THE PA CYCLE OF EMOTIONS

Arkie

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DEJECTION: My career is in the toilet. I've got something to say, and I can't write a lick. I'll never get published without paying through the nose. I feel like sticking my head in the oven.

HOPE: What's that Publish America thing? They publish you for free and give you two free books. Can that be true? What have I got to lose, I'm not going anywhere anyway.

SURPRISE: They selected me and here I thought I was a loser. I didn't know my book was that good. I wrote it in two weeks and didn't even proof it. I'm better at this game than I thought. Send that contract. Let's get it on.

ELATION: That contract had me worried. What a piece of cake, an eighth grader could read it. No pitfalls there. And they're putting my little book in all the bookstores from sea to shining sea. Can you believe it? Let's get this sucker in the mail. Where's the Post Office.

DISAPPOINTMENT: When oh when am I going to get the proofs? Are they ever going to get here? Let's see, I have 48 hours to review them or is that 48 days. It doesn't matter. I'm turning that sucker around. Can't wait to see the cover.

RELIEF: Well, that wasn't hard. I thought editing was tough. All those busybodies on the board talking about spelling and grammar. I couldn't find one error and I turned that dude around in two hours.

DELIGHT: My God, that cover. It's just what I wanted. Does pink and black go together? And that's my name on there. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would publish anything. I owe my sanity to PA.

FRUSTRATION: Will that book ever get here? Was that two free copies or what? How long does it take to put a stupid book together? That thing is not that big.

ANTICIPATION: Well, it's been nine months and my baby is due. I'm ready to do some marketing. I wish mother would quit asking me about that damned book. What if she doesn't like it? Boy is she going to be surprised to find that dad was a pedophile. I bet sis won't be too happy either. Man, that thing ought to sell like hotcakes.

EXUBERANCE: Well they're here. Two beautiful books and the postman brought them. I was hoping for FEDEX, so the neighbors would notice. Pretty thin though. I'm surprised the envelope with both books went through the mail slot. That $19.95 price is a bit steep. Wonder if PA will come down off that some, but it'll sell. I see Pulitzer written all over it, and then a movie, my name in lights.

GRATEFULNESS: I am so grateful. My name is in cyberspace with all those great writing legends, and I never thought I'd amount to anything. Dad always said I wouldn't. I've got to get on the message board. I love PA. I love PA.

AGGRAVATION: This marketing business is for the birds. Where is PA when you need them? Boy, those bookstore people can be rude. I didn't need that stupid girl pointing out all those errors. I guess I should have taken more time. I guess she doesn't know who she's dealing with. A future Nobel winner, and I'm thinking Oscar for screenplay.

REMORSE: Well, mother is not speaking to me, and what's that business with sis? Burger King doesn't transfer cooks out of state.

THANKFULNESS: Thank heaven dad is not alive to see this. He'd kill me.

REGRET: Wonder why I signed that seven-year contract. Shoot, I could've sold a million copies, if I'd just held off a while and got an agent. Wonder why only three people showed up for the signing. I thought I had more friends than that. Damn this publishing business anyway.

DISDAIN: I'm not selling crap. Don't these people know what they're missing. That $19.95 price is just too high. I wonder if I should've put something in the local paper, or was PA supposed to do that? What was that royalty statement?--$ .97. I wonder who the idiot was that bought that stupid book.

DEVIOUSNESS: I've got something here, I just know it. That book just looks too good sitting up there on the shelf. If I had my rights back, I bet I could get an agent and--. There must be someone on the internet who can help me. Damn that seven-year contract anyway. I feel like an indentured servant.

DEJECTION: What a fool am I. I could've been a contender. I could've been somebody. PA is a millstone around my neck. I'm doomed to failure. My career is in the toilet.
 
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Arkie

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If someone would move this under the PA thread where it belongs, I would be most appreciative.
 

BeeBomb

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This is hysterical and well written. If the staunch PA posters would read this, perhaps (note...I said perhaps) it might open some eyes. Alas, I am sure they won't believe it till it smacks them in the jaws. Your last three paragraphs won't hit them till their eyes are wide open. Someone, hand them a toothpick!

BeeBomb

"DISDAIN: I'm not selling crap. Don't these people know what they're missing. That $19.95 price is just too high. I wonder if I should've put something in the local paper, or was PA supposed to do that? What was that royalty statement?--$ .97. I wonder who the idiot was that bought that stupid book.

DEVIOUSNESS: I've got something here, I just know it. That book just looks too good sitting up there on the shelf. If I had my rights back, I bet I could get an agent and--. There must be someone on the internet who can help me. Damn that seven-year contract anyway. I feel like an indentured servant.

DEJECTION: What a fool am I. I could've been a contender. I could've been somebody. PA is a millstone around my neck. I'm doomed to failure. My career is in the toilet."

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Saundra Julian

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Good job, Arkie! But I think you were a little light on the DEVIOUSNESS side...anger, red hot anger would fit many author's feelings.