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SpookyWriter
09-04-2007, 01:32 AM
I've killed that fly a dozen times in the past three or so weeks, and yet each time I go outside for a smoke he's there waiting for me. I'm hot and miserable already. Sweat is dripping off my brow within a few minutes.

It's too damn hot for confrontations.

But that doesn't seem to matter because the fly buzzes around my head as though I were dead; picking at morsels of flesh and laying eggs in my scalp. I'm sure of it. I can almost feel them breeding on my dandruff.

Each time it lands on me I flinch because I can feel its tongue licking the salt from my body. That instrument leaves traces of fly saliva that I can't seem to wash off no matter how hard I try.

I've killed it a dozen times. I swear it. But each afternoon a replacement approaches from my blind side and begins to work on me, hastily nibbling on me before I take a swat at it, and all the while I'm sitting on the porch in misery and discomfort from the heat.

I can't stand it anymore. What am I going to do? I've become afraid to venture outside for fear that it will tickle my ear with its sickening whispers and foul laughter. The mind of a fly is a corruption that I find insanely jealous.

I don't know how much longer I can take the fly's torture. What can I do? I am afraid that soon, I may start a buzz in the community, if I am caught chasing this demon about with a shovel.

But I'm in distress from the heat and don't care at the moment. I just need to fly away from my problems and forget what'd I've heard from him.

I've become too disturbed by the tormentor fly to care if I live for his diet or die.

Carrie in PA
09-04-2007, 01:40 AM
Hire one of the cats to get him. Or the crickets. Although then you may end up with cricket eggs in your hair...

SpookyWriter
09-04-2007, 01:42 AM
Hire one of the cats to get him. Or the crickets. Although then you may end up with cricket eggs in your hair...The crickets are gone for the summer and the cats only stop by in the evening to check on me. I guess I'm on my own with this problem.

William Haskins
09-04-2007, 01:43 AM
get a restraining order.

Carrie in PA
09-04-2007, 01:43 AM
The crickets are gone for the summer and the cats only stop by in the evening to check on me. I guess I'm on my own with this problem.


Hmmm... invest in a flyswatter? Or a hat? Or perhaps an ancient Mayan fly curse that will truly render him dead and prevent him from reanimating?

SpookyWriter
09-04-2007, 01:47 AM
get a restraining order.Sure and have the ALCU or PETA all over this in a heartbeat. LOL!

SpookyWriter
09-04-2007, 01:49 AM
Hmmm... invest in a flyswatter? Or a hat? Or perhaps an ancient Mayan fly curse that will truly render him dead and prevent him from reanimating?I may have to bribe the frogs if they haven't been deported to Mexico already.

eldragon
09-04-2007, 01:55 AM
I don't know where you live, but here in Mississippi we have these huge biting fly things. Big yellow ones. My advice is to stay inside.

That works for me.

SpookyWriter
09-04-2007, 02:03 AM
I don't know where you live, but here in Mississippi we have these huge biting fly things. Big yellow ones. My advice is to stay inside.

That works for me.Good thing I don't do drugs.:D

davids
09-04-2007, 02:18 AM
Now you will undoubtedly not take me seriously here but I shall nevertheless make an effort. Did anyone read what Mr. Writer actually wrote. How well written it was? To put it in Dave's vernacular-fucking brilliant!!!! The beginning of a true tale of horror. A distinctive voice, an ability to capture this reader, am I joking? NO! If it were me I would consider myself lucky to be able to write this and perhaps because of a fly be able to produce something horribly terrific that would surely induce an agent or publisher of this genre and would most likely allow for the writer to afford a hell of a lot of insect repellant-be greatful for the fly-it may be your damned muse! I am not kidding here and although as usual you may not understand a word I have said-well I am a writer after all-Spooky that was Poe like in its black brilliance-Dave

astonwest
09-04-2007, 03:23 AM
I don't know where you live, but here in Mississippi we have these huge biting fly things. Big yellow ones. My advice is to stay inside.

That works for me.Here, they find ways to sneak in while people leave the front door open way too long...

SpookyWriter
09-04-2007, 05:37 AM
Now you will undoubtedly not take me seriously here but I shall nevertheless make an effort. Did anyone read what Mr. Writer actually wrote. How well written it was? To put it in Dave's vernacular-fucking brilliant!!!! The beginning of a true tale of horror. A distinctive voice, an ability to capture this reader, am I joking? NO! If it were me I would consider myself lucky to be able to write this and perhaps because of a fly be able to produce something horribly terrific that would surely induce an agent or publisher of this genre and would most likely allow for the writer to afford a hell of a lot of insect repellant-be greatful for the fly-it may be your damned muse! I am not kidding here and although as usual you may not understand a word I have said-well I am a writer after all-Spooky that was Poe like in its black brilliance-DaveI do understand you. Surprise. I appreciate the comments. I continue to exist in this self-imposed misery for a few more months. I'm hoping this will be the last summer here and am so ready for a change. At least I can produce something while sitting out the summer.

Cheers

poetinahat
09-04-2007, 05:41 AM
Now you will undoubtedly not take me seriously here but I shall nevertheless make an effort. Did anyone read what Mr. Writer actually wrote. How well written it was? To put it in Dave's vernacular-fucking brilliant!!!!
I totally agree. Well written and enjoyable to read, Spooky. Truly.

RumpleTumbler
09-04-2007, 05:43 AM
Pick up a flame thrower on Ebay.

If the neighbors bitch, you'll know what to do.

SpookyWriter
09-04-2007, 06:13 AM
Pick up a flame thrower on Ebay.

If the neighbors bitch, you'll know what to do.My neighbors are old and gray. They only come out after dark and wander the streets aimlessly. I doubt they'll even realize if I'd run around with a flame thrower. I'm more afraid of them then they are of me.

Kentuk
09-04-2007, 07:06 AM
Electric bug zapper, see other thread. It should give you a certain measure of satisfaction.

JoNightshade
09-04-2007, 07:14 AM
I've killed that fly a dozen times in the past three or so weeks, and yet each time I go outside for a smoke he's there waiting for me. I'm hot and miserable already. Sweat is dripping off my brow within a few minutes.

So let me get this straight... it's hot as hell outside, and you're... smoking?

I never understood this and I never will. :)

veinglory
09-04-2007, 07:34 AM
Bury the fly face down in an ashtray with three needles tied together with black thread. Make sure the needles aren't all facing the same way. Now the spirit of the fly will be your slave and keep the other flies away.

SpookyWriter
09-04-2007, 07:40 AM
Electric bug zapper, see other thread. It should give you a certain measure of satisfaction.That's the nighttime entertainment. I'm the daytime entertainment and selected food source.

SpookyWriter
09-04-2007, 07:41 AM
So let me get this straight... it's hot as hell outside, and you're... smoking?

I never understood this and I never will. :)That's because smoking outside lets me breath better inside.

louisgodwin
09-04-2007, 08:24 AM
My wife actually uses these (http://www.arbico-organics.com/fly-control-program.html) to keep the fly population down on our ranch. I was surprised as hell when they actually worked. Not sure if it's a plausible soultion for your problem, though, Spook. But there's nuttin better than biological warfare!

lfraser
09-04-2007, 08:39 AM
Your neighbours are old and grey and only come out after dark? A fly would seem to be the least of your worries...

SpookyWriter
09-04-2007, 08:54 AM
My wife actually uses these (http://www.arbico-organics.com/fly-control-program.html) to keep the fly population down on our ranch. I was surprised as hell when they actually worked. Not sure if it's a plausible soultion for your problem, though, Spook. But there's nuttin better than biological warfare!I don't have flies. It's just one fly. One fly that torments me to no end. But not every time I go outside. The attacks are random and could happen at any time. I don't know when it will attack me. I don't know when it will show up. That's the horror of being tormented by a fly.

Sometimes I'm sitting on the porch and will feel like there's something on my hand. But there isn't. Still, I'll wipe the back of my hand against my pants.

Then the next time it's really there and I take a swipe at it. It always manages to stay out of reach. I don't know when it will strike next and that's unnerving because I'm always on guard. I shouldn't have to suffer like this, right?

This morning while I was sipping my coffee it buzzed my nose and I almost tossed my drink in the air.

I don't think poison will do the trick. I'll probably have to move again.

SpookyWriter
09-04-2007, 08:59 AM
Your neighbours are old and grey and only come out after dark? A fly would seem to be the least of your worries...I'm staying in a retirement community for former government social workers. But they don't seem very social during the day.

Joe270
09-04-2007, 09:28 AM
I'm staying in a retirement community for former government social workers. But they don't seem very social during the day.

Are you still in Phoenix? No body but you is outside in 115 degree heat.

Buy a fly strip. It's a little cardboard tube with a sticky tape that pulls out from the center. Two come in a pack for under a buck.

They stick to it, then you can torture your Nemesis all you like.

SpookyWriter
09-04-2007, 09:33 AM
Buy a fly strip. It's a little cardboard tube with a sticky tape that pulls out from the center. Two come in a pack for under a buck.I tried one of those fly strips already. The mailman mistook it for saltwater taffy and tried to eat it. We called 911 and it took almost five minutes for the operator to stop laughing. Could have been a real crisis if my government check hadn't come the day before.

Joe270
09-04-2007, 09:49 AM
Well, there is that drawback. My dog got into the last ones I put up. I guess the wind tore them down. So she apparently rolled in them.

My dog is pretty darn stupid.

SpookyWriter
09-04-2007, 09:52 AM
Well, there is that drawback. My dog got into the last ones I put up. I guess the wind tore them down. So she apparently rolled in them.

My dog is pretty darn stupid.So is my mailman. Wanna trade? Can your dog licks postage stamps?

Joe270
09-04-2007, 10:02 AM
No, she doesn't lick stamps, but she does lick up fire ants. She did when we lived in Texas, at least.

It took me a while to figure out the strange mud spots in the yard. All of them had a little hole in the middle. Then I stomped on the ground and ants came pouring out.

Maybe you should suggest that to your mailman.

SpookyWriter
09-04-2007, 10:06 AM
Maybe you should suggest that to your mailman.I would but he's off for recovery. Don't know when he'll return. I'll just have to deal with my fly problem alone. I can do it. I think.

Joe270
09-04-2007, 10:18 AM
Have you considered explosives yet? I like explosives, and find they solve problems very effectively. You'd be surprised at the uses for dynamite around the house.

I guarantee you'd meet your neighbors, too.

SpookyWriter
09-14-2007, 06:10 AM
It's been several days since the fly returned. But tonight I felt it burrowing into the back of my neck before I had a chance to take a swat at it.

I can't understand how this same fly manages to find me every few days or so. Don't flies ever die? Where could it be coming from?

I can't continue to take this torment. I have to work and earn money. But I can't sleep sometimes just thinking that it might find a way into my bedroom. What if it does? The thought keeps me bothered for most of the night until I finally am able to get at least a couple hours sleep.

Tonight I'm feeling bloated and moody. Liquor doesn't seem to have any effect or taste. I don't know what I'm going to do next if I don't get some sleep. I've almost forgotten what it was like to dream.