Great Moments in CraigsList Ads

William Haskins · Nov 5, 2007

http://austin.craigslist.org/wrg/465411858.html

Need a "hit" woman who's willing to be a temporary pen pal...

My straying significant other has posted a personal ad and I need someone to be his "pen pal" so I can obtain more precise information about what he's up to. If you've ever been burned in a relationship before, this is a golden opportunity to channel your anger, satisfy your taste for revenge and make a bit of extra money in time for the holidays!

For this temporary job assignment, you'd need to be able to create a fictional persona: A 30+ year old single female that is a professional or creatively employed, is average looking and knowledgeable about literature, arts, politics and current events. She needs to be intelligent, well read, politically left, clever, sharp witted, inquisitive, imaginative, flattering and alluring with an expansive vocabulary and way with words. To balance all of this dull perfection, she also should possess one or more of the following qualities; quirky, eccentric, streetwise, tough, maladjusted, bitter, jaded, sarcastic, etc. Bad childhoods and other vulnerabilities are a plus.

He lives out of state, so you'd never have to meet him nor would I ever think of asking you to. I'd be the middlewoman, you'd send me your correspondence and I'd send you his replies. If you want complete anonymity, it's all yours, I'll be happy to pay you using Paypal or something. Please believe me when I say that this is not a joke or a prank. I'm thinking that I can afford to pay about $20 per email (depending on the length) and that the job would require about 5 or 6 emails at most.

Perks · Nov 5, 2007

Wow. That could be fun.

ColoradoGuy · Nov 5, 2007

So what's stopping you?

Maryn · Nov 5, 2007

Gee. I'm halfway tempted. What's it pay?

William Haskins · Nov 5, 2007

read the last line.

Perks · Nov 5, 2007

ColoradoGuy said:
So what's stopping you?

Many, many things. But a girl can dream, can't she?

robeiae · Nov 5, 2007

A 30+ year old single female that is a professional or creatively employed, is average looking and knowledgeable about literature, arts, politics and current events. She needs to be intelligent, well read, politically left, clever, sharp witted, inquisitive, imaginative, flattering and alluring with an expansive vocabulary and way with words. To balance all of this dull perfection, she also should possess one or more of the following qualities; quirky, eccentric, streetwise, tough, maladjusted, bitter, jaded, sarcastic, etc. Bad childhoods and other vulnerabilities are a plus.

So, Janeane Garofalo?

RumpleTumbler · Nov 5, 2007

I'm not sure why you would need to be a woman.

Maryn · Nov 5, 2007

It might give the aspiring male writer a chance to see if he can convincingly write in a female voice.

Maryn, bristling at being expected to read (tee-hee)

benbradley · Nov 5, 2007

But would this be like being published? Sure I'd get paid for writing, but only a couple people would read it.

It would be poetic justice (okay, I'm not a poet, maybe someone else should judge this) if the straying SO sees this ad, recognises the sitiation and generates a generic address and Paypal account and responds and 'gets the job' of being a 30-something e-mail female (oh what a cute rhyme, email female - maybe I do have poetic talent).

robeiae · Nov 5, 2007

benbradley said:
It would be poetic justice (okay, I'm not a poet, maybe someone else should judge this) if the straying SO sees this ad, recognises the sitiation and generates a generic address and Paypal account and responds and 'gets the job' of being a 30-something e-mail female (oh what a cute rhyme, email female - maybe I do have poetic talent).

Wha?

Heyyyyyyy...wait a second, here! Now, I'm pissed.

Celia Cyanide · Nov 5, 2007

One thing we should all do is flag it as "best of craigslist." It's the least we can do for this woman.

sassandgroove · Nov 5, 2007

No, the topper was the family that wanted a nursing mother to provide milk for all of them, in exchange for room and board. She could bring the baby.

Kate Thornton · Nov 5, 2007

sassandgroove said:
No, the topper was the family that wanted a nursing mother to provide milk for all of them, in exchange for room and board. She could bring the baby.

Eeewww.

JoNightshade · Nov 5, 2007

Personally I think this one is a hoax. It's too well written to be genuine. Why would this person want someone else to write the notes if they are so literate themselves?

poetinahat · Nov 5, 2007

Maybe she's building a case to divert suspicion from her own wicked self.

Nuh-uh, I'm not helping her out.

CACTUSWENDY · Nov 5, 2007

All joking aside.....Do any of you ever wonder where Hask finds all these things he posts? Where do you find the time to surf this much?
lol
I can always count on you to find interesting things......lolol

(Runs and gets pen. Writes down the instructions for this pen-pal stuff.)

brokenfingers · Nov 5, 2007

I think I've just discovered my new career.

benbradley · Nov 5, 2007

CACTUSWENDY said:
All joking aside.....Do any of you ever wonder where Hask finds all these things he posts? Where do you find the time to surf this much?
lol
I can always count on you to find interesting things......lolol

(Runs and gets pen. Writes down the instructions for this pen-pal stuff.)

He probably cheats by googling the right keywords to get to the right sites. Googling quirky news gets me to these, among others:
http://www.ananova.com/news/lp.html?keywords=Quirkies&menu=news.quirkies
http://www.realitytvworld.com/index/articles/popnewscathome.php?x=7

astonwest · Nov 5, 2007

benbradley said:
But would this be like being published? Sure I'd get paid for writing, but only a couple people would read it.

I wonder if you could count it as a credit for future query letters...

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