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Voyager
11-21-2007, 11:24 PM
Men Are Just Happier People
Women would be happy too if someone else were washing our underwear.

-- Perhaps I should add luckier as well?
Then why are you here? Get thee all to the local Indian Casino

What do you expect from such simple creatures?
This from the sex who uses grunts and gesture to communicate during football season and can't remember to put the toilet seat down from one piss to the next.

Your last name stays put.
So does ours if your last name is Fanarkle.

The garage is all yours.
The garage is no one's because nobody can get in there.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Not if they're your daughter's.

Chocolate is just another snack.
And beer is just another beverage.

You can be President. Up until now anyway
hehe, little fools.

You can never be pregnant.
But you can kick us in the balls all you want.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
Speedo-nuff said

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
See above

Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Cops let us off with a warning

The world is your urinal.
And the back of the toilet, and the seat, and the bathroom floor.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
But we're blister free

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
We don't stick out our tongues, drool and furrow our brows when reading a road map.

Same work, more pay.
Who cares, just bring it home.

Wrinkles add character.
Let's see how much character it adds to your shirts.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
Oil change on a minivan $100 - oil change on the mid-life crisis corvette $1000

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
Cuz we're too busy watching your lips trying to decipher the meaning of your grunts.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
No jock itch

One mood all the time.
Not stuck on surly.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
I'd be off in 30 seconds too if that woman was my mother.

You know stuff about tanks.
We know where the kids are and what they're doing at any given moment.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
All our tools fit in one drawer.

You can open all your own jars.
We can pick our dirty underwear up off the floor without an act of congress.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
We get extra credit every time you get lucky.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
If someone else touches the remote, we don't have an apoplectic fit.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
How on Earth would you know? If not for us, you'd be chaffed and going commando.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
One 35 year old high school letterman's jacket is one too many.

You almost never have strap problems in public.
We never adjust the boys on national television.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
We make sure you don't have any.

Everything on your face stays its original color.
Everything on the top of our heads is covered with hair.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
We have something to style well into our 80's

You only have to shave your face and neck.
Our razors have no nose hair attachment.

One wallet and one color for all seasons.
We never leave the house in plaid pants and a referee shirt.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
No plumber's crack

You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
We don't clean our ears with a car key.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Our doctor never says turn you head and cough.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
We can cook a Christmas dinner that your judgemental mother will enjoy and not require a crew of 30 for clean-up.

No wonder men are happier.
Ignorance is bliss.

A. Hamilton
11-21-2007, 11:35 PM
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
But we're blister free

:ROFL:


great responses!

NeuroFizz
11-21-2007, 11:46 PM
Fresh from the "Opposites" poetry contest (if didn't get any votes, but it was published in an e-journal; part of a series called "Conversations"):

More Than a Room Apart*

“All he wants to do on weekends is watch football.”
“She’s trying to limit me to one ball game per day.”

“He’s so tight, I have to fill out an application to buy a new dress.”
“She’d limit all our credit cards, if I’d let her.”

“He eats like a pig; I can’t stand to watch.”
“Her cooking’s so bad I have to stuff it down for fear of tasting it.”

“He leaves his stinky shoes in the living room.”
“She has a wall-full of shoes, but not the elusive periwinkle pumps.”

“I can tell when he falls asleep—he finally stops belching.”
“She can’t just rip one; she slips out silent stealth stank, without warning.”

“He hopes for it every night, and expects it at least twice each week.”
“She likes it when she gets into it, but that happens about once a month.”

“His idea of romance is to put his tongue in my ear and then grab my breasts.”
“She wants so much cuddling beforehand, my hand starts looking good.”

“He’s starting to get a gut.”
“Her butt’s starting to spread.”

“That little island of hair in front is about to declare its independence.”
“I have to take a second mortgage for the hair dye, conditioners and mousse.”

“He never looks in my eyes with ‘that look’ anymore.”
“She won’t take a shower with me anymore.”

“Divorce? No. He’s a great provider, and he’ll make a fantastic father.”
“Divorce? No way. When I get a few drinks in her, she swallows.”


* First appeared in Andwerve, Vol. 4.06 (April, 2006)

KTC
11-21-2007, 11:47 PM
Please..."Indian Casino"? WTF

Shadow_Ferret
11-21-2007, 11:50 PM
Please..."Indian Casino"? WTF
Well, we have Native Americans here who are allowed, because of some weird treaty, to run gambling joints, usually bingo halls and casinos, on their reservations or property they have claimed as theirs. Whereas, in most instances, no one else can run a place of gambling, except for the likes of Las Vegas and Atlantic City.

Thus, Indian Casino.

Voyager
11-21-2007, 11:53 PM
“Divorce? No. He’s a great provider, and he’ll make a fantastic father.”
“Divorce? No way. When I get a few drinks in her, she swallows.”


* First appeared in Andwerve, Vol. 4.06 (April, 2006)

:roll: Spitting is rude. http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a372/RomeoFalling/icon_eek.gif

Devil Ledbetter
11-22-2007, 12:00 AM
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
I'd be off in 30 seconds too if that woman was my mother.:ROFL:
Voyager, that whole thing was hilarious. Mostly because it was the truth.

Voyager
11-22-2007, 12:15 AM
hehe, I had to take out the toys line because my quad, skis, rollerblades, volleyball equipment, etc., are cluttering up the garage too.

NeuroFizz
11-22-2007, 12:18 AM
To all who celebrate it (of both genders), have a wonderful Thanksgiving tomorrow. I'm sure we'll all find something to add to these lists then...

Voyager
11-22-2007, 12:24 AM
I'm thankful for men. I shall celebrate accordingly. He looks so cute nekkid in an apron.

truelyana
11-22-2007, 12:48 AM
Haahaa that's classic Voyager.

Well done, great comeback. :D

A. Hamilton
11-22-2007, 08:07 AM
I'm thankful for men. I shall celebrate accordingly. He looks so cute nekkid in an apron.
watch that baster!

melaniehoo
11-22-2007, 08:21 AM
Wonderful!

poetinahat
11-22-2007, 08:30 AM
Funny, funny stuff, you twisted, wonderful freak.

Don Allen
11-22-2007, 08:43 AM
Voyager, everything you listed is hopelessly true, but the one thing I don't get is why woman constantly think they can find the man of their dreams that will fullfill their every need when all they have to do is read your list to see that it ain't ever happened, and that it ain't ever going to happen......I don't get it....

brokenfingers
11-22-2007, 09:34 AM
Blah.

Blah.

Blah.

Blah.And your point is?

:D

Voyager
11-22-2007, 01:18 PM
Oh, I have the man of my dreams, Don. I wasn't deluded by the Disney cartoons. My man does all that stuff...except the Speedo and I might even forgive him that because he's wonderful in so many more ways than he is a dork.


Voyager, everything you listed is hopelessly true, but the one thing I don't get is why woman constantly think they can find the man of their dreams that will fullfill their every need when all they have to do is read your list to see that it ain't ever happened, and that it ain't ever going to happen......I don't get it....

melaniehoo
11-22-2007, 04:39 PM
*raises hand about speedo*

Wait, what?

KTC
11-22-2007, 04:48 PM
*raises hand about speedo*

Wait, what?


http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/d/d4/Italian-American.jpg/180px-Italian-American.jpg

melaniehoo
11-22-2007, 04:52 PM
I'm telling Voyager on you!

KTC
11-22-2007, 04:53 PM
I'm telling Voyager on you!


rub ma wee belly.

Voyager
11-22-2007, 05:03 PM
We prefer to think of you more like this. If we're wrong...oh...just shut up.

http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a372/RomeoFalling/untitled-10.jpg


rub ma wee belly.

melaniehoo
11-22-2007, 05:04 PM
You're here! I'm about to leave to go running. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Please get the speed away from Kevin (just leave him something...)

Voyager
11-22-2007, 05:06 PM
I have a fig leaf. I'm not going running today until I can do it without getting frost on my upper lip. It's 50 here right now, ffs.

melaniehoo
11-22-2007, 05:08 PM
What the heck are you doing up so early?

Wish me luck in the 1 inch of snow. :)

Voyager
11-22-2007, 05:10 PM
Reading porn. I can't even go running through the frozen food section without the girls getting highly irritable. Clasp and jog, clasp and jog. You need a treadmill.