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Carole
11-15-2007, 04:57 AM
Today, I heard something that just made me shake my head. Two of the girls in the office were in one of the storage rooms organizing project binders. I asked them what they were up to and they both rolled their eyes. One of them said, "Well, we were told by Sue (not her real name! :) ) to alphabetize the binders." I looked at the shelves and became puzzled. They were already in order. She spoke up again and said, "Yes, I know. We were told that they are out of order. Apparently now North Carolina and South Carolina go in the C section." North Dakota and South Dakota, I assume, will go in the D section. New York in the Y section and so on.

Apparently they tried to argue with "Sue", but she flexed her managerial muscle and made them "alphabetize" the binders in her own special way. Now English isn't Sue's first language, but still...

What stupidity have you been forced to perform all in the name of managerial muscle?

robeiae
11-15-2007, 04:59 AM
I think they should all go to lunch at the New Delhi...


















:roll:
What? I'm funny.

Carole
11-15-2007, 04:59 AM
Whoooooboy. Either you are funny tonight or I am really tired!

robeiae
11-15-2007, 05:01 AM
Whadda ya mean "tonight"?!?

Don't make me get mean...

Jersey Chick
11-15-2007, 05:07 AM
About 15 years ago I worked for this little, obnoxious troll of a man who was the cheapest SOB out there. He'd been forced to shut down his original company (got sued by Washington DC - and it served him right) and had to reorganize under a new name. Now, the new company was doing just fine (no one had sued him yet, but I'm sure someone will if they haven't already - and it would serve him right).

Well, he had a couple of boxes of company letterhead - not many, maybe four or five - and he had me go to Staples and ask them if they could remove the ink and re-letter it with the new company name. You should've seen the looks I got from those poor clerks who were absolutely dumbfounded by the idea that someone thought you could just steam off old ink and replace it with new (I kid you not, that's what this guy thought they could do). I'm sure they never felt such pity.

To make things worse, when I got back to the office, the little SOB was actually mad at me because I couldn't make the clerks steam the ink off. Needless to say, I wasn't at that job much longer... ;)

brokenfingers
11-15-2007, 05:09 AM
The worst thing I can think of that I've had to do at work was... well, work.

Jersey Chick
11-15-2007, 05:10 AM
I think the OP means aside from work... ;)

JLCwrites
11-15-2007, 05:11 AM
One parent asked me if I would set up a tent in the classroom so her son could take a nap without all the lights disturbing him.

I have a million lame parent stories, but I will save that for another thread.
All you teachers out there know what I am talking about.

kristie911
11-15-2007, 05:21 AM
Parent other people's kids. "Can you send an officer over because my 9 year old son won't clean his room."

Have people call me and ask for phone numbers...I kid you not, a guy called and asked for the phone number to Pizza Hut because he was too drunk to read the phone book.

Basically, I'm forced to talk to stupid people day in and day out. The stupidity in today's society is rampant...and they all call me. :)

ajkjd01
11-15-2007, 05:27 AM
Four years of college. $60,000.
Three years of law school $80,000

Having a conversation with a public defender and their client who swears it's not real crack because it tasted like flapjacks.....priceless.

akiwiguy
11-15-2007, 05:29 AM
Can't think of any off the top of my head, but one of the BEST approaches from a new manager went like this...

He walked in, looked around at shelves of old files everywhere, rooms of old equipment and simply said "God, no one can work in clutter. Why do you keep all this crap?" Everyone who had been there for years looked blankly at each other, and I swear within hours trucks started arriving and literally truckloads of stuff was being despatched. It just hadn't occurred to anyone that files were being continually reorganised that no one even needed. Or that a 1985 2 MHz computer probably won't realistically ever be used for spare parts.

Then when we discussed my reporting requirements (computer programming) relating to how I was actually spending my hours... "Tell me it works and that's all I want to know!"

Really basic, keep it simple, use your brains and get the work done efficiently stuff. My kind of man!

Don Allen
11-15-2007, 05:32 AM
About 15 years ago I worked for this little, obnoxious troll of a man who was the cheapest SOB out there. He'd been forced to shut down his original company (got sued by Washington DC - and it served him right) and had to reorganize under a new name. Now, the new company was doing just fine (no one had sued him yet, but I'm sure someone will if they haven't already - and it would serve him right).

Well, he had a couple of boxes of company letterhead - not many, maybe four or five - and he had me go to Staples and ask them if they could remove the ink and re-letter it with the new company name. You should've seen the looks I got from those poor clerks who were absolutely dumbfounded by the idea that someone thought you could just steam off old ink and replace it with new (I kid you not, that's what this guy thought they could do). I'm sure they never felt such pity.

To make things worse, when I got back to the office, the little SOB was actually mad at me because I couldn't make the clerks steam the ink off. Needless to say, I wasn't at that job much longer... ;)

Wow!!! You didn't marry this guy did you....??? Don't hold back Jersey, Tell us how you really feel about him.....

benbradley
11-15-2007, 05:59 AM
I once worked at quite a rather large international company, and one of the worst things they did was hire a 'supervsor' for the project I was on, between me (along with four or five others) and the manager. This individual did more to slow down the project than anything else. I wonder if anyone from there is gonna read this, they're sure to recognize the situation with only that description...

There's this that didn't involve me: There was some higher-up management person I don't think I ever met, wouldn't have known him if I had seen him, but I know his name and heard this story about him: He was transferred from overseas, and when he got here he apparently needed notepads. He had a huge number of notepads, three boxes worth (I saw a box, I got some of the notepads out of it to remember him by after he left - I guess 200 notepads to a box, 50 sheets each, about 5 inch by 8 inch), printed in the Major City he came from (okay, Paris, France) all blank except for his name in the lower right corner, and shipped OVERNIGHT to his new office in our building in the USA, all at company expense (the company HAS the money, but STILL...). He transferred OUT of our building within 3 to 6 months, and the 2+ boxes of his remaining notepads were about to be thrown away (I took some both for recycling's sake and to remember the insanity). This was x(x) years ago (I don't want to give the exact time frame to future potential employers who may have my resume and figure out which company this was), and I still have a few of those notepads with his name on them.

KTC
11-15-2007, 06:05 AM
colour-code paint the garbage cans. (that's all I'm saying.)

scarletpeaches
11-15-2007, 06:15 AM
I once had to give my boss a colonic in the staff canteen.

nancy sv
11-15-2007, 06:19 AM
Just a couple weeks ago a high school student lit a fire in the girls' bathroom at the school I teach at. Fortunately, the fire was put out quickly and nobody was hurt.

Turns out the child is emotionally disturbed and is on a behavior plan with restricted travel. In other words, she isn't allowed to go anywhere on her own - she must be escorted everywhere. The teacher was out sick, but had left sub plans saying the kid couldn't go on her own, but the sub sent her anyway. And she lit the fire.

Because the school didn't follow the plan, the child got off scot free - no consequences whatsoever. Now I'm all about child advocacy, but it scares the living bejeezus out of me that this kid could light a school on fire and get away with because of an honest mistake. What is she had whipped out a knife and used it on someone instead? At what point should she be held accountable for her actions?

KTC
11-15-2007, 06:20 AM
I once had to give my boss a colonic in the staff canteen.


liar. you gave him a tonic. not the same.

scarletpeaches
11-15-2007, 06:21 AM
Okay, I was lying for comedic effect.

KTC
11-15-2007, 06:23 AM
Okay, I was lying for comedic effect.

I must admit, I chuckled...but very coyly. It was too over the top for a full out guffaw.

dolores haze
11-15-2007, 06:30 AM
I once had to physically prevent a person from eating vomit. It was someone else's vomit, which is what grossed me out.

RLB
11-15-2007, 06:33 AM
A couple of years ago I was special events coordinator for a charity. One of our volunteers (a wealthy lady doing charity for fun in her spare time) was hosting an event for us at her mansion. I arrived early to make sure everything was in place and asked her if there was anything I could do.

She handed a me box of day-old donuts. "Would you mind feeding the birds?"

I stared at her blankly.

She waved toward her back yard. "I like it when birds land in the yard. Just make sure you spread it all around. I don't like it when they all group together in one spot."

Unfortunately, she and her husband were big contributors to the charity, so I wandered around her yard in a cocktail dress crumbling donuts in my hands as the first guests pulled up. It was awesome.

KTC
11-15-2007, 06:33 AM
I'd just say, "Eat the damn stuff. Knock yourself out."

ETA: This was in response to Dolores

Williebee
11-15-2007, 06:39 AM
Kristie -- I had an early a.m. call from a lady who wanted me to dispatch an officer out to the pond behind her house, to make the geese stop harassing her fish. Now, the geese were wild. Just migrating. And she was leaving bread out for them. "They travel so far, and it is SO cold."

I passed it to the shift captain. Suggested he go out to the pond, raise his badge and shout, "You there, with the wings. Put down that fish and step away from the bank!" He... declined.

And it did make a nice diversion in my last book.

Tiger
11-15-2007, 06:51 AM
I had to stand watch over a pile of logs that were going to be used in a rock video the next day. I had to sit on the GDMF things until 2 am. I was on salary.

Fingers
11-15-2007, 10:18 AM
I once talked a guy into giving me a two week trial at his machine shop. I told him if I didnt work out at the end of two weeks I would go with no hurt feelings. About a week after I started he called me into the office one morning and told me I had to go outside and repark my truck correctly. I had backed into the parking space and he said 'Around here, we do not park our cars by backing them into the slot'. Then I asked the shop manager if it was okay to grow my beard and he said he had no problem with it. After two more weeks the owner again called me into his office and told me he didnt like me to grow a beard, and that no one was going to call me Fingers so stop telling people that was what I wanted them to call me. At this point all seven employees were calling me fingers (cept for the boss). He yelled at me for half an hour telling me he had hired a clean cut guy named Brian not a hairy jerk named Fingers. At the end of the half hour of yelling he admitted that his brother had a beard and he really didnt mind. I figured that he thought I was his whipping boy or something. Needless to say on the first payday I told him thanks for giving me a shot, but I didnt think it was going to work out. He was quite shocked and asked why. As I had just gotten paid and it was two hours before quitting time, I gave him back the difference in pay and left.

yer pal Brian

JoeEkaitis
11-15-2007, 10:36 AM
When I worked in the camera department of a store, we were exhorted to put stickers that exclaimed "Return your film to [the store] for expert photofinishing!" on every package of film.

"Even on Polaroid film?" I asked.

"It's film, isn't it?" was the reply.

threedogpeople
11-15-2007, 11:51 AM
I once had to turn around so my boss could drop his pants and try on another pair....

I also had to witness an employee flush a large baggie of pot down the toilet; she had found it in one of the company vehicles and reported it to HR.

I had to conduct an investigation of a drug related incident on the 3rd shift; including interviewing the accused employee. She arrived at the interview 3 days later so stoned she couldn't answer my questions.

And these are the ones that I can tell you about......

Inky
11-15-2007, 12:38 PM
I was a nude model.
Hey! You asked.
Anyhoo, he wondered if I would be so kind as to make him coffee while he reloaded his cameras.
I drew the line.
It's one thing to model nude for a living.
It's quite another to reenact the cretin's wife.

Zelenka
11-15-2007, 05:27 PM
I worked on a production of a play called 'The Guid Sisters' once and the point of it is that these sisters in a 1960s Glasgow tenement win a million green shield stamps, which were little stamps you used to collect in booklets and then you could exchange them for stuff. The more stamps you had, the better stuff you could get. Anyway, throughout the play, they had to stick these stamps into the books, so we needed to have a million of them at least per show, for a six-show run. The director also decided that at the end of the play she wanted to have individual green shield stamps fall from a drop bag like snow, which meant having more.

Problem? They don't make the silly things any more. We had to get a hold of someone's gran's book and photocopy it, only at that time colour photocopying and colour computer printing was something out of Star Trek, so obviously these stamps came out black and white instead of grey. One of our props people came up with the idea of putting green paper into the photocopier. We had figured how to get larger paper and re-photocopy it over and over on the same sheet until we had one master filled with the stamps, and we even got hold of a schools' resource catalogue and got gummed green paper so the actors could stick the stamps down.

Then the director says, but the real stamps had a white border. Can't use any of the green ones.

So we got white gummed paper and went back to photocopying them black and white, and had to find ways to colour the stupid things in, leaving the little white border around them. We tried every way until we finally discovered the quickest, easiest way to do it. We ended up putting double-sided sticky tape around our fingers and attaching a little bit of sponge to the fingertip, then dabbed it in green paint and basically spotted each stamp. Each of these sheets had about a hundred or so stamps on, so we'd spot them then hang them up on a washing line (otherwise the gummed paper stuck to the desk).

We ended up with nearly the whole crew on this, some spotting, some cutting up the dry sheets with a stamp-perforating machine we'd got hold of for this job. We used the green ones we'd done in the beginning (without borders) for the drop bag, and I swear every time we walked around the theatre, even a year after that production, you saw at least one of those damn stamps lying around somewhere.

The only thing stupider than that that I've been asked to do, I think, was to climb up a vertical ladder onto the roof of Celtic Park, Celtic FC's football ground, carrying tons of equipment.

oswann
11-15-2007, 08:09 PM
I was in a film once. Acting is stupid.

Os.

trumancoyote
11-15-2007, 09:37 PM
Just the other day I had to convert my boss's porn DVDs into mp4 format so he could load them onto his iPhone. After it was all said and done with, I had to do it all over again because I forgot to include the subtitles, which made him sad.

Once I had to chase a crab that escaped from the pot all around his house.

When in public, I have to pretend his girlfriend is mine on a regular basis.

In other words, my job rocks. And my boss is never going to learn English.

:)

Red-Green
11-15-2007, 09:46 PM
I had a boss once who raised sugar gliders, and when the babies were born, she carried them around in her bra to acclimate them to people. One day, she had to go into court for a traffic violation, and she didn't think she should take the babies, because sometimes they made noise. So, did she take them home or something like that? No, she asked me to keep them in MY bra for the three hours she would be gone.

Shwebb
11-15-2007, 10:27 PM
I had a boss once who raised sugar gliders, and when the babies were born, she carried them around in her bra to acclimate them to people. One day, she had to go into court for a traffic violation, and she didn't think she should take the babies, because sometimes they made noise. So, did she take them home or something like that? No, she asked me to keep them in MY bra for the three hours she would be gone.Why am I thinking that we'll have a sudden rush of newbies pretending to be sugar gliders?:rolleyes:

Jersey Chick
11-15-2007, 10:38 PM
I had a boss once who raised sugar gliders, and when the babies were born, she carried them around in her bra to acclimate them to people. One day, she had to go into court for a traffic violation, and she didn't think she should take the babies, because sometimes they made noise. So, did she take them home or something like that? No, she asked me to keep them in MY bra for the three hours she would be gone.

Inquiring minds want to know - did you do it? ;)

MMWyrm
11-15-2007, 11:48 PM
My favorite story was one of my dad's. Mind, this was back in the 40s. He was a clerk in a convenience-type store. Well, one night a pipe in the ceiling burst, ruining a shelf's worth of items. My dad's boss was a real cheapskate. He threw out what needed to be thrown out, but got the great idea that the tampons were salvagable. He told my Dad (about 13 years old) to unwrap all the tampons, lay them out on a table to dry, and then repackage them. My dad quit.

Inky
11-16-2007, 12:29 AM
Why am I thinking that we'll have a sudden rush of newbies pretending to be sugar gliders?:rolleyes:
You've already met one.
His name is Cray.

reigningcatsndogs
11-16-2007, 02:30 AM
I had to take theft report for a stolen carrot from a lady's garden (she apparently counted them the night before because she was sure her neighbor was stealing them), I took a call for the police to remove a blue heron from the creek behind one lady's house because she was sure it would peck the eyes out of her children, I took a call for the police to attend because two rabbits were doing in the back yard and the kids might see, and another to come and fingerprint an extension cord to determine who had unplugged the man's block heater so his car wouldn't start in the morning. That said, those are better calls than the fatal MVA's and assaults.

JoeEkaitis
11-16-2007, 02:52 AM
Where I work, we inventory every computer in the building because the hard drives contain sensitive information that could result in serious harm to the corporation if it fell into the wrong hands.

We've also been told to inventory every mouse, keyboard and monitor for the same reason.

Uh, yeah.

Red-Green
11-16-2007, 03:07 AM
YES! I put the sugar gliders in my bra. It turned out to be kind of fun. Not that kind of fun, you perverts. Ultimately, I quit, though. No surprise: my boss was crazy.

MonaLeigh
11-16-2007, 03:24 AM
I'm a house cleaner and a few years ago we had the most anal customer we've ever encountered. He had us clean out the crap in between the slats of wood on his deck with a screwdriver, and use a toothbrush to scrub all of his window sills.

This anal SOB also had an electrician come to do some work in the house, including new face-plates for outlets. After the electrician left, the customer called him to come back b/c he wanted all of the screw heads on the face-plates to have the line (where the screwdriver goes) running straight across.

Carole
11-16-2007, 03:27 AM
After the electrician left, the customer called him to come back b/c he wanted all of the screw heads on the face-plates to have the line (where the screwdriver goes) running straight across.

Uh, I do that. All the screws in the faceplates in my house have to go the same direction, but I prefer up and down instead of across. :D

JoeEkaitis
11-16-2007, 03:29 AM
Uh, I do that. All the screws in the faceplates in my house have to go the same direction, but I prefer up and down instead of across. :DThere's a book about screw-head Feng Shui just waiting to be written.

WriterGirl2007
11-16-2007, 04:58 AM
About 15 years ago I worked for this little, obnoxious troll of a man who was the cheapest SOB out there.

Did we have the same boss? LOL. I had a boss soooo much like that!

He used to instruct us with stupid analogies like, "I don't want you to just eat food off your own plate. I want you to take food off other people's plates and then go and KILL your own food!" (He said it with emphasis - I think he was trying to encourage us to be a "team.")

Mmm... He compared himself to Abraham from the Bible once and said he was sacrificing us like Isaiah, and it was up to God if we were saved or not. (I'm not kidding... Anyone who is familiar with that biblical story will know what I'm talking about!)

There are more stories, but I can't tell 'em. :)

WriterGirl2007
11-16-2007, 04:59 AM
Parent other people's kids. "Can you send an officer over because my 9 year old son won't clean his room."

Have people call me and ask for phone numbers...I kid you not, a guy called and asked for the phone number to Pizza Hut because he was too drunk to read the phone book.

Basically, I'm forced to talk to stupid people day in and day out. The stupidity in today's society is rampant...and they all call me. :)

WOW. What is your job again? Craziness!

Jersey Chick
11-16-2007, 05:44 AM
Did we have the same boss? LOL. I had a boss soooo much like that!

He used to instruct us with stupid analogies like, "I don't want you to just eat food off your own plate. I want you to take food off other people's plates and then go and KILL your own food!" (He said it with emphasis - I think he was trying to encourage us to be a "team.")

Mmm... He compared himself to Abraham from the Bible once and said he was sacrificing us like Isaiah, and it was up to God if we were saved or not. (I'm not kidding... Anyone who is familiar with that biblical story will know what I'm talking about!)

There are more stories, but I can't tell 'em. :)

This same guy also wouldn't let me eat lunch at my desk, wouldn't let me eat lunch in the conference room, and we didn't have a kitchen - just a little kitchen alcove. Every day, I had to eat lunch in my car. How pathetic did I look, all alone in my car? My husband and I were dating at the time and I lived for Fridays because he was off and we'd go out to lunch (I was too cheap/poor to buy lunch every day though :))

The troll also didn't want me to have any photos on my desk and I couldn't keep a cup of coffee there either. I had to slug it in the kitchen alcove.

Without a doubt, the most repugnant boss on the planet. It was all I could do to keep Jersey Guy from meeting him in the parking lot (which he was just dying to do, BTW.)

Needless to say, I wasn't there all that long. :D

threedogpeople
11-16-2007, 11:39 AM
Uh, I do that. All the screws in the faceplates in my house have to go the same direction, but I prefer up and down instead of across. :D

Mine are all across - it looks neater to have them going the same direction.

Namatu
11-16-2007, 06:16 PM
One of my first jobs was receptionist in a nursing home. One of the patients came to the front doors and wanted to leave. She had dementia and was known to get violent. I approached and tried to dissuade her. She took a swing at me, I blocked, and held on to her to prevent further attack. The management stood there staring like idiots while I, a wee little teenager, took care of the strong and violent old lady.

Zelenka
11-16-2007, 06:58 PM
Did we have the same boss? LOL. I had a boss soooo much like that!

He used to instruct us with stupid analogies like, "I don't want you to just eat food off your own plate. I want you to take food off other people's plates and then go and KILL your own food!" (He said it with emphasis - I think he was trying to encourage us to be a "team.")

Mmm... He compared himself to Abraham from the Bible once and said he was sacrificing us like Isaiah, and it was up to God if we were saved or not. (I'm not kidding... Anyone who is familiar with that biblical story will know what I'm talking about!)

There are more stories, but I can't tell 'em. :)

I had that boss as well I think. Mine was a little ginger-haired, four foot nothing troll with a Napoleon complex. He just rampages up and down the workplace, f-ing and blinding at everyone, as opposed to making biblical references though.

KTC
11-16-2007, 06:59 PM
When in public, I have to pretend his girlfriend is mine on a regular basis.

And people buy it?

(-;

joyce
11-16-2007, 10:40 PM
I was an office manager and one of the supervisors use to scatch his "man things" on the corner of my desk while trying to hold a conversation. Then one day he comes in my office, rips off his shirt and asks me to pop a boil on his back. No I did not do it.

Mela
11-17-2007, 12:59 AM
I've been in this business 25 years and, believe it not, this is the dumbest of all the things I ever had to do. And unlike some others on this thread, I indeed hope people recognize and remember, especially my beleaguered peers who suffered along with me.

About 1990/91 we had a management change at the newspaper chain I worked at and there was a lot of stuff that we had to do to fill the newspapers and basically it all read like it was produced solely to fill the newspapers with stuff (we had about 13 weekly papers - hint, hint - in an eastern state between New York and Delaware).

One of these features - and I wince at calling it that - was to ask questions of people in busy public places. You've probably seen these in other newspapers: What did you do on your summer vacation? What do you want for Christmas? What kind of car do you drive?

As you might suspect, such riveting questions produced equally riveting, mono-syllable answers, exciting enough to make you want to reach for an issue of Dry Wall Quarterly for entertainment. The bosses insisted this was state-of-the-art newspaper stuff - that we were engaging the reader and hopefully gaining additional readers. The theory was that so and so's answer of Pontiac would sweep through the neighborhood and encourage everyone to buy an issue.

And if that wasn't bad enough, we also had to take their pictures. Oooh, I remember standing outside some supermarket in 20-degree weather cajoling anyone to answer the question and have their picture taken. Oh, the horrors. And we had to get at least 9 answers - that meant taking 9 pictures.

Any editors, out there, please: don't make your senior staff (yes, I was senior staff at that point) do this. Give it to the beginners, the interns or better yet - can it.

Needless to say, it was a real waste of time.

WriterGirl2007
11-17-2007, 02:47 AM
This same guy also wouldn't let me eat lunch at my desk, wouldn't let me eat lunch in the conference room, and we didn't have a kitchen - just a little kitchen alcove. Every day, I had to eat lunch in my car. How pathetic did I look, all alone in my car? My husband and I were dating at the time and I lived for Fridays because he was off and we'd go out to lunch (I was too cheap/poor to buy lunch every day though :))


Ugh, that's awful!!! I remember mine chewed me out and wrote me up for getting a flat tire and being late to work. Umm, how exactly could I control that? lol. I left too. ;)

WriterGirl2007
11-17-2007, 02:49 AM
Any editors, out there, please: don't make your senior staff (yes, I was senior staff at that point) do this. Give it to the beginners, the interns or better yet - can it.

SENIOR staff? That's just wrong. Definitely should've been given to a newbie intern.

Inky
11-17-2007, 08:42 PM
YES! I put the sugar gliders in my bra. It turned out to be kind of fun. Not that kind of fun, you perverts. Ultimately, I quit, though. No surprise: my boss was crazy.
Okay, I'm a boob--no pun intended--now I just HAVE to Google Sugar Gliders and find out what the bloody blazes these critters are! :)

Zelenka
11-17-2007, 09:36 PM
Okay, I'm a boob--no pun intended--now I just HAVE to Google Sugar Gliders and find out what the bloody blazes these critters are! :)

I'm really glad I'm not the only one... :D

zahra
11-19-2007, 12:34 AM
At the restaurant where I was events manager, I once forced two captains of industry who were regulars to clean the menus for me.

Dunno if that counts, but it made me smile and my boss thought it was hilarious.

Unique
11-19-2007, 12:51 AM
sigh. i love you guys. i always feel so much better after coming in here.

as shitty as some of my jobs have been - NONE of them have been like these.

I am truly thankful.

Thanks, ya'll. You've made my day.:hi:

BenPanced
11-19-2007, 03:56 AM
Smile. Be friendly. Give customers the correct answers to their questions. Balance my money.

*pfft!* Crap like that makes me wonder how I've hung on for so long...