Problems one runs into when writing about their life

If you have a pedophile friend, it's

1. Time to make him not your friend.
2. Time to report him to the authorities.

Are you really for real?

Solace--I agree with everything KTC says. Pedophilia is (depending on how you look at it) immoral, a mental illness--and a crime, if it is acted on. If this post is on the level, I too am concerned--especially when I read on your profile that you are just 16. I hope you find someone trustworthy, and a little older than you are, to talk to about this.

Good luck.

Susan

Solace,

I can't access your profile because the server is so busy. Presumably your pedophile friend is also young. I'm concerned because he may not be acting on it now (I'm hoping!), but as the years go by, if it becomes stronger, many children may be at risk. I support Susan B's advice to find someone trustworthy to talk to about this.

And, I salute the compassion your user name implies.

Solace, in writing a private journal you can feel free to write whatever is on your mind. But if you are writing something for pubication, there are many ethical, if not legal, concerns. If you are a person of integrity, you will not divulge things told to you in confidence by your friends--despite your seeming need to unload. That is what private journals (or private conversations) are for.

However, if your pedophile friend informs you that he is acting on his impulses, you have a greater moral responsibility to protect the children he may be abusing--and that would be the time to break a confidence, and tell someone in authority. If he is a good friend, it would be the friendly thing for you to urge him to get some psychiatric help.

I guess I have one stand on this. If he's truly your friend, you'll help him. He may hate you now, but someday, hopefully he'll realize how good it was that he got help. Better than him blaming you for not telling him to get hope if he would get arrested and put away.

At least that's my take on it. Friends help each other out and just because you tell someone that they have a problem doesn't necessarily mean the end of the friendship. Maybe he'll hate you for a little while, but if it's a true friendship it'll stick.

That's my opinion at any rate.

Solace, I hope you don't mind me being direct here, but this is a subject that I know a lot about as I was sexually abused as a child, and have worked as a professional in the field for many years.

There's no correlation between your being gay and his being a pedophile. You were born gay, but he was not born a pedophile. Chances are just about 100% he was sexually abused when he was younger, and either doesn't remember it, or remembers it as pleasureable, or as being love. Gays are people who are attracted to those of the same sex, and in generally the same age group, so now you'd be attracted to a teenage girl or young woman, and as you mature, you'll be attracted to more mature women. Gays and lesbians also usually don't waste their time on attractions to people who aren't interested back. Your friend's age-attraction is stuck at one stage and will never change, and he's attracted to kids who don't return his interest. Unfortunately, although they might be nice people on an individual basis, pedophiles are like vampires. They infect others (their young victims) with their illness when they sexually abuse him. Someone infected your friend, and eventually, if he doesn't get help, he's going to infect others. Then they'll grow up and do it to other kids. It's an epidemic. This is why one out of every four kids is sexually abused before the age of 18. Don't let it happen to any more kids, just because you feel sorry for someone, or are afraid of losing their friendship. Real friends don't cover up for each other. When they see that their friends need help, they insist that they get it. Even if your friend hasn't acted out yet, and his attraction is only in his thoughts and not his actions up to now, he needs help. If he won't get it on his own, tell a teacher, guidance counselor, or some other adult who appears to have their brown stuff together. If that adult doesn't do anything, tell another, and keep telling until someone gets himn the help that he needs. Do it now, while your friend's young, because every time he fantasizes about sex with kids, or actually does it, the behavior becomes reinforced, and is harder to stop. He's a time bomb just waiting to go off, and some poor kid's going to get splattered with shrapnel.

As for you, there are online and in-person supoort groups for gay teens all over the place. You sound like a very bright and caring person. How about finding some support for yourself with others in your own situation? There are lots of terrific gay and lesbian teens out there, who would not only be great friends, but who you'd have more in common with.

Best of luck to you and I hope this is helpful.

Solace, I don't have a lot of sympathy for diddlers, and as harsh as it seems, if he's suicidal the world may be better off without him, if what you say is true.

And if he's not suicidal, he needs help.

And if he does not get help, then for society's sake and the sake of our kids, we need him in prison.

I'm sorry if that sounds rough, but that's the hard reality. As Polly says, a diddler will infect other young people until he's locked up or dies. To me, society's need to contain that is not a whole lot different than society's need to contain smallpox or polio. Diddlers, smallpox, and polio have Zero value to society, notwithstanding the value you may see as a friend.

Solace said:

My friends tell me things that they expect me not to go around blabbing. But what about including it in my book? It wont' be published for years, anyway, and a few years is a lot in highschool.

I've already asked my pedophile friend if he'd want me to avoid including that part of him in my book, but surprisingly he said he didn't care, that it was my choice.

He also thinks I support his attraction, which idk if I do or not. It doesn't change how I look at him as a person, but I don't really aprove of it... But he wants to read my book, and then he'll realize what I really think of his pedophila, and I don't really want him to know that... so idk what to do.

I do realize it's my life story, so I need to focus on myself not my friends, so I should keep the stuff they say to me quiet.

So...what questions should I ask myself before writing something my friends had said to me in?

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Your use of IDK reminds me of the silly cell phone commercials with the upset mother with the phone bill and the guilty child..... OMG IDK MBFF Sue .... lol. Anywho, I'm having a hard time understanding the realtionship between you and this pedophile. How old is this person and how old are you and why are you friends with a pedophile?

Are you maybe using the wrong word? Just a thought.

KTC said:

If you have a pedophile friend, it's

1. Time to make him not your friend.
2. Time to report him to the authorities.

Are you really for real?

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Nothing else needs to be said...

Solace, you must understand that the terms 'paedophile' and 'gay person' are NOT the same. A genuine paedophile is an incurable menace to society in general and to children in particular - a gay person is no threat to either.

Put yourself out of harm's way, seek counsel and get out of this relationship fast. Re-read Pollykahl's post above.

If you and your pals do nothing - how will you feel (for the young victim(s)?) when your so-called friend does things that really get him into trouble?

It's okay to say to your friend "I care about you. However, your attraction to children is wrong, and you need to seek help for it when you can."

You can love someone and yet understand very clearly that some behavior or thought pattern or dysfunction is very wrong. Telling him you believe that sex with children is wrong, and that he needs help in understanding this, doesn't mean you're rejecting him as a person--it means that you're respecting him enough to understand this as just one aspect of him.

Also, not every sexual abuser of children was abused themselves--studies show that between 40% and 65% of child sexual offenders reported experiencing sexual abuse as children themselves. And the vast majority of people who were abused sexually as children don't become abusers themselves--85% to 95% of sexually abused children (again, studies vary) grow up to become non-offending adults.

So if your friend was abused, he can break the cycle.

Solace, Google for support groups for gay teens and you'll find lots of stuff, including online groups where you can be with other gay teens without having to come out in your community. Check out these sites and you might even find that there are other gay teens living near you. They're just mostly probably being isolated and feeling alone, just like you. Make yourself some healthy and loving friends who will let you be you and appreciate you for who you are. They're out there somewhere, waiting for you.

Hi ,
I cant understand how will a mothe refuse to help her chid if he
has a problem . My son was also having a problem but we as family helped him
and now he is an graphic artist . I would like Solace to help her firiend by taking
her friend to a counsellor. I think in US and all you have counsellors so pl help him
padma

I hope that you remember this sentence and can live with yourself in years to come, when there are little kids in your area who are a hundred times more f@cked up than him, because he's ruined their lives.

Being a pedophile isn't the same as someone's sexuality; the children do not get a say in this, people with other sexual preferences do.

Solace said:

I know what it feels like to be rejected solely for the reason that someone disiagrees with your sexuality, I know what it feels like to be ridiculed by your parents because they disagreee....

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Elodie