View Full Version : Beta/advsior for WIP MG/YA fantasy WIP

09-11-2007, 04:31 AM
I've hit some major road-blocks with my WIP and I'd like another set of eyes (or two or three!) to look it over. What I'd like is feedback on pacing, character, and voice. Spelling/punctuation/grammar corrections not needed--though if something glares at you, feel free to mention it!

This is not a sword-and-sorcery story. There are elves, magic, and prophesies--even a prince and princess. But in this world magic is dying or has been forgotten. I've envisioned the period as pseudo-Edwardian, but I'm not slavish to the history. I don’t read a lot of fantasy, so I'm pretty ignorant of the genre; I would welcome comments from anyone who is familiar with the trappings (I’d read more to get a better feel, but I’m afraid of absorbing things and thinking they are my own ideas). I've not showed this work to anyone, and I've never had a beta or critter before, so I'd like someone with a gentle touch. Handholding not needed; honest-but-not-horrifically brutal feedback appreciated. ;)

Main reason I’m looking for feedback at this stage is that I feel I’ve lost the thread of the story, and I’m too close to see the errors—actually, I’m so close, all I see are errors. I need a fresh perspective. Thanks!

As her 15th birthday approaches, Dulcie Artliss sets off on an adventure that will leave her questioning everything she thought she knew about herself.

Sent to the city of Eiland by her father, Dulcie believes the trip is an early birthday present. Accompanied by Caulder, her father’s loyal and steadfast head servant, she is excited to be leaving her country manor for the first time. Her excitement soon turns to fear, however, when Caulder begins to show uncharacteristic flashes of rage. Even more disturbing is that Dulcie is being recognized by many dangerous strangers. How do these people know of her? What dark secret is tugging at Caulder’s soul? And why did her father forbid Caulder to tell her about the old Seelie Forest? When her father’s true motive for sending her to the city comes to light, she goes on the run to find answers to the whispers that haunt her every step.

What Dulcie finds will place her in the center of a world she never knew existed: a world of foundling babies, dangerous friends, secret wars…and a prophesy that names her The Bringer of the End Times.

09-11-2007, 07:59 AM
I’m afraid of absorbing things and thinking they are my own ideas.

IMO, you shouldn't be. To quote my favourite film director, "Great artists steal, they don't do homages." :) Also, maybe it'd be a good idea to post a short segment (like the first chapter, or something) of your work in SYW SF&F?

Either way, good luck. Cheers!

09-11-2007, 07:21 PM
PM Sent, rooroo.