Show, Don't Tell

I just recieved a "no" from a publisher and in her comments she said my manuscript had too much "tell" and not enough "show". I am not quite sure what she meant by this. I am not whining, I just want to improve my work so it can be published one day. g

I wrote it for teens and had several teens read it before I submitted it anywhere and they all had glowing reports. I had a jr. high principal read it, and he said it was great and held his attention all the way through. I just need to know how to understand what the publisher said so I can fix my work. I know the plot is good and the whole idea behind the book is good. Now I just need to make it acceptable for the publishing world, I guess.

Any help would be greatly appreciated!!:hail

Still Learning ~~ Tammy

Re: I need a translator!!

She means you explained too much. That's a typical novice-author mistake. I suggest you go through, cut out every explanation, give what's left to a fresh reader, and see how much they can tell about what's going on. I promise you, it'll be more than you imagine.

The Page 117 Game is an instructive exercise that's sometimes done as a program item at SF conventions. The leader has a stash of diverse novels, and has doctored them so that only the text of page 117 is visible. The easiest way to do this is to xerox that page, cut off any identifying marks, and re-xerox it. Bring the books along anyway. They'll be needed.

To play, hand the text of one of these pages to one of the panelists. Have them read it aloud, then talk about how much they can guess from just that page. When they're done, bring out the book and check how accurately they guessed. The usual result is: very accurately.

What this teaches us is that the reader can pick up a huge amount of information from context and style. What the reader can infer, we don't have to explain.

Show and tell

Tell:
Bambi was so angry at Bob for the way he talked to her.
Show:
Bambi slapped Bob's face.

Tell:
Bertha felt like throwing a tantrum.
Show:
Bertha stomped her feet, and threw the empty glass at the fireplace.

Tell:
She thought it was about time he showed up.
Show:
She opened the door, and said, "It's about time you showed up."

Clues you are "telling" are words like feel, seem, thought, wondered. When you are showing, the characters (which can be people, weather, props) are speaking and/or acting.

Re: I need a translator!!

Maybe it is me and I am just stupid, but I just don't see where I put in alot of "explanations"... I really want to fix the problem but I don't see what I could possibly leave out and the book still make sense.:head

Is there any group or groups out there that would read my manuscript and offer specific solutions and/or suggestions without sending it to an editor, or costing me an arm and a leg?:shrug

I want to learn and I am willing to learn, I guess I just need a more specific kind of help. I promise I am not a stupid person. I guess I am just one of those people who learns by being shown rather than by reading instructions or by being told.

~~ Tammy

Re: I need a translator!!

Have you read through the thread from Uncle Jim, in the Novels section up above? I think you'd find a lot of helpful advice there.

Re: I need a translator!!

Thanks!! I think I have got it!! Finally... (At least about the Show and Tell thing.) Thanks again everybody!!:hug

I'd still like to know about finding a group to read my manuscript and make some helpful suggestions and/or some kind criticism...

Re: Show, tell, move on from

Gala contributed:

Tell: Bambi was so angry at Bob for the way he talked to her.
Show: Bambi slapped Bob's face.

Click to expand...

"Honey, sweetie," I said, "you know I wouldn't lie to you."
"The hell you say," I heard her mutter, just before her baseball bat connected with my head.

Tell: Bertha felt like throwing a tantrum.
Show: Bertha stomped her feet, and threw the empty glass at the fireplace.

Click to expand...

"What kind of idiot do you take me for?" screeched Bertha, throwing her empty glass at the fireplace and reaching for another.

Tell: She thought it was about time he showed up.
Show: She opened the door, and said, "It's about time you showed up."

Click to expand...

By the time the cab pulled up in front of her house, she had already thrown all my clothes out onto the lawn, followed by my golf clubs. Then she kicked open the front door, and I saw what she had in her hands.

"Stella, please," I said. "Not the computer."

Re: Show, tell, move on from

:rofl Got it!!

groups

If you want people to read your novel, and don't want to pay for it--then you most likely should join a critique group. You will be expected to crit other people's work in return.

Shawn

mammamaia

mammamia'll look at it for free. Find her in the Mentor's forum.

You could also come right out and ask people on Absolute if they'll volunteer to take a look-see via e-mail. I am game (and experienced at giving useful and non-judgmental feedback.)

Also ask around where you live. Often writers and others in the biz will donate their time to offer feedback. I do this occasionally, and don't expect anything in return except that they buy my coffee when we meet to go over my ideas.

You do seem pretty sharp, and I sense your story is pretty good too. Remember, what the publisher said is that one person's opinion.

Cheers.

here i am!

i'll be glad to take a look... remember that those comments were only from one reader at one publishing house... and that one reader's opinion might not be in synch with any of 9 other readers'...

send me your synopsis, chapter outline [if it's a full-fledged novel] and the first chapter for starters, and i'll give you at least a 'second' opinion, if not a more accurate one...

love and hugs, maia
[email protected]

Re: here i am!

remember that those comments were only from one reader at one publishing house... and that one reader's opinion might not be in synch with any of 9 other readers'...

Click to expand...

Right on!

If you want me to take a look as well, email me at [email protected]. Don't send your ms to that address -- I'll give you another that I use just for writing.

Ruth