Momisms

writingirish

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Hi everyone,
I am hoping you can help me. I am compiling a list of "momisms," those weird statements that all mothers tell their children as they're growing up. Many of them seem to be used by mothers all over the world, as though they all learned them in some mom school - we've all heard them: "don't cross your eyes, they'll stick that way;" "Don't go swimming after you eat or you'll drown;" "This will hurt me more than it hurts you;" "Two wrongs don't make a right;" or "Always wear clean underwear in case you get in an accident." Sometimes the sayings are exclusive to just one mother, but she said it ALL the time, making it her Momism that her kids always remember. Some that I've heard from other people include such pearls as, "I brought you into this world and I can take you out;" and "You're as dumb as a box of hair;" and "You were broken condom number 2."

Would any of you care to add to my collection of Momisms, and if so, would you be willing to include your mother's name?

Thanks for the input!
 

A. Hamilton

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Eat your salad and you will glow. (from me to my kids, and it worked!)
 

WendyNYC

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Get your hair out of your eyes, you have such a pretty face!

My mother also used to tell be that if I picked Queen Anne's lace (the flower/weed), it would make me wet the bed.

I have no idea why she said that.
 

kdnxdr

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I was told that if a frog peed on me that I would get warts.

I picked up frogs alot as a child.

Sure enough, a big ol' toad peed on my foot and I got three warts!
 

Symphony

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'Chips (fries, in Am. Eng.) make you shrink'

Whinging gets you nowhere; a smile can get you everywhere.
 

Ali B

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Don't crinkle your nose, you'll get wrinkles. She was right, and I tell that to my daughters now.
 

Colin McHale

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Here's a little story:

My father's grandmother used to give him all kinds of "momisms". When he was around 7 years old, she gave her most famous momism: "Don't pout like that; one of these times a bird will poop right on your lip."

He didn't believe her.

Well, one day he was outside and in a rather "pouty" mood. A bird flew over and pooped right on him, and if it weren't for his baseball cap, the poop would have wound up on his lip!

He avoided pouting from that day forward.
 

CACTUSWENDY

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:roll: .....condom # 2. Love it.....

:poke:....Poop?.....What a riot.

I overheard this one time as a child, You sleep with dogs, you wake up with fleas. I understand it now....but not as a kid. I made sure I never slept with a dog. :snoopy:

Eat everything on your plate because there are starving childern in China. :Shrug: (was very young when told that)
 

Mom'sWrite

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"Enough is enough!" (Never really got that one, kept waiting for the punchline.)

"You can do anything you want to do." Which was ALWAYS followed by, "Don't do that!"

"You're not going out looking like that! Are you?"

"Isn't your older sister wonderful?" (Sorry, angst slips in.)
 

Monkey

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When you grow up and have kids, I hope they're *just* like you!
(This was a threat, not a mom looking forward to precious grandbabies. At any rate, it came true.)

You just wait until *you've* got kids!

If you fall and break your neck, I'm gonna spank your butt!

and the one I heard every single time I was hurt - except one:
I've seen worse.

The one time she didn't say that, it freaked me out almost as bad as the actual injuries.
 

Melisande

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As I said in another thread, close in subject to this one, my Mother always said;

"Live your life, nobody else will do it for you".

That phrase has followed me always, and there is no way I can thank my Mother enough for keeping repeating that. It has made a world of difference....
 

Rich

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My mom always said "Stop that!"
 

Monkey

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Oh, how could I forget:

Want in one hand, s**t in the other, and we'll see which one fills up first.
 

Cranky

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My mother's favorite, "If you can't say something nice, you'd better keep your mouth shut." Her version of the classic, I guess. :)
 

totidem_verbis

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"MY kids would never [insert heinous crime here] but YOU...." evil wicked step-mother.

"To each his own said the old lady as she kissed the cow's ass." My great-grandmother. All of my elderly relatives on her side of the family still use the phrase. I say it from time to time. Hmm. Maybe I should make that my signature :D
 

CatSlave

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Do you think you were made of special dough? (Don't get smart with me!)

Don't whistle in the house, you'll blow all the money away (bad luck).

Never open an umbrella in the house, and never set a hat on a bed (more bad luck).

A bird can't fly with only one wing (when she's offering a second cocktail).

Know when to hold them, and know when to fold them.
(She's a killer poker player. You've been warned; join her in a poker game at your own risk.)

~from my Russian Mom (always a mom at any age)
 

Ol' Fashioned Girl

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"Eat the heels of the bread loaf... it'll make your hair curly." (Never worked.)

"You'd gripe if you were hung with a new rope." (Well... yeah. Doh.)

"If you don't eat your fried liver now, you'll have to eat it ground up, raw, when you get pregnant." (One of the reasons I have no children.)

And did you know there's a collection of these called 'Momilies & More Momilies: As My Mother Used to Say', by Michele B. Slung.
 

CatSlave

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I remembered one more--when she was inspecting my loose tooth:

"I'm just looking at it... (YANK!)

And the classic Dadism that EVERY dad has said:

"Pull my finger."