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DaveKuzminski
02-18-2005, 05:35 PM
upon grabbing a food product off the shelf at the grocery store to check the ingredients and cookin instructions, you wonder why there's no Submission Guidelines listed. ;)

MacAllister
02-18-2005, 05:41 PM
you actually stop your car, to earnestly inform the kid changing the letters on one of those reader-board signs that he's used the wrong form of "your"...

Poppy
02-18-2005, 06:29 PM
you have copies of Webster's Dictionary and Roget's Thesaurus in every room of your home and in each vehicle you own.

By the way, these are also funny (to me): http://com1.runboard.com/bthescribesmessageboard.fjokejunction.t14 A few remind me of our own fishy character Frank. :)

JennaGlatzer
02-18-2005, 06:52 PM
when selecting a potential mate, you don't choose based on looks, sense of humor, or kindness, but on who says the most quotable dialogue for your next story.

John Ravenscroft
02-18-2005, 07:33 PM
... you fill your fountain-pen by plugging it into a vein.

maestrowork
02-18-2005, 09:14 PM
Your favorite soup is alphabet soup.

You write your checks in prose...

Everything you do has an epilogue...

CaoPaux
02-18-2005, 10:43 PM
Since I seem to lack any original thought this morning:
http://fmwriters.com/Visionback/Issue%202/from.htm

sthrnwriter
02-19-2005, 01:01 AM
hmmm lets see what I can come up with..

You may be a writer if....your procrastinating on a writer's forum instead of actually writing. :D

Inspired
02-19-2005, 01:05 AM
Then I am DEFINITELY a writer!

aka eraser
02-19-2005, 01:06 AM
if everything that happens to you, or to anyone you talk with, or to anybody you hear or read or think or dream about, isn't an experience - it's material.

ChunkyC
02-19-2005, 01:25 AM
...you own over a dozen dictionaries and consider them "family heirlooms."

*cough*

Poppy
02-19-2005, 01:37 AM
you interrupt conversations and activities with loved ones (and even strangers) so you can 'write that down.' This includes certain intimate *ahem* moments as well.

Was that too much information? :)

maestrowork
02-19-2005, 01:45 AM
You bring a cell phone w/ earpiece with you... just in case you have to engage in some heated conversation with your "characters." So that people will think you're on the phone, and not just crazy....

LisaHa
02-19-2005, 01:46 AM
..your handbag is the size of a small country and contains notebooks, pieces of paper with scribbled story ideas and useful websites on, newspaper and magazine articles stolen from friends and family (and the occasional doctor's waiting room...sorry!), and even small reference books, but there's no room for the essentials like a purse and comb.

L x
(thinking she'd better have a handbag clear-out this weekend):crazy:

maestrowork
02-19-2005, 01:52 AM
The coffeeshop staff knows you by name: Here comes Ray, the guy who orders a small cup of tea and sits at the largest table for hours... yup, that's him.

Kate StAmour
02-19-2005, 02:20 AM
...you mutter, "What if," and , "Wouldn't it be better if..." in your sleep.

lucyishome
02-19-2005, 02:55 AM
Your mind goes crazy with an idea for a book as soon as you lay your head down to go to sleep each and every night of the week.


Anne

arrowqueen
02-19-2005, 02:56 AM
You peer in other people's windows and follow folk around so you can hear the end of their conversations...

arrowqueen
02-19-2005, 02:57 AM
On the other hand, that also qualifies you as a stalker!

MacAllister
02-19-2005, 03:02 AM
You find yourself acquiring odd and esoteric skills, just so you can make your characters more convincing...(this is how I learned to shoe horses.)

maestrowork
02-19-2005, 03:16 AM
You think about killing people all the time (and the best way to kill them).

ChunkyC
02-19-2005, 03:23 AM
...you can't leave work at the end of the day until you've "tied up all the loose ends."

...you think you should get a royalty from the bank every time you write a check.

rhymegirl
02-19-2005, 03:31 AM
1.You have a complete library in your bathroom.


2.Every account of what happened during your day starts with the words, "The story I'm about to tell you..." and ends with "and they lived happily ever after."

3.You have more books than money.

BradyH1861
02-19-2005, 03:36 AM
I wish I had something witty to add to this thread, but I don't.


Brady H.

Puddle Jumper
02-19-2005, 09:10 PM
Whenever you're not writing and not doing something you "have" to do, you keep thinking, "I really should be writing."

You fall asleep at your computer or writing desk.


You bring a cell phone w/ earpiece with you... just in case you have to engage in some heated conversation with your "characters." So that people will think you're on the phone, and not just crazy....
I really like that idea!

Betty W01
02-20-2005, 08:32 AM
you actually write stuff.

Otherwise, you may be a "wanna-be".

Or as Uncle Jimmy so pithily said once:



You don't become a writer by talking about being a writer, or by thinking about being a writer. You become a writer by sitting down and writing something. - James D. Macdonald

sthrnwriter
02-20-2005, 11:09 AM
Lets see if I can come up with another one.

You may be a writer if you promote your self-published book on ebay.

ok that one may be lame..I don't know :Shrug:

reph
02-20-2005, 12:33 PM
. . . your grocery list is in complete sentences.

sthrnwriter
02-20-2005, 12:53 PM
. . . your grocery list is in complete sentences.

oh i like that one.

Inspired
02-20-2005, 04:13 PM
. . . your grocery list is in complete sentences.

No, then I think you're an English teacher!

Inspired
02-20-2005, 04:14 PM
. . . you edit the "writings" in the public bathroom stalls.

awatkins
02-20-2005, 06:05 PM
You write in your sleep all night long. When you wake up, you discover that you've come up with the perfect lead for your article. No kidding, happens to me all the time.

I also write whole chunks of articles in my sleep, especially when I'm on a tight deadline that's giving me panic attacks. A lot of what I come up with is useable.

Oh, yeah, and once I woke up with a whole short story ready to write. Sent it out and sold that puppy. Cha-ching!

Of course, most of what I dream has nothing whatsoever to do with writing. And I always dream in color. Okay, leaving now....

ChunkyC
02-20-2005, 06:28 PM
. . . you edit the "writings" in the public bathroom stalls.
http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/Emoterofl5.gif I have so been tempted! "My god, man, if you must deface the stall, at least use the proper expletive!"

Poppy
02-20-2005, 11:09 PM
Anne, you covered another one I was going to add. Sleepwriting. I do it too.

Here's one (probably a bad one)

you have a pet name for your typewriter/computer and you carry on a conversation with it.

Betty W01
02-20-2005, 11:33 PM
Does "You *$%^&* piece of &%$&!!" count as a pet name? :Hammer:

Poppy
02-20-2005, 11:34 PM
Yes, Betty, that counts. I call my husband by that name all the time. ;)

maestrowork
02-20-2005, 11:36 PM
Betty swears! :faint:



You may be a writer if...

you have a pocket full of tissue paper scribbled with notes... but you can't read the handwriting anymore.

Poppy
02-20-2005, 11:40 PM
you think writers should have Workers' Compensation, and injuries like paper cuts should be covered.

paprikapink
02-20-2005, 11:41 PM
...you still want to be Harriet the Spy.

(My 10-yr-old daughter is reading Harriet aloud to me for our bedtime story. I read it when I was 10 too. Such a great book.)

-pkpk

Zoe King
02-20-2005, 11:44 PM
You find yourself creating conversations at 3.00am between the two finger-puppet shadows you've projected onto your bedroom wall. One is a duck, and one is a dog. You've even given them names.

I know. Sad, ain't it.

Betty W01
02-20-2005, 11:44 PM
Computers could make a saint swear, Ray. Repeatedly. Loudly.

:Hammer:


Right before throwing the $%^& piece of #$%^ out the window...

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/3/3_4_12.gif


:thankyou: You know you've all wanted to do the same thing at least one time...

MacAllister
02-21-2005, 01:19 AM
You find yourself creating conversations at 3.00am between the two finger-puppet shadows you've projected onto your bedroom wall. One is a duck, and one is a dog. You've even given them names. :ROFL:

awatkins
02-21-2005, 01:49 AM
Betty uses the same name for her computer that I do! My poor husband knows to just quietly leave the room when the computer decides to do whatever the &%@! it pleases because I, very mild mannered person that I normally am, lose it!!!! AAagggghhh!!! :Hammer:

arrowqueen
02-21-2005, 02:26 AM
When somebody annoys you, you get your revenge by writing them into a story and killing them off. Slowly. Painfully. Enjoyably.

reph
02-21-2005, 02:51 AM
. . . your bumper sticker says "What Would Tolkien Do?"

Poppy
02-21-2005, 03:17 AM
. . . your bumper sticker says "What Would Tolkien Do?"
:roll:

Unless you're an "Absolute Writer," then your bumper sticker would say...


WWJD

What Would Jenna Do?



:):) :)

mistri
02-21-2005, 04:39 AM
You may be a writer if you look forward to the post each morning with a mixture of hopeful expectation and dread...

biotales
02-21-2005, 05:22 AM
This is my computer getting @!#$%^%^^%$#@#$%^%^&&***^&^%$$#@#@@!@#$#$%^%^&&^%$$^&*(* ,_*&^%$$###@@@!@#$% (_*&^%$$###@@@!@#$%)
out of it

:tongue :Soapbox: :box: :Hammer: :Hammer: :Hammer: :Hammer: :Hammer: :Hammer: :Hammer: :guns: :guns:

This is me after the computer gets.....$#$%^%^&^$#@#$%^^&&^$%$#@#@#$#$$%^^&&&*&^%%$$#$#@##$%^&*&**&^^%$% out of it....
:snoopy:


:hooray: :hooray: :hooray: :hooray: :hooray:

Betty W01
02-21-2005, 05:54 AM
And the winner for most smileys gratuitously used in a single post is....

<wait for it>

Biotales!! :Trophy:

Bio, come on down and take a bow. If you can make your way past all the smileys cluttering up the place.

:thankyou:

[she seems to have made it OK...]

black winged fighter
02-21-2005, 06:32 AM
...there are notepads and old pencils on your bedside table.

...you can't sleep without either writing, reading, or thinking about those two.

...you hear strange words and scramble to write them down.

...you can actually contribute to this thread.

Renee
02-21-2005, 07:14 AM
upon grabbing a food product off the shelf at the grocery store to check the ingredients and cookin instructions, you wonder why there's no Submission Guidelines listed. ;)

I have been writing for a few hours, and can't seem to come up with anything original to add, however, Dave, that's a good one!

:roll:

ritinrider
02-21-2005, 08:50 AM
you might be a writer if everytime you go in the store you buy another notebook, and/or pen, just in case you need it. Not the most original, but honestly, I have more notebooks with one or two pages written in them than I can count. Of course I can't count very high.


Nita

AgentJade
02-21-2005, 08:50 AM
You might be a writer if....

...you work your summer job at the country club, and when you set up the table-cards for a wedding you can't stand the fact that the organizer inadvertedly made half the words adjectives (joyful, caring) and half of them nouns (happiness, fidelity, etc.).

Or maybe that just makes me OCD, not sure which. ;)

msQTpi
02-21-2005, 09:49 AM
You may be a writer if...


You consider writers block to be a medical condition...and think it should be covered by your HMO..and renters insurance

biotales
02-21-2005, 04:00 PM
thanks everyone for the award... but putters just make me do it.... I want my old underwood back....
Biotales




And the winner for most smileys gratuitously used in a single post is....

<wait for it>

Biotales!! :Trophy:

Bio, come on down and take a bow. If you can make your way past all the smileys cluttering up the place.

:thankyou:

[she seems to have made it OK...]

WordSoup
02-21-2005, 04:57 PM
It's a sad day in a writer's life when you have to sacrifice a pen (even if it was only a "clicky" pen for work) while prying open a window screen because you've locked yourself out of the house. :cry:

underthecity
02-21-2005, 05:08 PM
You find yourself absorbed by movies whose main character is a writer, and the plot of the movie takes a backseat to all the details you're watching for regarding the writer's life and methodology. Movies like Duplex, Secret Window, Funny Farm, etc.

underthecity

Moondancer
02-21-2005, 05:42 PM
write long posts because it's good practice

rich
02-21-2005, 05:52 PM
On saturday, 10 AM, you open your mailbox then toss the junk mail and bills on the dining room table. At noon, you check your mailbox, forgetting that you already did that. At two you leave the house to shop but you first run your hand over all interior sides of your dark mail box.

On Sunday, you check your mail box, just in case.

On Monday you start checking your email accounts before your first cup of coffee--even though your home page reads 0 mail. At 10 AM you start the mailbox ritual again.

Inspired
02-21-2005, 06:01 PM
Hey, Rich,

If you're in the U.S., today's a holiday, too. So, there will be no visit from the writing fairy today. But, keep checking.

rich
02-21-2005, 06:13 PM
Damn Presidents. What we need is a good dictator. He'd have them postal workers in on holidays.

paprikapink
02-21-2005, 07:24 PM
Or maybe that just makes me OCD, not sure which. ;)

I think there's a lotta overlap here.

-pkpk

Poppy
02-21-2005, 08:11 PM
you justify websurfing as "research" (and in some cases, it is, no, it really is, honest).

Lisa Y
02-22-2005, 04:30 PM
When someone pisses you off in real life, you think, "hmmm, he/she would make a great murder victim in my next book." (I write mysteries)

Spookster
02-22-2005, 05:09 PM
You might be a writer if...

Your favorite present is not the diamond ring, but the journal with matching bookmark you recieved.

rhymegirl
02-24-2005, 07:33 PM
You constantly post on message boards and choose this for a title to go under your Username: GONE A LITTLE POST-AL!

or maybe POSTMASTER GENERAL

OR POSTMISTRESS GENERAL

or SUFFERS FROM POST-"DRAMATIC" STRESS

jdkiggins
02-24-2005, 08:17 PM
You might be a writer if...your own family doesn't recognize you because you've taken on the characteristics of your characters.

Joanne

Poppy
02-24-2005, 11:56 PM
you check 3 different message boards at least 5 times a day to see if any new markets (or updates) have been announced.

E.G. Gammon
02-26-2005, 04:20 PM
You might be a writer if...

...you talk to yourself more than you talk to other people.

...you wake up with spiral marks on your face from the notebook you slept with last night.

...you run from the shower, butt naked, almost tripping, to make it to your notebook/computer so that you can write down what you were thinking in the shower.

...you see the clock says 8:00 and you have to look out the window, to see if that's A.M. or P.M.

...you constantly have to remind people that "Those aren't coasters, they're notepads" when they try and find a place to set their drink (eventually giving up, when noticing there's a notepad on every table in the house).

...you create a synopsis to tell people, so that if they ask, you can keep the real synopsis a secret.

...you have a panic attack when your shredder breaks down, and you have to soak your old pieces of paper (with references to your writing on them), in water, so that the ink will smear, then wait for the paper to dry before you pick up a pair of scissors and cut it into 867 little pieces, putting half of them in this week's trash bag and the other half aside, for next week's.

...you make corrections on letters you receive in the mail from relatives that live far away.

...your shopping list always has the 4 "p"s: pens, pencils, paper, and printer ink.

...you are dead tired from staying up 26 hours, that you just throw your laundry in the machine and you find 2 balls of paper and a pen in the lint rack.

...your comfortable desk chair costs more than your rent.

...you know so much about pens and notebooks, that you could work at office max (too bad we don't, because the people that work there that KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, always seem to be the ones I get stuck on the phone with).

...you keep a spare pen that you use to write your name on the pen that someone borrows, so that they won't forget it's yours.

...you still have the grammar textbook you stole from your high school days.

...people think you are having a baby, when they see a copy of "Baby Names" sitting on your desk.

...people you run into from high school think you have amnesia, because you told them you did, to get their natural reaction so you can write about it in your WIP (did it, plus it'll help you out if you really can't remember who the person is).

...you write so fast and sloppy that you confuse your own identity with the doctor from your novel.

...you have a notebook filled with your signature, where you were practicing for when people ask for your autograph when you become famous.

...you're a 19 year-old teenaged boy with more word documents on your computer than porn.


I'll think of more later.

Cabria
02-26-2005, 06:24 PM
.....you get more excited about going to "Chapters" than you do about "Payless Shoes"!

......you were the only kid on your street who would get excited about Santa leaving books in your stocking!

.....when anyone asks,"Does someone have a pen?", you are always the trusty provider.

.....you actually enjoy filling out customs forms on airplanes!

.....you go to a restaurant and can't refrain from telling the hostess that there is a spelling error on the menu!

DeadlyAccurate
03-01-2005, 08:24 PM
...You have to be reminded that not everyone genuinely wants to hear the truth when they hear, "Tell me what you think," when, after finding out you're a writer, asks you to read their work. I had to learn the hard way that when Grandmother (as a hypothetical example) asks you to read the short story she wrote and got published in the local small-town newspaper, she doesn't want you to line edit it.

...You thank someone for correcting your spelling, grammar, or punctuation.

...You look up how to pronounce words, just because you're curious. I just looked up "disingenuous" a little while ago, because although I knew how to use it, I wasn't certain how to pronounce it.

...Your D&D players make fun of you for using words like valise, shift (the article of clothing), and rasher (of bacon), and expect everyone to know what they mean.

SRHowen
03-01-2005, 10:30 PM
. . . . your hands are numb from so much typing and the docs tell you to give them a rest, but you don't, even though it will result in yet another painfull surgery.

reph
03-01-2005, 11:11 PM
...the optometrist tells you to read the eye chart and instead you critique it.

paprikapink
03-01-2005, 11:22 PM
:roll:

-pkpk

jdkiggins
03-02-2005, 12:24 AM
:Clap: :roll: reph.


That was funny!

Joanne

WVWriterGirl
03-02-2005, 07:30 AM
1. You didn't choose your mate because of any social reasons, but because of the books s/he's read/genre they like best/size of their library. (Playing on Jenna's post above)

2. You empty your pockets when you come home from work and find more scraps of paper with story and/or scene ideas or interesting websites/subjects to look up than money.

3. You've ever given dictionaries and/or thesauri (is that the correct plural?) as Christmas/birthday gifts.

4. At your day job, everyone asks you to write any letter and/or memo because they all know "you're the writer" because of aforementioned scribbled pieces of paper and the WIP/short story you bring to work with you to edit on your lunch hour.

WVWG

:Thumbs:

arrowqueen
03-03-2005, 03:01 AM
You have 20 reams of paper and 1,500 envelopes in your wardrobe.

SRHowen
03-03-2005, 07:16 AM
1. You didn't choose your mate because of any social reasons, but because of the books s/he's read/genre they like best/size of their library. (Playing on Jenna's post above)

You mean there are other ways of finding a mate? Who knew.:faint: :scared: :Jaw:

Shawn

WVWriterGirl
03-03-2005, 07:25 AM
No joke - I met my husband while I was in a comic book shop when I was supposed to be in college. I was the only girl (besides the ower's mother) in the shop with six other men - believe me, he was the only one who caught my eye.

WVWG

oswann
03-03-2005, 04:11 PM
...you try to remember the things your spouse is saying when having an argument because they sound so real, instead of arguing back.

Os.

Betty W01
03-03-2005, 04:27 PM
...the best gift you got for Christmas was an unabridged Webster's dictionary.

... you pull out a notebook and start taking notes during a jewelry-making class - not about how to follow the directions the teacher is giving, but about things like "Venetian glass - what??", "Carpal Tunnel & making jewelry", "Are fire-polished beads actually put into flame?", and "why do they call them lampwork beads?"

... your favorite shooping is done in bookstores, office supplies, and stationery shops. (OK, and shoe stores. I mean, I don't write all the time.)

...you love a research challenge. (Well, you might be a librarian for this one, but I'm both, so it's hard to separate the two!)

BlueTexas
03-03-2005, 06:28 PM
...you feel as if you've accomplished something when you write a pen out of ink.

And yeah, I have the stolen grammar book from school, and the reams of paper in the closet.

arrowqueen
03-04-2005, 03:11 AM
...and worst of all: Great Aunt Agatha has just been run over by a combine harvester - but underneath the grief and horror, there's a cold little gremlin taking notes for future reference.

aq

Kate StAmour
03-04-2005, 06:26 AM
...You analyze the daily special board at Starbucks for grammatical accuracy.

JanaLanier
03-04-2005, 09:38 PM
You always have a doggie treat in one pocket and an empty poop bag in the other.







Oh, sorry, did I wander into the wrong thread?

VA Buckeye
03-07-2005, 07:44 AM
...you have composed the perfect beginning/chapter/ending in the shower, then blanked out as soon as you sat down in front of the computer.

arrowqueen
03-08-2005, 03:03 AM
Even on a girls' night out, you have a notebook and pen in your handbag. (Mind you, you can't read your writing in the morning!)

Dawno
03-08-2005, 06:47 AM
You may be a writer if at your day job your boss asks you to stop using semi-colons in your email as it either intimidates or confuses the other employees.


uh, does anyone else cut and paste their posts into Word so they get a spell check before hitting 'submit reply'? :o

aka eraser
03-08-2005, 09:21 AM
No Dawno. You're the only one.

;)

allion
03-08-2005, 10:03 PM
uh, does anyone else cut and paste their posts into Word so they get a spell check before hitting 'submit reply'? :o

No, but I do use dictionary.com a lot just to check any of the outright misspelt things I come up with...like "misspelt," which looks wrong even though it's correct.

Karen

Dawno
03-09-2005, 01:15 AM
No Dawno. You're the only one.

;)

I always knew I was special.

Maryn
03-09-2005, 03:33 AM
You may be a writer...

If your computer has a ten-page document of really cool words you intend to use sometime soon, and often--and you still collect new ones.

TemlynWriting
03-09-2005, 07:50 PM
You may be a writer...

If your computer has a ten-page document of really cool words you intend to use sometime soon, and often--and you still collect new ones.

I have a notebook for that, so I can write the words wherever I am. Maybe if I can get a nice PDA one of these days, I'll do it on there, and then transfer it to my PC. ;)

alanna
03-10-2005, 03:48 AM
...friends and family all give you myriad notebooks each gift-giving holiday, and you use them all. even the Yu-Gi-Oh one your six-year-old brother gave you. you want more...

...you ask for recycled computer paper for your birthday so that you don't feel so guilty about all those reprints...

...people take you seriously when you ask...

Kida Adelyne
03-10-2005, 05:15 AM
...Your D&D players make fun of you for using words like valise, shift (the article of clothing), and rasher (of bacon), and expect everyone to know what they mean.

So true. I never get it when people ask me to explain words like 'petticoat' or 'haste' Don't they ever read?


You might be a writer if...

...You have a book in your purse, several in your backpack (for people still in school), at least one on every available surface, beside your reading chairs, on your bed, and many other places.

...they are all current reading books

...and you still need to go to the library to pick up another couple of books you want to read.

...you've corrected spelling mistakes in novels you own

Kate StAmour
03-10-2005, 05:19 AM
Even on a girls' night out, you have a notebook and pen in your handbag. (Mind you, you can't read your writing in the morning!)

Friends are material.

alanna
03-12-2005, 06:48 AM
...when you have a really really really bad day and you've been bawling your eyes out, you stop after only three minutes and think- I can use this energy to write my novel with!

Inspired
03-12-2005, 10:22 PM
Yes! I recently lost a friend and went through deep grief. As I was feeling out of control and crying all the time, I thought
"How would I write this?"
"This is perfect for when Grandpa dies in my MG novel! Awesome timing!"
"How do my eyes look when I cry? How does my face look? How would I write that sound I just made?"
"What are my thoughts? What triggers my crying?"


I do not share these thoughts with others. They wouldn't understand.

allion
03-13-2005, 05:35 AM
You may be a writer if you have to teach your coworkers what "insipid" means.

(Honest)

I'm thinking of turning it into a lunchtime seminar series. Word of the day, or something like that.

Oh, you may be a writer if you just had to buy the magnetic poetry set that was less than half price because you need more words for the frig...

Karen

mistri
03-13-2005, 05:39 AM
You may be a writer if you see nothing wrong with falling asleep at your keyboard... (it's oh-so tempting, right now)



(sorry if this one's been done, but I'm so tired that I'm about to fall asleep on my keyboard, hence I haven't gone back to reread the whole thread)

SRHowen
03-13-2005, 06:49 AM
You may be a writer if you have to teach your coworkers what "insipid" means.

(Honest)

I'm thinking of turning it into a lunchtime seminar series. Word of the day, or something like that.

Oh, you may be a writer if you just had to buy the magnetic poetry set that was less than half price because you need more words for the frig...

Karen

I thought I was the only one who had words all over my fridge--what's even funnier, everyone in my family makes sentences out of them.

Shawn

aspier
03-15-2005, 12:27 AM
My g force! DaveKuminski you are the absolute winner in here. Hitting over a thousand views on a thread! Congratulations!

as

Vipersniper
03-15-2005, 07:29 AM
:banana: You ask your other personalities to sign a copy of your book.
You edit the letters coming in.
You ask the mailman to please give you the submissions forms first.
I like the one where the guy says you think of creative ways to kill your neighbor or some other jackass.
You would rather post than eat.
You interview fish for Field and Stream while fishing.:Hammer: You explain to the television repairman that he did not put in clips for his itemized statement.
Your friends are lined up to be the next action hero in your new novel.
Your other personalities are filing for the copyrights under an assumed name.
Your preacher askes you if the sermon he wrote sound good or is it what you would write that he preached in the book that you are writing.

arrowqueen
03-16-2005, 03:04 AM
You go round with a can of red spray-paint, correcting misspelt graffiti.

JoeEkaitis
03-16-2005, 03:13 AM
. . . the word "definately" makes you wonder if the world would be a much better place without the Internet and instant messaging.

arrowqueen
03-19-2005, 05:40 AM
You arrive someplace with absolutely no recollection of driving there because you've been so busy plotting/scene-planning/poetry-writing/dialogue-creating, inside your head.

sgtsdaughter
03-19-2005, 05:54 AM
with everything you see and do you try to figure out how to put it into words . . .

jdkiggins
03-19-2005, 07:25 AM
You might be a writer if…

-- U right a good story bye knot mispelling words, axe a lot a questions, make shore you used all the verbs; adjective: noons, in awl the right tense, and have good gramer an,d punciation ! and than git you mama too cheek it fore mistakes B4 ya male it to an publisher. :roll:


Sorry, everyone, I couldn’t resist. This has been a very bad week for me and I think I just went overboard with my humor. Oh well, fire my butt

The funniest thing about the paragraph I just posted is that MS Word grammar and spell check only underlined eight words. Sure proves you should proofread.

P.S. I did write this with all the mistakes for a purpose.

Joanne

Alphabeter
03-19-2005, 01:35 PM
even when you're not wandering around in three-day-worn clothes, muttering to yourself and making scratchings on notecards...people can still "tell" you're a writer.

your permanent introduction is "you'll have to excuse her, she's a writer".

your food deliveries go down but your liquor deliveries go up near deadlines.

your pets have trained themselves to find their own food and toilet accomodations when you start waving blue pencils around.

your favorite character is a clone of Nora Roberts' husband-and you don't read romance.

even the substitute postal carrier doesn't blink when delivering mail for six different names--to a one-room house.

the Mormons avoid your house because you ask too many questions. (True story)

you go into adult emporiums to look at 'reference material' and are believed.

you have more bookcases than shoes.

you have more dictionaries than dresses (or suits/formal attire).

the humidifiers in your house are for the books not the occupying mammals.

Fictionalizer
03-21-2005, 06:34 AM
You keep at least three reams of paper stocked in your cupboard at all times.

You think you need to buy more paper when you're down to four reams.

You have three computers: a laptop for writing, a super computer for design and an all-in-one for writing research.

Your laptop has a separate desk with a special laptop holder gadget and its own light. And you buy a bedside laptop holder in case the creative moment strikes while you are asleep.

When your spouse is away, you sleep with the laptop next to you on their pillow. :Ssh:

You buy an expensive laptop tote to take your laptop everywhere you go like it's an extension of your body.

Betty W01
03-21-2005, 07:32 AM
the combination highlighter/post-it flag pen a conference presenter showed you was greeted with a noise normal women make when seeing a full dessert cart, and you made a special trip to Staples on the way home to see if they carried them and how much one costs (although you didn't have any money to buy one - and knew it.)

If you know how to spell sounds that normal people only use out loud... ooooh, ah-haa, whew, argh, bwahahahaha for example. (OK, you might just be a forum post-er...)

you can take seven pages of notes in a 45 minute presentation, half of which are possible market ideas, questions you need to ask the presenter later, lines for your WIP sparked by something the presenter said, and great quotes.

Kate StAmour
03-21-2005, 07:34 AM
the combination highlighter/post-it flag pen a conference presenter showed you was greeted with a noise normal women make when seeing a full dessert cart, and you made a special trip to Staples on the way home to see if they carried them and how much one costs (although you didn't have any money to buy one - and knew it.)



*Waves hand like a mad woman*
Where can I get one of these?!

dahmnait
01-30-2006, 02:19 AM
uh, does anyone else cut and paste their posts into Word so they get a spell check before hitting 'submit reply'? :o
I thought I was the only one. :o

you identify with at least 95% of what is written here.

you label the inside of your dictionaries, just in case you lose one.

you consider the Oxford Essential Guide to Writing a good read.

you contemplate taping conversations so you can recall them later.

you refuse to put the boxes of old writing in storage because 1) they may get damaged and; 2) you may be able to use one of those old ideas.

you need the storage unit because of the boxes of paper.



Some threads just scream to be resurrected. ;)

WVWriterGirl
01-30-2006, 02:59 AM
When you move, you make three copies of your WIP so that you can have one, your husband can have one and your father-in-law (who is helping you move) can have one...just in case the one who is carrying IT has a fiery crash and the WIP is lost or damaged...with no thought to the human actually carrying the WIP.

dahmnait
02-02-2006, 03:32 PM
you think Jenna's books make a great Valentine's present.
(It was just hinted that I would be getting the two I want, and I really do think he is the most thoughtful person. He just better give them to me early. ;))

KimJo
02-03-2006, 05:27 AM
...your children are as likely to talk to your characters as to you.

endless rewrite
02-03-2006, 06:07 AM
At a social gathering a nurse asks if you have been diagnosed with epilepsy after snapping back from a zone out to your WIP world.

robeiae
02-03-2006, 06:14 AM
...you see a stop sign and think to yourself: I could say that better.

Rob :)

William Haskins
02-03-2006, 06:19 AM
you carry a can of spraypaint around for graffiti revision.

TheIT
02-03-2006, 06:24 AM
... someone asks you what was the last good book you read and you answer, "The dictionary".

... you set up a bed for your cats next to the computer in a vain attempt to keep them off your keyboard while you're typing.

... you can hold an entire conversation about font sizes and margins (or is that an argument?)

... misspellings in advertising and menus make you itch to find a red pencil and correct every copy.

blisswriter
02-08-2006, 10:37 AM
Oh my goodness! These are so funny!

I've missed y'all so much. http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/EmoteHug2.gif I'm trying to be a good writer though and actually work on my WIPs. http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gif (Unlike Ray, I can't do that and hang out here every day. http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/tongue.gif)

dlcharles
02-08-2006, 09:23 PM
...you think you should get a royalty from the bank every time you write a check.[/QUOTE]

That is a Classic worth framing!

dlcharles
02-08-2006, 09:26 PM
If you have a charge account at the US Post Office for your manuscripts postage.

TheIT
02-08-2006, 11:17 PM
... you hope for red lights while you're driving so you'll have time to scribble down ideas in your notebook before you forget.

Nexusman
02-25-2006, 04:32 AM
...you look at complete strangers and wonder "is that so-and-so from my book?"
...you've ever missed a meal because you were writing something.
...you've ever missed a meal because you were writing something and didn't even realize it.
...you've ever scribbled down an idea while shifting gears for a lane change.

-Nick

Elincoln
02-25-2006, 06:00 AM
-You actually take a red pen to the sentiments in cards people have given you.

-You actually named you daughter after one of your characters (though you changed the spelling so you husband wouldn't get upset about it).

-You will ask to be excused from whatever activity (class, meeting, competition, workout) just so you can run back to your bags and jot down some story line or idea into the every present notebook that you carry around. (true story. My teacher wasn't happy)

-You actually jot down notes of people's facial expressions while you people watch.

-You HATE the idea of a book being thrown out.

-There are never enough wall space for bookshelves in your house. (Or you build walls just to make shelves.)