I got threatened!

CaroGirl · Sep 24, 2007

I was walking through my local grocery store yesterday afternoon, minding my business, squeezing tomatoes, when a guy walked past me. He leaned in, close to my ear, and hissed, "If you do that again, I'll hit you." I turned and started to smile, not believing anyone I didn't know would get that close to me or whisper anything like that into my ear. Well, I'd never seen him before in my life. So I stammered, "What? Why?" but he'd gone on.

Baffled, I reflected on what the hell he was talking about. I think I might have walked across the marked pedestrian crossing in the parking lot in front of his truck. I must live a sheltered life because this really rattled me. I came home in tears, with only half of what I went for. I should have probably told the manager and had him stopped on his way out the door. But I didn't think of that until I got home. He was a small, young, dangerous-looking guy with, if you can believe it, his wife and young son. He probably just likes to shake people up because he's a mean guy. He shook me up all right.

scarletpeaches · Sep 24, 2007

Tell me where he lives. I'll go round and give him what for. Bullies really piss me off. So do bad attitudes; this readiness of aggression in so many people is a sign of the times and the only way to deal with these people is to say, "Oh yeah? You've picked the wrong victim this time, fucker."

He needs the SP treatment.

RumpleTumbler · Sep 24, 2007

You can bet that if he acts like that with strangers that his wife and child are likely abused.

WendyNYC · Sep 24, 2007

scarletpeaches said:
and the only way to deal with these people is to say, "Oh yeah? You've picked the wrong victim this time, fucker."

He needs the SP treatment.

Exactly. Don't give it any more thought. He's the crazy one and you did nothing wrong.

When I first moved to New York, a crazy man bumped me *hard* on the street with his shoulder and said "I'm gonna kill you I'm gonna kill your whole family!" It really shook me up at the time.

I've learned since then that I'm a crazy magnet. I also have summoned the courage to yell back/blow it off/whatever is appropriate at the time.

Sorry you went through that.

CaroGirl · Sep 24, 2007

scarletpeaches said:
"Oh yeah? You've picked the wrong victim this time, fucker."

Yeah, I wish I'd done something. I really do. Too bad if he had his son with him. He should've thought of that before he threatened me.

StoryG27 · Sep 24, 2007

My gosh. What an a$$ wipe!!!

I feel so bad for you. You see that jerk off again, call me. . .I'll give him his comeuppance.

Angie · Sep 24, 2007

People are aliens.

Some guys just don't feel manly unless they can believe someone is afraid of them.

MidnightMuse · Sep 24, 2007

Oh man, I hate that - when hindsight lends so much that you could have used at the time. I was threatened once and had the same reaction - I went home shaking and in tears and basically felt victimized for quite a long time. All the while, thinking back on how I could better have handled the situation.

Most of my fear turned to anger and resentment that some wandering A-whole could make me feel that way, take what was a normal, happy day and turn it completely upside down. It was the first time I'd thought I should buy a gun (haven't yet, and that was 20 years ago)

scarletpeaches · Sep 24, 2007

Next time - IF it happens again, if you don't feel comfortable standing up to him, laugh. Real loud. Point and laugh. Treat him and others like him as the jokes they are.

Del · Sep 24, 2007

Some people get really upset when you squeeze the tomatoes. It's a TOMATOES FIRST mentality.

You are probably right about the truck and the cross walk. Some think to make them stop the progress of their vehicle is a major imposition. But I recall a woman that trapped me in a lane on the expressway that was ending rapidly at a concrete divider. If I slowed she slowed. If I sped up, she sped up. Just before I had to slide to a stop or hit her, she took off. I never did understand why she did it.

Point being, maybe it was on the road that you riled him.

StoryG27 · Sep 24, 2007

Delarege said:
But I recall a woman that trapped me in a lane on the expressway that was ending rapidly at a concrete divider. If I slowed she slowed. If I sped up, she sped up. Just before I had to slide to a stop or hit her, she took off. I never did understand why she did it.

How many times do I have to apologize for this. Like I said, I wasn't trying to trap you, I was just shocked to see a bird in a pilot's hat driving!

Del · Sep 24, 2007

Oh rubbernecking, again, huh?

ETA: Now that I think of it...she looked like you.

melaniehoo · Sep 24, 2007

I'm really sorry that's happened to you. It's scary when a stranger attacks you, verbally or physically, and I'm glad it was only verbal.

I've been threatened a couple times while living in Chicago & DC. Each time I was in a crowded place and instead of standing up for myself, I looked around hoping someone would step up and help me out. No one did.

Since the most recent incident (a woman on the train threatened to stab me because I told her to stop pushing while boarding the train) I try to be prepared in case something happens. In the train incident I stared her down (she was smaller than me & I'm only 5'1") and that did the trick. I don't know what would've happened if she actually attacked me.

The easiest way to be prepared is t have it in the back of your head to shout LOUDLY if something like that happens again. Better to have everyone looking at you like a crazy person than the actual crazy person hurts you. 9 times out of 10 the person will run away.

Like rumple said, that guy's probably more comfortable beating people in the privacy of their own home and doesn't want to draw more attention.

I really hope you never have another encounter like this.

Angie · Sep 24, 2007

Delarege said:
Some people get really upset when you squeeze the tomatoes. It's a TOMATOES FIRST mentality.

You know, you may be right. I myself tend to get violent about melon-thumpers. :ROFL:

benbradley · Sep 24, 2007

From the subject I thought this might have been in a PM or rep point or something, since I'm halfway expecting something like that myself...

CaroGirl said:
Yeah, I wish I'd done something. I really do. Too bad if he had his son with him. He should've thought of that before he threatened me.

You still can do something, you can call the store manager and call the police, tell them what happened and give a description of the man, and of the woman and child who were with him. Yours might not be the first complaint about this person.

RumpleTumbler · Sep 24, 2007

When I worked for Publix the security tapes were kept 7 days in the store and longer out. You could probably get a picture of the guy.

CaroGirl · Sep 24, 2007

benbradley said:
You still can do something, you can call the store manager and call the police, tell them what happened and give a description of the man, and of the woman and child who were with him. Yours might not be the first complaint about this person.

Thanks. I did call the store manager after I got home. My husband suggested it. He was MAD as HELL at that guy. I told her and she wrote a note and said I should report him if I ever see him shopping there again. They won't tolerate that in their store. She was nice about it and I felt better after I told her.

melaniehoo · Sep 24, 2007

CaroGirl said:
Thanks. I did call the store manager after I got home. My husband suggested it. He was MAD as HELL at that guy. I told her and she wrote a note and said I should report him if I ever see him shopping there again. They won't tolerate that in their store. She was nice about it and I felt better after I told her.

Good. I'm glad you called back.

PeeDee · Sep 24, 2007

If he was a youngish guy, it was probably meant as a joke. The sort of yukyuk college humor that keeps me happily barred away from a large part of humanity. So he probably wouldn't have actually done anything. It was just a stupid cheap joke at someone else's expense.

Which doesn't belittle the experience, because I'm guessing, you were scared, and if you can get the cops called on him, he'll learn right quick not to make stupid jokes like that at other people, won't he?

You need a Crocodile Dundee knife.

Kate Thornton · Sep 24, 2007

I'm so sorry that happened to you, Caro - and so glad you reported it!

I was spit on in a crosswalk in downtown Los Angeles where I worked once. It really shook me up. I saw the same guy a few days later and I went out of my way to push him down in the street. I screamed at him about spitting on me, too. I must have looked as crazy as I felt. I was way more upset by my reaction than by the initial incident, though.

I changed my route to work and never saw him again, but it creeped me out and made me wary and defensive. Ugly incident all the way around...

KTC · Sep 24, 2007

Hey Missy,
Please don't touch my tomato
Don't touch me yam, me pumpkin potato...

Chumplet · Sep 24, 2007

Yanno what? Maybe you veered in front of his cart and he almost hit you but you didn't realize it. Maybe he wast telling you to watch those aisle corners or someone might hit you with their cart....? Did he look angry or just matter-of-fact? Raised eyebrows? Frown? Sauntered off?

That's what I would have told myself if it happened to me, but it depends on my mood. If I'm in the frame of mind where I won't take any shit, I just lash back if anyone's rude to me. Once while working in a camera store (and six months pregnant) a guy started mouthing off to me about misleading advertising. He said, "People like you should be punched in the face."

I swept out from behind the counter and waddled up to him and said, "Wanna try it?"

He backed off right away.

KTC · Sep 24, 2007

Chumplet said:
Yanno what? Maybe you veered in front of his cart and he almost hit you but you didn't realize it. Maybe he wast telling you to watch those aisle corners or someone might hit you with their cart....? Did he look angry or just matter-of-fact? Raised eyebrows? Frown? Sauntered off?

That's what I would have told myself if it happened to me, but it depends on my mood.

yEAH...it was probably that. OR...he was looking for his next victim for his skin jumper. It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it's told. It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.

Monkey · Sep 24, 2007

The guy was a jerk, and probably abusive, as well.

He obviously gets some sort of jolly out of causing women fear, and I hope that someday a woman beats the ever-living crap out of him. It's happened before. I have personally known at least 3 and heard of a couple more. Like the guy who pulled a woman kickboxer into a dark alley...and promptly got his ribs broken and lost a testicle.

In the meantime, though, you can be sure that this guy's life sucks. Honestly, you can't go through life that mean-spirited and nasty and *not* have it effect you. Kate mentioned that pushing a guy around made her feel almost as terrible as when he spit on her. I've been in a couple of fist fights and quite a few verbal ones, and win or lose, I left upset. Usually, these people have awful lives. They are extremely unhappy, and so they act like complete jerks. This makes people treat them like scum, and their lives are just that much worse. It's a cycle.

My advice is to be on the look-out for SuperJerk and report him if he even blinks an eye at you. Comfort yourself with the thought that he *will* suffer for the way he treated you; in fact, he probably treated you that way because he was already suffering, and his treatment of you will only make things worse. Other than that, try not to give him a second thought. No need to take his pain and make it your own. Let it go, but don't forget his face. Go on with your happy life.

CaroGirl · Sep 24, 2007

Monkey said:
The guy was a jerk, and probably abusive, as well.

He obviously gets some sort of jolly out of causing women fear, and I hope that someday a woman beats the ever-living crap out of him. It's happened before. I have personally known at least 3 and heard of a couple more. Like the guy who pulled a woman kickboxer into a dark alley...and promptly got his ribs broken and lost a testicle.

In the meantime, though, you can be sure that this guy's life sucks. Honestly, you can't go through life that mean-spirited and nasty and *not* have it effect you. Kate mentioned that pushing a guy around made her feel almost as terrible as when he spit on her. I've been in a couple of fist fights and quite a few verbal ones, and win or lose, I left upset. Usually, these people have awful lives. They are extremely unhappy, and so they act like complete jerks. This makes people treat them like scum, and their lives are just that much worse. It's a cycle.

My advice is to be on the look-out for SuperJerk and report him if he even blinks an eye at you. Comfort yourself with the thought that he *will* suffer for the way he treated you; in fact, he probably treated you that way because he was already suffering, and his treatment of you will only make things worse. Other than that, try not to give him a second thought. No need to take his pain and make it your own. Let it go, but don't forget his face. Go on with your happy life.

Great post. Thank you for putting the incident into perspective.

I got threatened!

Living the dream

Loves Joni Mitchell

fiddle-dee-dee

Living the dream

Miss Behave

Shaddup and lemme think.

Midnight Reading

Sky isn't falling, ground is rising

Miss Behave

Sky isn't falling, ground is rising

And thus we begin the edits

Shaddup and lemme think.

It's a doggy dog world

Loves Joni Mitchell

Living the dream

And thus we begin the edits

Where's my tea, please...?

Still Happy to be Here. Or Anywhere

Stand in the Place Where You Live

This hat is getting too hot

Stand in the Place Where You Live

Is me.

Living the dream