-2007, 02:35 AM
"Funny. She doesn't look Druish." ~ Barf, Spaceballs

12-20-2007, 02:39 AM
Breakfast Club:

Brian Johnson: You wear tights?
Andrew Clark: No I don't wear tights. I wear the required uniform.
Brian Johnson: Tights.

12-20-2007, 02:40 AM
John Candy in Planes, Trains and Automobiles:


I think Edie McClurg had the best one-liner in that film with her response to Steve Martin :D, but then again I have an unnatural obsession with Edie.

12-20-2007, 02:41 AM
Dong, where is my automobile?

12-20-2007, 02:43 AM
"I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"

12-20-2007, 02:45 AM
Garfield the cat to his teddy bear:
'Cover me Pookie, I'm going in!'

12-20-2007, 02:46 AM
"Squeal like a pig!"

12-20-2007, 02:50 AM
'Life On Mars', DCI Gene Hunt: 'Don't move. You're surrounded by armed bastards.'

12-20-2007, 02:56 AM
Life on Mars, Gene Hunt again - "You Manchester United-supporting poof!"

12-20-2007, 02:58 AM
From Extras:

"Obviously, I am objectively REALLY good looking." - Orlando Bloom

12-20-2007, 03:01 AM
"Hitler, 1938."

-- Captain Kirk in response to a comment by the Klingon General in The Undiscovered Country

12-20-2007, 03:10 AM
"Dear Buddha: please bring me a pony and a plastic rocket...."

Mal, Serenity.

Spiny Norman
12-20-2007, 03:41 AM
FRY: Well, it seems everyone we invited is here-
ZOIDBERG: Also Zoidberg!
FRY: -so let's get to opening presents!

FRY: All right. If being multimillionaires is more important to all of you th-
FRY: -an having friends, then I'll do it.

Interrupting people is hilarious.

HOUSE: Boy, you're ugly.
DEFORMED CHILD: I have a facial deformity.
HOUSE: I know. That's what makes you so ugly.

CUDDY: Where did you come from?
HOUSE: Well, if you believe the Democrats, apes.

(After Phil has gone to the hospital for using too many nicotine patches)
DAVE: I know you're fighting your addiction, Phil, so just let me know if you need any help.
PHIL: It smells like an ashtry when I urinate. ...can you do anything about that?
DAVE: ...gosh, I hope not.

NewsRadio belongs in the "underrated" section.

12-20-2007, 03:48 AM
"My boat." ~Waterworld

12-20-2007, 03:49 AM
"Are you shrinkwrapped?" - Woody in Toy Story 2

12-20-2007, 03:50 AM
"We'll be married tomorrow morning!" - Prince Edward in Enchanted.

12-20-2007, 03:50 AM
Finding Nemo: "I shall call him squishy and he shall be mine, and he shall be my squishy."

12-20-2007, 03:58 AM
"Too much of it, darling, too much!" - Edna Mode in the Incredibles

12-20-2007, 04:02 AM
"I smell like a yak!"
--Daniel Jackson after being cleaned by a crowd of over-enthusiastic women; Stargate

"Don't let the bedbugs bite. Or, creep into ya ear and lay eggs in ya brain!"
--Grandma Wendy; The Ant Bully

"Oink, oink. Too many twinkies!"
--Max to a fat owner of a service station; Flight of the Navigator

Spiny Norman
12-20-2007, 04:15 AM
"You've been putting it up your whole life, you just didn't know it, now call it."

-Anton Chigurh, No Country for Old Men

"Well. There it is."

- The Emperor, Amadeus

Royal: I've always been considered an asshole for about as long as I can remember. That's just my style. But I'd really feel blue if I didn't think you were going to forgive me.
Henry Sherman: I don't think you're an asshole, Royal. I just think you're kind of a son of a bitch.
Royal: Well, I really appreciate that.

- The Royal Tenenbaums

"It's too bad she won't live. But then again, who does?"

- Blade Runner

"All these moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die."

- Blade Runner

"It is a good day to die."

- Little Big Man

Of couse,

"Forget it, Jake. It's Chinatown."

- Chinatown (durh)

12-20-2007, 04:36 AM
"Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here." -- As Good As It Gets

12-20-2007, 04:43 AM
"Are you, Alice, menstruating right now?"

12-20-2007, 04:49 AM
"This ain't no ham on rye." ~ Samuel L. Jackson Long Kiss Goodnight

He's got some great one-liners in that movie. :D

12-20-2007, 04:51 AM
"Ronald Reagan? The actor?! Then who's vice-president? Jerry Lewis?"

-- Doc Brown to Marty, Back to the Future

12-20-2007, 04:52 AM
From Firefly:
Jayne -- "I'll be in my bunk."

12-20-2007, 04:58 AM
Baldrick: I have a Cunning Plan...
Blackadder: You wouldn't know a Cunning Plan if it stripped naked, painted itself purple, and danced on the table, singing Cunning Plans are Here Again!


Frasier, occasionally, is hilarious.

Scene: coffee shop. Frasier sits alone.

Niles approaches and takes a seat.

Niles: Hello.
Frasier: Oh, what fresh Hell is this?

12-20-2007, 05:07 AM
Rudy: "You've seen how bad business is. We had nuns; nuns, protesting in front of the dealership this morning."
Jeff: "Nuns? "
Rudy: "Yeah. I had to get Jim to turn the fire hose on them."
Big Jim: "Yeah. And I knocked them motherf#!kers on they asses, too."

Used Cars, which still makes me laugh every damn time I watch it

"Dr. Reid, this is not Bring Your Problems to Work Day, this is just Work Day."

-Dr. Kelso, Scrubs

"Ass clown."

-random parking lot guy, Badder Santa

12-20-2007, 05:10 AM
seun, circa 2007 -

"If you need me, I'll be right over here, not giving a shit."


Spiny Norman
12-20-2007, 05:12 AM
"Politicians, ugly buildings, and whores all get respectable if they last long enough."

-Noah Cross, Chinatown

12-20-2007, 05:47 AM
"This ain't no ham on rye." ~ Samuel L. Jackson Long Kiss Goodnight

He's got some great one-liners in that movie. :D

"Naw, usually I punch 'em in the jaw and say pop goes the weasel."


"So this is hell...and there's a crucifix in it." --The Birdcage

"Great. I just punched out Santa Claus." --The Ref

"Ten thousand years can give you such a krick in the neck!" --Aladdin

"Because unlike other Robin Hoods, I can speak with an English accent." --Men in Tights

Jersey Chick
12-20-2007, 06:34 AM
"On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. 'Tis a silly place." - Monty Python and the Holy Grail

12-20-2007, 06:49 AM
Baldrick: I have a Cunning Plan...
Blackadder: You wouldn't know a Cunning Plan if it stripped naked, painted itself purple, and danced on the table, singing Cunning Plans are Here Again!

Wow, I was going to post this exact quote. Oh well.

Tim: I met a psychic last night. Got her number.
Daisy: That's our number.
Tim: She's good.

Reservoir Dogs:
Are you going to bark all day, little doggie, or are you going to bite?

12-20-2007, 07:10 AM
Nobody puts Baby in a corner. Dirty Dancing

(Answers phone): Buddy the elf, what's your favourite colour? Elf

Be afraid. Be very afraid. The Fly

Well then, this would be more, wouldn't it? A League of Their Own

Ralphie: No! No! I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!
Santa Claus: You'll shoot your eye out, kid. A Christmas Story

12-20-2007, 07:20 AM
Heyyy Milton. Whaaaat's happening?

- Lundberg, Office Space

But my lips hurt real bad!

- Napoleon Dynamite

Anybody want a peanut?

- Andre the Giant - Princess Bride

I want you to hit me as hard as you can.

- Tyler Durden - Fight Club

12-20-2007, 07:31 AM
Bullets Over Broadway:

David (on entering Helen Sinclair's apartment): Your taste is exquisite!
Helen: My taste is superb. My eyes are exquisite!

12-20-2007, 07:34 AM
And another very quotable movie, All About Eve:

Addison De Wit: You're maudlin and full of self pity, you're magnificent!"

12-20-2007, 07:37 AM
Today is Thursday, but Dwight thinks it's Friday ... and that's what I'll be working on today. - The Office

12-20-2007, 08:03 AM
"Sponge Bob, this is Square Pants...the tiger is in the cage."--Deck the Halls.


12-20-2007, 08:19 AM
I'll have what she's having... When Harry Met Sally

Spiny Norman
12-20-2007, 08:40 AM
[Alan Swann, roaring drunk, has blundered into the wrong restroom]
Woman: This is for ladies only!
Alan Swann: [unzipping fly] So is this, ma'am, but every now and then I have to run a little water through it.

Alan Swann: Damn you! I'm not an actor, I'm a movie star!

Man: [reading from the newspaper] "In response to the question, 'What were you doing in Central Park, in Bethesda Fountain, at 1 in the morning, naked?', Swann replied, 'The back stroke.'"

- My Favorite Year

12-20-2007, 09:27 AM
Groucho Marx had a short-lived game show. The contestants were housewives, and the prizes were small, $100. Sometimes a fridge.

The show was canceled for Groucho's following one-liner. The network said he was too risque and censored him.

Interviewing the next Contestant:

Groucho: So you're married and have a bunch of kids?
Lady: Yes.
Groucho: How many kids?
Lady: Eleven.
Groucho: Lady, I love cigars, but occasionally I take them out of my mouth!

Gets me every time.

12-20-2007, 05:07 PM
I love Groucho. Here's one from him:

[woman blowing smoke in his face]
Groucho: What do think this is, Pittsburgh?

12-20-2007, 05:17 PM
seun, circa 2007 -

"If you need me, I'll be right over here, not giving a shit."


You're too kind. :)

12-20-2007, 05:21 PM
Riggs in Lethal Weapon:

This is a real badge, I'm a real cop, and this is a real fucking gun.

12-20-2007, 06:05 PM
101 Dalmatians:

Cruella: "What kind of sycophant are you?"
Valet: "What kind of sycophant would you like me to be?"

Princess Bride

"Get used to disappointment."

Jersey Chick
12-20-2007, 06:10 PM
MY all-time favorite line from The Honeymooners

Norton and Ralph are on a train bound for the annual Raccoon convention. Norton bought a pair of trick handcuffs, cuffed him and Ralph together and, of course, now can't uncuff them. They're trying to sleep - Norton in the top bunk, Ralph in the bottom, still joined at the wrist.

Norton: Hey Ralph, d'ya mind if I smoke?
Ralph: I don't care if you burn

And from Family Ties

Mallory Keaton and a girlfriend of hers have been arrested and both fathers are at the police station to pick them up. Each dad is blaming the other's kid for being such a terrible influence and they're arguing...

Girlfriend's Dad: Don't call me buster, Keaton
Mr. Keaton: I didn't call you Buster Keaton.

12-20-2007, 06:29 PM
Hotlips: Yay! We got a red flag! We got a red flag!
Blake: That's a penalty, you moron.

Blake: Well goddamnit, Hotlips, resign your goddamned commission.

~ M*A*S*H

12-20-2007, 06:35 PM
What we have here is failure to communicate.

I love the smell of Napalm in the morning.

12-20-2007, 07:26 PM
From Family Ties (Michael J. Fox had some great one-liners on that show)

Mallory, talking lovingly about her boyfriend, Nick:

"It's like we have one mind."


"So who's using it now?"

12-20-2007, 09:26 PM
The eminently quotable Simpsons:

"Gentlemen - to evil!"

12-20-2007, 09:27 PM
And my absolute fav, which used to be in my sig line:

"Don't worry, Marge. Her idea of wit is nothing more than an incisive observation humorously phrased and delivered with impeccable timing."

12-20-2007, 11:03 PM
When everyone's out to get you, paranoia is just good thinking.

~Dr. Johnny Fever

12-20-2007, 11:04 PM
Hmm. Nope. Can't think of one one-liner. I'm not very good at this. :(

12-20-2007, 11:17 PM
(Brief setup. This line and scene is permanently glued inside my head): In Family Ties, Alex dreams he's present for the signing of the Declaration of Independence. John Hancock or someone else reaches for the paper to write it on. Alex stops him and hands him a different piece and says, "Here, use the yellow crinkly kind."

(Wait, it's coming)

Then after the D of I is finished, Thomas Jefferson or someone else compliments the group on the document and comments, giving a nod to Alex: "And I like the yellow crinkly paper!"

(Naked Gun): Hey! It's Enrico Palazzo! (Crowd chants): Enrico Palazzo! Enrico Palazzo!

(Spaceballs): I'm surrounded by Assholes!

ibid: Barf, we're not doing this just for the money. We're doing this for a SHITLOAD of money!

ibid: Checking in? --It's her royal highness's matched luggage!

ibid: I said bring only what you need to survive. --It's my industrial strength hair dryer. And I can't live without it!

ibid: Why didn't anyone tell me my ass was so big?

oh the laughs.


12-20-2007, 11:22 PM
Mine is very simple.

"What's going on?" -or- "How are ya?" the answer: "You know....SSDD"

If you know what that means or where it came from.....rep points for you!

12-20-2007, 11:23 PM
I wish I knew howta quitcha.

12-21-2007, 12:02 AM
"Oh stewardess, I speak jive."


"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue."

or just about any line from the movie Airplane!

12-21-2007, 12:05 AM
Mine is very simple.

"What's going on?" -or- "How are ya?" the answer: "You know....SSDD"

If you know what that means or where it came from.....rep points for you!
One original technical meaning was "Single Sided Double Density" from back when 5 1/2" floppy disks were replacing 8" floppy disks. It of course morphed into "Same Shit Different Day" as meant in the quote. But I have no idea where the exact quote above is from, maybe someone else can earn a rep point for that.

Ben, rep point prostitute.

Spiny Norman
12-21-2007, 01:04 AM
Jimmy, have you ever seen a grown man naked?

Jimmy, have you ever been in a locker room?

And the gladiator one's been done already.

12-21-2007, 01:49 AM
The Thick of It, Jamie (to a political rival): 'Enough of the pleasantries, let's just oil up and get f****ing, yeah?'

Jamie, having discovered who's been leaking ministerial secrets: 'If you think he's leaking now, just wait til I'm finished with him - he'll look like Mel f****ing Gibson's Jesus!'

Malcolm: 'You know what I call semantics? WWWWANK!'

12-21-2007, 01:57 AM
Steve Martin as one of the wild and crazy guys, during his Thanksgiving TV special, to Lauren Bacall....

"You know, I've paid for women worse than you."

12-21-2007, 02:07 AM
The Carol Burnett Show: Harvey Korman walks through a door dressed like a fat, fortune-telling woman.

"It's a medium."
"More like an extra-large."

12-21-2007, 02:19 AM
48 Hours:

Eddie Murphy: "I'm your worst nightmare, man: A n***** with a badge!"

12-21-2007, 02:35 AM
Mine is very simple.

"What's going on?" -or- "How are ya?" the answer: "You know....SSDD"

If you know what that means or where it came from.....rep points for you!

Same shit, different day.

Dreamcatcher. :D

12-21-2007, 01:02 PM
"Oh stewardess, I speak jive."


"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue."

or just about any line from the movie Airplane!

"Surely you can't be serious."
"I am serious. And don't call me Shirley."

12-21-2007, 02:52 PM
FRY: Well, it seems everyone we invited is here-
ZOIDBERG: Also Zoidberg!
FRY: -so let's get to opening presents!

FRY: All right. If being multimillionaires is more important to all of you th-
FRY: -an having friends, then I'll do it.

Interrupting people is hilarious. The other thing Futurama do rather well is when you've got a crowd of people muttering to each other. And one line is audible in the background.
Things like:

Fry: And then I got my face stuck in a pizza.


Bender: Bender's a genius!

- Blade Runner
Well, since you mentioned it.

Attack ships on fire off the shores of Orion.

Thank you for smoking:
Nick: I'm a man of the people.
Bobby Jay: Rock on, Kennedy.

BR: We don't sell Tic Tacs, for Christ's sake, we sell cigarettes. And they're cool, available, and addictive. The job is almost done for us.

Nick's staring out the car window, looking terrified at the swarm of angry reporters and photographers.
Bobby Jay: Still feel like Jimmy Stewart?

12-21-2007, 03:01 PM
"I am no man." ~Eowyn Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

12-21-2007, 03:07 PM
The engines overheating!
Spit on it for a minute, we're almost out.

12-21-2007, 06:01 PM
(Well I'm glad to see Airplane beginning to get some attention)

Rumack: Captain, how soon can you land?
Captain Oveur: I can't tell.
Rumack: You can tell me. I'm a doctor.
Captain Oveur: No. I mean I'm just not sure.
Rumack: Well, can't you take a guess?
Captain Oveur: Well, not for another two hours.
Rumack: You can't take a guess for another two hours?

(For ther great lines from Airplane, click here (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080339/quotes))

12-21-2007, 06:33 PM
(Well I'm glad to see Airplane beginning to get some attention)

Rumack: Captain, how soon can you land?
Captain Oveur: I can't tell.
Rumack: You can tell me. I'm a doctor.
Captain Oveur: No. I mean I'm just not sure.
Rumack: Well, can't you take a guess?
Captain Oveur: Well, not for another two hours.
Rumack: You can't take a guess for another two hours?

(For ther great lines from Airplane, click here (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080339/quotes))

Airplane is pure genius :D
And also Airplane II...

Prosecutor: Dr. Stone, would you give the court your impression of Mr. Striker?
Dr. Stone: I'm sorry, I don't do impressions... my training is in psychiatry.

12-21-2007, 08:36 PM
One of the best (sort of) lines in Airplane is the subtitle for when one of the black guys says shit at the end of the 'Jive' bit.



12-21-2007, 09:21 PM
"I am no man." ~Eowyn Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
Arrg, you took mine-

"You're terminated fucker" Sarah Conner The Terminator

12-21-2007, 09:23 PM
"That'll do, pig, that'll do." Babe

12-21-2007, 09:24 PM

"Great. Where're we going?"

12-21-2007, 09:31 PM
Would you like me to describe it to you, or would you like me to find you a box?


12-21-2007, 09:34 PM
Harry Potter the first:

"You could have got us killed! Or worse . . . expelled!"

12-21-2007, 09:37 PM
Speaking of boxes, here's just one quote from another eminently quoteable movie:

Now listen here, you mullet. Why don't you just light your tampon, blow your box apart? Because it's the only bang you're ever gonna get, sweetheart!

12-21-2007, 09:38 PM
He's looking for his son Fabio

Dora- Finding nemo

12-21-2007, 09:45 PM
"Mawwaige...! Mawwaige is what bwings us togethaw today." The Princess Bride.

12-21-2007, 10:20 PM
"All I did was kiss the girl."

12-21-2007, 10:42 PM
All we have, is decide what to do with the time that is given us

Gandalf- LOTR

12-21-2007, 10:45 PM
You forgot the most important question of all - What if?

The Time Machine

12-21-2007, 10:47 PM
A few more gems from Priscilla:

That's just what this country needs: a cock in a frock on a rock.

Oh, for goodness sakes, get down off that crucifix. Someone needs the wood.

Come on girls, off your snatches.

Do you know why this microphone has such a long cord? So it's easily retrieved after I've shoved it up your ass.

You know, there are two things I don't like about you, Felicia... your face. So how 'bout shutting both of them?

Spiny Norman
12-22-2007, 01:22 AM
"Thanks. Chewie, take the professor here in the back and plug him into the hyperdrive."

- oh, just guess

"He's a nut-bag! Just because the fucker's got a library card doesn't make him Yoda!"

[William Somerset looks at an object in the road]
David Mills: What do you got?
William Somerset: Dead dog.
John Doe: I didn't do that.

- Se7en

Jersey Chick
12-22-2007, 01:41 AM
"Toss me.... but don't tell the elf." ~ Gimley, one of the LOTR movies, but I can't remember which one - 2nd or 3rd.

12-22-2007, 02:35 AM
Al Yackey in Always: You magnificent pagan GOD!

Athos in 3 Musketeers (70s version, ONLY version, imho): You will find, young man, that the future looks rosiest through the bottom of a glass.

Fozzie in Muppet Movie: Ahh, a bear in his natural habitat - a Studebaker.

Jack Burton in Big Trouble in Little China: Like I told my last wife, I said, "Honey, I never drive faster than I can see, and besides... it's all in the reflexes."

12-23-2007, 01:39 AM
OK, so it's from TV rather than cinema, but:

Stripping the chicken (http://youtube.com/watch?v=QZLP90bZbbw)

12-23-2007, 01:43 AM
I once knew a woman who drove me to drink; if I could find her, I'd thank her! W.C. Fields

12-27-2007, 05:42 PM
Bullets Over Broadway:

David (on entering Helen Sinclair's apartment): Your taste is exquisite!
Helen: My taste is superb. My eyes are exquisite!
There's a similar anecdote about Noah Webster, when his wife discovered him in the pantry with the chambermaid:

Mrs: Mr. Webster, I am surprised!
Mr: No, my dear, I am surprised. You are astonished.

12-27-2007, 10:02 PM
I'm probably the only one who saw it, but from Master of Disguise, where Dana Carvey is some character and he takes his hand, opens and closes the thumb and fingers, mimicking a puppet and says, "This is what you're doing," then he closes his hand and says, "This is what I want you to do." I've used that on my kids many times.

That and, "Turtle, turtle" cracks me up.

OK. I'm easily amused.

12-27-2007, 10:06 PM
The Minuteman Cafe, shortly after Larry, Darryl and his other brother Darryl have taken over proprietorship....

Guest: "What's on special?"

Larry: "Darryl! Run on out to the highway and check on the catch of the day!"

12-27-2007, 10:08 PM
"Man, that's just mean!"

12-27-2007, 10:13 PM
Can't remember the movie, but this drunk talking to the tea-totaler.

"You mean when you get up in the morning that's the best you're going to feel for the rest of the day?"

12-27-2007, 10:17 PM
Philadelphia Story:

Uncle Willie: Aww...this is one of those days history teaches us is best spent lying in bed.

C. K. Dexter Haven: Sometimes, for your own sake, Red, I think you should've stuck to me longer.
Tracy Lord: I thought it was for life, but the nice judge gave me a full pardon.
C. K. Dexter Haven: Aaah, that's the old redhead. No bitterness, no recrimination, just a good swift left to the jaw.

Tracy Lord: You're too good for me, George. You're a hundred times too good. And I'd make you most unhappy, most. That is, I'd do my best to.

Macaulay Connor: [drunk] You going my way miss?
Tracy Lord: [drunk] That's "Miss Goddess" to you
Macaulay Connor: Okay, Miss Goddess To Me.

Ok...just rent it and watch it. the whole movie is full of them.

12-27-2007, 10:22 PM
"It's not a too-mah!"

12-27-2007, 10:37 PM
"My heart's beating like a F***ed clock!"

"I feel like a pig shat in my head"

"I mean to have you, even if it must be Burglary!"

"This suit was cut by Hawkes of Savile Row. Just because the best tailoring you've ever seen is above your f***ing appendix doesn't mean a thing."

Yes, I watched Withnail & I the other night.

12-27-2007, 10:43 PM
"Listen to me Hillary, I'm not the first guy who fell in love with a woman that he met at a restaurant who turned out to be the daughter of a kidnapped scientist only to lose her to her childhood lover who she last saw on a deserted island who then turned out fifteen years later to be the leader of the French underground."

Spiny Norman
12-28-2007, 02:05 AM
"Listen to me Hillary, I'm not the first guy who fell in love with a woman that he met at a restaurant who turned out to be the daughter of a kidnapped scientist only to lose her to her childhood lover who she last saw on a deserted island who then turned out fifteen years later to be the leader of the French underground."

The Zuckers can do no wrong.

They did the best Scary Movie installment, anyways.

"I know a little German. He's sitting over there."

12-29-2007, 07:18 AM
Happy Gillmore

Shooter: I eat pieces of s#!t like you for breakfast!
Happy: You eat pieces of s#!t for breakfast?

12-29-2007, 07:26 AM
"We called him tortoise, because he taught-us."

Mock Turtle

12-29-2007, 07:27 AM
"Save your breath for cooling your porridge"

Mickey the Pikey in SNATCH

01-31-2008, 07:31 AM
"It's not important how many people I've killed. What's important is how I get along with the people who are still alive."

01-31-2008, 07:48 AM
Charles Bronson, as a vigilante in Death Wish, when he finds one of the men who killed his wife. Bronson has a gun aimed at the man, who is on his knees, begging for his life,
Charles Bronson notices that the man has a crucifix on a chain around his neck:

"So, do you believe in God?"

"yes! I do! I believe in him!"

"Good, cause you're about to meet him..."

(Classic line from one of the all time great, tough-guy actors...)

01-31-2008, 07:02 PM
"Yes, I'm finished." -- There Will Be Blood

"I drink your milkshake." -- There Will Be Blood

"Never trust a sailor on dry land." -- Atonement

01-31-2008, 07:06 PM
"I think we're gonna need a bigger boat." ~ JAWS

01-31-2008, 07:11 PM
"He has pubic hair growing out of his ears."

01-31-2008, 07:13 PM
"I think we're gonna need a bigger boat." ~ JAWSNot to nitpick, but isn't it:

"You're gonna need a bigger boat"?

01-31-2008, 07:20 PM
"Oh now, Debra, don't be bitter, surely with your ever growing collection of flesh mutilating silver appendages and your brand new neo-nazi boot camp makeover the boys will come a-runnin'" ~ EMPIRE RECORDS

01-31-2008, 07:21 PM
Not to nitpick, but isn't it:

"You're gonna need a bigger boat"?

I love it when people say, 'not to nitpik', before they proceed to nitpik. I cherish it, in fact.

Devil Ledbetter
01-31-2008, 07:26 PM
From Midnight Run:

Now here come two words for you: Shut the fuck up!

01-31-2008, 07:55 PM
Ray Bones from Get Shorty:

"Fuck you, fuckball!"

01-31-2008, 08:55 PM
from Hedwig and the Angry Inch:

"I got kicked out of university after delivering a brilliant lecture on the aggressive influence of German philosophy on rock and roll entitled "You, Kant, Always Get What You Want". "

01-31-2008, 09:08 PM
"I want you to hold it between your knees." ! Jack Nicholson in Five Easy Pieces

01-31-2008, 09:17 PM
From Arthur:

Susan: "A real woman could stop you from drinking."
Arthur: "It'd have to be a real BIG woman."

01-31-2008, 09:24 PM
"Take your crazies and sell them somewhere else." -- As Good As It Gets

01-31-2008, 09:38 PM
"you ever pick your feet in Poughkeepsie? Huh? Do ya?" - Popeye Doyle (Gene Hackman) - The French Connection

01-31-2008, 09:47 PM
"Rise and shine boys and girls, it's Groundhog Day."

01-31-2008, 09:57 PM
I love it when people say, 'not to nitpik', before they proceed to nitpik. I cherish it, in fact.
Your comma usage is incorrect.

01-31-2008, 10:01 PM
All of the following are from The In-Laws(1979):

"Serpentine Shelly. Serpentine!"
"I am a pacifist by nature with a deep Quaker belief in the sanctity of human life. I wish I had a choice but to kill you."
"You know, I'm such a great driver, it's incomprehensible that they took my license away."

01-31-2008, 10:27 PM
"United States has been the greatest contributor for our current democracy... and all our former dictatorships"

01-31-2008, 10:29 PM
"Get away from her, you bitch!" - Aliens

02-01-2008, 04:43 AM
'Get your stinkin paws off me you damned dirty ape! - Charlton Heston - Planet of the Apes

02-01-2008, 04:49 AM
Two from ol' Rodney in Caddyshack about/to the judge's wife:

"Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it!"

"You musta been somethin' before electricity!"

02-01-2008, 06:04 AM
“Bridget Jones, wanton sex goddess, with a very bad man between her thighs... Mum... Hi.” Bridget Jones’s Diary

“The last time I spoke with Alex, we had a fight. I yelled at him.”
”That's probably why he killed himself... What was the argument about?”
”I told him he was wasting his life.” The Big Chill

“Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father prepare to die.” The Princess Bride

”You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” The Princess Bride

“You lost your birthright in one hand of poker?”
”I'm an asshole. What can I tell you?” French Kiss

“You'll be one of those grumpy old men sitting in the corner of a crowded cafe, mumbling to yourself, "My ass is twitching. Your people make my ass twitch." French Kiss

“You know, I never thought I'd be the kind of woman to say this, but it's true. All men are bastards.”
”The guy who was talking to you, he was... “
”A bastard.” French Kiss

02-01-2008, 09:57 AM
From the Les Luthiers parody of Shakespearean drama, "El Rey Enamorado"

" And now the drama Henry VII; seventh scene of the third fifth of the first act: The king Henry the Sixth has prayed the Ninth Psalm in his quarters, after a few seconds he crosses to his tent"

"Godfrey the mute, famous normand prince for his find of Abdul'aman on the Crusades... 21 down, nine letters"

"The Power! The Throne! The Throne or Mary? I only want my throne to lay on there and satisfy my desires, the most sublimes and the most wicked; on the other hand I want Mary.... What a coincidence!"

02-01-2008, 10:02 AM
"What! You egg! *stab* Young fry of treachery!"
-- Macbeth

02-01-2008, 10:21 AM
More from Les Luthiers:

"soldiers: If we don't win... we are lost!"

"Through the pass of time her beauty and grace didn't had gotten less with time... they had completely dissappeared"

"Confidence kills the man... and gets the woman knocked up"

"Because, after all, the children through they are smaller they think more. We could almost say they are human beings"

"Of every 10 people that watch TV, 5 are... half of them"

"I see a ship on the right -it's called Starboard -Alright, I see a Starboard on right"

(speaking about a politician): "He is uncapable of embezzelment, he is uncapable of lying... he is basically uncapable of anything!"

02-01-2008, 06:26 PM
Shut up fool, I aint gettin' on no plane with that fool Murdock! - B.A. Baracus.

We're tying him down so if he wakes up early, he won't kill us - Hannibal Smith.

Spaceballs quotes:

I'm a mog, half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend.
It's my virgin alarm, it's programmed to go off before you do.
Snotty beamed me twice last night, it was amazing.
Maybe we'll meet again is Spaceballs 2: the Search for More Money.
Crime lord Pizza The Hutt locked himself in his car and had to eat himself to death.
OUT OF ORDER!? Fuck, even in the future nothing works.
Whatsa' matter Colonel Sanders? CHICKEN?
It's my industrial strength hairdryer and I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT!

Hell who am I kidding, the whole movie is a series of one-liners.

On that subject, I also have to mention Robin Hood Men in Tights.:

Latrine, such an odd name
We changed it in the 11th century.
You CHANGED IT to Latrine?
It used to be Shithouse.
It's a good change.

Oh Master Robin! You lost your arms in battle!...But you grew some nice boobs!

And of course what would a post like this be without a Blazing Saddles quote:

Iz it twoo what dey say about you people?
*unzipps pants*
Ooooh, it's twooo, it's twooooo!

Other random favorites:

I'll save me!!! - Bender, Futurama

You couldn't catch crabs from a hooker - Grumpy Old Men.

Is it dead? - The Funny Man in Boondock Saints after they splatter the cat all over the wall.

Make like a tree, and get the fuck out! - Bartender in Boondock Saints.

I'm INVINCIBLE!!! 0 The black Knight, Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Lisa: Dad, I'm a vegetarian now. I'm through eating meat.
Homer: Not even pork?
Lisa: No
Homer: Not even bacon?
Lisa: NO!
Homer: Not even ham???
Lisa: Dad, all of those come from the same animal.
Homer: Sure sweety, a MAAAAAGICAL animal.

Your bride is over 2000 years old.
Kull: She told me she was 19 - Kull the Conquerer.

Duncan: Who wants to go see an exhibit of a bunch of two thousand year old junk?
Methos: Hey, some of that stuff could be mine! - Highlander The Series.

I'm 5000 years old, what do I know? - Methos

02-01-2008, 08:18 PM
From Superman: The Movie

Superman (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001659/): Is that how a warped brain like yours gets its kicks? By planning the death of innocent people?
Lex Luthor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000432/): No, by causing the death of innocent people.

Miss Teschmacher (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0674781/): Lex, why do so many people have to die for the crime of the century?
Lex Luthor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000432/): Why? You ask why? Why does the phone always ring when you're in the bathtub?

02-01-2008, 08:30 PM
"They're selling hippy wigs in Woolworths, man.
We're ninety-one days from the end of the greatest decade in history."

02-01-2008, 08:31 PM
From Buffy:

Cordelia: "Well, does looking at guns make you want to have sex?"
Xander: "I'm seventeen. Looking at linoleum makes me want to have sex."

02-01-2008, 10:53 PM
"Louie, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."


"Round up the usual suspects."

(c'mon, I don't have to tell you, right?)

02-02-2008, 12:43 AM
From one of the greatest movies ever. The Princess Bride

"Hello. My name is Inigo Monytoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
Buttercup - "We'll never survive."
Westley - "Nonsense. You're only saying that because nobody ever has."

From The Rock

Stanley Goodspeed - 'I'm Doing my best'
John Patrick Mason - 'Your best? Losers always whine about doing their best. Winners go home and f*ck the prom queen'

02-02-2008, 12:50 AM
Well if you are going to do that fabulous line from the Princess Bride, you really ought to do the entire end of the best scene I think like ever (music, writing, fighting, acting . . . just awesomeness - ):


RUGEN: No --

INIGO: -- offer me money -- (cuts Rugen's cheek)

RUGEN: -- yes --

INIGO: -- power too -- promise me that -- (cuts Rugen's other cheek)

RUGEN: -- all that I have and more please --

INIGO: -- offer me everything I ask for --

RUGEN: -- anything you want --

INIGO: (stabs him through the heart) I want my father back you son of a b****!


02-02-2008, 01:00 AM
From Bad Santa

Willie: "I beat the sh*t out of some kids today. But it was for a purpose. It made me feel good about myself. It was like I did something constructive with my life or something...I dunno, like I accomplished something."

02-02-2008, 05:18 AM
Senor Yugati: You despise me don't you?

Rick: Well, if I gave you any thought I would.

02-02-2008, 05:45 AM
'I don't tip!' - Reservoir Dogs

02-02-2008, 05:48 AM
"This is a do whatever I want and get away with it badge." --Transformers.

"I love you Mojo." Transformers.

"I can almost hear you getting fatter." Tommy Boy.


02-02-2008, 06:02 AM
From The Jane Austen Book Club

Prudie: He looks at me like he's the spoon and I'm the dish of ice cream.

02-02-2008, 07:24 AM
From FarScape: The Peacekeeper Wars

"Carry their baby. Marry them off. What's next? Let them move in?"

"Shooting makes me feel better!"

02-02-2008, 07:36 AM
"Can I have a pony?"

From Darlene, the middle daughter of Roseane, when told that her dads motorcycle shop went out of business.

02-03-2008, 05:10 PM
You know what does bother me? You know what makes me sick to my stomach? It's watching you stuff your face with those hot dogs. I mean nobody, but nobody, puts KETCHUP on a hot dog, anymore!

02-03-2008, 07:57 PM
From Marathon Man...
"Is it safe?"

From The Big Sleep...
"You know what he'll do when he comes back? Beat my teeth out, then kick me in the stomach for mumbling."

From The Big Sleep...
"I don't mind if you don't like my manners, I don't like them myself. They are pretty bad. I grieve over them on long winter evenings."

From LA Confidential
"Don't start trying to do the right thing, boyo. You haven't had the practice"

From The Maltese Falcom
"You're good. Chiefly your eyes, I think, and that throb you get in your voice when you say things like "Be generous, Mr. Spade.""

02-03-2008, 08:04 PM
Little girl: I am hungry. I am hungry. I am hungry. I AM HUNGRY. I AM HUNGRY...

02-03-2008, 10:44 PM
New favourite, from Juno (who is very pregnant):

Juno MacGuff (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0680983/): Yeah, I'm a legend. You know, they call me the cautionary whale.

02-03-2008, 11:29 PM
'Always bet on black' - Wesley Snipes - Passenger 57

02-03-2008, 11:36 PM
"Listen, I don't mean to be a sore loser, but when it's done, if I'm dead, kill him." - Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

02-03-2008, 11:47 PM
From Big Trouble in Little China:

"You were not put on this Earth to get it, Mr. Burton." and...

After Kissing Kim Cattrell: "What was that for?"

Jack: "Just thrilled to be alive!"


02-04-2008, 01:31 AM
I had the best time reading this thread. Thanks.
To all o' yuhs:

"I accuse you of being an idealist, an honest man and a bad poet."

02-04-2008, 04:02 AM
Casablanca is full of them apart from those already mentioned earlier :)

If she can stand it, I can! Play it!

Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.

Here's looking at you, kid.

If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.

We'll always have Paris.

I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world.

02-04-2008, 03:53 PM
From Aliens:
Hudson: "Hey, Vasquez, have you ever been mistaken for a man?"
Vasquez: "No. Have you?"

Mr Flibble
02-04-2008, 04:15 PM
Bah, a lot of my faves have already been mentioned, but hrere's a few

Cat: I hate to go all technical on you, but: All hands on deck, Swirly Thing Alert!

Lister:There's a bodybag out there with that scudball's name on it, and I'm doing up the zip. Anyone who gets in my way gets a napalm enema.

Rimmer: So let me get this straight. You want to fly on a magic carpet to see the King of the Potato People and plead with him for your freedom, and you're telling me you're completely sane?

Caligula: Very well. Rasputin, bring hither the skin diving suit with the bottom cut out, and unleash the rampant wildebeest.

Sorry, it was one of thsoe weekends....

02-04-2008, 09:21 PM
From Annie Hall

"A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark."

"I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final, you know. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me"

"My grammy never gave gifts. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks"

"What's with all these awards? They're always giving out awards. Best Fascist Dictator: Adolf Hitler. "

"Hey, don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love."


02-04-2008, 10:08 PM
From A Night At The Opera

"When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay. "

"Ladies and gentlemen... I guess that takes in most of you... "

"I have here an accident policy that will absolutely protect you no matter what happens. If you lose a leg, we'll help you look for it. "

"Signor Lassparri comes from a very famous family. His mother was a well-known bass singer. His father was the first man to stuff spaghetti with bicarbonate of soda, thus causing and curing indigestion at the same time."


02-04-2008, 10:13 PM
From The Life of Brian

All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?

He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy!

I was hopping along, minding my own business, all of a sudden, up he comes, cures me! One minute I'm a leper with a trade, next minute my livelihood's gone. Not so much as a by-your-leave! "You're cured, mate." Bloody do-gooder.

Stwike him, Centuwion. Stwike him vewy wuffly!

Cheer up, Brian. You know what they say: some things in live are bad. They can really make you mad. Other things just make you swear and curse. When you're chewing on life's gristle, don't grumble; give a whistle, and this'll help things turn out for the best. And... always look on the bright side of life...


02-04-2008, 10:17 PM
"I've never actually killed anyone before, face-to-face...I don't see what the big deal is, I really don't."

~from Broken Arrow

02-05-2008, 05:21 AM
'where do you think you're going with that fiesta platter?' -Taco Bell commercial I'm watching right now..........LOL

02-05-2008, 11:10 PM
From "Some Like It Hot"

Will you look at that! Look how she moves! It's like Jell-O on springs.

You tore off one of my chests!

I'm a boy. I'm a boy. I wish I were dead. I'm a boy. Boy, oh boy, am I a boy. Now, what am I gonna do about my engagement present?

Real diamonds! They must be worth their weight in gold!

Nobody's perfect.

02-06-2008, 01:42 AM
"No. . . it has to be your bull. . ." ~ Tommy Boy

02-06-2008, 04:04 AM
Joanne: You calling me a freak?
Tommy: No, I'm calling you a product of baboon lovin'. There's a distinction.

Ahhh, Home for the Holidays. Brilliant movie.

02-06-2008, 04:23 AM
From Dr Strangelove

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!

Gee. I wish I had one of them Doomsday machines.

02-06-2008, 06:28 AM
Catherine O'Hara from Beetlejuice:

"If you do not let me gut out this house and make it my own, I will go completely insane and Take You With Me!"


02-06-2008, 07:15 AM
“You don't understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I could've been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am.” On the Waterfront

“You had me at "hello." Jerry Maguire

“Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me. Aren't you?” The Graduate

02-06-2008, 07:46 AM

Setup: Adam and Barbara are trying to hire a demon ghost to scare away people who have moved into their house. BeetleJuice is the demon ghost

Adam: What are your qualifications?
Betelgeuse: (suddenly calm and speaking in a very cultured voice) Ah. Well... I attended Juilliard... I'm a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague (twitches, starts to drop façade) and had a pretty good time during that. I've seen "The Exorcist" about 167 times, and it keeps getting funnier every single time I see it! Not to mention the fact that you're talking to a dead guy! Now what do you think?! You think I'm qualified?

02-06-2008, 12:58 PM
"I'm about to stop playing 'who shal I kill first' in my head an just go with what feels natural. I'm first, then it's you!"

02-06-2008, 08:28 PM
"Buck Melanoma, Moley Russells' wart." - Uncle Buck

"Get in your mouse, and get out of here." - Uncle Buck

02-06-2008, 10:26 PM
"There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?" - Clerks

02-06-2008, 11:23 PM
From "Oh Brother Where Art Thou"

A woman is the most fiendish instrument of torture ever devised to bedevil the days of man.

Shake a leg Junior! Thank God your mammy died givin' birth. If she'd have seen you, she'd have died o' shame.

Well, it didn't look like a two-horse town, but try finding a decent hair jelly.

Well, ain't this place a geographical oddity. Two weeks from everywhere!

Them syreens did this to Pete. They loved him up and turned him into a horny toad.

02-07-2008, 04:20 AM
From Buffy the Vampire Slayer the TV Show

"It was more like a riot than a Ralph's."

02-07-2008, 09:36 AM
"Geez, Dad, this smells like you beat a skunk to death with a salmon."-Brent, on his dad's new beer-making venture, Corner Gas television show (and my newest obsession).

02-07-2008, 09:37 PM
From The Third Man

Like the fella says, in Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock.

Oh, Holly, you and I aren't heroes. The world doesn't make any heroes outside of your stories.

Nobody thinks in terms of human beings. Governments don't. Why should we? They talk about the people and the proletariat, I talk about the suckers and the mugs - it's the same thing. They have their five-year plans, so have I.

I believe in God and Mercy and all that. But the dead are happier dead. They don't miss much here, poor devils.

02-07-2008, 11:23 PM
"Old man, you give your dogs any more of my food and I'm gonna kick you until you're dead." - Olympia Dukakis, Moonstruck

"You better do what Mommy and Daddy tell you or we'll send you to Catholic school where you belong!" - Debbie Harry, Hairspray the non-musical

"When I smoke, I AM Odetta!" - Pia Zadora, ibid.

02-08-2008, 05:17 AM
Back off, man. I'm a scientist.

02-08-2008, 05:52 AM
"The road is my home, and my home, the road. And when I think of all the people I have come upon in my travels, I cannot help but think of the people who have come upon me. Tommy, can you hear me?..."
-Hedwig again, 'cause it's just so awesome. :D

"Darkness warshed over the Dude - darker'n a black steer's tookus on a moonless prairie night. There was no bottom."
-Big Lebowski, of course

02-08-2008, 09:19 AM
Snakes on a Plane -- this movie has so many groan-worthy lines beside Jackson's infamous "mf snakes on this mf plane":

- This plane is going to go down faster than a Thai hooker!!!!!

- We have to put a barrier between us and the snakes!!!!!!

- Someone get his f'ing snake off my ass!!!!!!!!

- F'ing snake! Get off my dick!!!!!!!!

- F'ing dog. F'ing coach. F'ing Americans!!!!!!

02-08-2008, 09:25 AM
Who elected you the leader?
'I thought it should be the one with the capacity for abstract thought.'

You made me into this. Look at me, I'm this middle-aged, fat, short thing.
'I made you short?'

I'll have to get a new wardrobe. Understated stuff. Lots of earthtones.

You had me at blood and semen.

That's disgusting.
'That, my friend, is how babies are made.'

Your *sister*?
'It's like a brother, but you do each other's hair.'

Anyone name them? Can anyone pick one giggler movie, if you had to choose just one to get to see on and on? Friends, mine would be the one quoted third above.

02-09-2008, 12:32 AM
Can anyone pick one giggler movie, if you had to choose just one to get to see on and on?

Mine would probably be "Some Like It Hot." It's just perfect in every way.

Although I do like "Monty Python and The Holy Grail" for sheer silly-ness

"I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."

"It's just a flesh wound."

"Oh but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

"We are the Knights who say... NI."

"We are now the Knights who say...”Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG. Zoom-Boing. Z'nourrwringmm"

"And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it. "

"Oh! Had enough, eh? Come back and take what's coming to you, you yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!"

"Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!"

"This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes."

02-09-2008, 12:50 AM
Who elected you the leader?
'I thought it should be the one with the capacity for abstract thought.'

Oh, I Know that one.


It's set in the past


AGH! tip of my tongue. That's gonna bug me, but I'll get it.

In the meanwhile, I just watched Big Trouble in Little China and finally 'got it'. That means there's not a single John Carpenter/Kurt Russell film that I don't like. Also, their commentaries are superb.

"I'm a reasonable guy but I've just seen some very unreasonable things" - kinda sums up the whole film, IMO.

"They survived the burning blade and tamed the savage heart."

02-09-2008, 12:52 AM
I'll get it.
It came to me.

Oh Brother, where art thou.

Good. that tip-of-the-tongue thing annoys the hell outa me :D

02-09-2008, 04:54 AM
Not sure if anyone already said this, but the quote that makes me chuckle is...

*drum roll*

"I DRINK your MILKSHAKE!" - There Will Be Blood

02-09-2008, 12:24 PM
Some of you have logged in some of my all-time favorites. There has to be a million more between Bettlejuice and the Holy Grail. But here's a couple from other beautiful flicks -

Blazing Saddles:
Hedley Lamar - "What are your qualifications?"
Cowboy - "Rape. Murder. Arson. Rape."
Hedley - "You said rape twice."
Cowboy - "I like rape."

And the Corpse Bride - "Tell me, my dear; can a heart still break after it stops beating?"

That is pure poetry.


02-09-2008, 09:40 PM
From Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

You don't get it, do you? This isn't good cop, bad cop. This is fag, New Yorker.

Don't worry, I saw Lord of the Rings. I'm not going to end this 17 times.

Thanks for coming, please stay for the end credits, if you're wondering who the best boy is, it's somebody's nephew, um, don't forget to validate your parking, and to all you good people in the Midwest, sorry we said fuck so much.

I don't think you'd know where to put food at, if you didn't flap your mouth so much. Yes I think you're stupid.

How 'bout it, filmgoer? Have you solved the case of the dead people in L.A.? Times Square audiences, please don't shout at the screen, and stop picking at that, it'll just get worse.

And that's how she got to the same party as me. Oh shit. I skipped something. Damn it. This whole robot bit. I made a big deal, then I like totally forgot. Fuck, this is bad narrating. Like my dad telling a joke. "Oh, wait back up. I forgot to tell you the cowboy rode a blue horse." Fuck. Anyway, I don't know if you want to see it now, but here's the fucking robot stuff for your viewing pleasure. Can I say "fuck" more?

Wow, I feel sore. I mean physically, not like a guy who's angry in a movie in the 1950's.

Anyway, by now you may wonder how I wound up here. Or, maybe not. Maybe you wonder how silly putty picks shit up from comic books. The point is, I don't see another Goddamn narrator, so pipe down.

It was the first time I felt it, how pitying someone and wanting to fuck them can get all tangled up in your head... overwhelming sadness while having a rodney. Is that sick? Hm yeah, I think that's sick...

02-10-2008, 05:53 AM
From Chinatown

All right, Curly. Enough's enough. You can't eat the Venetian blinds. I just had them installed on Wednesday.

'Course I'm respectable. I'm old. Politicians, ugly buildings, and whores all get respectable if they last long enough.

You're dumber than you think I think you are.

You've got a nasty reputation, Mr. Gitts. I like that.

02-10-2008, 07:09 AM
Carol Burnett as Scarlett O'Hara:
"I saw it in a window and I just couldn't resist."
(The curtain rod was still sticking out of the dress.)

In New Waterford Girl, little brother runs in with a bloody nose:
"I made a new friend!"

In Little Miss Sunshine:

Frank: "High school - those are your prime suffering years. You don't get better suffering than that."

Grandpa: "Again with the f***ing chicken."

Dwayne after an eon of silence: "F**k!!!!"

Marcel Marceau in Silent Movie: "No."

02-10-2008, 08:58 AM
From the Godfather:

"Leave the gun. Take the cannoli"

02-10-2008, 07:55 PM
From "Everything you always wanted to know about sex* - *But Were Afraid to Ask"

I don't know if you've read my book, "Advanced Sexual Positions: How to Achieve Them Without Laughing."

Before you know it, the Renaissance will be here and we'll all be painting.

This is Mrs. Bencours, one of my patients. She thinks she's a sheep.

I'm not getting shot out of that thing. What if he's masturbating? I'm liable to end up on the ceiling.

Attention gonads, we're going for seconds.

02-10-2008, 09:36 PM
From The Crow: Can't rain all the time...

From Bananas:

Esposito: From this day on, the official language of San Marcos will be Swedish. Silence! In addition to that, all citizens will be required to change their underwear every half-hour. Underwear will be worn on the outside so we can check. Furthermore, all children under 16 years old are now... 16 years old!
Fielding Mellish: What's the Spanish word for straitjacket

02-11-2008, 09:08 PM
From The Maltese Falcon

I couldn't be fonder of you if you were my own son. But, well, if you lose a son, its possible to get another. There's only one Maltese Falcon

We didn't exactly believe your story, Miss O'Shaughnessy, we believed your 200 dollars. I mean you paid us more than if you had been telling us the truth, and enough more to make it alright.

I distrust a close-mouthed man. He generally picks the wrong time to talk and says the wrong things. Talking's something you can't do judiciously, unless you keep in practice.

When you're slapped, you'll take it and like it.

Yes, angel, I'm gonna send you over. The chances are you'll get off with life. That means if you're a good girl, you'll be out in 20 years. I'll be waiting for you. If they hang you, I'll always remember you.

The stuff that dreams are made of.

02-13-2008, 04:18 AM
From The Odd Couple

Don't point that finger at me unless you intend to use it.

His refrigerator has been out of order for two weeks now. I saw milk standing in there that wasn't even in the bottle!

Look at this. You're the only man in the world with clenched hair.

Nah, that's the kids' bathroom. The worst he could do in there is brush his teeth to death.

Blanche used to say to me, "What time do you want dinner" I'd say "I dunno, I'm not hungry". Then 3 o'clock in the morning, I'd wake her up and say "now". I've been one of the highest paid sports writers in the east for the past fourteen years, we saved eight and a half dollars in pennies. I'm never home, I gamble, burn cigar holes in the furniture, drink like a fish, lie to her every chance I get. Then on our tenth wedding anniversary, I took her to the New York Rangers-Detroit Red Wings hockey game where she got hit by a puck! I still can't figure out why she left me, that's how impossible I am.

02-13-2008, 09:43 PM
From The Cincinnati Kid

You're good, kid, but as long as I'm around, you're only second best.

Cincinnati Kid: You call that an argument?
Slade: No, that's a fact. The argument's leaning over there against the door jamb.

02-14-2008, 01:11 AM
American Beauty

Lester Burnham- "Man, oh man. Man, oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man."
[last words, while looking at a picture of his family]

02-18-2008, 02:38 AM
From Firefly, when River sees a woman giving birth:

Who do you think is in there?


02-18-2008, 08:31 AM
From Ghostbusters

Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say "YES"!

We've been going about this all wrong, this Mr. Stay Puft's okay, he's a sailor, he's in New York, we get this guy laid we won't have any trouble.

Sorry, Venkman, I'm terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.

We came, we saw, we kicked its ass

Back off, man. I'm a scientist.

She's not my girlfriend. I find her interesting because she's a client and because she sleeps above her covers... *four feet* above her covers.

He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!

Gozer the Gozerian... good evening. As a duly designated representative of the City, County and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension.


02-19-2008, 09:52 AM
V for Vendetta,

Situation: V is surrounded by men with guns, Creedy is the leader of the men. They are about to try and kill V

Creedy: Defiant to the end, huh? You won't cry like him, will you? You're not afraid of death. You're like me.
V: The only thing that you and I have in common, Mr. Creedy, is we're both about to die.
Creedy: How do you imagine that's gonna happen?
V: With my hands around your neck.

Situation: Evey has just been rescued by V

Evey Hammond: Who are you?
V: Who? Who is but the form following the function of what and what I am is a man in a mask.
Evey Hammond: Well I can see that.
V: Of course you can. I'm not questioning your powers of observation I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is.

Greatest line from the movie:

V: People should not be afraid of their Governments, Governments should be afraid of their people.

Great movie. If you haven't seen it, then I pity you.

02-20-2008, 12:17 AM
From The Blues Brothers

They're not gonna catch us. We're on a mission from God

We had a band powerful enough to turn goat piss into gasoline

If the shit fits, wear it

I ran out of gas. I, I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts. IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD.

Don't be lost when the time comes, for the day of the Lord cometh like a thief in the night.

It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.

02-20-2008, 02:08 AM
From Spaceballs....

Colonel Sandurz: Ludicrous speed? Sir, we've never gone that fast before. I don't know if this ship can take it.
Dark Helmet: What's the matter Colonel Sandurz? Chicken?

Princess Vespa: I am Princess Vespa, daughter of Roland, King of the Druids.
Lone Starr: Oh great. That's all we needed. A Druish princess.

Okay, so I like really bad puns. :D

02-20-2008, 05:22 AM
"You don't look like no rootin'-tootin' son-of-a-bitchin' cold blooded assassin to me." The Unforgiven

02-20-2008, 08:02 AM
"I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass - and I'm all out of bubblegum."

YES! YES! YES! Love it! Got it on my shelf.

Now I have to watch it again. Best fight scene EVER!

02-20-2008, 07:53 PM
How High

Jamal: "How could I fail Women's Studies? I love bitches!"



02-22-2008, 06:49 PM
"Like a midget at a urinal I was going to have to stay on my toes." - Naked Gun

03-08-2008, 03:15 AM
Another one from Les Luthiers on their act of Visit to Wildstone University:

"And we say farewell to Wildestone University; we still have the memories, and although we must leave it for a while, we keep in our soul the desire of never come back here again"

Craig Gosse
03-08-2008, 08:14 AM
Another thread brought about this flash-back:

"Never mind what I told you; I'M TELLING YOU...! "
-Jimmy Cagney as 'Capt. Morton', Mister Roberts, 1955

03-09-2008, 01:36 AM
"When his eyes go dead, the hell I sent him to'll seem like heaven after what I've done to him"
Marv - Sin City

Best fight scene EVER!Apart from Serenity. But that's a discussion for another thread :)