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Birol
10-29-2007, 09:35 AM
What's the silliest, stupidest thing you've ever written? The thing that, even as you wrote it, you found yourself saying, "I can't believe I'm writing this." And, yet, you wrote it anyway.

Shweta
10-29-2007, 09:54 AM
Most of the really stupid things I wrote, I wrote young enough that I didn't know they were stupid. Or do you mean self-consciously stupid?

JoNightshade
10-29-2007, 10:41 AM
I wrote a story about a Chinese restaurant where the food was so good that even when the cook died of apparent food-poisoning, the guests couldn't resist the temptation to eat the rest of the food. Yes, it was pretty silly. But I still kinda like it. :)

poetinahat
10-29-2007, 11:01 AM
I'm still writing it, though it's been dormant a long time -- the story of a Mary Kay saleswoman who likes to wear men's clothes, play banjo, bet on sports, and eat omelettes.

Wallaceka
10-29-2007, 11:23 AM
I thought we agreed not to discuss that post of mine?

:)

KTC
10-29-2007, 03:36 PM
I would have to say it was a rant about elephants, lipstick, green hats and rejection letters.

illiterwrite
10-29-2007, 03:51 PM
I wrote a stream of consciousness piece about someone wearing a lamp shade on her head and wondering why everyone stared at her all day. At the end, I compared it to being handicapped.

It was silly. And yes, a literary journal published it.

Shweta
10-29-2007, 04:50 PM
Damn, I need to start writing litfic :D

ETA: I guess I misunderstood the post. If consciously silly is good then.. my first Clarion piece which is currently terrible and needs rewriting, features Coyote following a hapless scientist around, invisible to everyone else. Much (though not yet enough) silliness ensues.

sunna
10-29-2007, 04:58 PM
I set The Scarlet Letter in my high school, with a bit of a Douglas Adams twist. I'm sure it thoroughly confused my teacher. :)

C.bronco
10-29-2007, 05:01 PM
What's the silliest, stupidest thing you've ever written? The thing that, even as you wrote it, you found yourself saying, "I can't believe I'm writing this." And, yet, you wrote it anyway.
When I write something silly or stupid, it never comes as a shock. I just ride it out.

Soccer Mom
10-29-2007, 07:50 PM
Here it is. 600 hundred words. I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I suspect that the bottle of wine had something to do with it. It's not publishable. Only writers or editors would read it and giggle. So here it is in all it's foolish glory.


Conversations with a Reluctant Character


Grace paused beside the shimmering pool and glanced at her reflection.

“Don’t call me Grace.”

“Why not? It’s a nice name.”

Eye roll. “Please. It’s just so done. No more puns on saving some chick named Grace. How amazing. Don’t reduce me to a cliché.”

“Okay, fine. How about Helen?”

Gagging noise. “As in Helen of Troy? Blech. No thanks. It’s been done, I told you. No Grace. No Helen. No Lilith. And no Kate. What is it with you people and the name Kate? Enough.”

“Okay, I hear you. What sort of name do you want? It’s got to be strong and meaningful. Something that can carry a trilogy.”

“Oh God. A trilogy. You aren’t going to send me on a quest are you? Please tell me there are no magical objects involved.”

“Um…..maybe.”

“Oh crap. Why me? I don’t want to drag some ill-matched caravan of stock players around misty plains and mysterious mountains looking for some freaking amulet. Give that line a rest, okay? One book. Just give me one book to deal with. I mean, I never wanted to be a main character anyway. Do you have any idea how much pressure that is? And then you spring the Oh, it’s really three books crap on me. Crappity-crap-crap-crap.”

“Going back to the name….Llanara’th?”

“What’s so wrong with Jane?”

“Jane? Well, it’s not very heroic, now is it? You need a heroic name, something grand. Think stronger.”

“Janice?”

“Stronger.”

“How about we shorten it to Llanara? I’ll even let you keep the double Ls. It sounds kinda made up, but like people could actually say it. Deal? Okay. Continue.”

Llanara paused beside the shimmering pool and glanced at her reflection. They said she was beautiful with her long, flowing fiery red locks and her flashing green eyes, but…

“Whoa! Time out. I have major issues with this. Red hair? Green eyes? Do you have any idea how unusual those things are? Those would make me a little conspicuous, dontcha think? Try again.”

“Raven tresses?”

“Barf.”

“Silken, honeyed blonde?”

“Brown.”

“No.”

“Yes. There’s nothing wrong with brown hair.”

“It’s boring.”

“It’s normal. Normal is good. If I’m supposed to be a shepherdess swept up into a grand cosmic struggle….um…..that is where you were going, right?”

“Yeah, how did you….”

“You can’t honestly imagine I could slip in and out of taverns unnoticed if I’m a total bombshell.”

“I hadn’t thought of that.”

“Obviously. And the hero doesn’t notice my beauty at first, right? Not until later.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh. Better tone it down. Brown will do nicely, thanks.”

“At least let me say Chestnut.”

“Fine. Chestnut it is. I don’t suppose you would settle for brown eyes, either. They could be hazel. Hazel is nice, but not too obvious.”

“Blue. I’ll settle for blue. It’s pretty, but not as weird as green.”

Shrugs. “I’ll take it. You may continue.”

Llanara paused beside the shimmering pool and glanced at her reflection. They said she was beautiful with her long, flowing chestnut locks and her flashing blue eyes, but…

“Um….”

“For crying out loud! Now what?”

“About the reflection business….”

“Yeah, I know. I know, okay. I really do. But I want everyone to know up front what you look like, okay? So you’re just gonna have to deal with this one. The reflecting pool stays. End of discussion.”

“You don’t need to get so huffy about it.”

“This was supposed to be fun. Writing should be fun or what’s the point? Sheesh. I’m gonna just skip ahead to something better. Maybe the scene where you save the hero during the tavern fight. That’s a juicy scene.” Rubs hands together. “You break a bottle over Lord Halpern’s evil henchman’s head and then cradle the hero against your heaving bosom. He looks into your eyes….”

“Yeah, about that whole me liking men part….”

<END>


Hope it made you giggle.

sunna
10-29-2007, 08:31 PM
Here it is. 600 hundred words. I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I suspect that the bottle of wine had something to do with it. It's not publishable. Only writers or editors would read it and giggle. So here it is in all it's foolish glory.


This would be my tea-snorting moment for the week. :D

*wipes off monitor*

Devil Ledbetter
10-29-2007, 09:47 PM
It was an April Fool's gag devised to look like a company memo and left on the copy machine. I don't remember everything it said, but it had to do with the company adopting a policy requiring all employees to wear color-coded jumpsuits based on what department they worked in. It was justified as a safety issue and also to increase productivity, as the colored uniforms would make it easy to see who wasn't in their proper work area. It was written in high-handed managementease passive voice with lots of dreadful verbizations.

The best/worst line was something about how these jumpsuits were not to be accessorized because that would moot the point of the uniform's safety intentions.

Really awful writing takes effort.

Devil Ledbetter
10-29-2007, 09:49 PM
And no Kate. What is it with you people and the name Kate? Enough.”
Love it! :tongue

ChunkyC
10-29-2007, 10:10 PM
Bravo, SoccerMom. :)


What's the silliest, stupidest thing you've ever written? The thing that, even as you wrote it, you found yourself saying, "I can't believe I'm writing this." And, yet, you wrote it anyway.
My college application. Okay, it was less silly than pointless, but you know....

Sarita
10-29-2007, 10:13 PM
Good stuff, Soccer Mom. Ugh, I have to go delete all my "Kates."


What's the silliest, stupidest thing you've ever written? The thing that, even as you wrote it, you found yourself saying, "I can't believe I'm writing this." And, yet, you wrote it anyway.Silliest (probably slightly stupid...) thing I ever wrote was about this woman who was obsessed with Martha Stewart. She wrote her letters in prison and even pulled a heist so she could buy a Le Creuset pot that Martha always used on her shows. Eventually it turned into a pretty funny short story, after Ray and Joanne critiqued the hell out of it ;)

Angelinity
10-29-2007, 10:19 PM
my Dalmatian Camel short story -- no one got it, but man, did i laugh myself silly writing it! :roll: it was worth it :D

WendyNYC
10-29-2007, 10:22 PM
I wrote a very stupid story about when Vlad the Impaler was a young boy.

That one won't be submitted anywhere.

Angelinity
10-29-2007, 10:25 PM
I wrote a very stupid story about when Vlad the Impaler was a young boy.

That one won't be submitted anywhere.

oy! 15th century Transilvania -- tough challenge ;) lemme know if you ever go back to it :D

WendyNYC
10-29-2007, 10:29 PM
oy! 15th century Transilvania -- tough challenge ;) lemme know if you ever go back to it :D


It was a humorous story (very darkly humorous), so I took a lot of liberties with the setting.

Angelinity
10-29-2007, 10:34 PM
It was a humorous story (very darkly humorous), so I took a lot of liberties with the setting.


oh -- well, he did spend his adolescence at Constantinopol learning the cruel warring ways of the Ottomans... or did you portray him in a powdered wig and tights? :D

AnneMarble
10-30-2007, 02:36 AM
What's the silliest, stupidest thing you've ever written? The thing that, even as you wrote it, you found yourself saying, "I can't believe I'm writing this." And, yet, you wrote it anyway.
This post. (*rimshot*)

Probably the Purple Prose Parody I wrote for All About Romance (http://www.likesbooks.com/ppp1999d.html) (you'll have to scroll down). When you write something at 3:00 in the morning, it tends to get silly. :D Or maybe Lady Jane and the Elusive Tome (http://www.likesbooks.com/ppp2001c.html#ladyjane) (my next entry).

But some of my "serious" writing has turned out just as silly. :rolleyes: In a novel I wrote in high school, I wasted pages and pages over a scene where the killer on the run carjacks and kidnaps a guy (someone who will be missed) with a VW Bug with advertising logos all over it -- purposedly picking out the most obvious and obnoxious car in the lot. :tongue The killer then makes this guy drive him out of the city and pretends to be depressed and suicidal, then lets him get away. Later, the VW Bug ends up totally smooooooshed by a train in a rural county. Police find a body in it and assume it's the killer, and they tell his target that he is safe. Only later do they realize... "Whoops. We've been set up. It's the body of a much older man." But of course, by then, the target is out with his friends, giving the killer a chance to kill him.
:roll:

I was rereading one of my earlier novels this weekend (an SF novel about a peacemaker). Good God, I had never realized how sophomoric the whole book was. Which is appropriate -- I wrote it in my sophomore year of college. :e2tongue:

stormie
10-30-2007, 02:55 AM
I had a little too much of a "shot of schnapps," came home, sat at the keyboard, and wrote...whatever. Then I went to sleep. Somehow in that haze, I saved the three-hundred word document and will reread it and laugh at it from time to time.

That was only a few days ago.

Seriously, I awhile ago I wrote the dopiest short romance ever, with tons of eye gazing and sighs and yes, the MC was named Kate. Geez. And I really thought it had a chance to become published.

*For anyone not understanding what all this is about the name "Kate," it's because a certain very good agent once mentioned on her blog that if she saw one more novel using the name "Kate," she'd scream (or commit hari-kari or whatever).

nevada
10-30-2007, 03:16 AM
I wrote a short for Flash Fiction Sunday about a man who covered himself with cheese. The funniest thing is that I didn't make that up. I once saw a ticker story on CNN about a man in Georgia (I think. Somewhere southern) who had been arrested after being found on a hill, naked and covered in cheese. So of course, I'm immediately thinking what kind of cheese? slices? grated? In the story I went with Velveeta (which was a typo because i meant CheezWhiz).

Shameless plug for Flash Fiction Sunday

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=51977

And a shameless plug of my story, which when I remember (because I keep forgetting about it) I plan to expand and revise and submit. Somewhere. If it asks for a password it's "flashed"

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=63704

Birol
10-30-2007, 03:59 AM
Hope it made you giggle.

:ROFL:

glassquill
10-30-2007, 06:24 AM
Here it is. 600 hundred words. I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I suspect that the bottle of wine had something to do with it. It's not publishable. Only writers or editors would read it and giggle. So here it is in all it's foolish glory.

Hope it made you giggle.


:roll: This is great!

nancy sv
10-30-2007, 07:04 AM
This post in our online journal: http://www.crazyguyonabike.com/doc/page/?o=rzyi&page_id=42878&v=j7 We were in Death Valley and it was unbearably hot. We had just cycled over one 5200-foot pass to get into the valley ( starting at about 100 below sea level) and had to cycle up and over another one to get out. I'm not sure what happened - but I went a bit loony!!

Soccer Mom
10-30-2007, 08:17 PM
Nancy, you were a saint. I would be a widow by now if that were me. :D

It was extra funny because I went camping this weekend with the cubscouts.

wee
10-30-2007, 08:33 PM
It was an April Fool's gag devised to look like a company memo and left on the copy machine. I don't remember everything it said, but it had to do with the company adopting a policy requiring all employees to wear color-coded jumpsuits based on what department they worked in. It was justified as a safety issue and also to increase productivity, as the colored uniforms would make it easy to see who wasn't in their proper work area. It was written in high-handed managementease passive voice with lots of dreadful verbizations.

The best/worst line was something about how these jumpsuits were not to be accessorized because that would moot the point of the uniform's safety intentions.

Really awful writing takes effort.



I did something similar for a payment memo at a university on April Fool's one year, while I was going through college & working in another department. It was during the Monica/Bill scandal era, and I submitted a forged receipt from a pretend professor for Wild Bill's Adult Video. Filled out at the bottom a justification for the $300-plus itemized expense & coded it "research materials". No one said a word about it, but I found out later that everyone thought it was so funny they just kept signing it & passing it on, through the chain of people, all the way to the administration.

nancy sv
10-31-2007, 08:54 PM
Nancy, you were a saint. I would be a widow by now if that were me. :D

It was extra funny because I went camping this weekend with the cubscouts.

Believe me - there were many times on that trip that I figured I would be a widow by day's end!! For some reason - that one just struck me as so funny. As I was climbing that infernal hill out of Death Valley, I composed that story. It's kind of bizarre - but I still think it's hysterical!