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melaniehoo
12-06-2007, 01:28 AM
I'm stuck on a metaphor and would appreciate your thoughts.

This scene takes place at the US/Mexican border. My dad and I had been driving for 2 days, the car loaded to the top with all my belongings, and we were told that in order to legalize the car, I had to drive it across the border empty. My dad was pissed, to put it mildly, and had the job of watching all my crap while I drove back across the border.

The line in question:

My dad dragged a metal stool next to the pile of boxes and sat with a thud, a grumpy king overseeing his subjects.


Some thoughts I've had but don't love:
warden/prisoners
master/slaves
lord (or baron)/serfs

The point is he's mad at the boxes and they're making his life more difficult, so I'd like to stay within those parameters.

Thanks everyone!

Voyager
12-06-2007, 01:32 AM
Like a miser watching over his pennies?

WendyNYC
12-06-2007, 01:32 AM
nanny/charges?

dpaterso
12-06-2007, 01:33 AM
Grumpy king seems right... maybe some variant along the lines of king of the mountain... the mountain of boxes, that is.

-Derek

melaniehoo
12-06-2007, 01:34 AM
nanny/charges?

Ohh, if you could see my dad you'd be laughing as hard as I am right now!

He's a big burly boat captain.

maestrowork
12-06-2007, 01:34 AM
Grumpy toad watching his flies.

IceCreamEmpress
12-06-2007, 01:38 AM
I like "a grumpy czar overseeing his serfs".

III
12-06-2007, 01:40 AM
grumpy dragon watching his gold?

grumpy gringo watching his daughter's crap?

maestrowork
12-06-2007, 01:41 AM
A grumpy III overseeing cray.

melaniehoo
12-06-2007, 01:42 AM
grumpy gringo watching his daughter's crap?

I said metaphor! LOL.

melaniehoo
12-06-2007, 01:43 AM
Shepard/flock?

III
12-06-2007, 01:45 AM
Grumpy mod watching a thread derailment? (hey, I did give one serious response)

melaniehoo
12-06-2007, 01:45 AM
that works.

Stew21
12-06-2007, 01:45 AM
so far shepherd/flock is the best.

WendyNYC
12-06-2007, 01:47 AM
I like shepard/flock too. He's really just babysitting the boxes, making sure no one steals them, right?

Voyager
12-06-2007, 01:47 AM
But the boxes don't have their tails pinned up.

melaniehoo
12-06-2007, 01:49 AM
I like shepard/flock too. He's really just babysitting the boxes, making sure no one steals them, right?

Yes.


But the boxes don't have their tails pinned up.

How do you know?

maestrowork
12-06-2007, 01:50 AM
shepherd/flock works if that's the sentiment you want to convey: that is, if he's guarding the pile while being grumpy about it... otherwise, grumpy king/gold works, too, if the pile is of value to him...

Voyager
12-06-2007, 01:51 AM
Cuz your dad's not Welsh


But the boxes don't have their tails pinned up.

Tiger
12-06-2007, 01:55 AM
I understood his grumpiness to be the result of his having to do something he didn't want--or felt he shouldn't have to do.

Personally, I'd describe his face and posture as that of a senior secret service agent assigned to look after the Vice President's nephew's daughter's best friend's pet chihuahua--because the rest of the team is out investigating a false alarm.

melaniehoo
12-06-2007, 01:55 AM
shepherd/flock works if that's the sentiment you want to convey: that is, if he's guarding the pile while being grumpy about it... otherwise, grumpy king/gold works, too, if the pile is of value to him...

I don't think he valued my stuff much at that point. lol. No, he's a good father & was there to help - he was angry we had to unload & waste so much time before getting back on the road. We still had 2 days of driving ahead of us.

I think HE'D like it if I called him a king. :)

The lines prior to this says:

He spent a good two hours in the garage Sunday night, forcing the boxes to submit to his will and sit quietly without any complaints. After ten minutes those same boxes were scattered across one corner of the pavement, arguing amongst themselves.

melaniehoo
12-06-2007, 01:57 AM
I understood his grumpiness to be the result of his having to do something he didn't want--or felt he shouldn't have to do.

Personally, I'd describe his face and posture as that of a senior secret service agent assigned to look after the Vice President's nephew's daughter's best friend's pet chihuahua--because the rest of the team is out investigating a false alarm.

THAT is fricking funny!

dolores haze
12-06-2007, 02:03 AM
The lines prior to this says:

He spent a good two hours in the garage Sunday night, forcing the boxes to submit to his will and sit quietly without any complaints. After ten minutes those same boxes were scattered across one corner of the pavement, arguing amongst themselves.


This does make the boxes sound like children, so the nanny/babysitter one works for me. It's even funnier if the nanny is big and burly and grumpy.

Tiger
12-06-2007, 02:05 AM
I might also add that he's so pissed at this assignment that he's got the pooch curled up in a shoe and trembling.... But, that'd be stretching the already too long metaphor around yet another corner. :D

RLB
12-06-2007, 02:05 AM
How about one for the season?

Santa / recalcitrant elves

melaniehoo
12-06-2007, 02:09 AM
How about one for the season?

Santa / recalcitrant elves

LOL. I actually thought of that except he's Mr. Ba-Humbug.

But he is the right shape. :)



Yeah, misbehaving brats could be the way to go... Keep 'em coming!

KTC
12-06-2007, 02:11 AM
I'm stuck on a metaphor and would appreciate your thoughts.

This scene takes place at the US/Mexican border. My dad and I had been driving for 2 days, the car loaded to the top with all my belongings, and we were told that in order to legalize the car, I had to drive it across the border empty. My dad was pissed, to put it mildly, and had the job of watching all my crap while I drove back across the border.

The line in question:

My dad dragged a metal stool next to the pile of boxes and sat with a thud, a grumpy king overseeing his subjects.


Some thoughts I've had but don't love:
warden/prisoners
master/slaves
lord (or baron)/serfs

The point is he's mad at the boxes and they're making his life more difficult, so I'd like to stay within those parameters.

Thanks everyone!

mob boss/minions
God/disciples

melaniehoo
12-06-2007, 02:14 AM
Along those lines: drug lord/migrant workers.

Kevin, I'm not putting you in my story so leave God out of this.

KTC
12-06-2007, 02:14 AM
Good God, please do not get me mixed up with my advice!

KTC
12-06-2007, 02:15 AM
CEO/peons.

III
12-06-2007, 02:17 AM
A grumpy person that had to watch things / luggage who were sitting around.

melaniehoo
12-06-2007, 02:18 AM
Like a miser watching over his pennies?


CEO/peons.

I really need to get my eyes checked. Again.

KTC
12-06-2007, 02:19 AM
A grumpy person that had to watch things / luggage who were sitting around.


I SAW THAT, III! I BLOODY SAW THAT!!!

KTC
12-06-2007, 02:20 AM
I really need to get my eyes checked. Again.


Yes...if you thought I said pennies...please check those eyes. First, check to see if they are still there. Second, check to see if they need glasses.

Tiger
12-06-2007, 02:20 AM
CEO holding a parking space?

Tiger
12-06-2007, 02:23 AM
Client waiting to post bail for his lawyer?

melaniehoo
12-06-2007, 02:24 AM
Ooh, you got me thinking. A judge & the defendents. Or something like that.

KTC
12-06-2007, 02:24 AM
You're going in the wrong directions. Those don't convey what the Queen wants to convey.

KTC
12-06-2007, 02:25 AM
Ooh, you got me thinking. A judge & the defendents. Or something like that.


Well...that just totally shoots my last post all to hell. Did you do that on purpose. Did you know what I was posting!?

maestrowork
12-06-2007, 02:30 AM
A grumpy butler and his help.

Voyager
12-06-2007, 02:30 AM
A grumpy person that had to watch things / luggage who were sitting around.

:ROFL: It's the circle of life, Simba

maestrowork
12-06-2007, 02:30 AM
A grumpy artist and his soiled undergarment.

KTC
12-06-2007, 02:31 AM
:ROFL: It's the circle of life, Simba

Don't make me smite thee.

KTC
12-06-2007, 02:32 AM
A grumpy artist and his soiled undergarment.


But there was no indication that the artist was grumpy. Or even that the portrait of the artist was grumpy.

maestrowork
12-06-2007, 02:34 AM
Don't make me come smite you.

maestrowork
12-06-2007, 02:34 AM
Grumpy Ray overseeing misbehaving KTC, III, and the like.

KTC
12-06-2007, 02:35 AM
Master/servants

KTC
12-06-2007, 02:35 AM
Grumpy Ray overseeing misbehaving KTC, III, and the like.


Pffft! Try again, Chocolate Pants.


Oh how I regret the placement of my previous post!

Tiger
12-06-2007, 02:37 AM
Dad's grumpy because he has to guard objects--something he feels he doesn't have to do. I think this situation is hilarious, partly because I can just see Dad's thoughts developing while he sits and stews.

Why does he have to do this? He's the dad; someone should have known better; he would have done things so differently; why does that %(#$ kid always do this to me; what is all of this crap anyway, and why did we have to bring it for crissakes?

Beautiful.

melaniehoo
12-06-2007, 02:41 AM
Dad's grumpy because he has to guard objects--something he feels he doesn't have to do. I think this situation is hilarious, partly because I can just see Dad's thoughts developing while he sits and stews.

Why does he have to do this? He's the dad; someone should have known better; he would have done things so differently; why does that %(#$ kid always do this to me; what is all of this crap anyway, and why did we have to bring it for crissakes?

Beautiful.

Have you met my father?

After all that you'd think he'd be done with us, right? Oh no, he wants to drive here again to bring all the stuff we still need. It's taken my entire family to convince him we have everything we need and don't have room for three bikes & a pair of kayaks. (although kayaks would be nice).

melaniehoo
12-06-2007, 02:42 AM
You're going in the wrong directions. Those don't convey what the Queen wants to convey.


Well...that just totally shoots my last post all to hell. Did you do that on purpose. Did you know what I was posting!?

No, you're right. I like that idea but it's not in the right direction.

I do like servants.

In general, you know.

Tiger
12-06-2007, 02:44 AM
Have you met my father?

After all that you'd think he'd be done with us, right? Oh no, he wants to drive here again to bring all the stuff we still need. It's taken my entire family to convince him we have everything we need and don't have room for three bikes & a pair of kayaks. (although kayaks would be nice).

Don't know him... But, I like him.

maestrowork
12-06-2007, 02:45 AM
Grumpy old man overseeing his overgrown nose hair.

Voyager
12-06-2007, 02:46 AM
Like a mod overseeing his summer collection of chocolate pants.

melaniehoo
12-06-2007, 02:51 AM
A farmer & his chickens.

Or, per Voyager's suggestion: a rooster brooding over his hens.

maestrowork
12-06-2007, 02:54 AM
A pimp and his girls.

Tiger
12-06-2007, 02:55 AM
Sounds to me more like the rooster's having to sit on the eggs :D

melaniehoo
12-06-2007, 03:00 AM
Sounds to me more like the rooster's having to sit on the eggs :D

My dad dragged a metal stool next to the pile and sat with a thud, a rooster warming his eggs.

Now, technically a rooster doesn't warm the eggs (right?) so is there another animal that does?

Duck, penguin... King Penguin?

KTC
12-06-2007, 03:01 AM
a rooster reluctantly warming eggs.

melaniehoo
12-06-2007, 03:06 AM
I do love alliteration.

maestrowork
12-06-2007, 03:11 AM
Godzilla and the Japanese tourists.

sandyn
12-06-2007, 03:19 AM
Like Mrs. McCluskey reluctantly watching the rowdy Scavo kids....

Akuma
12-06-2007, 03:19 AM
I don't like shepherd/flock. Overused, in my humble opinion.

Hmm. How about. . .

An aged/weary tyrant forced to divert more and more of his focus on unruly citizens that challenge his authority, citizens troublesome in their ability to continually escape his iron fist while still remaining right under his nose.

That's an awkward sentence, but you get the idea.

maestrowork
12-06-2007, 03:20 AM
Like a king and his aging harem.

dpaterso
12-06-2007, 03:24 AM
Maybe sheepdog instead of shepherd? Reminds me of those cartoons where the sheepdog and the wolf clock into work and become deadly enemies until they clock out again. Sam and Ralph?

-Derek

maestrowork
12-06-2007, 03:34 AM
Derek and his entourage.

dpaterso
12-06-2007, 03:51 AM
Baaaaah humbug!

-Derek

Gray Rose
12-06-2007, 05:02 AM
like a grumpy pharaoh watching his pyramid

like a grumpy bulldog guarding his masters

like a grumpy cook guarding his cooling pies

melaniehoo
12-06-2007, 05:54 AM
These are all hilarious!

Thanks everyone. :)

KTC
12-06-2007, 05:58 AM
Like a pariah watching the pretty people.

melaniehoo
12-06-2007, 06:00 AM
Now I'm picturing a large man scowling at the tiny ones down below (a la Godzilla, thanks Ray) his foot in the air, ready to stomp them all.

Tiger
12-06-2007, 06:34 AM
Now, technically a rooster doesn't warm the eggs (right?) so is there another animal that does?

Duck, penguin... King Penguin?

Ostrich, penguin... Sea horse

melaniehoo
12-06-2007, 06:37 AM
:)

choppersmom
12-06-2007, 06:39 AM
A grumpy artist and his soiled undergarment.


:e2point::roll::roll::ROFL::ROFL:

Tiger
12-06-2007, 11:38 PM
Godzilla and the Japanese tourists.

Godzilla only guards Japan... Maybe it should be German tourists?

:D

III
12-06-2007, 11:49 PM
I'm afraid Melanie's dad is gonna see this thread and wring our necks like a grumpy Brutus beating the tar out of Popeye.

maestrowork
12-07-2007, 12:28 AM
Or a grumpy King Kong ripping the heads off his human Ken dolls.

melaniehoo
12-07-2007, 02:40 AM
I'm afraid Melanie's dad is gonna see this thread and wring our necks like a grumpy Brutus beating the tar out of Popeye.

You know, that same thought has been in the back of my mind this whole time. I'm sure he'd be thrilled to know what I've been up to. :)

maestrowork
12-07-2007, 03:13 AM
It's hard to be a writer's parent. It's like birds and their worms.

Akuma
12-07-2007, 03:49 AM
It's hard to be a writer's parent. It's like birds and their worms.

He looked like a writer's father, watching his sons write poetry and stories about elves as he wondered why he couldn't have just one boy that could have been a football player.

Tiger
12-07-2007, 03:59 AM
My dad dragged a metal stool next to the pile and sat with a thud, a rooster warming his eggs.

Now, technically a rooster doesn't warm the eggs (right?) so is there another animal that does?

Duck, penguin... King Penguin?

Actually, I think roosters sitting eggs as an unnatural act works. I mean, he thinks he shouldn't be doing it, right?

melaniehoo
12-07-2007, 04:07 AM
Actually, I think roosters sitting eggs as an unnatural act works. I mean, he thinks he shouldn't be doing it, right?

Good point. And that's my type of humor - the more understated, the better.

lfraser
12-09-2007, 12:06 AM
Has it been said already...

Troll guarding his bridge?

melaniehoo
12-09-2007, 01:36 AM
No, but that's pretty damn funny!