Looking for help on another opening

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TrishD

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After I posted the opening to my second book in SYW, I started overthinking the beginning of my first book--the one I'm going to be subbing to agents ASAP. I think the beginning of my second story really sparkles, which made me worry that the first is somehow lacking. Perhaps it's because the MCs are very different people or perhaps it's because it IS somehow lacking... anyway... I'd appreciate some feedback one way or the other: http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=79272

~Trish
 

Chicken Warrior

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I can't comment on how this compares to the other, but it's absolutely an easy read. The first paragraph is intruiging and the writing is well balanced. I'd say go with it :)
 

Bufty

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I just read all the way through it - without stopping - and it seems just dandy to me.
 

Mandy

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This was very interesting! I liked it because it reminded me of GOSSIP GIRL--but, if GG has one fault, it's that none of the characters seems to have a redeeming quality and little or no parental interaction. This has both--it seems like she'll be going on a journey of self discovery so we can see a character arc and she does seem to rely on her parents somewhat. Or, at least, she has to listen to them.

Anyway, I think this will really pick up readers who like the obscenely rich and spoiled aspect of GG but also want something with a little more substance. There is definitely a market for this sort of thing!

Anything I'd change has already been mentioned in the other thread, so I really have nothing but compliments for you.
 

TrishD

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This was very interesting! I liked it because it reminded me of GOSSIP GIRL--but, if GG has one fault, it's that none of the characters seems to have a redeeming quality and little or no parental interaction. This has both--it seems like she'll be going on a journey of self discovery so we can see a character arc and she does seem to rely on her parents somewhat. Or, at least, she has to listen to them.

Anyway, I think this will really pick up readers who like the obscenely rich and spoiled aspect of GG but also want something with a little more substance. There is definitely a market for this sort of thing!

Anything I'd change has already been mentioned in the other thread, so I really have nothing but compliments for you.

Thank you! The Gossip Girl and The Clique series were exactly why I wrote this book.
 
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