Share Your Stupidist *DOH Moments . . .

I also had a cheesy job as a customer service rep for a company that finances vending machines...you know, the ones that supply your soda and chip cravings? I got it because my best friend offered me the job to be her direct report.

The "Doh" moment that overshadows actually taking the job with my best friend as my boss: telling her, "Someone's going to notice that you just sit on your ass and read magazines all day."

This was after three years of doing her work for her while she did less and less and less, and then went on maternity leave and came back to do absolutely nothing. I made that comment one month before my yearly review...let's just say it didn't go very well, I got a different job, and she will no longer speak to me.

I'm trying to kill her with kindness (still send Christmas gifts, birthday wishes, fun e-mails, etc.) but since she won't speak to me I have no idea how that's going

Those are funny! I gotta doozy. While in a local restaurant, I hadn't seen a couple we were on friendly terms with for many months. It was dark, but I could still see and admired her for losing weight, and she had even colored her hair blonde. You can imagine my red face, when her husband interrupted me quickly and said, "Susie, this is my NEW wife!" Man, I sure was glad it was dark so they couldn't see how embarrassed I was.

Ummm, a minor DOH moment yesterday... was walking out of a building with my daughter and stood at the door waiting for it to open... moved arouind a bit wondering why the motion detector thingey hadn't made it open. Then Charlotte points to the door... "Dad, it says 'Please Push!' Dad!!!! PUSH!!!"

These are funny...

I was planning to go to an after-work wine & cheese business social a while back. A colleague named Paula (whom I'd only met on the phone) called and asked if she could catch a ride home with me since we live in the same neighborhood. I said sure.

I go to the social, and near the end of the party a friend points out the wrong woman as Paula. I go up to this lovely young woman, introduce myself, and ask her if she's ready to go home with me.

She gives me a strange look and politely says she's fine.

I get a call the next day from Paula saying, "I'm so sorry, I never made it..."

Here's my one of my most embarrassing moments:

In college, my roommate had a constant crowd of mopey lovesick men coming in and out of our apartment. They all wanted her but she was already attached. One of the most persistent was this guy named Al, who would always come and cry to her about how he wanted a girlfriend. He would just sit there and gaze at her with these pathetic eyes.

Fast forward a few months. I'm with my boyfriend at someone's apartment when Al comes in with this lovely little petite Asian girl and introduces her as his GIRLFRIEND! Time passes, finally I and my boyfriend leave. The apartment is up on the third floor so we're going down these circular wraparound stairs, me first and then my boyfriend behind me. I turn to him over one shoulder and say, "So! Al finally bagged one!"

And then I realize that Asian girl is right behind my boyfriend.

As a wedding present my aunt's sister in law decided to give us a kitten from a new litter her cat had just had. We couldn't come get the critter right after the wedding; we had a honeymoon to go on and all - so we drove up 2 weeks later, when the sis-in-law & her family were camping. My aunt gave us terrible directions, and it was pitch black by the time we found the right road. We spent an hour driving around looking for a very vaguely described house, and finally found it. We'd been told to go past the dog kennels and to the basement entrance, which would be left open for us. We managed to get in, and spent a while picking out this adorable kitten with a little mustache and a beautiful tail, and left triumphant.

About a week later my aunt called, saying that her SIL wanted to know why we'd never picked up a kitten.

I have no idea whose house we went to or whose kitten we stole; we were so lost by the time we found the place that we couldn't find it again. We put up signs, but nobody ever called. Oy.

Recently I was in the local bakery getting a pie for lunch. Smacking my lips, I extracted a steak and mushroom pie from the warmer and put in a bag... bugger, it went clean through the bottom of the bag, and splat on the floor. Hmmmm! Got another, plopped it it in a bag... damn... not again! I stood there with a kind of bemused stare at the carnage unfolding on the floor at my feet.

Now, it would probably occur to anyone else at this point that perhaps the whole stack of bags was defective. Not me! Reach in for another, and at this point a distraught looking man darts around from the other side of counter, gesticulating passionately and explaining something in Chinese that it is perhaps fortunate that I could not understand. He obviously had visions of his entire day's stock of steak and mushroom pies ending up in a big heap on the floor.

So eventually the problem of the defective bags was solved, but as I waited to pay my daugher was simply wetting herself at what she'd watched, and that started me off.. I just couldn't stop laughing at this graphic images running through my mind of a great stack of pies mounting on the floor of the bakery.

This is a story my mom still loves to tell, and I don't remember it happening.

In the early 1970s my dad's favorite musical artist was Julie London. Her picture was on the fronts of the albums he liked to listen to, so I was familiar with her face. He liked to refer to her as "his girlfriend."

So this one time when I was around five or six years old, my mom and I were riding in an elevator somewhere and a woman got on and rode with us. I looked at her and said "You look just like my dad's girlfriend!"

My mom tells me that the woman didn't say anything, but my mom was embarrassed.

allen

My son-in-law text messaged my daughter while he was at work. He was hot, tired and totally disgusted. His message? "The boss is a perk."

My daughter wrote back....."What's a perk?"

He answered, "You know! A perk!"

That evening he verbally chastised her for not knowing what a prick is.

We now call all pricks "perks".....(sounds a lot nicer too.)

oh...my...god...
I have so many stupid moments.


my friend: Christina, hold on. Ima call you back in two seconds.
Me: okay.

-both of us hang up the phone-
I then begin to rearrange my bookcase for a couple seconds.
my friend calls back.

me: OH!! HI!!!!!!
Her: christina...?
me: how're you?
Her:....we went through this already...we just hung up...I said I'd call back.
Me:...oh...-.-; GOD...i feel...stupid.
Her: i still love you -cracking up-

I got another one for ya. One time while in a department store I met an old friend of mine. I immediately could see she was pregnant. Her belly was big and she was glowing with delight. I congratulated her on her pregnancy, but she looked at me and said with a grin, "Oh, I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat!" I wished I could've disappeared right then. She looked thin otherwise, so that's why I thought that.

still smarting

this just happened this evening. my 2 year old grand daughter was visiting. i live in a duplex and the duplex next to mine is empty. the landlady is an ex-stewardess--very fussy, very proper. the last renter had 2 huge dogs that absolutely ruined the carpets and subflooring. so the landlady is having new flooring installed.

all morning a man was working with power tools on a couple of sawhorses in our backyard. my g-daughter and i were picking beans for lunch and she wandered over t o watch him.

he was kind of cute really. at least to a fiftyish widder lady. his hair was one of those extreme crew cuts that guys wear. usually i don't find any appeal there but this man had very nice blue eyes, behind the safety glasses. so in my wilma flinstone way i was doing a creaky flirt. gnoly, my g-daughter, was all about the power tools and i was narrating the action--telling her just what the "fixer-man" was doing and what a strong man he was and what big boots and tools he had. she even waved bye-bye to the fixer man.

later my landlady invited me over to see the new floor. she introduced me to the man---he was her sister!!!!! JEEZ LOOOEEEZE. i couldn't get out of there fast enough!--s6 ps--eye exam next month!

This is bad, http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=836407&postcount=49

And a slip up, http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?p=777034#post777034

okay-- paycheck is still 2 weeks away and it is getting a little sparse in my fridge. and the nearest grocery store is 15 miles away. tonight i planned on salad. have some great garden tomatoes and carrots. the lettuce is long gone but i did have 1/2 a package of the grocery store stuff, a couple of hardboiled eggs, diced cooked chicken--like that.
about sixish i bustled into the kitchen to build my salad. naturally the pets, molly and scout, expect to eat when i do. god help me, i was trying to feed all three of us at once. i should know better. anyway molly, the dog, had food in her bowl, but scout the cat did not. she was raising meow hell. i finished my salad and grabbed two hands full of small crunchy things: catfood and croutons. yup--i did. and then i doused my salad w/ green goddess.

scout was wrinkling her nose over her croûtons when i bit into a catfood nugget. no more lettuce--i had to pick the catfood out. got most of it and what was left did soften up and taste kind of like anchovies--s6

These are all funny! I've had too many Duh moments to list.

(Hey, I just noticed this thread was almost a year old. There you go--a Duh moment. Can I blame S6 for foolin' me?!)

Some years ago, I was in Quebec City with a couple of friends. We were wandering around the walled part of the city, looking at all the cool stuff and taking photos, when one of my friends ran out of film. We found a drugstore, but the woman there had very little, if any English. I held up the camera. summoned up the best of my high school French and inquired if she had film for this camera.
Her: Oui. Un moment...
Me (turning to my friend): Hey, she actually understood me! Get a load of that!

(It was intended in the spirit of "Hey, the dumb American chick was actually able to communicate with the native speaker!" but it didn't come out that way...)