Oh, Crap. Now I'm a Teacher?

melaniehoo · Oct 27, 2007

A week or so ago my husband came home and announced I'd be giving private English lessons. Panic ensued, I posted here for advice, and by Monday morning I was ready.

No one showed up.

Last night my husband came home from class and informed me the director of his school handed him a lesson book and said I start teaching class on Monday. Come again? A few weeks ago he told me they were looking for an English teacher but I said I'm not ready to teach a roomful of students, so tell the director thanks anyway. Well, they never had that conversation.

Now I'm a teacher. *bangs head on desk*

At least they gave me a book and I have the weeked to prepare, but it seems strange that I didn't have an interview, I don't know what I'll be paid, I don't know what to wear, oh, and I don't have a work permit. Hahahahahahahaha. What can go wrong?

Side note - I'll be teaching the first-year class in a two-year school. My husband is in the second level, so I can already imagine them asking me to teach his class next. Payback is hell!!

WittyandorIronic · Oct 27, 2007

Well, errrr...Congratulations? I think. lol.

Maryn · Oct 27, 2007

I'm rarely at a loss for words.

This is not one of those times. They can't make you teach if you choose not to, of course, but it sounds like you're allowing yourself to be roped into it.

Okay, so you've got this book, and not one damned thing beyond it, including a contractual obligation. Use the book as a Bible, or a guideline, or a doorstop. It's entirely your call.

What to wear? Teacher clothes. Comfortable, mom-inspired professional will do until you see what others are wearing. No need to look especially attractive or like an executive professional. (Leave the high heels at home.)

I recommend you speak Spanish very little and speak in English in simple present tense whenever possible. Use props. Write on the board. Teach idiom and useful phrases. Play out scenes for making a purchase, ordering a meal, asking directions, finding a restroom, applying for a job, taking your child to a doctor, etc. You can also loosen up the class with creating dialogues for improbable scenes, like a clown showing up at church, or a famous musician coming to your door, then letting the students improvise.

C'mon, this could be lots of fun!'

Maryn, somewhat envious

jannawrites · Oct 27, 2007

Ay carumba!

:scared:

melaniehoo · Oct 28, 2007

I could tell them no, but since my husband is going to the same school I don't want to cause problems for him. And, I would like to teach English and what better way than to jump right in? He's taught me how to kick them out of the classroom if they say mean things in Spanish, ie- things I don't understand but can just tell are disrespectful.

We could also use the money and this could lead to more private lessons. I figure the worst that can happen is they fire me; best case a few kids learn something.

I went through the book yesterday and it's awful! Bad grammar, unrealistic excercises, etc, so I plan to use it only as a jumping off point. Here's an example of Possessive Pronouns:

this is my parrot and that cage is its.

Oy.

Susie · Oct 28, 2007

You go, girl! You'll do g-r-e-a-t!

Maryn · Oct 28, 2007

melaniehoo said:
I went through the book yesterday and it's awful! Bad grammar, unrealistic excercises, etc, so I plan to use it only as a jumping off point. Here's an example of Possessive Pronouns:

this is my parrot and that cage is its.

Oy.

Wow, a gender-free parrot! There's something you don't see every day.

Maryn, not gender-biased where birds are concerned

kikazaru · Oct 28, 2007

I assume you are teaching adults? If so, not to worry, adults are there because they want to learn - unlike teaching kids who are there because their moms make them go. In that instance being provided with a book seems awfully inadequate when what you really need is a whip and a chair.

Kikazaru (to borrow from Maryn for a moment) happy, happy, happy that it's a weekend (and tomorrow is a PD day) and the only kids she has to deal with are her own.

kdnxdr · Oct 28, 2007

How fun! Just be yourself and enjoy.

kid

melaniehoo · Oct 28, 2007

Ugh. I'm feeling more ill as the day goes on. As timing is everything, I also just signed on for a freelancing project this week. I've spent the past four hours working on that and haven't even thought about the class. Other than to whine and moan, of course.

Voyager · Oct 28, 2007

What my cousin learned in English classes in Mexico:

Grabadora=Graberator :Wha:

dedos de pie = foot fingers

If they piss you off, give them 5 pages of verbs to conjugate. They'll never try you again.

shakeysix · Oct 28, 2007

teaching

you must have pissed someone off karmically speaking. the worst pupils make the best teachers you know. so first of all remember anything a teacher ever did that put you off. oh--and when you write on the board don't speak until you are facing the class. when i taught english to recent arrivals this was my most most common crit. -- s6 ps--this was my favorite all time job. had to quit to teach in public school full time after my husband died. you are going to hear some great stories too.

kalel32 · Oct 28, 2007

No work permit huh? Jail in Mexico is not a good thing.

Christine N. · Oct 28, 2007

Good luck!

Just go watch "Stripes" and that'll tell you everything you need to know about teaching ESL. (a doo run run run , a doo run run)

Or "Good Morning Vietnam".

KTC · Oct 28, 2007

Just teach them this phrase.

Bring me a coffee.

(And make sure they know what it means...because when I ask for a coffee I expect it to arrive post haste.)

Oh, and you're welcome.

melaniehoo · Oct 28, 2007

You guys are making me feel a little better. My husband's going to help my figure out the first lesson plan while we watch the baseball game. In a bar. Maybe we can host an impromptu lesson there!

*bangs head on desk*

kalel32 · Oct 28, 2007

mucha cervesas por favor

Christine N. · Oct 28, 2007

Mas tequila!

sassandgroove · Oct 28, 2007

Good luck.

Maryn · Oct 28, 2007

Lesson One.

"Two teams play in the baseball World Series. (Show logos of Sox and Rockies.) The Boston Red Sox have won many games. The Colorado Rockies are also a good team.

"David Ortiz plays baseball for the Red Sox. He was born in the Dominican Republic. Ortiz is a big man and a powerful batter. Also a powerful batter for the Red Sox is Manny Ramirez. He was born in the Dominican Republic, too.

"Two young players born in the United States are also very good. Dustin Pedroia is from California and played baseball at Arizona State University in Phoenix. Jacoby Ellersby is also good. He is part Navajo and is a very fast base runner."

You can go on and on, and because a lot of this is proper names, cities, teams, people will comprehend a bunch of it.

Maryn, who just missed the first pitch

Voyager · Oct 28, 2007

Maryn said:
Lesson One.

"Two teams play in the baseball World Series. (Show logos of Sox and Rockies.) The Boston Red Sox have won many games. The Colorado Rockies are also a good team.

"David Ortiz plays baseball for the Red Sox. He was born in the Dominican Republic. Ortiz is a big man and a powerful batter. Also a powerful batter for the Red Sox is Manny Ramirez. He was born in the Dominican Republic, too.

"Two young players born in the United States are also very good. Dustin Pedroia is from California and played baseball at Arizona State University in Phoenix. Jacoby Ellersby is also good. He is part Navajo and is a very fast base runner."

You can go on and on, and because a lot of this is proper names, cities, teams, people will comprehend a bunch of it.

Maryn, who just missed the first pitch

Moral of the story. 1. Defect to the Dominican Republic and become a famous and very well paid baseball pro. 2. Pay someone else to speak English for you.

kalel32 · Oct 28, 2007

Show the movie "Delta Farce" and tell them this is what happens in small villages when americans show up.

kalel32 · Oct 28, 2007

Or let them watch "Porkys" and tell them this is how school works in America.

shakeysix · Oct 28, 2007

carcel

my brother-in-law was in a mexican jail one summer. he said one day they feed you and the next you get to take a dump. but do not sweat it m-hoo. i am sure that slipping someone a bill will get you your work papers.--s6

KTC · Oct 28, 2007

Teach them French. I dare you. Or do something like hold up a book and say, "Toast. Toast." Hold up a chair and say, "Grass. Grass." Hold up a pencil and say, "Television."

Well, you get the idea.

Oh, Crap. Now I'm a Teacher?

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