Yesterday.
I) got a suicide message from a very dear friend Jo, who I know doesn't bluff and has been my closest friend for thirty two years. Her husband has been playing around, so naturally I hate him.
2) I pick up my other friend who got the same message and rush to Jo's house. I park off the road right outside,
3) Jo and her husband are security phobic.
4) With the aid if a tiny ladder (3ft) we scale the 8ft wrought iron padlocked gate.
5) the dog flap is locked, so I kick it in, and Hillary (tiny) climbs through, to find you can't open any of the doors from inside either.
6) For some reason I think I can climb through too. I must buy a new mirror
7) I am now firmly stuck in the dog flap, which has an independent aluminium outside edge.
8) Hillary tries to push me back through, and my boobs get stuck between the aluminium bit and the door.
9) After much difficulty I release them, and admit that I'm too fat to get through.
10) Hillary gets a patio door open.
11) To reach her I have to climb over another six foot wall, covered with vegetation Pirocanther (sp) and a Holly tree.
12) I get one leg stuck in the foliage and slide down the Holly tree into the brambles. This takes a good ten minutes of unadulterated fun. I thought the days of my legs being so far apart was long gone.
13) We are in. The house is empty. I take the dog, a male Dobermann which Jo's husband likes and takes on long walks during which he meets the other woman, and which is in an indoor kennel, alone.
I gave the dog to Jo, not her husband, so I feel quite within my rights, and by now couldn't give a stuff anyway.
14) We walk round to the front to put the dog in the Van, just in time to see a car run into the back of my van and drive off. We get the number and a witness plus the address of the witness.
15) We spend an hour driving round looking for Jo's Blue car.
16) We go to the Police Station to report the car incident.
17) They can't find the car that hit us because the only match is from Wrexham, miles away so it can't be that car. I ask the Policeman if people from Wrexham aren't allowed to drive in Aldershot. He doesn't like me.
18) They run a check on my van, and tell me the M.O.T. (illegal to drive without one) has run out. I swear it hasn't, but really I have no idea.
19) We drive almost back to Hillary's and realise the ladder is still at Jo's, so we turn round and drive back.
20) Upon arriving back, I notice that the car just in front of us at the junction, looks like my Fiesta. Yes, it IS my Fiesta with Matt in it.
21) I toot at him, and we all end up parked about 30ft away from each other.
22) We walk up the Road and meet in the middle. I lean on the nearest car, because by now I'm completely Knackered.
23) Matt asks if we've found Jo. We reply that we've been looking for her car. Matt asks why. We explain that her car is missing. Matt helpfully points out, that I'm leaning on it. It's grey not blue.
24) Matt tries Jo's mobile again, and this time her sister answers it. She's in the Hospital, thankfully. I ask Matt why he's there. He's locked out of our house.
25) We drive back to my house, where I climb over the 6ft wall and let everyone in.
27) We drive to the Hospital to see Jo.
28) Jo is allowed home, so with a great deal of relief I return the dog to Jo's daughter who drives him back home.
29) I arrive home at 6.45pm, having left at 8.30am, a total wreck
How was your day?
Maggie
I) got a suicide message from a very dear friend Jo, who I know doesn't bluff and has been my closest friend for thirty two years. Her husband has been playing around, so naturally I hate him.
2) I pick up my other friend who got the same message and rush to Jo's house. I park off the road right outside,
3) Jo and her husband are security phobic.
4) With the aid if a tiny ladder (3ft) we scale the 8ft wrought iron padlocked gate.
5) the dog flap is locked, so I kick it in, and Hillary (tiny) climbs through, to find you can't open any of the doors from inside either.
6) For some reason I think I can climb through too. I must buy a new mirror
7) I am now firmly stuck in the dog flap, which has an independent aluminium outside edge.
8) Hillary tries to push me back through, and my boobs get stuck between the aluminium bit and the door.
9) After much difficulty I release them, and admit that I'm too fat to get through.
10) Hillary gets a patio door open.
11) To reach her I have to climb over another six foot wall, covered with vegetation Pirocanther (sp) and a Holly tree.
12) I get one leg stuck in the foliage and slide down the Holly tree into the brambles. This takes a good ten minutes of unadulterated fun. I thought the days of my legs being so far apart was long gone.
13) We are in. The house is empty. I take the dog, a male Dobermann which Jo's husband likes and takes on long walks during which he meets the other woman, and which is in an indoor kennel, alone.
I gave the dog to Jo, not her husband, so I feel quite within my rights, and by now couldn't give a stuff anyway.
14) We walk round to the front to put the dog in the Van, just in time to see a car run into the back of my van and drive off. We get the number and a witness plus the address of the witness.
15) We spend an hour driving round looking for Jo's Blue car.
16) We go to the Police Station to report the car incident.
17) They can't find the car that hit us because the only match is from Wrexham, miles away so it can't be that car. I ask the Policeman if people from Wrexham aren't allowed to drive in Aldershot. He doesn't like me.
18) They run a check on my van, and tell me the M.O.T. (illegal to drive without one) has run out. I swear it hasn't, but really I have no idea.
19) We drive almost back to Hillary's and realise the ladder is still at Jo's, so we turn round and drive back.
20) Upon arriving back, I notice that the car just in front of us at the junction, looks like my Fiesta. Yes, it IS my Fiesta with Matt in it.
21) I toot at him, and we all end up parked about 30ft away from each other.
22) We walk up the Road and meet in the middle. I lean on the nearest car, because by now I'm completely Knackered.
23) Matt asks if we've found Jo. We reply that we've been looking for her car. Matt asks why. We explain that her car is missing. Matt helpfully points out, that I'm leaning on it. It's grey not blue.
24) Matt tries Jo's mobile again, and this time her sister answers it. She's in the Hospital, thankfully. I ask Matt why he's there. He's locked out of our house.
25) We drive back to my house, where I climb over the 6ft wall and let everyone in.
27) We drive to the Hospital to see Jo.
28) Jo is allowed home, so with a great deal of relief I return the dog to Jo's daughter who drives him back home.
29) I arrive home at 6.45pm, having left at 8.30am, a total wreck
How was your day?
Maggie
