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View Full Version : Is it ever OK to threaten a family member?



Carole
09-23-2007, 03:44 AM
Are there any circumstances where threatening a family member with physical violence is acceptable?

PeeDee
09-23-2007, 03:47 AM
It's called "siblings."

Ol' Fashioned Girl
09-23-2007, 03:48 AM
Yes.

scarletpeaches
09-23-2007, 03:48 AM
I've done it, for my own protection. I told my mother if she hit me again, I'd wait 'til she was asleep and slit her throat with the scissors she tried to stab me with.

But hey, my life was in danger so I think I could be excused.

Silver King
09-23-2007, 03:48 AM
At least a thousand reasons, the same amount as threatening anyone else.

Now let's be more specific. ;)

PeeDee
09-23-2007, 03:51 AM
Oh! In-laws. Them too.

musicalzoo
09-23-2007, 04:07 AM
as long as its family, no worries! lol

Unique
09-23-2007, 04:41 AM
Only if you follow through.

TrainofThought
09-23-2007, 04:47 AM
And make sure you don't get caught.

shakeysix
09-23-2007, 04:59 AM
the more the better. i do try to be a bit more patient with the pets--s6

Siddow
09-23-2007, 05:01 AM
You can beat the crap out of anybody but your kids. Best if you can just shove them down a flight of stairs and make like it was an accident.

ETA: shove the family, not the kids, down the stairs.

PeeDee
09-23-2007, 05:03 AM
You can beat the crap out of anybody but your kids. Best if you can just shove them down a flight of stairs and make like it was an accident.

ETA: shove the family, not the kids, down the stairs.

Pete's Theory On Children: By the time they're old enough where you can't beat them up any longer, they're old enough that you can throw them out of the house.

;)

Silver King
09-23-2007, 05:06 AM
When you're lying there ready to croak, and that "just before you die" film of your life flashes by, you'll be astounded at the amount of times you've been screwed over by family members, and you'll vow to return to get back at them.

It happened to me, and I've been back three times (two near-drownings and an auto wreck). :)

Carole
09-23-2007, 05:31 AM
Not exactly where I was going, but ok.

One of my girlfriends called me a little while ago, completely unhinged. It seems that her husband threatened to "beat the ****" out her adult son. Thing is, her adult son is only a little older than my older son who is 20. This was a completely shocking thing and it seems that the step father really meant it.

Obviously I asked what happened because her husband is normally a pretty even-tempered guy. She said that it was over something he had asked her son to do a million times and that he always forgets. Something about leaving the garage door open. Apparently he did it again and the step dad's tools were in the garage. Nothing was stolen, but they were in there and the garage door was open all day when no one was home.

The step dad apparently had a "talk" with the boy and scared him to death. More than that, he broke his heart. From what I'm hearing, this kid is in tears not over the threat but over having someone he looked up to treat him this way. Sure, he did exactly what the step dad asked him a million times NOT to do, but...

I ask you - is this worthy of a threat of physical violence?

PeeDee
09-23-2007, 05:36 AM
Nah.

When the son burns down the house...or sells it...or gives it away to a Rave thrown by his friends...or sets fire to the bed I sleep in....then maybe it's time to wail on him a bit. Otherwise, nah.

But if he doesn't do anything a million times, then it's time to say something nasty. Not necessarily violence (don't make a threat you can't back up, I always say) but there's loads of ways to drive the message home.

Carole
09-23-2007, 05:39 AM
Apparently that is what the big deal is all about. The step dad says that he absolutely meant it and will (insert graphic detail here) this kid if he does it again.

PeeDee
09-23-2007, 05:40 AM
...I can't say I don't want to beat the ever-loving crap out of 90% of the teenagers I meet on a day to day basis...but I won't.

(for one thing, too many of them are larger than me).

But he didn't beat the (graphic detail) out of the kid, so there's not much what can be done about it, I don't think...

(I have no idea.)

Carrie in PA
09-23-2007, 05:41 AM
Does the son have a job? Does he routinely disrespect their home (as he was doing here)? Does he contribute to the household, or is he just mooching and not pulling his weight? I might come unglued and flip out and threaten to beat the shit out of an adult child who continually left my home completely vulnerable for anyone off the street to waltz in and help themselves to the things I busted my ass to obtain.

If the husband is normally even tempered, I'm guessing there's waaaay more to the story.

But that's just me.

PeeDee
09-23-2007, 05:45 AM
Does the son have a job? Does he routinely disrespect their home (as he was doing here)? Does he contribute to the household, or is he just mooching and not pulling his weight? I might come unglued and flip out and threaten to beat the shit out of an adult child who continually left my home completely vulnerable for anyone off the street to waltz in and help themselves to the things I busted my ass to obtain.

If the husband is normally even tempered, I'm guessing there's waaaay more to the story.

But that's just me.

Yeah, I think I agree with Carrie on this one.

If he does just laze around the house, and he's an adult, it's time to drop-kick his ass outta there, says me, who knows nothin'.

Carole
09-23-2007, 05:45 AM
Well, I'm sure that there is. All I know of this kid is that he's always really nice and well mannered, but that's around me. His mom tells me that he gets good grades in college and all that, BUT also that he is a major slacker around the house. I know that there are definite issues there.

Carole
09-23-2007, 05:52 AM
OK. just talked with her again. She's telling me that she's mostly afraid that this has damaged her husband and son's relationship permanently. Also that she's now between them feeling like she has to either play both sides or take sides. THIS, I have NO clue about. I'm a big softie who wants the world to love one another and just get along. This is kinda out of my league.

Silver King
09-23-2007, 05:53 AM
I'll bet your friend's boy remembers to leave the garage door closed next time.

Maybe that's what it took, after "a million times" of asking, to get through to him. He'll get over it, and in the meantime, he won't leave the house vulnerable to theft and who knows what.

Carole
09-23-2007, 05:54 AM
I'll bet your friend's boy remembers to leave the garage door closed next time.

Maybe that's what it took, after "a million times" of asking, to get through to him. He'll get over it, and in the meantime, he won't leave the house vulnerable to theft and who knows what.

Do you really think so? I'd love to be able to tell her that and actually mean it.

PeeDee
09-23-2007, 05:58 AM
I sometimes think mothers worry too much about this point. Honestly, he'll be fine. He'll sulk, which is what teenagers do. If it worked, it worked. Every dad on the planet, at some point, wants to beat the shit out of his son. It's as natural as mothers worrying about father-son relationships. :)

Carrie in PA
09-23-2007, 05:58 AM
*shrug* He'll get over it or he won't. He an adult, not a child or even a teenager. Your friend isn't responsible for making everything okay. It's between her husband and her son and they'll have to work it out themselves. It sounds like the husband has been putting up with a lot and the son needs to learn some responsibility. And it's possible that it's time for him to find his own place?

Hillary
09-23-2007, 06:06 AM
I don't understand physical violence - or the threat of it - ever. Period. And with parent/child type relationships, I think the punishment should fit the crime. I'd have taken the door to his room off its hinges until he went X amount of time without leaving the garage door open. If he still did it, I'd begin removing his possessions or giving the neighbors tours of his bedroom. Eventually, if he continued to disrespect the property of my husband, he'd earn himself a one-way ticket out of the house. He's not a child and he can either respect the house he is being allowed to reside in or get the hell out. But he shouldn't have ever been physically threatened. And if I had a husband and he ever pulled that bullshit, he'd have one shot to apologize, vocalize why it was a ridiculous thing to do, and craft an alternative punishment for my son. If he didn't take advantage of that opportunity, he'd earn himself a one-way ticket too. To divorce court. There are plenty of things in my life I was supposed to "just get over," and I tried. I really did. By playing in traffic in downtown Manhattan. Some people might "just get over it" but it's potentially lethal to just assume you know how someone will react to threats of violence.

PeeDee
09-23-2007, 06:07 AM
I don't understand physical violence - or the threat of it - ever. Period. And with parent/child type relationships, I think the punishment should fit the crime. I'd have taken the door to his room off its hinges until he went X amount of time without leaving the garage door open. If he still did it, I'd begin removing his possessions or giving the neighbors tours of his bedroom. Eventually, if he continued to disrespect the property of my husband, he'd earn himself a one-way ticket out of the house. He's not a child and he can either respect the house he is being allowed to reside in or get the hell out. But he shouldn't have ever been physically threatened. And if I had a husband and he ever pulled that bullshit, he'd have one shot to apologize, vocalize why it was a ridiculous thing to do, and craft an alternative punishment for my son. If he didn't take advantage of that opportunity, he'd earn himself a one-way ticket too. To divorce court.

......*terrified of Hillary*


*slinks off*



*to cry*

Carole
09-23-2007, 06:07 AM
Egads, I guess I really am a pushover. Ok, I get it. They'll work it out, right? I don't think the son can get his own place right now because he is in college. The parentals made a deal with him that he can live there while still in college as long as his grades are up and he keeps a job, which he is doing. Not enough of a job to support himself while going to school, though. So I think he's there for the duration of school. Maybe the step dad is just getting ready for him to fly sooner than his mom is. I dunno. Family troubles always worry me to death. Pee Dee, I think you're right. Moms worry. A lot.

PeeDee
09-23-2007, 06:10 AM
They do, they really do. But that's okay.

An example: At night, if my son (who is about eight weeks old) grunts or makes noises or does something or another, my wife is awake and wants me to get up and check on him. Not because she's really touchy or anything, she just thinks he must need something.

Mostly, I don't get up until he's upset, because THEN he needs something.

I have to wait until she's gone to give him belly time, because he cries and she can't stand it. She will last all of two minutes, and then she HAS to pick him up. It's built in.

Whereas I let him have his belly time, he screams himself out, I put on some good music and mostly don't notice.

It's just the difference between moms and dads. I think they balance each other out. So hard as it is not to, don't worry about it. :)

Carole
09-23-2007, 06:13 AM
You know, I do really agree with you there. Kids do need the balance of the softie and the toughie. Otherwise they'll end up one extreme or the other. In every successful parental unit I know of, there is a softie - usually the mom, but not always - and the toughie.

Hillary
09-23-2007, 06:16 AM
Do you really think "tough" has to be equated with "threatening" though? I certainly don't.

I think tough is completely necessary, and parents can balance each other out, but threatening to beat the ever-loving shit out of your stepkid sort of takes the "love" out of "tough love" in my opinion.

Silver King
09-23-2007, 06:25 AM
Do you really think so? I'd love to be able to tell her that and actually mean it.
I can't say for sure if she would believe you. She may be more concerned now about a family rift than what brought it about in the first place.

If they have a good relationship, her husband and son will mend fences and their differences will be worked out between them. She might not want to intervene to speed up that process, either.

Unless you follow through, threats remain just that...threats. And some parents have an easier time talking the talk without walking the walk.

Just the other day, I was chasing my youngest boy and screaming, "Get over here, you li'l knucklehead."

He kept running until I was winded.

I said, "If you don't come over here right now, I'm gonna kill you!"

He kept running and laughed and said, "No you're not!"

"Yes I will."

"No, you won't!"

When I finally caught up to him, I was too tired to follow through on my threat.

Carole
09-23-2007, 06:35 AM
Do you really think "tough" has to be equated with "threatening" though? I certainly don't.

I think tough is completely necessary, and parents can balance each other out, but threatening to beat the ever-loving shit out of your stepkid sort of takes the "love" out of "tough love" in my opinion.

I don't think anyone believes that threatening is the definition of tough. Just that a softie wouldn't have threatened. That's all.

ErylRavenwell
09-23-2007, 07:29 AM
And he's twenty something? I don't have a step dad, but at twenty I would take no shit from no one. Anyway my dad is not that kind of man. When I was a kid he'd only whoop my ass for the right reason. He was always just.

scarletpeaches
09-23-2007, 12:23 PM
As has been said, it sounds like there's more to the story than meets the eye. But the stepdad's reaction is way over the top from what you've told us, Carole. In fact, nothing I can imagine justifies that sort of threat. I'm not so sure the kid, well, 20-year-old will get over it in the sense of it'll fester for a while. He might not actually be skeered of his stepfather but the relationship will be bruised, I bet.

Prime opportunity to play his mum off against him, I reckon.

I'm with Hillary on this one for two reasons: she talks sense, and she loves t'Molko. :D

Cassiopeia
09-23-2007, 01:22 PM
Hi Carole,

I grew up with both a stepdad and a stepmom. Neither of them ever threatened me with violence but my actual parents did.

Now, I want to say something here, I am going out on a limb here with a bit of personal experience. I remarried in 2004. Within six months for absolutely no justifiable reason my husband said that he wanted to take a board and smash my kids over the head with it and kill them. We were even having a good day. But on a bad day I still wouldn't appreciate it or approve of it.

I tried to reason out in my head what set him off. Yeah my daughter had gone through crystal meth addiction but she was in recovery before our marriage and she didn't do anything or say anything to him, my youngest boy adored him and they got on great. My other boy who lived with his dad at the time didn't like him but he was never out of line.

I will tell you what did happen. I never trusted him again. Not with my kids and not with me. I tried for the better part of 18 months(even tried to reconcile after the anulment) to give him the benefit of a doubt but I never got over hearing him threaten my kids.

So no, it is never appropriate. And no, we are no longer together. We had other problems but that, well that was just not on.

Again, no, even with your own kids, it isn't right.

ETA: Before I forget, my youngest who was particularly close to him was crushed that he spoke that way to our family and he never has gotten over that. I think a boy should be able to look up the men in their lives not fear them.

PeeDee
09-23-2007, 05:23 PM
The thing about the relationship between dads and sons -- teenager-ish sons especially -- is that it's like two pissed off mountain goats butting heads. It's why I kept telling my wife that I wanted a girl, a girl, damn it! I remember what I was like as a child. I wasn't a bad child, but I was stubborn, and willfull, and hyper and imaginative. Shudder.

My dad and I never came to blows. Certainly, I'm sure he wanted to once or twice. It's only reasonable.

I have no doubt that when Zach reaches teenager years, unless I pull off a miracle and make him a human being in those years, there will be many nights, many days, when I want to beat the ever-loving shit out of him. I think, on a certain level, it's just a guy thing.

I won't, of course, because I am not a violent man.

...


....Carole, maybe the guy's threat of violence was that speech, from Cool Hand Luke. The what we have here...is a lack of communication. I am NOT...a violent man...

And his step-son, having seen Cool Hand Luke, knew what came next and it scared him into behaving. :)

Perks
09-23-2007, 06:07 PM
Do you really think so? I'd love to be able to tell her that and actually mean it.Yeah, he'll get over it. If he doesn't or can't, then the 'more to the story' is even more than one would normally expect.

dclary
09-23-2007, 06:55 PM
Are there any circumstances where threatening a family member with physical violence is acceptable?

What Peedee said. I once punched my sister in the head at a family reunion, mostly because she had it coming.

Of course, that was followed up swiftly by dad punching me in the head, because I had it coming, but that's an entirely different story.


/dclary, he of the German, Norse, and Cherokee blood. He'll ravage your coastline, genocide your race, and then take a long walk and be remorseful about it.

dclary
09-23-2007, 07:00 PM
The thing about the relationship between dads and sons -- teenager-ish sons especially -- is that it's like two pissed off mountain goats butting heads. It's why I kept telling my wife that I wanted a girl, a girl, damn it! I remember what I was like as a child. I wasn't a bad child, but I was stubborn, and willfull, and hyper and imaginative. Shudder.

My dad and I never came to blows. Certainly, I'm sure he wanted to once or twice. It's only reasonable.

I have no doubt that when Zach reaches teenager years, unless I pull off a miracle and make him a human being in those years, there will be many nights, many days, when I want to beat the ever-loving shit out of him. I think, on a certain level, it's just a guy thing.

I won't, of course, because I am not a violent man.

...


....Carole, maybe the guy's threat of violence was that speech, from Cool Hand Luke. The what we have here...is a lack of communication. I am NOT...a violent man...

And his step-son, having seen Cool Hand Luke, knew what came next and it scared him into behaving. :)

Peedee... You have to start this early: start playing "the night I called the old man out" by Garth Brooks as he sleeps, every night for the next 18 years.

Then, as soon as he's old enough to understand humor, play the Bill Cosby clip talking about the time he called his old man out.

Finally, teach him chess, and then never let him beat you until he's a teen and angry, and let him "beat" you on the chessboard. Unless you're playing Martian or Wizard's chess, it's just as satisfying to him, and a lot less painful for you.


Oh yeah, and slap Mrs. Peedee around once or twice for slipping up on the girl-production gaffe. (I can see it now, "What do you mean she has a penis!" "Um, hon, he's a boy." "Noooooooooooooooooooo!")

;)

dclary
09-23-2007, 07:03 PM
Do you really think so? I'd love to be able to tell her that and actually mean it.

Yes. The one thing children are, that we tend to forget, being rigid and brittle in our age, is resilient.








Ok, and THERE'S a question for the grammar gestapo. If you take out the internal clarifying commas, the heart of the sentence is "The one thing children are is resilient."

Is that a sentence? Are is? I guess so... Wow.

scarletpeaches
09-23-2007, 07:05 PM
Depends if it's a one-off incident, though, Deek.

I was expected to 'just get over' regular beatings and because they were regular, I couldn't.

No sob story, just saying, that's my experience.

Don Allen
09-23-2007, 07:07 PM
Do you really think so? I'd love to be able to tell her that and actually mean it.

Hope you don't mind me taking the step dads side here, but I think he was right. From what you say this kid has been asked more than a few times to be respectful of the ol'mans tools and close the door. Tools are expensive and in many cases difficult to to replace (special trades). It sounds like this was really important to the step dad. The kid is 20 plus, come on, (in tears) If it would have been my 27 year old policeman son, he'd stiil be in tears trying to remove my boot from his ass.

The guy got his sons attention, and the little boy should have taking the ass kicking like a man and not say anything about it. Instead he goes whining to his mom and now she thinks shes married to a monster who wants to hurt her baby. She should have told her son, "Hey, leave dad's door open one more time and I'l kick your butt... I look at this like the kid is sniveling littler mamma's boy who's playing this up to get sympathy from mom. But, then I could be wrong.

Don Allen
09-23-2007, 07:09 PM
Depends if it's a one-off incident, though, Deek.

I was expected to 'just get over' regular beatings and because they were regular, I couldn't.

No sob story, just saying, that's my experience.


That's horrible, no child should ever have to got through that.

scarletpeaches
09-23-2007, 07:11 PM
Having said that, it all stopped when I was 16, due to the scissors incident I mentioned on page one. ;)

dclary
09-23-2007, 07:16 PM
Depends if it's a one-off incident, though, Deek.

I was expected to 'just get over' regular beatings and because they were regular, I couldn't.

No sob story, just saying, that's my experience.

Well, no, of course not, SP. That's the sad fact... That was abuse.

You know, what happened changed you, became a part of who you are, but look: you're here, and you're a healthy woman capable of thriving and enjoying the company of others.

Can you truly say you didn't get over it? You didn't let it master you. I'd say you got over it smashingly.

scarletpeaches
09-23-2007, 07:17 PM
Is smashingly a word? Well it is now! :D

dclary
09-23-2007, 07:21 PM
Maybe, uh, it was a bad word choice given the subject.

Just saying.

scarletpeaches
09-23-2007, 07:22 PM
/adds smashingly to her vocab. :D

musicalzoo
09-23-2007, 07:55 PM
Hope you don't mind me taking the step dads side here, but I think he was right. From what you say this kid has been asked more than a few times to be respectful of the ol'mans tools and close the door. Tools are expensive and in many cases difficult to to replace (special trades). It sounds like this was really important to the step dad. The kid is 20 plus, come on, (in tears) If it would have been my 27 year old policeman son, he'd stiil be in tears trying to remove my boot from his ass.

The guy got his sons attention, and the little boy should have taking the ass kicking like a man and not say anything about it. Instead he goes whining to his mom and now she thinks shes married to a monster who wants to hurt her baby. She should have told her son, "Hey, leave dad's door open one more time and I'l kick your butt... I look at this like the kid is sniveling littler mamma's boy who's playing this up to get sympathy from mom. But, then I could be wrong.


I'm going to have to agree. This 'kid' is 20 - not 8. He should know to close the garage door. He knows there are valuable things in there, and that it would be expensive to replace them if they were stolen.

Do I think he should follow through on the threat- of course not- but maybe its enough to get the kid to close the door.

I loved the idea of taking his bedroom door of the hinges and letting neighbors tour it. Better yet, if there are younger siblings, let them rifle through his things!!!!

scarletpeaches
09-23-2007, 08:09 PM
What exactly does the stepdad losing his temper teach this lad anyway, even if he is 20?

Flipping out only achieves one thing - you lose the moral high ground.

Nice work, dad.


...I loved the idea of taking his bedroom door of the hinges and letting neighbors tour it. Better yet, if there are younger siblings, let them rifle through his things!!!!

All that does is teach the 'kid' that his stepdad is a hypocrite and is willing to do things he forbade his stepson to do.

The_Grand_Duchess
09-23-2007, 08:29 PM
Yeah I fail to see the issue here. It's not a child adult relationship, it's two adults.

Presonally I think that if a 20 year old went crying to his mama becuase his step dad yelled at him then she's probably babying him waaaaaay too much. Seriously, cut the cord.

benbradley
09-23-2007, 11:54 PM
I was wondering exactly what prompted this question (these sorts of things don't always come out of the blue) until I read:

Not exactly where I was going, but ok.

One of my girlfriends called me a little while ago, completely unhinged. It seems that her husband threatened to "beat the ****" out her adult son. Thing is, her adult son is only a little older than my older son who is 20. This was a completely shocking thing and it seems that the step father really meant it.

Obviously I asked what happened because her husband is normally a pretty even-tempered guy. She said that it was over something he had asked her son to do a million times and that he always forgets. Something about leaving the garage door open. Apparently he did it again and the step dad's tools were in the garage. Nothing was stolen, but they were in there and the garage door was open all day when no one was home.

The step dad apparently had a "talk" with the boy and scared him to death. More than that, he broke his heart. From what I'm hearing, this kid is in tears not over the threat but over having someone he looked up to treat him this way. Sure, he did exactly what the step dad asked him a million times NOT to do, but...

I ask you - is this worthy of a threat of physical violence?

The threat is completely inappropriate and the WRONG way to handle the situation. The son could well go to the police and tell them about the threat, as (it sure seems to me) such a threat in itself is against the law. If you ever talk to the son alone about the situation, you might mention this as an option (but first read my last paragraph below).

The stepfather could have handled it better, saying "Leaving the garage door open is unacceptable. If this happens again, you will no longer be welcome to live here." This is a perfectly reasonable request that the garage and house be left locked when no one is at home, in fact it shouldn't even have to be mentioned. The problem is that if it happenes again, would he be able to make the "you can no longer live here" threat (this would be a perfectly legal threat, btw) stick, especially with the mother being involved. And with all that likely going on (the stepfather's feeling that the mother may not support him in kicking out the son, or doing other REASONABLE AND LEGAL punishment if this keeps happening), I can ALMOST understand him getting so frustrated that he makes the threat of violence.

Carole, it seems that YOUR problem is you've gotten sucked in to being involved with somene else's business and drama. I can understand being concerned and wanting to help in some way, but among other ideas, there's the option of drawing back and trying to stay away from the situation. I'd think twice (or more times) before having anything to do with a situation where someone has threatened violence, and it didn't (so far) involve me.

scarletpeaches
09-24-2007, 12:31 AM
Yeah I fail to see the issue here. It's not a child adult relationship, it's two adults.

Presonally I think that if a 20 year old went crying to his mama becuase his step dad yelled at him then she's probably babying him waaaaaay too much. Seriously, cut the cord.

Judging by their behaviour, it most certainly is not.

Cassiopeia
09-24-2007, 12:40 AM
I am going to go out on another limb here today...(yeah I am getting gutsy :D ) and say that, a fully mature adult has NO business acting like a child. To threaten violence, in a non-joking manner is just not on. How many years does the step-father have on this kid. And I say kid because as I am waxing old, :D I find that 20 hardly seems any more experienced than 16 for some.

Do kids make mistakes? You bet they do. What will they learn from violence? OH yeah, btw...it's true...they learn to be violent.

I would think that the step-father would try to take the approach of being a mentor and a friend rather than a terrorizing bully.

scarletpeaches
09-24-2007, 12:42 AM
See, Cass, there you go. Agreeing with me again. This must stop. :D

Carole
09-24-2007, 12:43 AM
Well, I really do appreciate all the advice. I do intend to stay out of it as much as I can. She's my friend so it's kinda hard, but I'll try.

I do know the step-dad very well. In his defense, the only thing I've ever heard about him, even from his family, is that he's a great dad and a wonderful husband. The "boy" really can be a mama's boy. He had it really tough going between two sets of parents. They divorced early. He learned that he can go from one to the other to get sympathy. He's not a bad kid at all, really. I've always adored him as most people do. He's just extremely immature. He's having a hard time coming to grips with the fact that he's not a teenager anymore.

I think the step dad is pretty frustrated and mom is caught in the middle. She can't bring herself to choose sides and she feels like she has to. She's also a lot like me in that it's hard for her to cut those apron strings, even though it doesn't do her kids any service at all.

This guy - the dad - he's definitely NOT prone to violence. He's a good guy and really does take good care of his family in every way. At least that's what I've always seen and how they always act around him. I think that's probably why everyone is kinda freaked out over it.

Hopefully it'll blow over. Geez, the drama!!

Perks
09-24-2007, 12:46 AM
Yeah, that all makes sense, madam. You're a good friend to worry with her. It's nice to have someone like that.

Carole
09-24-2007, 12:50 AM
Well, my Perky friend. Thank you :)

(Still promising to drive a little south before we're old and gray!!!)

Perks
09-24-2007, 01:01 AM
I'll meet you halfway!

Carole
09-24-2007, 02:04 AM
What exactly does the stepdad losing his temper teach this lad anyway, even if he is 20?

Flipping out only achieves one thing - you lose the moral high ground.

Nice work, dad.



All that does is teach the 'kid' that his stepdad is a hypocrite and is willing to do things he forbade his stepson to do.
I didn't mention - the step-dad apparently didn't flip out or lose his temper. He very calmly and coolly "explained the situation" to the kid. I think that scared everyone nearly to death. I think they would rather he flip out.

scarletpeaches
09-24-2007, 02:08 AM
Ah.

I got nothin'.

Perks
09-24-2007, 02:12 AM
I think it's probably infinitely more terrifying to be calmly informed that your life hinges with the garage door's disposition.

That said, since the guy's not known for violence, I'm pretty sure following that thread of inspiration would lead to the conclusion that you probably wouldn't actually die and that you'd better shut the damned door.

Cassiopeia
09-24-2007, 02:50 AM
See, Cass, there you go. Agreeing with me again. This must stop. :D

Then stop leaving me subliminal messages! ;)

Don Allen
09-24-2007, 03:14 AM
Hey Carole, after reading everyones post again, I really got to tell you that as an older man who dealt with teenage boys and young men in their 20's on a stock car team, I can tell you that I not only broke up fights between these guys but also threatened and on more than one occassion had to use a variety of headlocks and wrestling moves to impose my will or stop someone from imposing theirs on me. When it was over we gave the loser a bandaid and we went out and drank beer. Now I 100% know this situation is different in pratically everyway, but one. To be a man, you have to know when your're right and when you 're wrong. When you're right you do what ever it takes to do the right thing. (I'm not advocating violence, I mean standing up for yourself) But when you're wrong you need to be man enough to admit that you screwed up and probably deserved a butt kicking. That's charactor, something I should note that we all strive to build in our wip's, It just seems to me that this kid is manipulating his parents and blowing things out of proportion when a simple, "dad, you are right, and I apologize, this will never happen again, and if does you can kick my ass situation, because I deserve it" would have put an end to it. I got to go now the Bears are on......

Cassiopeia
09-24-2007, 03:19 AM
I really hope my input didn't come off as condoning disobedience in children or letting them get away with not doing as they should.

I just happen to be someone who has stood there while someone threatened the lives of my children for no reason and I am not exaggerating or down playing the absolute fallibility of my kids.

Step parents have a tough job and in that they are already at a disadvantage, it is best to take care in how you discipline. My step dad is the salt of the earth. I adore him. He took us kids on and my psycho mother as well. Never in all the years that he raised me till I left home at 21 did he raise his voice to me or threaten me with violence.

He was my Dad. And I adore him to this day. He just said what he expected and that was that.

StoryG27
09-25-2007, 12:08 AM
I didn't mention - the step-dad apparently didn't flip out or lose his temper. He very calmly and coolly "explained the situation" to the kid. I think that scared everyone nearly to death. I think they would rather he flip out.
Uh, yeah. That is always scarier than someone screaming. If you calmly tell me you're going to kick my arse, I'm gonna believe you. If you yell it out in a fit of rage, eh, I'll just think you're blowing off steam.

Chumplet
09-25-2007, 12:45 AM
When my husband fights with the kids, they all have a rousing shouting match until I can't take it anymore. Then I start shouting and throwing things. That's when they all put on the brakes, look at me with horror and hug each other.

Works every time.