Men - What's Up With "Just Suck It Up"-Curious

joyce

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I was just wondering why do so many males make the statement "just suck it up" or something similar in painfull situations. First let me say that I'm sure there are some women out there that use it, but for the most part, statements like this are generally from men usually to another man. I mean another guy could just have his leg cut off and his teeth bashed out, and his buddy will tell him "just tough it out". Is it because if you scream and say it hurts like hell, everyone will think you are a sissy? Is it some male dominated secret that you must "suck it up" in all cases where there might be some emotional or physical pain. Why would you put yourself through more drama just to make yourself look tough? Is it just born in you.

A poster in a thread tonight,male, made this statement to someone who was feeling pain. I found it very callous, but through the years have grown use to hearing it said a million times over. It just made me wonder, is it really that horrible in men's eyes to show pain or emotion, especially in front of another male?
 

robeiae

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Throw some dirt on it. You're fine.



Actually, I think it's a consequence of reality over time--right or wrong, men have believed themselves to be in situations throughout history where they had no choice but to keep going. I'm not saying this isn't true for women--labor springs to mind as an obvious example--but it generally wasn't in the same context.

Now, I'd also say that it's a pretty antiquated notion, but I seriously doubt it's going to disappear any time soon.

ETA: So suck it up and get used to it. ;)
 

SpookyWriter

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I was just wondering why do so many males make the statement "just suck it up" or something similar in painfull situations.

Ask the current crew in Iraq.

A poster in a thread tonight,male, made this statement to someone who was feeling pain. I found it very callous, but through the years have grown use to hearing it said a million times over.

So if a woman said the same thing we wouldn't be having this conversation?

It just made me wonder, is it really that horrible in men's eyes to show pain or emotion, especially in front of another male?

Depends on the situation and environment.
Just saying...
 

Sean D. Schaffer

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I was just wondering why do so many males make the statement "just suck it up" or something similar in painfull situations. First let me say that I'm sure there are some women out there that use it, but for the most part, statements like this are generally from men usually to another man. I mean another guy could just have his leg cut off and his teeth bashed out, and his buddy will tell him "just tough it out". Is it because if you scream and say it hurts like hell, everyone will think you are a sissy? Is it some male dominated secret that you must "suck it up" in all cases where there might be some emotional or physical pain. Why would you put yourself through more drama just to make yourself look tough? Is it just born in you.

A poster in a thread tonight,male, made this statement to someone who was feeling pain. I found it very callous, but through the years have grown use to hearing it said a million times over. It just made me wonder, is it really that horrible in men's eyes to show pain or emotion, especially in front of another male?


When I was a child, and I would fall and hurt myself, I would cry. Every time this happened, my step-father would tell me to grow up, be a Man, and stop crying. I stopped crying altogether at the age of 13, because of intense pressure from others to be a Man. I was seen as a crybaby because I showed my emotions, and I finally gave up crying -- which was my only means of really getting over those emotional scars -- to keep from being picked on.

That was 20+ years ago. I've recently learned, as a man, how to cry again. If I do not release my emotional strain through crying, I end up screaming at people and even physically hurting them for reasons that are not related to what they may or may not have done in my own life.

I even had a good cry today, and that's part of the reason I am feeling as calm and composed as I am right now.

But the fact remains, many, many, many young boys are told, from relatively young ages, that crying or showing their feelings is the same thing as being a sissy, a wuss, a crybaby who can't handle the realities of male life.

But seeing what I've seen over the last several months, when I did learn how to cry again, I can say quite readily that the association of crying with sissies is neither true nor even close to accurate. I think a real man is willing to show his emotions regardless of what other people think. He's still human, and demanding that he not cry is demanding he stop being human.
 

joyce

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Thanks everyone for sharing with me. I don't want anyone to get any ideas that I am trying to start something like a fight. My friends husband almost had his hand cut off last week and his buddy kept telling him to just tough it out. Us girls were just talking about this and wondered why it's done. Believe me if that happened to me, I would be as tough as possible, but anyone around me would know I was in pain.
 

akiwiguy

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Interesting, because I don't find it difficult to express say pain or sorrow at all. And I definitely, if you met me you'd know what I mean, am not the "sensitive new-age guy" type. But I do not like the stereotypical view of men, and that is part of the reason that the minute a novel has "tall, lean guy with chiselled features".. etc. etc., whatever type main character, it has left me cold.

But I recall really recently, just as an example, after a round of golf we were having our usual banter over a few beers and somehow got onto a serious topic, and I felt tears welling in my eyes as I gave my opinion on something, and it didn't make me feel awkward at all. It was just the most appropriate response, it was what I felt and I couldn't hide that.

Just my own thing, but I think the real definition of masculinity for me is a guy who is both physically really masculine, yet able to express the whole range of emotions.
 

Danger Jane

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When I was ten my dad stepped on my bare foot. He had shoes on. It hurt so bad. I mean I was ten, probably five feet tall and ninety pounds. He's six feet tall and like 170. I started crying and he told me Hoffmans don't cry.

So I punched him.

That was the end of that.
 

san_remo_ave

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Ah.

I've just been reading about Freud (in relation to Organizational Theory of all dang things) so one way to look at it:

"suck it up" as a euphemistic recommendation to try to repress the painful feelings

Not at all that unusual a suggestion and not one limited to the guys. A purely female version (albeit likely not in use so much these days) "close your eyes and think of England". :D

*duck and run*
 

Silver King

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I was just wondering why do so many males make the statement "just suck it up" or something similar...
I've said that plenty of times, only it was during intimate moments when words of encouragement seemed to be needed. When pain is involved, crying out, "Stop sucking it up!" is more appropriate.
 

BenPanced

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I've never used "suck it up"/"walk it off" and meant it. Usually it's been in a comedic sense, where appropriate. I've always cried when and where necessary, and the comments in the thread you mentioned were completely out of line.
 

Danger Jane

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btw my dad isn't an asshole. I love him. I knocked my front tooth out when I was four and he cried. But he never cries.
 

Silver King

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btw my dad isn't an asshole. I love him. I knocked my front tooth out when I was four and he cried. But he never cries.
Parents feel your pain, multiplied at least tenfold. They really do.

That's one of the "hard" parts of raising children. The "good" parts are (nearly) everything else. :)
 

JoNightshade

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Uhm... confession. I am female and I use this expression. Generally I don't use it to the person's face if they are crying/in mental pain... unless I think they are being a REAL wuss, in which case I DO say "suck it up." I think mostly I use it when someone is expressing anxiety over something that HAS to be done.

Mainly I guess it's because I am a person who has a lot of social phobias. I'm not good around people, and people make me nervous. But I almost never ALLOW those fears to hinder me. Heck, I went to a country where I didn't speak the language and TAUGHT, in front of thirty people, for a year! It was tough every day for me to walk in and face that class.

So when I see other people whining and crying about having to do something, I think, oh please, I can guarantee that I would be way more scared, but I would never let it stop me. If I can do it, so can you, so "suck it up." If you learn to ignore your fears and not let them control you, there's no limit to what you can do. But you'll never get anywhere if you just sit there and whine about it.
 

Summonere

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Survival instinct.

Back in the caveman days, screaming about a bitten off leg wouldn't do you as much good as sucking it up and bashing in the skull of the saber-toothed tiger standing there with your leg in its mouth.

Groaning about your problems won't flip an ace to solve them. Those kinds of cavemen got eaten. Others watched and learned.
 

Danger Jane

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Spooky, that is just another reason (add to my list of like, ten thousand items) that I'm REALLY

REALLY

glad you're not my dad.

SK, word. I am not a parent. I am not exactly psyched to have to deal with my kid knocking her tooth out (it was just a baby tooth) or like, cutting her finger with the nail scissors (mom did that to a not-old me).

Do you think if I got my teeth knocked out my parents would appreciate me more? I play field hockey. It definitely happens.
 

StoryG27

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I don't know if I should admit this because it will make me look like a terrible parent and person in general, but I say this to my kids all the time. I say it so often that I've put my own little touch on it and the saying is now, "Suck it up Buttercup." Now, if my kids are whining about something or are making a little ouch into a big deal, I just say, "Ok Buttercup," and they know exactly what I mean. Hmm, I guess that does sound sort of calloused. Oops.
 

ErylRavenwell

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What are you suggesting? It's better to whine? My mother detests whiners. It's not a male thing. It's whiners vs making-do-with-what-you-have type of people.
 
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TrainofThought

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I was just wondering why do so many males make the statement "just suck it up" or something similar in painfull situations.
I’m a woman and I say, “Muscle Up” when people whine, but I’m not one for crying in public either. I don’t say it for anything serious, although complaints and whining about every day life hear, “Muscle Up. We all have problems”. So, I’m not always a cold-hearted bitch… only sometimes. ;)
 

ErylRavenwell

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I don't know if I should admit this because it will make me look like a terrible parent and person in general, but I say this to my kids all the time. I say it so often that I've put my own little touch on it and the saying is now, "Suck it up Buttercup." Now, if my kids are whining about something or are making a little ouch into a big deal, I just say, "Ok Buttercup," and they know exactly what I mean. Hmm, I guess that does sound sort of calloused. Oops.

You're fine. You do this because you truly have their interests at heart. It's not about being cold-hearted or anything. Either that or you have a spoiled brat on your hands.
 
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maestrowork

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I mean another guy could just have his leg cut off and his teeth bashed out, and his buddy will tell him "just tough it out". Is it because if you scream and say it hurts like hell, everyone will think you are a sissy?

In my experience ...yes. As little boys we (I) were discouraged to cry or whine or complain, or else we would be treated as sissies. Boys are supposed to fit into this really tightly defined gender role: play sports, be mischievous, be good at math and science, tough things out. The worse things a boy could endure was being called a sissy, a nancy boy, a gay, etc. It's better if you're called an asshole, a dick, a jerk or a bully -- in fact, sometimes it's the preference, so the other boys would either fear or admire you.

Men can't really easily outgrow that conditioning. And as men, we're competitive, so we know how to diminish other men the same way boys do to their peers: by tearing down their masculinity. "Suck it up [or you're a sissy and we won't treat you with dignity]." That's implied, and men know that code. It's ingrained in our brains. Every time someone challenges our masculinity, we clam up and we reevaluate our whole being and come to the conclusion that "yeah, better suck it up and die than being called a pussy."

The only time when we act like babies are with our SOs -- I think that's why we act that way when we're sick... because all the other times we have to act so tough and nonchalant. Being sick is our chance to be pampered like babies by our SOs -- and men miss that.
 
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