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The_Grand_Duchess
09-11-2007, 07:42 PM
So all those love and getting it on threads in novel writing (what the hell is going on up there? It's like a high school dance, all sweaty and awkward) got me to thinking. And since I have no shame on the internet I thought I would get all of your opinions too.

So I'm kinda seeing this guy. It just started off as a way for me to get out of the house and have some fun. I'm not really feeling him for a varity of reasons that I won't get into. Well maybe I will if you want a PM about it. Anyway.

So I got to thinking, am I being to hard on this guy? How do I know I'm not really feeling him? I mean with Low I was in love like within the week. This guy, by the end of date two I was like, yeah, not going to happen.

So anyway, what has been all of your experiences with love? When you knew it was right was it quick or did it kind of grow on you?

Share! Oh! and I made a poll, I think.

scarletpeaches
09-11-2007, 07:44 PM
I've never been in love but my theory is either a) You just don't fancy the guy which can't be forced or b) It's too soon after your recent upset. (If I'm getting the correct person here...what with so many avatar changes - myself included - I get confused sometimes as to who said what).

But I don't believe love is a feeling. In love is a feeling but love is a verb. It's something you do, not something you feel. Two completely different things.

But chemistry's important. If it's not there and you're not feeling it, then you're not feeling it. It can't be forced.

I know a guy I get on with really well and friends say we'd make a good couple but nah, ain't gonna happen. I've felt more sexual chemistry with a bar of chocolate.

jennifer75
09-11-2007, 07:46 PM
So all those love and getting it on threads in novel writing (what the hell is going on up there? It's like a high school dance, all sweaty and awkward) got me to thinking. And since I have no shame on the internet I thought I would get all of your opinions too.

So I'm kinda seeing this guy. It just started off as a way for me to get out of the house and have some fun. I'm not really feeling him for a varity of reasons that I won't get into. Well maybe I will if you want a PM about it. Anyway.

So I got to thinking, am I being to hard on this guy? How do I know I'm not really feeling him? I mean with Low I was in love like within the week. This guy, by the end of date two I was like, yeah, not going to happen.

So anyway, what has been all of your experiences with love? When you knew it was right was it quick or did it kind of grow on you?

Share! Oh! and I made a poll, I think.

I'll PM you.

III
09-11-2007, 07:46 PM
Infatuation can happen incredibly quickly and hit you like lightning, whether you want it to or not. I don't know if it lasts. Real love is about enjoying each other and comitting to one another and ultimately serving each other.

scarletpeaches
09-11-2007, 07:48 PM
I agree with III.

This scares me.

"Ask not what your lover can do for you, but rather, what you can do for your lover." :e2brows:

III
09-11-2007, 07:48 PM
I agree with III.


That's why I love you.

scarletpeaches
09-11-2007, 07:49 PM
Go get me some juice.

III
09-11-2007, 07:50 PM
Go get me some juice.

Anything you say, m'lady...

http://www.nndb.com/people/390/000022324/oj-simpson-mshot.jpg

KTC
09-11-2007, 07:50 PM
I've never been in love

bold faced liar!

jennifer75
09-11-2007, 07:50 PM
I've never been in love but my theory is either a) You just don't fancy the guy which can't be forced or b) It's too soon after your recent upset.

Yea, I agree. If you are at all distracted by say, a couple of fellahs, this makes it really hard to concentrate on one person, let alone your own feelings.



But I don't believe love is a feeling. In love is a feeling but love is a verb. It's something you do, not something you feel. Two completely different things.


Again, I agree. It seems to be that I'm "doing" more than I'm "feeling" these days lol. That probably didn't sound right. But yea, love is an entire universe of things...feelings, emotions, actions, tons of things are involved.


But chemistry's important. If it's not there and you're not feeling it, then you're not feeling it. It can't be forced.

Yea, that whole love is blind bullshit....doesn't fly with me. I need to be attracted to somebody. And if there is a flaw, minor as it may be, it will distract me enough for me to lose interest.


I know a guy I get on with really well and friends say we'd make a good couple but nah, ain't gonna happen. I've felt more sexual chemistry with a bar of chocolate.

SP, I love you.

Siddow
09-11-2007, 07:51 PM
It's too soon for you anyway, Duch. Perhaps 'not feeling the love' is your brain's way of making sure you know that.

scarletpeaches
09-11-2007, 07:51 PM
SP, I love you.

I get that all the time. :e2brows:

jennifer75
09-11-2007, 07:51 PM
I agree with III.

This scares me.

"Ask not what your lover can do for you, but rather, what you can do for your lover." :e2brows:


Love....it's a son of a bitch.

oswann
09-11-2007, 07:56 PM
Unrequited love lasts forever.


Os.

scarletpeaches
09-11-2007, 07:57 PM
Meh. I don't think so. It's too exhausting maintaining that level of infatuation. Love needs to be fed and if it's unrequited, it isn't, so it dies off. Besides which, I've got better things to do than pine away over someone who isn't interested.

kristie911
09-11-2007, 07:59 PM
I believe in chemistry at first sight and I believe in lust at first sight. But I think love takes a while.

However, if chemistry or lust doesn't kick in by the end of the first date, I can promise you there will not be a second date.

kristie911
09-11-2007, 07:59 PM
Besides which, I've got better things to do than pine away over someone who isn't interested.

Unless it's Joaquin Phoenix. :D

Parkinsonsd
09-11-2007, 08:00 PM
You know, after all you went through, and all of it quite recent, it's kind of silly to think that you'd be up and running at 100% already.

Let me go further, the mere fact that you've gone out with a new guy is in and of itself, amazing, good for you sweety.

It's going to take time and those feelings you had before are not going to be the same. You've got a bunch of scar tissue all over the place and you've got to work through all that, but darn girl, I'm proud of you.

scarletpeaches
09-11-2007, 08:00 PM
Unless it's Joaquin Phoenix. :D

How dare you suggest he isn't interested! :ROFL: (He just doesn't know he loves me, yet...)

III
09-11-2007, 08:01 PM
Meh. I don't think so. It's too exhausting maintaining that level of infatuation. Love needs to be fed and if it's unrequited, it isn't, so it dies off. Besides which, I've got better things to do than pine away over someone who isn't interested.

Try telling that to John Hinkley Jr.

oswann
09-11-2007, 08:01 PM
Meh. I don't think so. It's too exhausting maintaining that level of infatuation. Love needs to be fed and if it's unrequited, it isn't, so it dies off. Besides which, I've got better things to do than pine away over someone who isn't interested.

Because you have never been in love. You see it like feeding a goldfish - interesting at first but tiresome after a couple of months. You're cynicsm is a thin excuse for fear.

Os.

scarletpeaches
09-11-2007, 08:05 PM
Don't tell me how I think or see anything.

Unrequited love isn't love at all - it's a crush.

Your superior attitude is a thin excuse for not knowing what you're talking about.

jennifer75
09-11-2007, 08:05 PM
I believe in chemistry at first sight and I believe in lust at first sight. But I think love takes a while.

However, if chemistry or lust doesn't kick in by the end of the first date, I can promise you there will not be a second date.

True true...too true. I fall in love with that feeling I/you/all of us get at the end of the first date. That feeling lasts a lifetime.

scarletpeaches
09-11-2007, 08:06 PM
Try telling that to John Hinkley Jr.

Don't put ideas in my head. I might have to shoot someone for you.

KTC
09-11-2007, 08:07 PM
she does protest too much.

III
09-11-2007, 08:12 PM
Don't put ideas in my head. I might have to shoot someone for you.

A good friend of mine used to eat M&M's by sucking on them till they dissolved, rather than just eating them. For that, I gave him the nickname "John Hinkley Jr." and evermore shall he be to me. You can be Jodie Foster.

scarletpeaches
09-11-2007, 08:13 PM
You can be my Hannibal Lecter. :kiss:

oswann
09-11-2007, 08:15 PM
Don't tell me how I think or see anything.

Unrequited love isn't love at all - it's a crush.

Your superior attitude is a thin excuse for not knowing what you're talking about.

You proclaim you have never been in love then babble about how you would be if you were in love. My superior attitude is matched only by your snippyness. Get over it.

Os.

KTC
09-11-2007, 08:16 PM
You can be my Yoko Ono

III
09-11-2007, 08:18 PM
You can be my Yoko Ono

If there's someone you can live without, then do so.

KTC
09-11-2007, 08:20 PM
you can be my, be my, be my yoko ono ohoh no.

C.bronco
09-11-2007, 08:27 PM
Back on subject...
Love creeps up on you because you have to know the person before you realize that you love him. Admiration or lust can be immediate.
The exception would be loving a child; your love for your child is instant and all-encompassing.

writerterri
09-11-2007, 08:32 PM
I wanted him the moment I set my eyes on him. And I could tell he wanted me too but not as badly. So I set out to hook him through his stomach. Then when we became friends I hooked him with other means. :D It was the longest 6 months I ever held out, but it payed off because after 14 years and 11 years of marriage, we're still together and he still sprints home from work like a puppy dog in heat.

He has his faults but who doesn't. The main thing is that we help each other get through life and we live and let live. He also always thanks me for dinner every night and I always thank him when he helps out with house work.

And "sorry" isn't a foreign language in our home.

KTC
09-11-2007, 08:49 PM
Back on subject...
Love creeps up on you because you have to know the person before you realize that you love him.

Sorry. Sounds pretty. But it's wrong. I knew I loved my wife the night I met her. Not just the night. First glance. From across the room I saw her and I said, "she will be mine." She was my new best friend's unseen-until-that-moment girlfriend. We did a shuffle the next day and she was mine. That was...let's see, 1983ish.

The_Grand_Duchess
09-11-2007, 08:50 PM
Very interesting takes on love and how it happens. Maintaining seems to be the real issue. Where are all our haven't been in love teenagers at?

And yes, loving a child just happens pretty much as soon as they pop out usually. Ack! I'm running out of time! Gotta finish my carpets!

KTC
09-11-2007, 08:50 PM
Though you may be right, Cynthia...maybe we were just hooking up from a previous lifetime of creeped up love?

scarletpeaches
09-11-2007, 08:51 PM
Very interesting takes on love and how it happens. Maintaining seems to be the real issue. Where are all our haven't been in love teenagers at?

And yes, loving a child just happens pretty much as soon as they pop out usually. Ack! I'm running out of time! Gotta finish my carpets!

Hello! :D

Haven't been a teenager in a long while, but I fall into that category!

The_Grand_Duchess
09-11-2007, 08:52 PM
Hello! :D

Haven't been a teenager in a long while, but I fall into that category!

I wasn't discounting you sweetheart! But your ideas or less romantic and more practical. As mine have become. :)

KTC
09-11-2007, 08:53 PM
liar liar. i'm settin your pants on fire.

C.bronco
09-11-2007, 08:55 PM
Though you may be right, Cynthia...maybe we were just hooking up from a previous lifetime of creeped up love?
But initially, was it love or lust?

scarletpeaches
09-11-2007, 08:56 PM
I wasn't discounting you sweetheart! But your ideas or less romantic and more practical. As mine have become. :)

Oh, I can be romantic. It just takes a lot to get me to trust someone enough. And I've yet to meet someone I could imagine spending the rest of my life with. So...maybe one day but I'm not going to put my life on hold until I find 'the one'. I don't believe in 'the one' or soulmates, anyway. I have six billion of those. :)

KTC
09-11-2007, 08:57 PM
it was, honestly, love. crazy love...lust really had nothing to do with it. we spoke without speaking. that night we drank vodka from each other's clothing while my best friend tsked and laughed. we also performed as Sonny & Cher...perfectly. and played stoned charades with 100% accuracy. no sex. no lust. just you are my other...NAMASTE.

KTC
09-11-2007, 08:58 PM
I don't believe in 'the one' or soulmates, anyway. I have six billion of those. :)

I believe in multiple soul mates. I've had friends who are soulmates and family members who are soulmates. I gotcha.

scarletpeaches
09-11-2007, 08:59 PM
Sorry. Sounds pretty. But it's wrong. I knew I loved my wife the night I met her. Not just the night. First glance. From across the room I saw her and I said, "she will be mine." She was my new best friend's unseen-until-that-moment girlfriend. We did a shuffle the next day and she was mine. That was...let's see, 1983ish.

But how can you possibly know someone from one glance? See, this is the reason I don't believe in love at first sight, because if someone was to say "What is it about them you love?" you [in general, not you specifically] couldn't say you love anything about them because you don't know anything about them! If you're just going by glances alone, it's all physical rather than related to their personality.

The people I care about, I admire them for their work ethic, or integrity, or loyalty...none of those are qualities you can discern about someone from merely looking. You have to get to know them first. All you can tell from a glance is whether or not you fancy someone, whether or not you want them.

C.bronco
09-11-2007, 08:59 PM
My friend and her husband were like that; fell in love on their first meeting. They have three kids now.

scarletpeaches
09-11-2007, 09:00 PM
I believe in multiple soul mates. I've had friends who are soulmates and family members who are soulmates. I gotcha.

Stop agreeing with me, Spaz.

KTC
09-11-2007, 09:02 PM
But how can you possibly know someone from one glance? See, this is the reason I don't believe in love at first sight, because if someone was to say "What is it about them you love?" you [in general, not you specifically] couldn't say you love anything about them because you don't know anything about them! If you're just going by glances alone, it's all physical rather than related to their personality.

The people I care about, I admire them for their work ethic, or integrity, or loyalty...none of those are qualities you can discern about someone from merely looking. You have to get to know them first. All you can tell from a glance is whether or not you fancy someone, whether or not you want them.

I believe...all kidding aside...that we know everything. It's just a matter of tuning in. In my world there is no time. No before. No after. No during. Just everything. I loved her when I looked at her.



Form is emptiness; emptiness also is form. Emptiness is no other than form; form is no other than emptiness. In the same way, feeling, perception, formation, and consciousness are emptiness. Thus, Shariputra, all dharmas are emptiness. There are no characteristics. There is no birth and no cessation. There is no impurity and no purity. There is no decrease and no increase. Therefore, Shariputra, in emptiness, there is no form, no feeling, no perception, no formation, no consciousness; no eye, no ear, no nose, no tongue, no body, no mind; no appearance, no sound, no smell, no taste, no touch, no dharmas, no eye dhatu up to no mind dhatu, no dhatu of dharmas, no mind consciousness dhatu; no ignorance, no end of ignorance up to no old age and death, no end of old age and death; no suffering, no origin of suffering, no cessation of suffering, no path, no wisdom, no attainment, and no non-attainment.

scarletpeaches
09-11-2007, 09:03 PM
Now my head hurts.

KTC
09-11-2007, 09:05 PM
I'm sorry I agreed with you. OOps. As far as your head hurting...what can I say. I am what I am. I do know that it was love. It was crystal.

scarletpeaches
09-11-2007, 09:08 PM
I suppose, being the Messiah, it meant you had insights no other mortal man would possess. So I can forgive you for being weird on this point. Don't let it happen again.

KTC
09-11-2007, 09:09 PM
I will try. We will vehemently disagree one more time this week...I will try to be lenient on you, though.

KTC
09-11-2007, 09:10 PM
Hey...you're a dot!

scarletpeaches
09-11-2007, 09:15 PM
I have changed my dot to proclaim my apostleship. Let the betrayal begin! :D

KTC
09-11-2007, 09:16 PM
I will see what I can do.

scarletpeaches
09-11-2007, 09:21 PM
I have to go out for a few hours, Oh Messianic One, but when I come back from my evening of looting, betraying and thieving, I'll see what I can do to drum up some more suckers apostles. :D Toodle-oo for now!

KTC
09-11-2007, 09:23 PM
be careful of the wooden man with the wooden coins, precious one.

III
09-11-2007, 09:33 PM
I've experienced that instant connection Kev was talking about three times in my life. Unfortunately, all three were while I was dating or married to my wife. There's no formula or rationale for it. It's like the cliched bolt out of the blue and it rips right to the core of you. I'm happy for KTC that his turned out to be his wife - that's awesome. For me, it was an incredibly painful exercise in self-denial and probably the best thing I've ever done in my life, to RUN away from those wonderful women. I'm sure many Romantics may disagree with me, but I couldn't be happier.

tjwriter
09-11-2007, 09:45 PM
Let's see. I'm 25 now, and we've been together 11 years come December, and married for 5 of those.

He arrived at my best friend's house as a ride to a party. I had rollers in my hair. The first time I ever laid eyes on him, I knew he would change my life forever. I knew we'd be together. There was never a doubt in my mind.

You see, a few weeks before we met, I'd finally agreed to date my best friend. Worst mistake ever. He'd hounded me for a couple of years to date him, but I'd held off for a long time. I didn't feel any chemistry for him in that way. To me, there was nothing romantic, but he worshipped the ground I walked. I finally gave in, and the results were Disaster, with that big ole capital D. I lost my friend.

So when I met my husband-to-be, I had no desire to get involved with any man. What I'd been through had been horrible. Yet, something clicked, and I was hooked.

Don't rush it, but make sure that you did feel something. Without some kind of chemistry/connection, it's hard. But without a solid foundation of trust, it's impossible. Those have been our two key factors.

I can't help but smile when I think about how by the time I hit 30, I will have spent over half of my life with this man. That rocks.

The_Grand_Duchess
09-11-2007, 10:10 PM
I've experienced that instant connection Kev was talking about three times in my life. Unfortunately, all three were while I was dating or married to my wife. There's no formula or rationale for it. It's like the cliched bolt out of the blue and it rips right to the core of you. I'm happy for KTC that his turned out to be his wife - that's awesome. For me, it was an incredibly painful exercise in self-denial and probably the best thing I've ever done in my life, to RUN away from those wonderful women. I'm sure many Romantics may disagree with me, but I couldn't be happier.

Wow, that is so honest. That you would admit that you wanted someone else but stayed by your wife. That's really awesome. It warms my heart to know that there are men in the world like you.

So I forgive you with your blasphemous comments about soda :D

cray
09-11-2007, 10:23 PM
Wow, that is so honest. That you would admit that you wanted someone else but stayed by your wife. That's really awesome. It warms my heart to know that there are men in the world like you.

So I forgive you with your blasphemous comments about soda :D


he's just trying to get a date with you :D

RLB
09-11-2007, 11:31 PM
It happened slowly for me. When I met my husband, we were just hanging out with in the same group of friends. At the time I was chasing this other guy who wasn't even half the man my husband turned out to be. Sure, I thought Alex (husband) was attractive, but he was so different from the type of person I thought I'd end up with that I wasn't really thinking about him like that. But as I got to know him over a period of months, I realized most of the things I thought I wanted weren't what was best for me. He balances me in ways I'd have never thought to look for. And at some point I fell in love, and I've never looked back. I'm not discounting love at first sight, but it didn't happen that way for me.

III
09-11-2007, 11:58 PM
At the time I was chasing this other guy who wasn't even half the man my husband turned out to be.

Was it Danny DeVito? Was it Billy Barty?


he's just trying to get a date with you :D

Ixnay on the ateday aycray or you'll eerquay the eelday!


Wow, that is so honest. That you would admit that you wanted someone else but stayed by your wife. That's really awesome. It warms my heart to know that there are men in the world like you.

So I forgive you with your blasphemous comments about soda :D

I think it happens to most, if not all men at some point, or at several points in their lives, but it's not a comfortable subject to talk about.

You wanna discuss it over a Rum and Mr. Pibb?

Unique
09-12-2007, 12:01 AM
It was a lot like a car crash. Only a lot less blood. Perhaps if there had been more, there would have been a better outcome. Que sera, sera.

JLCwrites
09-12-2007, 12:25 AM
You marry your best friend.

The one who...
Doesn't laugh when your hair is butchered by a stylist
Humors your oddest quirks.
Holds your hand and cries as you scream during childbirth.
Supports your dreams even when they aren't practical
Cleans up the poo fingerpainting your daughter did in the bathroom
Rates your farts like an Olympic judge
Holds you in silent anguish while you mourn the loss of a loved one
Takes a day off of work because you feel sick, with two sick toddlers.
Offers to help and means it.
Puts a hold on coaching football because it took time away from his family.
Loves everything about you... even your weaknesses, issues, and imperfections.
Changes and grows with you, adapting to your changing needs as you adapt to his.

It wasn't an explosion of love at first sight for me, but it was for him (Just like KTC, in fact) but what I did feel was warmth, comfort and an overwhelming sense of peace when we were first dating. (still do) Infatuation wont get your through the stuff listed above. Only a strong feeling of devotion, trust, communication and most of all respect. Which, in my dictionary, defines love.

The_Grand_Duchess
09-12-2007, 12:44 AM
You marry your best friend.

The one who...
Doesn't laugh when your hair is butchered by a stylist
Humors your oddest quirks.
Holds your hand and cries as you scream during childbirth.
Supports your dreams even when they aren't practical
Cleans up the poo fingerpainting your daughter did in the bathroom
Rates your farts like an Olympic judge
Holds you in silent anguish while you mourn the loss of a loved one
Takes a day off of work because you feel sick, with two sick toddlers.
Offers to help and means it.
Puts a hold on coaching football because it took time away from his family.
Loves everything about you... even your weaknesses, issues, and imperfections.
Changes and grows with you, adapting to your changing needs as you adapt to his.

It wasn't an explosion of love at first sight for me, but it was for him (Just like KTC, in fact) but what I did feel was warmth, comfort and an overwhelming sense of peace when we were first dating. (still do) Infatuation wont get your through the stuff listed above. Only a strong feeling of devotion, trust, communication and most of all respect. Which, in my dictionary, defines love.

I was going to PM you but apparently I can't do that with you. Anyway. Wow, by your estimation I was def with the wrong man because I think he did the opposite of every single one of those things.

When I was giving birth he was complaining about how tired he was, he didn't clean anything, ever, at all, coached like two teams at once and didn't care about spending time with his family at all (and by family I mean me and the kids because he always had time for his mom, dad, brother and sister) and when my father died he told me I was only crying because I felt guilty not because I was sad.

I picked a real winner there.

scarletpeaches
09-12-2007, 12:45 AM
And why the hell were you with him?! What was there in this charmer to inspire love?

The_Grand_Duchess
09-12-2007, 12:51 AM
And why the hell were you with him?! What was there in this charmer to inspire love?

He wasn't always like that. Or rather he probably was but hid it better. He used to be very sweet and loving. The man I fell in love with was great. The man he is now is an ass.

He didn't start being a shit until we moved back into this shit town. That's when he became what he is today. Which isn't really a man so much a as a little boy playing at one. Men don't act the way he does.

Oh and he was really good in the sack. Really good.

Ol' Fashioned Girl
09-12-2007, 02:32 AM
But how can you possibly know someone from one glance? See, this is the reason I don't believe in love at first sight, because if someone was to say "What is it about them you love?"

I can answer that one, Nichola: I knew him before I knew him. His is an old soul and so is mine... we have been together before and will be again. All we had to do was find one another in this lifetime... the rest is almost thirty years of history now.

scarletpeaches
09-12-2007, 02:39 AM
See, I don't believe in old souls finding each other. I believe this life is all there is and once you're gone, you're gone. Wormfood.

That's not to say I don't believe in love; I do. It's the most powerful force in the universe. But I've never fallen for someone instantly, can't see it ever happening - don't believe it can happen - and to be blunt, wouldn't trust a man who was "OMG!!! I love you!!!" straight away. I'd wonder what he was after.

I'm more of a slow-burner. I mean, I fancy people instantly. I just don't love them instantly, because I don't know them. I don't trust them, and I would be in a place of uncertainty regarding their sincerity of feeling.

Love, trust and respect are the three things I give slowly, but once I give them, they're 100% yours forever.

brokenfingers
09-12-2007, 02:45 AM
As everything else in life - different things affect different people differently.

I believe there is such a thing as instant attraction. Whether that is love or not depends on the individuals.

When we first meet a person, in microseconds the mind takes in thousands of little bits of information to try and classify them. It's how we're built. So it's not a far stretch for a person to possibly get a check on a magnitude of personal preference checkpoints, thereby hitting a big green light in someone's 'like' section.

And that's not even counting phermones which also play a large role in first time encounters.

JLCwrites
09-12-2007, 02:56 AM
I was going to PM you but apparently I can't do that with you. Anyway. Wow, by your estimation I was def with the wrong man because I think he did the opposite of every single one of those things.

When I was giving birth he was complaining about how tired he was, he didn't clean anything, ever, at all, coached like two teams at once and didn't care about spending time with his family at all (and by family I mean me and the kids because he always had time for his mom, dad, brother and sister) and when my father died he told me I was only crying because I felt guilty not because I was sad.

I picked a real winner there.
I require reps with private messages!
:e2brows:

Sorry to hear about your prior relationship. At least you now have plenty of experiences to learn from, and hopefully will find a better match in the future!