need help: an "unforgivable" sin

FTJoshua · Aug 30, 2007

So I'm working on this YA-ish manuscript wherein the MC finds out a "terrible secret" about her worst enemy, a girl who has made her life living hell in school.

I don't like what I came up with.

Here's a 13-year-old girl; a tyrant; popular because the other kids are afraid to cross her; her dad virtually runs the school board, with plans to run for mayor.

What sort of secret could the MC find out that could truly jeopardize her popularity as well as her father's ambitions? Range free here -- simple, melodramatic, a misunderstanding...what did she do, see, or hear that could "ruin" her life (at least for the next couple of years)?

Thank you!!

TheIT · Aug 30, 2007

Is the secret something about the girl herself or about her family? I'm thinking of Cordelia from Buffy the Vampire Slayer who lost her tyrant status because her father was caught embezzling or somesuch.

Does she have any siblings? Maybe one of them did something.

How nasty do you want to get?

OverTheHills&FarAway · Aug 30, 2007

TheIT said:
Does she have any siblings? Maybe one of them did something.

That was my first thought as well. Maybe an older brother is some type of horrible criminal that the family tried to bury all existence of.

But you could also go the route of terrible secret involving mean girl herself...

I guess it all depends on what your story is, and what you're trying to say. A problem inherent in the mean girl herself, which goes to prove that what goes around comes around, or a problem she had nothing to do with and therefore could happen to any of us, so be nice to people, you don't know what they're going through. Everyone has a terrible secret, that kind of thing.

JoNightshade · Aug 31, 2007

I would say make your MC find out that this girl's mom treats her just like the girl treats the MC, only worse. So school is the only place where she's on top; at home, she's just her mom's slave or whatever. Families are like this all the time. And if you really need some dirty secret you could have the MC find out that the mom used to be a prostitute or something really embarrassing, but everyone knew about her only under her maiden name.

Nakhlasmoke · Aug 31, 2007

Maybe her father is secretly a deatheater, and on his way to Azkaban?

Oh no, wait.

What if there's an incestuous relationship? And the tyrant is not turning to anyone because she thinks it makes her somehow special? That's about the most far out I got though.

roskoebaby · Aug 31, 2007

Oh man, this is a hard one. Hmm...

What if your MC witnessed the girl do something terrible to a classmate in the woods that caused his/her death. The city thinks it is the work of some maniac on the loose, but your MC knows that the bully did it, possibly on accident.

Too dark?

FTJoshua · Aug 31, 2007

Actually, and I wanted to wait and see what you awesome folks came up with, the original version has it that Mean Girl simply left a toddler she was babysitting unattended outdoors just long enough for the kid to find a way into the pool and drown. (This happens all the time in Arizona.) This way, she both was and was not responsible; but if the local media found out, there was a good chance it would smear her dad.

Furthermore, even if she's not legally to blame (like, she wouldn't go to jail for it), a 13-year-old kid is also going to assume her classmates would think the worst about her. Would they, wouldn't they? Hard to say...

But then I got to thinking that seemed a bit much; too melodramatic.

So, in addition to providing more excellent ideas

(and thank you very, very much), what do you think of that scenario? I should add the point of all this is that the MC does NOT rat her out; she chooses the high ground and does not keep this "ace" up her sleeve against Mean Girl.

You all ROCK.

roskoebaby · Aug 31, 2007

That does happen in AZ all the time, I used to live there. I don't think that it's a bad idea. I don't know, something about it though...

What if the mean girl did something at school that was bad, but ultimately harmless. Like sabatoge something, or steal something even though she didn't need the money. She should take something and the MC gets blamed. The MC finds out and confronts her, but the mean girl has an explanation that involves feeling neglected and she's afraid that her parents will hate her even more, so the MC, taking the high road, takes the bullet for her.

I rambled, sorry.

TheIT · Aug 31, 2007

Another movie which comes to mind is My Bodyguard with Chris Makepeace and Adam Baldwin. Baldwin's character had a terrible secret, too.

I can see definite possibilities with the drowning incident. That could lead to some chinks in the Mean Girl's tyrant persona as she tries to cope with the knowledge of what she's done. How does she react around small children? Is she overly protective? Does the MC have a little sister or brother, and does the Mean Girl chastise the MC for putting her sibling at risk?

jennifer75 · Aug 31, 2007

FTJoshua said:
So I'm working on this YA-ish manuscript wherein the MC finds out a "terrible secret" about her worst enemy, a girl who has made her life living hell in school.

I don't like what I came up with.

Here's a 13-year-old girl; a tyrant; popular because the other kids are afraid to cross her; her dad virtually runs the school board, with plans to run for mayor.

What sort of secret could the MC find out that could truly jeopardize her popularity as well as her father's ambitions? Range free here -- simple, melodramatic, a misunderstanding...what did she do, see, or hear that could "ruin" her life (at least for the next couple of years)?

Thank you!!

Um....

My first reaction was to let it be known that when she went to summer camp last year, it was really to deliver her baby in secret!

Then I thought, maybe the terrible secret could be that her father is really a step father, and he molested her as a child and it drove the mother insane and into an assylum and now the father plans to marry the daughter as soon as she is of age. lol.

jennifer75 · Aug 31, 2007

FTJoshua said:
Actually, and I wanted to wait and see what you awesome folks came up with, the original version has it that Mean Girl simply left a toddler she was babysitting unattended outdoors just long enough for the kid to find a way into the pool and drown. (This happens all the time in Arizona.) This way, she both was and was not responsible; but if the local media found out, there was a good chance it would smear her dad.

Furthermore, even if she's not legally to blame (like, she wouldn't go to jail for it), a 13-year-old kid is also going to assume her classmates would think the worst about her. Would they, wouldn't they? Hard to say...

But then I got to thinking that seemed a bit much; too melodramatic.

So, in addition to providing more excellent ideas (and thank you very, very much), what do you think of that scenario? I should add the point of all this is that the MC does NOT rat her out; she chooses the high ground and does not keep this "ace" up her sleeve against Mean Girl.

You all ROCK.

Yea, that is just too sad. It's sad enought that it happens in real life, but now we have to work it into fiction? Nah, I say Pth on the drowning...

I like my idea. lol. Summer Camp!

jennifer75 · Aug 31, 2007

jennifer75 said:
Um....

My first reaction was to let it be known that when she went to summer camp last year, it was really to deliver her baby in secret!

Her step fathers baby!!! lol.

Kate Thornton · Aug 31, 2007

I like the idea that only at school can the mean girl have any power. At home, there is so much to bear and so much to be ashamed of, that school is the only place she can be a little tyrant.

The MC finds out that the parents are subtly neglectful and abusive. This is a really terrible secret. Her mother drinks and emotionally absent. The dad - remember, he runs the school board and is planning to run for mayor - has been sexually abusing her for years. Now he is eyeing her little (6-7 yrs old) sister. Mean girl is coming to a crisis.

Now your MC can face a dilemma: help the one who has made her life a hell or threaten to out the secret in a way that would destroy the mean girl and her little sister (we don't really care that it destroys the father; he deserves it - or the mother who turns a blind eye to what's going on)

Interesting ideas - you made me think on this one (and it's a Friday - what am I doing *thinking*????)

FTJoshua · Aug 31, 2007

Oh Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer.

PhatDad · Aug 31, 2007

When I was younger and at secondary school (highschool to you yanks) there was a guy in a year below mine that was a bit of a ***t. He found out that my mum was gay and started spreading that around school and causing no end of stress for me due to HIV and AIDS being national news at the time and no one understanding it so I ended up being asked if I was gay and did I have AIDS etc.

Anyway, it turns out, and thanks to my mum who told me several years too late, that his mum was also gay. But he was a macho idiot and outed my mum just to hide the fact that his was also gay.

I know homosexuality isn't really that big an issue anymore over here in the UK and most children and youngsters seem to accept it and it sometimes seems fashionable for some people to claim to be gay but it may be different in the location you are writing your novel.

Hope that helps.

JoNightshade · Aug 31, 2007

Kate Thornton said:
I like the idea that only at school can the mean girl have any power. At home, there is so much to bear and so much to be ashamed of, that school is the only place she can be a little tyrant.

The MC finds out that the parents are subtly neglectful and abusive. This is a really terrible secret. Her mother drinks and emotionally absent. The dad - remember, he runs the school board and is planning to run for mayor - has been sexually abusing her for years. Now he is eyeing her little (6-7 yrs old) sister. Mean girl is coming to a crisis.

Now your MC can face a dilemma: help the one who has made her life a hell or threaten to out the secret in a way that would destroy the mean girl and her little sister (we don't really care that it destroys the father; he deserves it - or the mother who turns a blind eye to what's going on)

I like this one.

meldy · Aug 31, 2007

I like the one above too.

Or the one where she gets pregnant by her step father, although it sounds soap-opera-y I think it can be tastefully done.
And it happens so it will have a ring of possibility to it.

melaniehoo · Aug 31, 2007

Is the mean girl smart/successful in school? You could have the MC discover she's been cheating all along, sleeping with the principal, buying papers off the internet, that sort of thing. Or is that too Election-ish?

FTJoshua · Aug 31, 2007

Hmm...yes, she is a good student (of course)...but I think the trick is for this "sin" to be something she wouldn't necessarily be punished for. The MC wouldn't be in the right to not report a crime, for example. In the drowning example, there likely wouldn't be a criminal case brought against her, but it wouldn't matter -- the social and personal damage is done.

melaniehoo · Aug 31, 2007

How about that her parents are not her real parents, not even adoptive. Her fake mom is really her aunt, her real mother is a prostitute, and the mean girl has to go spend time with her on the weekends.

Provrb1810meggy · Aug 31, 2007

I like the whole drowning thing, actually. Ha ha, that sounds horrible to say. Anyway, I think that would work, because I know that would really ruin someone's reputation. They'd be accused of being a baby killer. Ooh, just thinking about it is bad! It seems realistic, too.

However, it doesn't matter if I like it. It matters if you do!

SinkFulloDishes · Aug 31, 2007

If you're still looking for ideas, how about if Mean Girl had an abortion? Maybe she got pregnant by an older step-brother (or to be less melodramatic, just somebody she met on vacation who she convinced she was fifteen or sixteen). And maybe her dad has always been pro-life, but either he doesn't know about it (only Mom does), or when it came down to his own daughter and her future he changed his tune, but doesn't want anyone to know.

jennifer75 · Aug 31, 2007

FTJoshua said:
Oh Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer.

yes......?

jennifer75 · Aug 31, 2007

meldy said:
I like the one above too.

Or the one where she gets pregnant by her step father, although it sounds soap-opera-y I think it can be tastefully done.
And it happens so it will have a ring of possibility to it.

See! I'm not crazy!

jennifer75 · Aug 31, 2007

SinkFulloDishes said:
If you're still looking for ideas, how about if Mean Girl had an abortion? Maybe she got pregnant by an older step-brother (or to be less melodramatic, just somebody she met on vacation who she convinced she was fifteen or sixteen). And maybe her dad has always been pro-life, but either he doesn't know about it (only Mom does), or when it came down to his own daughter and her future he changed his tune, but doesn't want anyone to know.

!!! This is what my version was missing! I love it!!!

need help: an "unforgivable" sin

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