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View Full Version : Help: How NOT to get selected for a jury.



thethinker42
09-12-2007, 01:37 AM
Hmm...my side of this bet (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1515754#post1515754)is not looking good...I called tonight and have to report to the courthouse tomorrow. So my odds of being selected (and thusly losing said bet) have increased. Shit.

So now I get to go sit on my ass in the courthouse, try to amuse myself, and try not to get selected.

So...any ideas on how NOT to get selected?

Current suggestions, courtesy of my co-workers:
1. Color. Something about adults and crayons just doesn't equate to "sanity" in the minds of many people.
2. Stare blankly while questions are being asked. When a question is repeated for the third time, jump as if startled and say "where am I?"
3. Play air guitar. A lot.
4. Show up dressed as a ninja. (My husband takes ninjitsu, so this would not be difficult to pull off...)
5. Bring a cardboard "Will deliberate for beer" sign.
6. Refuse to serve on a jury unless my imaginary friend gets to be foreman.
7. Bring a hard copy of my WIP. When asked, explain in great detail the twisted, convoluted horror/ax murderer plot. Froth at the mouth with excitement.
8. If placed on a civil suit, ask if autopsy photos will be presented, and if they are close-ups in full color. Be overly enthusiastic.
9. Fill a pill bottle with Tic Tacs. Every five minutes, lay them out in precise rows. Put them back in the bottle. Repeat. After an hour, spill the bottle and panic. Loudly.
10. Bring an Etch-A-Sketch. Stare angrily at another person while sketching frantically. Stare at Sketch, then back at the person, then curse under my breath and shake it to erase the picture. Repeat with another person.

Any others?

MidnightMuse
09-12-2007, 01:44 AM
Now now, serving on a Jury is your civic duty and a priveledge! (says the person who didn't get called up last year after checking the recording with baited breath for 5 days).

Del
09-12-2007, 01:45 AM
Insanity usually rules you out.

dclary
09-12-2007, 01:49 AM
Be *very* careful with this game. I know two people who tried "crazy" things to get out of jury duty. They each got a contempt of court charge, weekend in jail, and fine instead.

III
09-12-2007, 01:50 AM
When they ask you questions, answer with a long, rambling personal story. Seriously, they don't want a person on the jury who can't shut up.

sassandgroove
09-12-2007, 01:52 AM
My mom is a presbyterian minister and they excused her becuase the prosecution didn't want someone who might have sympathy.

*pouts* I wouldn't mind serving...

scarletpeaches
09-12-2007, 01:52 AM
Wear a huge, jewelled crucifix and announce your intention to convert all heathens here present.

thethinker42
09-12-2007, 01:53 AM
When they ask you questions, answer with a long, rambling personal story. Seriously, they don't want a person on the jury who can't shut up.

That shouldn't be difficult for me...

thethinker42
09-12-2007, 01:53 AM
Wear a huge, jewelled crucifix and announce your intention to convert all heathens here present.

I live in Virginia. If I did that, they'd make me the JUDGE.

scarletpeaches
09-12-2007, 01:53 AM
Wear a turban and a beard then.

thethinker42
09-12-2007, 01:54 AM
Be *very* careful with this game. I know two people who tried "crazy" things to get out of jury duty. They each got a contempt of court charge, weekend in jail, and fine instead.

No worries. :D I wouldn't actually do it...it's just fun to think of things that would keep me off a jury.

And...you know...I don't want to be forbidden from picking on Nichola for a year...that might be WORTH a contempt charge...

Rolling Thunder
09-12-2007, 01:54 AM
Tell them about your special friend ScarletPeaches.

Um...odds are though you'll need to come back to court for the sanity hearing.

thethinker42
09-12-2007, 01:54 AM
Wear a turban and a beard then.

Ok, I want off the jury...doesn't mean I want to be in the defendant's chair. Dumbass...

scarletpeaches
09-12-2007, 01:55 AM
Couldn't you just say, "I don't want to be here and I'll be the worst juror ever and I promise to be completely partial and I'm open to bribes?"

thethinker42
09-12-2007, 01:58 AM
Couldn't you just say, "I don't want to be here and I'll be the worst juror ever and I promise to be completely partial and I'm open to bribes?"

See dclary's post regarding contempt of court.

dclary
09-12-2007, 01:58 AM
No worries. :D I wouldn't actually do it...it's just fun to think of things that would keep me off a jury.

And...you know...I don't want to be forbidden from picking on Nichola for a year...that might be WORTH a contempt charge...

Oh, in that case...

Say "Now remember... Guns don't kill people. I do."

AceTachyon
09-12-2007, 02:01 AM
Tell them you're a card-carrying member of both the NRA and the ACLU?

scarletpeaches
09-12-2007, 02:01 AM
Weird. You can get out of it in Scotland simply by telling those in authority you don't feel morally/religiously/spiritually able to do it. "Pleading your conscience," we call it.

Del
09-12-2007, 02:04 AM
I am certified ADD with short term memory issues and face blindness. I do not get jury duty. Shame really. It would be good writer experience.

You could just do it and use the experience.

rugcat
09-12-2007, 02:25 AM
Be *very* careful with this game. I know two people who tried "crazy" things to get out of jury duty. They each got a contempt of court charge, weekend in jail, and fine instead.I have a friend who dressed in Bermuda shorts, sandals, and a T shirt with a rock band logo, figuring he'd be dismissed. He didn't get a contempt charge, but the judge did threaten him with one and made him come back the next day, dressed more appropriately.

You don't think the courts have seen it all?

Rolling Thunder
09-12-2007, 02:27 AM
What's the problem with doing jury duty anyway? It's not a terrible thing to have to do.

veinglory
09-12-2007, 02:43 AM
Wearing a purple daisy mini-dress did it for me. Might work even better for a guy.

And the problem was they paid me so little to do jury duty I would have starved and been evicted--and my job was hourly and didn't have to pay me while I was on a jury. Messed up system.

Hillary
09-12-2007, 02:46 AM
I never serve because my uncle is a sheriff and apparently that would make me biased. I don't know how "my family members have an appreciation of the law" makes me unsuitable for jury duty, but oh well.

Incidentally, judges and lawyers HATE people who are fully aware of their rights. Start educating the people around you about jury nullification and you'll be excused instantaneously. Knowing the law is worse than breaking it, apparently.

scarletpeaches
09-12-2007, 02:48 AM
Got it!!

You walk in there, wearing a stetson, and say, "Hi! My name's Gordon Jerome!"

:D:D:D

Esopha
09-12-2007, 02:51 AM
Are you an expert on any subjects? My dad's gotten out of jury duty by going on and on about aerospace engineering, velocity of bullets, etc, etc. They don't like to have people with expert knowledge serve on juries, for whatever reason. I think it has to do with prior knowledge interfering with the case.

The only problem with this technique is that they might call you in the future to be an expert witness.

auntybug
09-12-2007, 03:21 AM
My friend said "If I need to I can even though I'm breastfeeding right now" everyone else gave a "no way" w/ no reason. She got out cause she was nice about it. Any chance you're lactating? *wink*

thethinker42
09-12-2007, 03:24 AM
What's the problem with doing jury duty anyway? It's not a terrible thing to have to do.

In all honesty, I think it would be interesting to serve on a jury.

It's just that I pledged not to harass Nichola for a year or something if I DO get selected...so...well...

DeleyanLee
09-12-2007, 03:25 AM
Incidentally, judges and lawyers HATE people who are fully aware of their rights. Start educating the people around you about jury nullification and you'll be excused instantaneously. Knowing the law is worse than breaking it, apparently.

Exactly what a friend of mine says--she refuses to give up her right of jury nullification and now she's no longer even called for the jury pool.

FWIW, "jury nullification" is the jury's right to find that a law is unjust and find the defendent not-guilty (even if they are guilty) because the law is stupid. (If I understand it correctly)

Why would judges have a problem with people refusing to give up that right? :D

thethinker42
09-12-2007, 03:25 AM
My friend said "If I need to I can even though I'm breastfeeding right now" everyone else gave a "no way" w/ no reason. She got out cause she was nice about it. Any chance you're lactating? *wink*

LMAO Unfortunately no. See comments in my signature regarding Applied BIology 101...you have to pass that before you get to Applied Biology 102: Feeding Your Science Project from 101.

thethinker42
09-12-2007, 03:26 AM
Got it!!

You walk in there, wearing a stetson, and say, "Hi! My name's Gordon Jerome!"

:D:D:D

Dude, I don't want to be ARRESTED!!!

scarletpeaches
09-12-2007, 03:27 AM
No, you've got all the cuffs you need back home, dontcha? :D

thethinker42
09-12-2007, 03:27 AM
No, you've got all the cuffs you need back home, dontcha? :D

I think I left them at your flat again.

scarletpeaches
09-12-2007, 03:29 AM
It took a while to clear them of parakeet feathers.

Elincoln
09-12-2007, 03:35 AM
Tell them you've been studying CSI shows for years and will know everything about the case.

That or start acting like a ditz(think 80's blond). I'm serious. No Judge wants an immature idiot on their jury. To easy for a dismissal.

Incidentally, my dad use to try to go for jury duty. But since he was a Sheriff's Officer, the judge would get a good laugh and send him back home.

She_wulf
09-12-2007, 03:39 AM
Tell them you've been studying CSI shows for years and will know everything about the case.

That or start acting like a ditz(think 80's blond). I'm serious. No Judge wants an immature idiot on their jury. To easy for a dismissal.

Incidentally, my dad use to try to go for jury duty. But since he was a Sheriff's Officer, the judge would get a good laugh and send him back home.

Actually acting stupid or saying you need to be somewhere during that time might just get you picked.

They seem to go out of their way to include the people who don't want to be there. I REALLY wanted to be on a jury when I was called, did they pick me. NO.

benbradley
09-12-2007, 05:49 AM
Tell them you're a card-carrying member of both the NRA and the ACLU?

I think that's overkill. Being a member of either one may get you dismissed by either the defense or the prosecution, depending on what the case is about.


...
Incidentally, judges and lawyers HATE people who are fully aware of their rights. Start educating the people around you about jury nullification and you'll be excused instantaneously. Knowing the law is worse than breaking it, apparently.
I've heard this very thing from talkshow host and former practicing attorney Neal Boortz. He has also suggested this:

Someone said bring a book to read. Make it a political one, by or about a well-known author/political pundit (Boortz isn't THAT well known, though one of his books is titled "The Terrible Truth about Liberals" which should do), say one of Rush Limbaugh's books. Or Al Franken's "Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot." They [again, judges and attorneys] don't like politically aware people, no matter what side you're on (most people assume you agree with the POV of the book you're reading), as you're more likely to actually KNOW something about the law. If you don't have a copy, you can find many of these books cheaply at most thrift stores.

Serenity
09-12-2007, 07:34 AM
Tell them you're a card-carrying member of both the NRA and the ACLU?

That might work until they say, "Prove it."

kristie911
09-12-2007, 07:42 AM
I never serve because my uncle is a sheriff and apparently that would make me biased.


Seriously? I'm a 911 dispatcher, I still had to serve. I was even familiar with the case beforehand. It was a civil case from a car accident. I was one of the dispatchers on when the crash happened. I knew who was found at fault and who got a ticket for it. Both things that didn't come out in court. It was very bizarre.

Williebee
09-12-2007, 07:49 AM
Hey Kristie? Me too. County dispatch. Thanks for serving your community.

Want to get out of jury duty? Doesn't matter what they ask you. "As far as your concerned, a person wouldn't be in court unless they did something wrong. Maximum punishments are the only way to go."

But you have to be very sincere about this, and you can't make any kind of goofy jokes that would indicate that you have any kind of a sense of humor.

SpookyWriter
09-12-2007, 07:54 AM
Wink at the judge.

jodiodi
09-12-2007, 07:54 AM
If they ask you if you've already formed an opinion, say yes. If it's a capital case, tell them you can't consider a death penalty case due to religious or moral grounds. Tell them you had a friend in college who was a victim of a similar crime and you can't give the defendant a fair hearing. No one can prove what you do or don't think.

I used to cover the courts for a newspaper and a radio network and my boyfriend's father (at that time) was a senior superior court judge and we used to have lots of long, funny conversations in chambers. Everyone was terrified of him, but we got along great. I've only been picked for a jury once (vehicular homicide) and they made a plea deal about halfway through. I was so disappointed. I like being on juries.

Hillary
09-12-2007, 09:07 AM
Seriously? I'm a 911 dispatcher, I still had to serve. I was even familiar with the case beforehand. It was a civil case from a car accident. I was one of the dispatchers on when the crash happened. I knew who was found at fault and who got a ticket for it. Both things that didn't come out in court. It was very bizarre.

Seriously. I didn't understand it myself. I would have made a kickass juror. Until I started telling people about jury nullification, that is.

Perhaps I should make it my goal to get on a jury and THEN talk about jury nullification. Dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun.

Also, that is pretty bizarre that you served on that jury. O_o My cousin actually got dismissed from a jury when they asked her if she knew anyone involved and she said "No... Well, I think I went on a date with the defendant's brother when I was 14, but I'm not sure. They have the same last name, at least."

BenPanced
09-12-2007, 09:50 AM
I was called about 4 years ago, I think it was. The only thing I found annoying is I didn't know where I was going to be on a given day, work or at the courthouse. I went down twice, once on the initial day (got called in for potential juror questioning, but only as an alternate, so all I did was...sit), a Monday, and once again on Wednesday. Called The Recording on Thursday night and everybody who hadn't been assigned to a case that week was excused. "Slow" season, I guess.

I guess everybody's afraid they'll sit on the next O.J. case and have to be sequestered for the next six months and miss their shows.

JoNightshade
09-12-2007, 10:04 AM
::Waves hand frantically:: I'll take your spot! I would SO love to be on a jury! I'm totally in love with the justice system, flawed as it may be, and I love to see it at work. I've only gotten called in for duty once, and I was so disappointed because I just got to sit in that room all day and never got called in. But it was really cool because this very forbidding judge who was missing both a leg and an arm (well he had prosthetics) came in and lectured us about how he knew doing this sucked, but then he went on to describe how us sitting there in the room, even if we never got called, actually did quite a lot. I won't do the whole speech but it was cool and it made it all feel worthwhile.

ANYWAYS I have a super flexible schedule so I could totally do jury duty but I never get callllllled! I wanna go!

Lyra Jean
09-12-2007, 10:35 AM
I have never been summoned but I would do it just so as not to go to work.

thethinker42
09-12-2007, 04:10 PM
That might work until they say, "Prove it."

Well, I can prove the NRA membership...the ACLU? Not so much.

ccarver30
09-12-2007, 04:41 PM
I live in Virginia. If I did that, they'd make me the JUDGE.

LMAO!

DeleyanLee
09-12-2007, 04:43 PM
The one time I got called down for jury duty, I got picked for a domestic violence case. They picked 1 more member than needed, just in case someone didn't show up for whatever reason. We all showed up, heard the case (it was laughable--VERY easy to decide) and I ended up being bumped as the alternate, so I didn't get to be in on the deliberations (which lasted about 5 minutes, actually).

Anyway, the judge took me back in the chambers and thanked me and we got to talking. It came out that I'm a novelist AND a thespian (theater-person), so the judge invited me to give both of the attorneys a critique of their performance since they were both rookies with under 10 cases under their belts.

Which I did. It was interesting and educational in itself, as I got about 10 minutes alone with each attorney to discuss their presentations, etc before the jury came back in. Neither attorney asked what my impression of the jury's verdict would be (which was good, since I couldn't guess what they'd vote), but it turned out that my commentary about their performance was spot-on when we went for the jury de-briefing afterward with the judge.

(They found the accused not guilty, actually, and even recommended that the defendant be fined for harrassing the accused. That didn't happen, however.)

All-in-all, I'm glad I went though it, and I wouldn't mind doing the jury-thing again. Which mean, of course, I'll never again be called. It just seems to be how the system works. LOL!

ccarver30
09-12-2007, 04:43 PM
I recently had to fill out one of those damn forms and I gotta say, I do NOT want to be on a DETROIT jury. First of all, the courthouse is in a shady-ass area. Second- I would be afraid of some retaliation or something.
But, all in all, justice must be served! And I love Law and Order, so... lol

Bmwhtly
09-12-2007, 04:51 PM
Hmmm...

Wear a Che Guevara T-shirt. No, too subtle. See if you can get a shirt that says "Proud to be Communist"

Or, and this is what I do with Telemarketers, respond to any question with "Who are you?". With tele-sales, it goes like this:
"Hi! I'm bob calling from a phone company, can you spare me a moment?"
Yes, but who are you?
"Like I said my name is bob, I'm calling on behalf of a phone company."
Yes, I understand that, but who are you?
"Well... I'm bob."
I KNOW THAT! You already told me! But who are you?

Getting increasingly frustrated each time. They don't usually last more than two goes. :) I could see that working on the Lawyers.


Or you could flirt with the Lawyers of one side, the other side'll veto you.

DeleyanLee
09-12-2007, 04:58 PM
I recently had to fill out one of those damn forms and I gotta say, I do NOT want to be on a DETROIT jury.

Oh, I just escaped Detroit last year. I so know what you're talking about there!

thethinker42
09-12-2007, 09:28 PM
Ok, so I didn't get picked. They let us go at 12:30...woohoo!!! I get to SKATE for the rest of the day!!! :D

And I am still, as of today, free to pick on Scarletpeaches to my heart's content.

Celia Cyanide
09-12-2007, 09:32 PM
4. Show up dressed as a ninja. (My husband takes ninjitsu, so this would not be difficult to pull off...)

I just wanted to say that I don't think this works. That one woman wore her Star Trek costume. She even called it a "uniform" and she still got picked.

DeleyanLee
09-12-2007, 09:35 PM
Ok, so I didn't get picked. They let us go at 12:30...woohoo!!! I get to SKATE for the rest of the day!!! :D

So now we don't know if any of the suggestions worked. Pooh! ;)