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spanner3
12-04-2007, 03:40 PM
Yesterday.

I) got a suicide message from a very dear friend Jo, who I know doesn't bluff and has been my closest friend for thirty two years. Her husband has been playing around, so naturally I hate him.

2) I pick up my other friend who got the same message and rush to Jo's house. I park off the road right outside,

3) Jo and her husband are security phobic.

4) With the aid if a tiny ladder (3ft) we scale the 8ft wrought iron padlocked gate.

5) the dog flap is locked, so I kick it in, and Hillary (tiny) climbs through, to find you can't open any of the doors from inside either.

6) For some reason I think I can climb through too. I must buy a new mirror

7) I am now firmly stuck in the dog flap, which has an independent aluminium outside edge.

8) Hillary tries to push me back through, and my boobs get stuck between the aluminium bit and the door.

9) After much difficulty I release them, and admit that I'm too fat to get through.

10) Hillary gets a patio door open.

11) To reach her I have to climb over another six foot wall, covered with vegetation Pirocanther (sp) and a Holly tree.

12) I get one leg stuck in the foliage and slide down the Holly tree into the brambles. This takes a good ten minutes of unadulterated fun. I thought the days of my legs being so far apart was long gone.

13) We are in. The house is empty. I take the dog, a male Dobermann which Jo's husband likes and takes on long walks during which he meets the other woman, and which is in an indoor kennel, alone.

I gave the dog to Jo, not her husband, so I feel quite within my rights, and by now couldn't give a stuff anyway.

14) We walk round to the front to put the dog in the Van, just in time to see a car run into the back of my van and drive off. We get the number and a witness plus the address of the witness.

15) We spend an hour driving round looking for Jo's Blue car.

16) We go to the Police Station to report the car incident.

17) They can't find the car that hit us because the only match is from Wrexham, miles away so it can't be that car. I ask the Policeman if people from Wrexham aren't allowed to drive in Aldershot. He doesn't like me.

18) They run a check on my van, and tell me the M.O.T. (illegal to drive without one) has run out. I swear it hasn't, but really I have no idea.

19) We drive almost back to Hillary's and realise the ladder is still at Jo's, so we turn round and drive back.

20) Upon arriving back, I notice that the car just in front of us at the junction, looks like my Fiesta. Yes, it IS my Fiesta with Matt in it.

21) I toot at him, and we all end up parked about 30ft away from each other.

22) We walk up the Road and meet in the middle. I lean on the nearest car, because by now I'm completely Knackered.

23) Matt asks if we've found Jo. We reply that we've been looking for her car. Matt asks why. We explain that her car is missing. Matt helpfully points out, that I'm leaning on it. It's grey not blue.

24) Matt tries Jo's mobile again, and this time her sister answers it. She's in the Hospital, thankfully. I ask Matt why he's there. He's locked out of our house.

25) We drive back to my house, where I climb over the 6ft wall and let everyone in.

27) We drive to the Hospital to see Jo.

28) Jo is allowed home, so with a great deal of relief I return the dog to Jo's daughter who drives him back home.

29) I arrive home at 6.45pm, having left at 8.30am, a total wreck

How was your day?

Maggie

dpaterso
12-04-2007, 04:30 PM
That was odd. Starts off with a suicide message from a friend who doesn't bluff. Then promptly evolves into a BBC sitcom. Then (first half of 24, 27, first part of 28) reverts back to serious real life stuff. Balance just doesn't seem right. I think you could maybe cut back on, or cut out completely, the physical comedy and the funny incident at the police station.

Shrug, my thoughts, I'm not claiming I'm right, I'm just telling you how I reacted to your piece. Hope it helps in some way, good luck with it.

ps - this probably belongs in Share Your Work > Memoirs and Life Stories

-Derek

eodmatt
12-04-2007, 04:39 PM
Actually its a more or less chronological record of what actually happened yesterday. It will be included, no doubt, in a forthcoming work and your comments are most helpful as the whole piece will need to be expanded and massaged to make it more accessible to the general reader.

Siddow
12-04-2007, 08:40 PM
So eodmatt and spanner3 are the same person?

That's even odder than the piece.

joyce
12-04-2007, 08:45 PM
So eodmatt and spanner3 are the same person?

That's even odder than the piece.

I'm confused.

Stew21
12-04-2007, 08:48 PM
I think eodmatt is the matt she talked about it the piece?

melaniehoo
12-04-2007, 09:09 PM
Ahhhhhh. That makes sense. It's definitely interesting, but I agree. I want to know sooner what's going on with the friend. The whole time I was picturing her unconscious inside the house & couldn't figure out why they wasted time trying to get the second person in the house (the writer) when the first should've just run through the house to find her.

I realize this is a true story & I'm not judging, just sharing my thoughts as I read.

Rolling Thunder
12-04-2007, 09:43 PM
Matt (eodmatt) is Maggie's (Spanner3) husband, just to clarify.

joyce
12-04-2007, 09:50 PM
Matt (eodmatt) is Maggie's (Spanner3) husband, just to clarify.

Ok, now I'm not confused. That's a lie, I'm always confused. I'm glad the friend was ok, but this would have made a great comedy piece.

spanner3
12-05-2007, 05:25 AM
That was odd. Starts off with a suicide message from a friend who doesn't bluff. Then promptly evolves into a BBC sitcom. Then (first half of 24, 27, first part of 28) reverts back to serious real life stuff. Balance just doesn't seem right. I think you could maybe cut back on, or cut out completely, the physical comedy and the funny incident at the police station.

Shrug, my thoughts, I'm not claiming I'm right, I'm just telling you how I reacted to your piece. Hope it helps in some way, good luck with it.


ps - this probably belongs in Share Your Work > Memoirs and Life Stories

-Derek

Thank's Derek,

Sadly that's exactly what happened yesterday, in the order it happened

It did get worse though. As I visited my cousin, a nurse shouted loudly across the ward
"Hello, you're the lady who hit the man in the next room to you with a mop handle, when you were in here recently, aren't you?"
I slunk away.
Hillary was behind me, and beyond help at that point.
I also got lost for hours on the way home.

Maggie

spanner3
12-05-2007, 05:34 AM
Ok, now I'm not confused. That's a lie, I'm always confused. I'm glad the friend was ok, but this would have made a great comedy piece.

The friend was fine.

It didn't seem so funny at the time more inevitable, especially being stuck in a dog flap.


Hillary was too frightened to look. She waited for me to get in, in case we found something awful.
I can only thank God that no one had a camera.

Maggie

Ritergal
12-06-2007, 03:24 AM
I'm confused about the car. Maybe I could read back, but readers don't generally do that, so I'll pretend <G> I'm a reader. She sets off from her own house, and at the end this strange man I don't recognize appears in HER car, and she's been driving Jo's? The one she's been looking for? Even if this did really happen,this is a huge bump that needs to be smoothed.

eodmatt
12-06-2007, 12:16 PM
So eodmatt and spanner3 are the same person?

That's even odder than the piece.

Wow, that wasn't jumping to a conclusion, that was being fired out of a cannon to a conclusion! Sorry, I'm a bit whimsical this morning, the dawn is still grey - or is it the curtains that are grey? Maybe it's just my perception of greyness! Yep, Spanner and EOD are two diverse organisms living in close proximity. http://absolutewrite.com/forums/images/icons/icon12.gif

Siddow
12-06-2007, 07:42 PM
Wow, that wasn't jumping to a conclusion, that was being fired out of a cannon to a conclusion! Sorry, I'm a bit whimsical this morning, the dawn is still grey - or is it the curtains that are grey? Maybe it's just my perception of greyness! Yep, Spanner and EOD are two diverse organisms living in close proximity. http://absolutewrite.com/forums/images/icons/icon12.gif

Yeah...sorry about that. You're both new, and your response sounded as though it came from the author, and after some other sockpuppetry on other parts of the board, I assumed that you/spanner had signed in under the wrong name to respond.

My bad. I hope you accept my apology. I'm glad your friend is okay.

Ritergal
12-07-2007, 04:15 PM
I just reread, and got the car thread untangled. It's a challenge to keep threads like that untangled when you flesh things out with detail. Outlines are really tricky! Anyway, the piece is lots of fun. Best wishes for fleshing it out.