Do you write unsent letters?

Bit of background to this question.

This evening I told a friend about the last book I bought - Unbreakable: My life with Paul - A story of extraordinary courage and love by Lindsey Hunter.

F***ing tragic tale. I flicked forward a few chapters and it made me cry. Anyway. I told my friend that contained in the book is a lover letter she wrote Paul after he died.

My friend said, "After he died? What's the point of that?" Almost in a sneering way, like it was a stupid idea.

And so I told her, "To help her grieve, of course!" I mean, a normally intelligent woman who, although not a writer herself, cannot understand the therapeutic benefits of writing yourself through your darkest times? Lindsey Hunter wrote the book (with a ghost, admittedly) and that in itself probably helped ease her pain a little. I certainly hope it did. I was a fan of her husband's and only got to see him play once. But at least I did that much.

But anyway...this 'friend' I spoke to - the same one who alleges you cannot call yourself a writer unless you're published - just didn't get it.

*sigh*

Time for some spring-cleaning in my social circle, I think.

This conversation presented me with the idea for this thread: do you write letters to people in your life and then not send them? Do you write to people knowing they will never read your words, but still addressing your works to them anyway?

I certainly do that with letters. If you're a part of my life in any meaningful way, chances are I've written to you and not sent the letter. It enables me to get my feelings out, to articulate and understand them, without having to freak out, scare or smother the other person. I write. It's what I do. I love it.

Also, poems. Almost every poem I've ever written has been about, for, or inspired by someone whose presence in my life has had an impact.

What about you?

seun said:

So, why are you friends with this person?

I have written unsent letters although not in a long time. They helped me to focus my thoughts and work out exactly how I felt about issues. Can't see anything wrong with that.

Click to expand...

That's what I'm beginning to wonder.

I think the time has come to pull away socially. Once I started my new job she started saying things like, "You'll have to do this," and "You'll have to organise that," and "Blah blah time management blah organisation."

Uh...no. I don't 'have to' do anything. I'm thirty-one years old, have lived on my own for ten, and am quite capable of organising my own life without your nagging input, thank you very much.

But that's a whole other thread.

JoNightshade said:

...So I say if you write good letters, send them. Don't wait until you die or whatever for people to find out what you thought about them. Let them know while you can do something about it.

Click to expand...

That's what scares me - the thought of sending these letters. It all comes down to a fear of rejection.

But the thing is, years ago while I was going through a very bitter break-up (I was about 22; he was a couple of years older) the 'man' in question said, "You always did write really good letters." So even though we were at each other's throats and doing anything possible to hurt each other, he still found a few moments amongst all that to calm right down and pay me a compliment. So I assumed he meant it.

Because if someone who hates you and whom you hate can say something nice about you, chances are it's genuine. It's the brown-nosers you have to watch out for. But as the quotation goes, "Never forget what a man says to you when he is angry." - Henry Ward Beecher. Also, "Between whom there is hearty truth, there is love." - Henry David Thoreau.