Memoir Question: Too Much Backstory?

I'm working on a memoir about a specific time period in my life (now) and I'm not sure how much backstory to include. The story revolves around my life with my husband as we await his US visa: uprooting to Mexico, the death of his mother as soon as we arrived, culture shock, etc, as well as addressing the question of why I'm doing all this for him.

Backstory about us as a couple and how we got together is a given, my question pertains to my personal history, long before we knew each other. The story is told from my point of view and follows my growth as a person, so it seems logical that I include things from my past, but I'm worried about including too much and turning it into a memoir about my entire life.

I've tossed around the idea of writing another memoir about growing up, but that's not my purpose here & I'm trying to stay focused. The particular that I ran up against today is the following:

My parents split up when I was a baby. Now, as an adult, I question if I sometimes fight too hard for this relationship. I want to go into the backstory of my non-existent relationship with my father to demonstrate how I've grown to see his point of view, thus making smarter decisions now, blah blah, but how much is too much?

I tend to get sidetracked very easily (as you may have noticed if you've seen any of my comments here at AW) so I want to prevent myself from writing a memoir within a memoir if I can help it.

Thanks for your help and advice.
Melanie

Right now, the first chapter is short, setting up the story, and the second is longer with 'our' backstory. I worry it's too much info crammed at the beginning, but it needs to be there so I can reference back and still make sense. (good point Jennifer)

I've been putting my personal anecdotes where they seem to fit, I'm just worried about doing it too much. I tend to tell stories that way so I'm writing as it flows naturally for me, but I also have friends who to stop me when I go TOO far off track & get back to the point.

Jerry, I was reading your website today which is what sparked this in me (the chracter arc) so that's interesting you've responded to my question. The idea to show how the character (me) grows throughout the whole process got me thinking about my real dad and how he plays a larger role in this than I thought. So thank you.

I like the advice of a phone call or shrink, but I'm down here in a bubble alone - that's how I ended up writing in the first place & why I spend so much time on AW.

Keep 'em coming!

Sohia Rose said:

Why don’t you weave the backstory in between actions or dialogue with some reflection? Something like: “I looked into his eyes. I imagined that’s what my father’s looked like. …” Then you can go into the story of how your parents broke up. Just don’t forget where you left off with the action.

Click to expand...

I think I will try to do that, and the parts that need to stay in the beginning I'll expand so they are their owns scenes. When I first started I was basically writing a summary of our history, not wanting to get too into all that, but now I think I should.