PDA

View Full Version : a few halloween safety tips.



Stew21
11-01-2007, 12:19 AM
A few rules to help keep everyone safe Wednesday evening.

1 - Don't assume the telephone calls are coming from another house.
2. - When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
3. - Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
4. - Don't go into the basement to check the power when the lights go out!
5. - If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.
6. - When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER split up and go it alone.
7. - Don't have sex. Especially if you've noticed a few of your friends are missing!
8. - As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open a portal to Hell.
9. - Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.
10. - If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, don't stand there sighing with relief, GET THE HELL OUT!
11. - If appliances start operating by themselves, don't check for short circuits; JUST GET THE HELL OUT!
12. - Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.
13. - If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.
14. - Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.
15. - If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely ambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
16. - If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behaviors such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.
17. - Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
18. - If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange because you thought you had a full tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and will most likely be eaten.
19. - Beware of strangers bearing strange tools. For example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions.
20. - If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house.

TheIT
11-01-2007, 12:23 AM
17. - Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.



Any small town in Maine. Cabot Cove? I wonder if anyone has ever tallied up the murder statistics in that town. I'd expect everyone in Murder, She Wrote to move away by the end of the series just so they could get out alive....

:D

kristie911
11-01-2007, 12:33 AM
Good rules, Trish! Thanks for sharing.

I'd also like to add that if you're a female and going anywhere that is deserted, old, creepy or not your own house, wear running shoes and comfortable clothing. DO NOT wear a tight dress and 4" stiletto heels.

ETA: I don't care for #7 though...if I think I'm going to die, you can believe the last thing I do, will be have sex.

MidnightMuse
11-01-2007, 12:34 AM
14. - Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.

But I really do know what I'm doing! Honest.




Just ask Haggis :D

sunna
11-01-2007, 12:37 AM
17. - Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.


Hey, there are plenty of small towns in Maine that are perfectly normal! Like -

.....

.........

..............


*hmph* Well, I'm sure I'll think of one.

Raiyah
11-01-2007, 12:39 AM
[quote=kristie911;1774905]

I'd also like to add that if you're a female and going anywhere that is deserted, old, creepy or not your own house, wear running shoes and comfortable clothing. DO NOT wear a tight dress and 4" stiletto heels.

quote]


If only someone had told me sooner!

Ol' Fashioned Girl
11-01-2007, 12:40 AM
Any small town in Maine. Cabot Cove? I wonder if anyone has ever tallied up the murder statistics in that town. I'd expect everyone in Murder, She Wrote to move away by the end of the series just so they could get out alive....

:D

All I know is, if Jessica walks in, I'm gettin' the hell outta wherever she just walked in to... someone's gonna be found dead very, very soon and I don't want to be said person OR the one accused of doing said person in.

TheIT
11-01-2007, 12:42 AM
All I know is, if Jessica walks in, I'm gettin' the hell outta wherever she just walked in to... someone's gonna be found dead very, very soon and I don't want to be said person OR the one accused of doing said person in.

The Murder, She Wrote formula: If you're a friend of Jessica's, you're going to end up dead. If you're related to Jessica, you're going to get blamed for the murder.

I love that show. :D

Stew21
11-01-2007, 12:42 AM
I'd also like to add that if crazy shit starts going down, the person to call is NOT your friend who will think you are getting back at them for the prank they played on you last halloween.

There's a man with a ski mask and a chainsaw in my house!

Ha ha! Sure there is, good one Stew. Try again next year.

No really.

Yea right. Not falling for it.

MidnightMuse
11-01-2007, 12:44 AM
Shouldn't there be a note, too, about how you shouldn't even TRY to start your car?

Oh, and if you drop your car keys, just leave 'em. Bending down gives you that final glimpse of the creature reaching out to slash your ankles.

TrainofThought
11-01-2007, 12:44 AM
16. - If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behaviors such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.
These ARE my friendís behaviors. Iíll refer the authorities to this thread upon my incarceration so they have a better understanding of why I did it. :e2chain:

Wraith
11-01-2007, 12:45 AM
3. - Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
There! Great idea to add to my Halloween night fun! :D

Awesome rules. Seems by morning I'll either be eaten or convicted for murder. Hmmm, now what do I choose...

Stew21
11-01-2007, 12:47 AM
Shouldn't there be a note, too, about how you shouldn't even TRY to start your car?

Oh, and if you drop your car keys, just leave 'em. Bending down gives you that final glimpse of the creature reaching out to slash your ankles.


may be a good idea to just start the car when you aren't under any pressure and leave it running just in case you need it later.
That performance under pressure thing is hard on an ignition.

MidnightMuse
11-01-2007, 12:51 AM
Excellent point ! That way you don't have to drop the keys, or be fumbling with them when the zombies are closing in.

And if some guy you've just hitched a ride with says "You wanna see something really scarey? Just. Say. No.

Stew21
11-01-2007, 12:53 AM
If your car starts driving without your help - JUMP! OUT!
If you hitch a ride with a truck driver and they start telling a story about a horrible accident, the driver is a ghost - get the hell out of the truck!

Wraith
11-01-2007, 01:01 AM
If your car starts driving without your help - JUMP! OUT!
If you hitch a ride with a truck driver and they start telling a story about a horrible accident, the driver is a ghost - get the hell out of the truck!
Nah, better interview him for your next novel.

Stew21
11-01-2007, 01:02 AM
indeed - I do need an insider's perspective on that ghosting thing.

Wraith
11-01-2007, 01:07 AM
indeed - I do need an insider's perspective on that ghosting thing.
I had no idea 'ghosting' was a word. Sounds cool. I'm at your service for interviews on wraithing anytime, by the way.

nessam
11-01-2007, 01:15 AM
As far as number 5 goes-Isn't Trick-or-treat latin?

rhymegirl
11-01-2007, 01:23 AM
19. - Beware of strangers bearing strange tools.

Now she tells me.

Marlys
11-01-2007, 01:24 AM
If you hitch a ride with a truck driver and they start telling a story about a horrible accident, the driver is a ghost - get the hell out of the truck!If you're hitching a ride on Halloween, you're asking for it anyway.

Corollary: picking up hitchhikers on Halloween is also asking for it. And if you do pick one up, don't lend her your freaking sweater. Even though you'll probably get it back, you won't want to wear it again.

benbradley
11-01-2007, 01:40 AM
I visited Amityville a couple of times, fortunately not around Halloween. What was scary was how the houses were so close together - that area was too close to NYC.

As far as number 5 goes-Isn't Trick-or-treat latin?

I believe that would be:
Trickum et treatum.

Uh oh, now that you've read that...

TheIT
11-01-2007, 01:41 AM
Then there's the old Doctor Who standby: If you see green slime running down a wall, DON'T TOUCH IT!!!

threedogpeople
11-01-2007, 02:34 AM
Don't forget towns in Texas, former nuke testing sites and abandoned youth camps (especially where there are rumors of bad stuff happening in the woods).

Oh, and if there are any meteor showers tonight, kiss your butt goodbye.

Pomegranate
11-01-2007, 02:59 AM
If you're forced to stay in a creepy out-of-the-way motel, don't take a shower.

If you are a beneficiary in the will of someone you've never heard of, don't go to their haunted mansion for the reading of the will. Send your lawyer.

If you hear a thumping noise in the attic, don't investigate. Nail the hatch shut and call animal control in the morning.

Pomegranate
11-01-2007, 03:00 AM
Oh, and if there are any meteor showers tonight, kiss your butt goodbye.

...unless you sleep in the garden shed. (I love Night of the Comet!)

melaniehoo
11-01-2007, 03:15 AM
Trish, these are awesome! Thanks for sharing!

Perks
11-01-2007, 05:07 AM
And for god's sake, sedate the cat, put him in a box (you can poke airholes if you're the tenderhearted type) and lock the box in the garage until tomorrow. Otherwise, that bastard's going to jump out of fucking nowhere at the crest of the strings portion of the scary soundtrack and make you piss yourself.

And another thing -- if your inner score becomes full of minor notes and the hollow, slightly off-key singing of children, go sleep under the altar of your nearest Catholic church until November 1st.

poetinahat
11-01-2007, 05:36 AM
The Murder, She Wrote formula: If you're a friend of Jessica's, you're going to end up dead. If you're related to Jessica, you're going to get blamed for the murder.

I love that show. :D
Heh... and there's an Agatha Christie corollary:

If you're going on a cruise, staying at a B&B in the country, or even attending a wedding or fox hunt, and you notice that Miss Marple or Hercule Poirot is on the guest list, turn right around and walk right out.

(Note to murderers: If the detective invites everyone to meet in the drawing-room, that's your cue to skip town.)

Bmwhtly
11-01-2007, 05:43 PM
That performance under pressure thing is hard on an ignition.That's what I told her.

...

Oh, never mind.


I had no idea 'ghosting' was a word. Refers to Ghostwriters. Rather the wibbly, grey, dead chaps.


(Note to murderers: If the detective invites everyone to meet in the drawing-room, that's your cue to skip town.):roll:

mkcbunny
11-01-2007, 07:12 PM
8. - As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open a portal to Hell.
Last night would've gone so much better if I'd read this first...

Bmwhtly
11-01-2007, 07:14 PM
go sleep under the altar of your nearest Catholic church until November 1st.
Unless you're not catholic. Because we all know that a non-catholic sleeping under a catholic altar on concecrated ground causes the opening of the gates of hell and death to half the species. Forced mating for the other half.
I don't like those odds.