We're trying to get pregnant. Kind of anxious about it.

underthecity

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My wife and I, that is. We've been married now for over eleven years, and we had a list of goals we wanted to accomplish before having children: her finish her education, both of us get good, steady jobs, own a house, and eventually her lose weight.

Well, that's all happened. We've owned our house for seven years. We have three bedrooms. One is ours, one is a spare (soon to be the "nursery"), and the other is my "library," where I have my books and all my decorations and crap. I've written and published three books, have an unpublished childen's book, and am revising a novel with ideas for future books, both fiction and nonfiction, part of my goal of being a full-time writer.

So, we are now off the birth control and are trying to have children. Ideally we want two, a boy and a girl. Boy's name: Isaac. Girl: Sierra.

Now, we've been alone with our cats for a long time and I'm quite used to the freedom of being able to come and go as we please. Also, we've had a lot of fun together, just she and I. And all that's going to change.

So, I ask, what am I getting into here, those with children?

allen
 

WendyNYC

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Sounds like you are ready! I have no real complaints about parenthood, at least, none worth mentioning.

Pick up a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility if she's anxious and impatient. Like me.
 

Siddow

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hahahahahahahaha!!!!!

ahem, sorry. Being a parent is great, I can't imagine not having my kids. The more uptight you guys get about getting pregnant, the less likely it will happen. Oh, and give the 'boys' plenty of space, they need to be cool for better production.

Here's a little anecdote for you: my sister is expecting her first child in January. She's been pretty uncomfortable, so one day she says to me while rubbing her swollen belly, "I can't wait to have this baby so I can get a good night's sleep!" Bwa-ha-ha! Fool!

Good luck! And remember, with kids, all you have to do is love them and the rest just kinda falls into place. Mostly. :)
 

Uncarved

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good luck allen, although I bet the "working hard" part is pretty damn fun.

We've (hubby and I) been married 13 years, I'm 38, he's 31. We've made a decision now to not have children, with the possibility of an adoption later on, or not.
I applaud your thought process before having children. Very mature.
I wish you luck my good man.
Tina
 

III

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It can be the best thing in the world. There's no context to prepare you for the helpless feeling of absolute love you feel the first time you set eyes on your child. No context at all. And yes, your entire life will change forever. Your marriage will evolve into more of a partnership. You'll never have a moment when your child is out of your mind. It'll be years before you can simply get in the car and go someplace without it being a major production. Your house will never smell the same. Most of your possessions will be damaged. You'll learn to worry in ways you never thought possible. You'll learn how impatient and weak you truly are. You'll learn that your parents were so much better than you ever imagined and you'll appreciate how much they sacrificed for you. But the single best thing about becoming a parent is, for the first time you truly understand unmerited, unconditional love and (I believe) gain an understanding for how God loves you. Having children is like seeing the world in color for the first time. Oh, and the advice I give to every new parent - take as much videotape as you possibly can for as long as they're living with you. Of that, I'm quite sure.
 

rhymegirl

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Wow, totally different from how my life has gone, Allen.

I got married after only knowing him for 3 months. Yes, a shotgun wedding. Had hardly any time to be just a couple. Parents right off the bat. Another child a year and a half later. Then another one 3 years after that. So I never really knew what married life was like without kids.

I would say on the positive side, that couples who are prepared financially for children will have a better experience than those of us who weren't. Even though I love my kids more than anything in the world, it was extremely difficult trying to pay the bills since we weren't really ready for kids and had nothing saved up.

On the negative side, I suppose it will be a big adjustment getting used to a change in your routine. I think people get set in their ways, get used to their freedom and independence and might find it hard to lose that. I never had that to start with, so what I had to get used to was NOT having kids to take care of anymore. I'm so used to taking care of people, there is this big vacuum now that I have to fill.

All in all, children make a very special difference in life and I feel my life is richer because of them.
 

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III said it the best. It is a thrill ride of emotions, responsibilities, patience and unconditional love.

(BTW, you don't have any real control over the sex of the child.) In fact, the moment she becomes pregnant, you've lost almost all control. Every plan you make, (even your birth plan) will be dashed to pieces. Just sit back and enjoy the ride of your life. :)
 

III

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That's so true TurkeyLurkey - it's like steering a car on the ice. You just try to direct the chaos and go with the flow or you can totally lose your mind.
 

CaroGirl

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What are you in for? The best ride of your life. Children bring great joy, tears, heartache, love, fear, responsibility and every extreme under the sun. There's nothing like it.


<------------------- This one here turned 8 years old last week.
 

tjwriter

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III said it the best. It is a thrill ride of emotions, responsibilities, patience and unconditional love.

(BTW, you don't have any real control over the sex of the child.) In fact, the moment she becomes pregnant, you've lost almost all control. Every plan you make, (even your birth plan) will be dashed to pieces. Just sit back and enjoy the ride of your life. :)

III's statements are so true.

But there ways to increase your chance of having either sex, depending on timing of said acts. It has to do with the viability of X sperm vs. Y sperm.

Anywho, I won't open that vault of knowlede, but WebMD has a good resource on it.

I expected everything about my life to change. It's all you hear about. What I didn't realize is that I would change as a person. I'm totally different from who I was. I want different things now.

We started dating in Dec. 1996, married in Dec. 2002, and had our daughter in Jan. 2006. The life we had before doesn't exist now, and our daughter is at an age where she impossibly frustrating many days, but she's the light of my life, and there's is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for her.

ETA: What they all said about going with the flow: Best advice ever. The plans you make will disagree with your child. The toys you were sure they'd just love are the least liked thing ever, etc. Just follow your nose when it comes to their interests.
 

Storyteller5

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Having children is amazing. I know I'm reiterating what others have said, but I'll add my viewpoints here too. You won't totally remember what it was like not to have that little person in your life; I remember things that happened before our children were born but I don't remember at all what it was like to put myself first. I'm not saying I was selfish; it's just that now I don't do anything without considering how it affects my children. I'm going to write for 20 minutes: Well, no, I'm going to try to write for 20 minutes but it might take 30 minutes due to interruptions to fill a cup or change a diaper. I'm going to hop in the shower: okay, where are my kids and is my DH within range to deal with anything they need during those 5 minutes.

One of the amazing things no one told me about when I was pregnant was the things being a parent would teach me about my husband. I've seen a side of him that I never would've known if it wasn't for our children. Yes, he plays with our nieces and nephews but it is different with your own. We're close in a way we weren't before. It does change everything but in good ways.

Of all the things I've done and will do, the decisions to bring our son and daughter into this world were the best ones. Children change everything and you will learn a lot about yourself.
 

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Sounds like you are ready! I have no real complaints about parenthood, at least, none worth mentioning.

Pick up a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility if she's anxious and impatient. Like me.
That's a great book. I think it should be assigned reading at the middle-school level.

And if, after a few months of charting temperature and examining uh, erm... um... uh... well, if you don't get pregnant after a while despite your best attempts to "take charge," I highly recommend an ovulation predictor kit. :D

Sex every other day for a month is said to work, too. (My husband swears by it.) ;)
 

maestrowork

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It can be the best thing in the world. There's no context to prepare you for the helpless feeling of absolute love you feel the first time you set eyes on your child. No context at all. And yes, your entire life will change forever. Your marriage will evolve into more of a partnership. You'll never have a moment when your child is out of your mind. It'll be years before you can simply get in the car and go someplace without it being a major production. Your house will never smell the same. Most of your possessions will be damaged. You'll learn to worry in ways you never thought possible. You'll learn how impatient and weak you truly are. You'll learn that your parents were so much better than you ever imagined and you'll appreciate how much they sacrificed for you. But the single best thing about becoming a parent is, for the first time you truly understand unmerited, unconditional love and (I believe) gain an understanding for how God loves you. Having children is like seeing the world in color for the first time. Oh, and the advice I give to every new parent - take as much videotape as you possibly can for as long as they're living with you. Of that, I'm quite sure.


Boy, I swear I felt the same way about my pets.

I guess I'm ready as well. I've been ready for years now!
 
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Maybe this is an Americanism, and a popular saying across the pond, but it really rips my nips when couples say "We" are pregnant.

No, you're not.

A woman gets pregnant. A couple does not. A man does not.

Girls have front-bottoms and all the necessary plumbing. They carry the baby.
 

Hillary

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One quick thing to remember: It's true what they say - children keep you young. But first, they make you really, really old.

Fingers crossed for you and your wife. I love kids.
 

jennifer75

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So, I ask, what am I getting into here, those with children?

allen

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melaniehoo

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The 'we' just implies that the couple chose to have a baby and are planning to raise it as a family, rather than the woman got knocked up on accident. JMO.
 

jennifer75

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Kudos for getting it all out of your system before having babies. And by "it" I mean:

Sleeping
Watching Movies
Reading a book
Writing a book
quality time with the misses
quality time with the guys
quality time with anybody
maintaining the yard
clean clothes, ironed and pressed
allowance
steak for dinner - she'll want to lose weight, or she simply wont want to cook at all.
sex
your favorite chair - no time for sitting there's a toddler headed for the stairs
your sports car
your sanity
your wife's sanity - if you thought she was moody before.....


You get the picture. :) It's one wild ride, I'll tell you that. But what you end up with is somebody so in love with you that none of that up there matters any more.

Good luck and enjoy every second!!!!
 

III

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If you want to start practicing, hire someone to watch a movie with you at home and ask "what does that mean?" after every sentence and "what just happened?" after ever scene. They also need to kick your drink over and spit little pieces of popcorn back in the bowl when you're not looking so you get the occasional pre-chewed piece.
 

rhymegirl

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Maybe this is an Americanism, and a popular saying across the pond, but it really rips my nips when couples say "We" are pregnant.

No, you're not.

A woman gets pregnant. A couple does not. A man does not.

Girls have front-bottoms and all the necessary plumbing. They carry the baby.

I would not have minded if my husband carried one of them.
 

Chumplet

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Here's a little anecdote for you: my sister is expecting her first child in January. She's been pretty uncomfortable, so one day she says to me while rubbing her swollen belly, "I can't wait to have this baby so I can get a good night's sleep!" Bwa-ha-ha! Fool!

My friend and her husband spent years trying to get pregnant. After three years of in vitro fertilization, they were blessed with a little girl. When she was ready to go on maternity leave, my friend kept exclaiming, "I'm ready for my vacation!" Boy, was she wrong.

After her 'vacation', she returned to work and discovered only a month later that she was pregnant again. Another little girl.

Try not to plan too much. Just let things happen. You might end up with two boys or two girls but they'll be the joy of your life.
 

drachin8

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Perhaps the first thing to focus on is just getting your wife pregnant; work on getting yourself pregnant when the technology is more readily available...

(Sorry, had to say it--the "we're pregnant" unity statement always cracks me up!)


:)

-Michelle