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View Full Version : Do you lead with your head or heart?



TrainofThought
09-04-2007, 03:50 AM
Have you ever loved someone but knew compatibility was an issue? Did you ever break off a relationship because you felt the present and future differences would never work? Do you analyze sexual relationships, or disregard signs and differences because love matters most to you?

:Shrug: Just curious.

Azraelsbane
09-04-2007, 03:56 AM
Darn, I thought this had to do with writing. LoL. In writing, it depends on what pov I'm in. Most of my characters lead with their head, one leads 100% with his heart, and a few of them prefer to lead with a sharp, pointy object.

As for me, before I was married, it depended on my mood. If I was lonely, I led with my libido. If I was just out browsing, head. When I finally got married, heart. Luckily it was a good head choice too. ;)

I broke off several relationships because after awhile, I realized the feeling I got when I was around the guy wasn't love, but my IQ dropping 20 points. I also broke off a few because the guys were smoking weed. Yeah, I'm a stickler for any type of drug use. I don't like alcohol either. Probably has something to do with all the holes my father punched in the walls when he was drunk.

melaniehoo
09-04-2007, 03:58 AM
I lead with my heart but my head puts up a good argument.

Shady Lane
09-04-2007, 03:59 AM
I am an extremely antalytical thinker. I'm an ENTJ, firmly in the T category, and unable to understand F's.

Um.....I'm kind of a Myers Briggs dork. Hope someone understands what I'm saying.

Ali B
09-04-2007, 04:02 AM
Heart. My brain my put up warning bells, but always with my heart.
Hey, ToT, is this one of those, "I have a friend, and she has a problem, see. I was wondering if you could help me- I mean her," questions?

TrainofThought
09-04-2007, 04:06 AM
As for me, before I was married, it depended on my mood. If I was lonely, I led with my libido. If I was just out browsing, head. When I finally got married, heart. Luckily it was a good head choice too. ;)Very interesting. Good thing the heart thing worked out. :D


I lead with my heart but my head puts up a good argument.As long as you don't answer back you're fine.


I am an extremely antalytical thinker. I'm an ENTJ, firmly in the T category, and unable to understand F's.

Um.....I'm kind of a Myers Briggs dork. Hope someone understands what I'm saying. Huh? :e2hammer:

TrainofThought
09-04-2007, 04:07 AM
Hey, ToT, is this one of those, "I have a friend, and she has a problem, see. I was wondering if you could help me- I mean her," questions?LOL! Nah, I'm... I mean my friend is hopeless. :D

Little Red Barn
09-04-2007, 04:10 AM
LOL! Nah, I'm... I mean my friend is hopeless. :D
ToT,:Hug2:Go with the heart, the brain eventually catches up....

The_Grand_Duchess
09-04-2007, 04:10 AM
I did the heart thing and it left me alone a misrable. My heart is soft and forgiving and every time I try to let it lead the way it ends up even more broken than before.

So it's the head in charge now. My heart just can't take anymore.

EriRae
09-04-2007, 04:15 AM
If my brain's not down with it, my heart never stands a chance. Why? Because I've had my heart broken and stepped on and ripped out and slice-n-diced because I used to lead with my heart. Never again. My brain found my hubby, and I hope I'll never have to fall in love again.

Silver King
09-04-2007, 04:18 AM
Lead with your libido and give it a chance to trick the head into believing your heart was right all along. ;)

sunna
09-04-2007, 04:20 AM
It's a constant argument between the two, but my head usually wins. 7 or 8 years ago the reverse was far more likely.


Libido - well, having had one partner for the last 6 years that I'm very much in love with makes that easy: of course I lead with that, whenever I get the chance. :D

TrainofThought
09-04-2007, 04:22 AM
Lead with your libido and give it a chance to trick the head into believing your heart was right all along. ;)You have a point. Libido is important in the game of love. ;)

EriRae
09-04-2007, 04:23 AM
What's a libido? I think I had a libidotomy...or is that a libidomy?

poetinahat
09-04-2007, 04:29 AM
Well, that just goes to show ya. Here I was, trying to figure out how to say it... and Silver King done did it for me.

It wouldn't matter how many times my heart has been stomped on, or how many times I've done the stomping. I can't do the rational thing, and I just don't want to. I don't see the attraction of a rational love affair.

You are sooooooo money, both of yiz.

TrainofThought
09-04-2007, 04:37 AM
What's a libido? I think I had a libidotomy...or is that a libidomy?When you drop the aspirin between your knees to take care of other needs. :D


It wouldn't matter how many times my heart has been stomped on, or how many times I've done the stomping. I can't do the rational thing, and I just don't want to. I don't see the attraction of a rational love affair.The first guy willing to give his input. I was wondering how men go about it. I guess libido comes first and then the heart. ;)

poetinahat
09-04-2007, 04:39 AM
The first guy willing to give his input. I was wondering how men go about it. I guess libido comes first and then the heart. ;)
Sometimes. That's a race that usually comes down to the wire. As SK said, the head usually comes along later and does the spin control. :D

Uncarved
09-04-2007, 04:43 AM
I've mostly led with my heart. It loves without rhyme nor reason and my head tries to kick it away, but it just doesn't listen. That being said... my libido is always in the runnings... however, it usually gets kickstarted by a powerful personality... and those that make me laugh;)

akiwiguy
09-04-2007, 04:55 AM
Ummm, not sure about libido first. But.. how do I put this. I do think really unusually sexually-intense relationships can confuse, in so far as it is easy for that to override and cloud all else. Lust is a damned powerful force, and pretty easy to confuse with other things such as love. Not that the two are mutually exclusive, but one can tend to lose one's head, you know?

scarletpeaches
09-04-2007, 05:01 AM
Sure, my libido and heart come into play, but if my head doesn't say 'okay', then it's no go. Doesn't mean I can't be passionate, doesn't mean I can't feel, but it takes a lot for me to relax enough to let myself go. It rarely happens, and it hasn't happened in a long time. I have standards from which I won't deviate. If I compromise in certain areas it's impossible to stimulate my heart and libido; they just switch off if the circumstances aren't right.

TrainofThought
09-04-2007, 05:06 AM
Ummm, not sure about libido first. Not that the two are mutually exclusive, but one can tend to lose one's head, you know?I was under the assumption that men lead with their libidos and women with their hearts. Then again, it is an assumption and I wanted to see where women and men stand when it comes to relationships.

And yeah, I know about losing one’s head in a sexually charged relationship. :D

poetinahat
09-04-2007, 05:14 AM
And yeah, I know about losing one’s head in a sexually charged relationship. :D
That's my problem with leading with the head: in my (questionable) experience, it's a lot harder to spice up a rational relationship than it is to bring the brains into a spicy one.

Uncarved
09-04-2007, 05:17 AM
Ahhh its why you start off with a spicy brainy one to begin with Poet....saves time and leaves the effort for better things;)

scarletpeaches
09-04-2007, 05:18 AM
That's my problem with leading with the head: in my (questionable) experience, it's a lot harder to spice up a rational relationship than it is to bring the brains into a spicy one.

Unless you hold back the other bits until you're sure your brain's among those parts stimulated too.

TrainofThought
09-04-2007, 05:22 AM
That's my problem with leading with the head: in my (questionable) experience, it's a lot harder to spice up a rational relationship than it is to bring the brains into a spicy one.Being in a sexually charged relationship doesn’t mean you are thinking with your head, especially if you started leading with your libido. It’s about sex, not about whether it will work (except if they’re bad in bed). ;)

poetinahat
09-04-2007, 05:23 AM
Unless you hold back the other bits until you're sure your brain's among those parts stimulated too.
We're talking apples and oranges, I think. You're talking about intellectual engagement; I'm talking about rationalising whether two people are compatible -- running through a checklist.

For me, I'll know right off if there's a brain match; that is part of the heart/libido assessment. They can't be separated.

But I've had bigger regrets about rational decisions I've made ("let's wait until we know each other better" has never worked out well for me) than I've had over rushing into things.

scarletpeaches
09-04-2007, 05:24 AM
Damn, I wish I'd known you when you were single if you're that easy. ;)

(Joke, people. I hold him in the highest regard, if not in my arms).

JoNightshade
09-04-2007, 05:25 AM
Prior to getting married, I always led with my brain. Sorry, but emotions are just not trustworthy. Actually I used my brain as a sorting mechanism: if the guy matched certain perameters, then my heart was allowed to get involved. If he didn't, heart had to stay in the box, sorry.

Then my husband came along. Rational ANYTHING left the building.

Fortunately, when I regained my senses (several months after the wedding) I discovered that he was the right brain-decision too. ;)

poetinahat
09-04-2007, 05:27 AM
Damn, I wish I'd known you when you were single if you're that easy. ;)

(Joke, people. I hold him in the highest regard, if not in my arms).
I win!

Silver King
09-04-2007, 05:35 AM
...I was wondering how men go about it. I guess libido comes first and then the heart. ;)
The key is to stoke that libido and allow the flames to consume you and your partner whenever possible, whether you've been together for two days or ten months or *gulp* twenty-something years.

There is something to be said about enduring passion between lovers, and how the need for one another heightens with time. No amount of arguing or disappointments or shifts in relationships ever dims the flame that heats your desire and compels you to reach out, even during the darkest of times, for that familiar need and warm breath on your neck, hair like sweet smelling flowers brushing your face and shoulders; and as your passion rises, the head and heart follows; and beyond that, your histories merge like atoms colliding in a neon spray that hurts the mind and climbs the highest rungs of your soul to touch the purest light of ecstasy that keeps you breathless and wanting more...forever.

scarletpeaches
09-04-2007, 05:37 AM
*sigh*

You had me at the 'warm breath on your neck'. That's so my thing... ;)

Little Red Barn
09-04-2007, 05:57 AM
The key is to stoke that libido and allow the flames to consume you and your partner whenever possible, whether you've been together for two days or ten months or *gulp* twenty-something years.

There is something to be said about enduring passion between lovers, and how the need for one another heightens with time. No amount of arguing or disappointments or shifts in relationships ever dims the flame that heats your desire and compels you to reach out, even during the darkest of times, for that familiar need and warm breath on your neck, hair like sweet smelling flowers brushing your face and shoulders; and as your passion rises, the head and heart follows; and beyond that, your histories merge like atoms colliding in a neon spray that hurts the mind and climbs the highest rungs of your soul to touch the purest light of ecstasy that keeps you breathless and wanting more...forever.
Ok ToT, did I just not say the same thing in rep?:tongue

`nite
ETA: But reversed role for hubby...

sunna
09-04-2007, 06:01 AM
There is something to be said about enduring passion between lovers, and how the need for one another heightens with time. No amount of arguing or disappointments or shifts in relationships ever dims the flame that heats your desire and compels you to reach out, even during the darkest of times, for that familiar need and warm breath on your neck, hair like sweet smelling flowers brushing your face and shoulders; and as your passion rises, the head and heart follows; and beyond that, your histories merge like atoms colliding in a neon spray that hurts the mind and climbs the highest rungs of your soul to touch the purest light of ecstasy that keeps you breathless and wanting more...forever.


Yee-HA. May we be still doing that when we get to our twentieth.

Hoooo. I'm gonna go to bed now...

TrainofThought
09-04-2007, 06:03 AM
There is something to be said about enduring passion between lovers, and how the need for one another heightens with time. No amount of arguing or disappointments or shifts in relationships ever dims the flame that heats your desire and compels you to reach out, even during the darkest of times, for that familiar need and warm breath on your neck, hair like sweet smelling flowers brushing your face and shoulders; and as your passion rises, the head and heart follows; and beyond that, your histories merge like atoms colliding in a neon spray that hurts the mind and climbs the highest rungs of your soul to touch the purest light of ecstasy that keeps you breathless and wanting more...forever.Yeah, yeah, okay… love… passion… familiar… hair like sweet smelling flowers… rungs of your soul...

Whatever happened to men just wanting great sex? Geez...


Ok ToT, did I just not say the same thing in rep?:tongue

`nite
ETA: But reversed role for hubby...Not in so many words, but it was a nice attempt. :tongue

rhymegirl
09-04-2007, 06:05 AM
Silver King is pretty neat, isn't he?

Little Red Barn
09-04-2007, 06:06 AM
Yeah, yeah, okay… love… passion… familiar… hair like sweet smelling flowers… rungs of your soul...

Whatever happened to men just wanting great sex? Geez...

Not in so many words, but it was a nice attempt. :tongue

:sigh--smiles: this reminds me of the old Truth or Dare threads...:cry:

poetinahat
09-04-2007, 06:10 AM
(Joke, people. I hold him in the highest regard, if not in my arms).


Whatever happened to men just wanting great sex? Geez...

This just in: "Nice guy" and "healthy libido" are not mutually exclusive.

For more on this story, we go to the single guys...

imagoodgurl4
09-04-2007, 06:11 AM
I lead by putting my left foot in, then out, then in again and shake it all about....if it doesn't fall off and nothing bites it, I know it's safe. :D

Just kidding. In all seriousness, I lead with my gut. If my gut tells me something is wrong, then it probably is. It hasn't steered me wrong so far, so I usually trust that. I don't trust my heart, because I've been hurt too many times and I don't trust my brain because I over analyze everything and can never make a decision.

scarletpeaches
09-04-2007, 06:21 AM
This just in: "Nice guy" and "healthy libido" are not mutually exclusive.

For more on this story, we go to the single guys...

Yeah, and there's probably a reason why they're single and you've been snapped up.

Oh. Wait.

I'm single too.

Ignore everything I just said. :D

TrainofThought
09-04-2007, 06:21 AM
Disclaimer: I asked this question out of curiosity. It, in no way, has anything to do with confusion or my present status in life. :D

Siddow
09-04-2007, 06:21 AM
Head. I'm just cool (read: cold) like that.

But that's dating. Being married has a whole other set of dynamics. But yeah, I'd toss a guy to the bench with one strike against him. And holler, "Next!" :D

Silver King
09-04-2007, 06:23 AM
Silver King is pretty neat, isn't he?
Before anyone else has a chance to answer, I must agree. :D

(Sometimes he's kinda sloppy, though, but we'll talk about that later.)

rhymegirl
09-04-2007, 06:37 AM
No one's gonna disagree with me. And I meant neat as in groovy.

The_Grand_Duchess
09-04-2007, 07:55 AM
I wish I had fallen in love with someone more like you guys and less like the miserable asshole I did.

I am sad today.

aruna
09-04-2007, 08:50 AM
I am an extremely antalytical thinker. I'm an ENTJ, firmly in the T category, and unable to understand F's.

Um.....I'm kind of a Myers Briggs dork. Hope someone understands what I'm saying.

I am a bit of a Myers-Brigg dork as well, but I'm the exact opposite of you, a a total INFP!!!! (OK, not quite opposite. The opposite would be ESTJ) A 100% heart person.


You have a point. Libido is important in the game of love. ;)

It's given too much importance IMO. Libido I consider to be even dangerous as leader; it throws people so off wack they cannot listen to either head or heart - and both are more reliable than libido. That's when we get situations like that movie a few years back where Glenn Close played that psycho. (A senior moment here - the movie's name come back to me and I'll edit soon.)

(ETA: Got it! Fatal Attraction)



Being in a sexually charged relationship doesn’t mean you are thinking with your head, especially if you started leading with your libido. It’s about sex, not about whether it will work (except if they’re bad in bed). ;)

Exactly. But it doesn't mean you are thinking with your heart either. Love is not the same as sex.


Prior to getting married, I always led with my brain. Sorry, but emotions are just not trustworthy. Actually I used my brain as a sorting mechanism: if the guy matched certain perameters, then my heart was allowed to get involved. If he didn't, heart had to stay in the box, sorry.



Actually, I agree, and that's not a contradiction to my claim of being a heart person. I believe the heart can learn intelligence and clarity of judgment. It can see through emotional storms and remain rooted in itself; calm, knowing, and utterly secure. It's a knowledge that does not come from the head at all, more an intuition and utterly reliable; not thought or reasoned out.

I do have an extremely sensitive radar for what good and right (people and situations), what is utterly bullshit and wrong for me, and I follow that. It wasn't always that way; when I was younger I was emotionally led and that invariably led me into trouble. I now differentiate between emotions and heart. Now it would be impossible for me to fall in love with the wrong man, for instance, as happened so often when I was young. It just couldn't happen now. I can recognize "wrongness" and incompatibility from the start.

For me, heart is not synonymous with emotions. Emotions are quicksand; heart is not; but it needs to be grounded. That can take time.


Fortunately, when I regained my senses (several months after the wedding) I discovered that he was the right brain-decision too.

That's exactly what I mean! The heart "knows", better than the brain.

Susie
09-04-2007, 10:58 AM
I always went and still go w. my heart. Great poll, ToT.

ErylRavenwell
09-04-2007, 03:34 PM
Head. I'm faithful to a fault when in a relationship. One night fling: libido. A most interesting dichotomy of personality, Herr Doktor.

scarletpeaches
09-04-2007, 04:13 PM
That's exactly what I mean! The heart "knows", better than the brain.

I strongly disagree. As The Good Book says - The heart is treacherous above all things. Who can know it?

People can fool themselves into thinking their situation is okay, but their hearts can mislead them or they don't know their own heart.

That said, the same book also says love never fails.

Only if it's truly love, though, and not infatuation or lust.

aruna
09-04-2007, 05:06 PM
I strongly disagree. As The Good Book says - The heart is treacherous above all things. Who can know it?

People can fool themselves into thinking their situation is okay, but their hearts can mislead them or they don't know their own heart.



My bold.

Well, that was perhaps a mis-translation! Perhaps in that case, emotions would have been a better interpretation. Be that as it may. In my own personal experience, the heart has always known best. I'm not fooling myself, either; decisions I have made because my heart has KNOWN beyond a doubt have lasted for decades, and changed my life forever - for the better. But it is important to learn to know your own heart (as I bolded in your quote). It doesn't come automatically; sometimes a lot of suffering is necessary beforehand.

maestrowork
09-04-2007, 05:15 PM
Libido first (duh!) and then equal part of heart and brain. I can't fall in love if I'm not head over heels, but I can't be head over heals if my brain says no. Sex is so much easier and uncomplicated, in comparison, than this love thing.

TrainofThought
09-04-2007, 05:53 PM
Libido first (duh!) Sex is so much easier and uncomplicated, in comparison, than this love thing.Amen to that. :D