PDA

View Full Version : I'm a believer



Perks
08-27-2007, 02:20 AM
My neighbor made some toffee bars and gave me a box of them. Well, she said they're toffee bars. But what I think is that they are actually crack bits and heroin paste hidden between some buttery wafers, topped in chocolate with crumbly crunchy stuff stuck in it.

I consider myself a reasonable person. I can control my urges around food and hot men. But these damned things are weighing on my mind. The thought of them is making me drool, but not in some symbolic, representative way to convince you that see-it's-really-good-and-I-really-enjoy-eating-them-and-licking-my-fingers-afterwards.

No. It's not like that. I had to, horrified, snatch a kleenex from the box on my desk and wipe saliva off my arm. That's disgusting.

I can't even go downstairs, much less into the kitchen. I can feel them reaching tendrils of sweet-salty evil towards me. I can hear them sigh like they want me as much as I want them.

What is that? Is that the devil? I think I might just believe after all...

Soccer Mom
08-27-2007, 02:23 AM
I can't tell from this post. It's possible that they truly are from Satan and could condem your soul. Better send them to me and I'll let you know.

akiwiguy
08-27-2007, 02:33 AM
Have you ever considered that erotica might be your true genre, Perksy?

Perks
08-27-2007, 02:35 AM
Lol! I can write me a steamy grocery list, I tell ya.

Danger Jane
08-27-2007, 02:35 AM
ocd?

SC Harrison
08-27-2007, 02:36 AM
Dang it, Perks.

Just reading the title of this thread put the Monkees song in my head.

Perks
08-27-2007, 02:37 AM
I love that song. :)

Perks
08-27-2007, 02:37 AM
ocd?Could be, but is there such a thing as toffee-specific OCD?

Danger Jane
08-27-2007, 02:40 AM
Actually yes, it's just very uncommon so you probably won't find anything about it online or at libraries or even from therapists.

You're on your own.

OR YOU CAN HIRE ME!

Perks
08-27-2007, 02:41 AM
OR YOU CAN HIRE ME!I'd need to know a little about your proposed course of therapy before any money changed hands.

Why am I afraid already?

SC Harrison
08-27-2007, 02:47 AM
I love that song. :)

Here you go, sweetie:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ji_ubelO0Ow

:)

scarletpeaches
08-27-2007, 03:16 AM
Actually yes, it's just very uncommon so you probably won't find anything about it online or at libraries or even from therapists.

You're on your own.

OR YOU CAN HIRE ME!

Oh shut up and eat this:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/7/72/Grace.slick.jpeg/220px-Grace.slick.jpeg

CatSlave
08-27-2007, 03:42 AM
Lol! I can write me a steamy grocery list, I tell ya.
Mmmm, food porn. Yummy!

Pat~
08-27-2007, 04:20 AM
Well, Perks, take it from me, the OCD Queen--the only way to handle an addiction is to make it a healthy one. So here's the family recipe, just for you. (It's got oatmeal in it, so you can now drool without remorse. And I promise, it doesn't taste healthy.) I always try to make a batch of these for Christmas every year, but they never last that long...

Highland Toffee Bars

Mix:

2/3 c. oil
4 c. quick-cooking oats
1 c. brown sugar, firmly packed
1/2 c. light corn syrup
1 tsp. salt
1 T. vanilla

Spray a foil-lined 9 X 13 pan with Pam. Pat the mixture in, and bake at 400 for about 15 min. When cooled, spread with 2 c. melted semi-sweet chocolate chips, and sprinkle with nuts. Cool and cut into bars.

rhymegirl
08-27-2007, 05:24 AM
I consider myself a reasonable person. I can control my urges around food and hot men...

Yes, they added those 2 onto the Ten commandments.

11. Thou shalt not pig out on tasty food.
12. Thou shalt not jump on hot men other than your husband.

(okay, maybe they already have #12)

maestrowork
08-27-2007, 05:26 AM
Thanks for the thread, Perks. Now I'm drooling, too. Damn you and your vivid description of those buttery wafers and chocolate crumby bits. And I don't have any here to nibble on... Damn you to H***!

Ol' Fashioned Girl
08-27-2007, 05:27 AM
If I wasn't a believer before... I am now.

writerterri
08-27-2007, 09:36 AM
OHHHH, can I lick the plate?


please post recipe!

Joe270
08-27-2007, 10:10 AM
OHHHH, can I lick the plate?

Darn it, Werri, I get rep point banned and you leave this bomb? I can't send you a rep point msg. Rats and ferrets.

Dork.

aadams73
08-27-2007, 12:54 PM
*Sigh* My root beer cupcakes keep doing that to me. And I don't even like root beer.

Right now, they're sitting on the counter whispering to me.

Bmwhtly
08-27-2007, 01:18 PM
Dang it, Perks.

Just reading the title of this thread put the Monkees song in my head.Me too. THat's what I thought it was going to be about.


please post recipe!
Second!


If your neighbour gave them to you, it's possible that they are deliberately addictive.
The ultimate plan being that you have to buy more and more of them to satisfy your habit. Once you've spent all your savings and the kid's college funds, you'll have to sell the house.

And since you've been paying the neighbour, they'll be able to buy it. Then knock through and have a house that's twice as big.


A devilish plot to be sure, I think you should pack up what's left and mail it away so as to foil her.
In fact, better send them out of the country...

Unique
08-27-2007, 01:19 PM
Here you go, sweetie:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ji_ubelO0Ow

:)

damn you sc.

I did not make the connex til you posted that. *&#^#^#@ (!!)

JJ Cooper
08-27-2007, 03:40 PM
Only one way to get you off that craving Perks. Tim Tams.

JJ

Perks
08-27-2007, 03:46 PM
I've had Tim Tams. A friend Down Under sent them and they were wonderful. But they were of this world and not looking to have my soul slip out on a creamed-decadence exhalation.

Besides, the Tim Tams came in a box with a jar of vegemite, so the swoon was tainted.

JJ Cooper
08-27-2007, 03:50 PM
Ahh vegemite. You gotta be bought up with it to truly appreciate the magnificent taste. The only known cure for a common cold and works wonders for a hangover.

JJ

Perks
08-27-2007, 03:53 PM
Yeah, because if you puke up your toenails, there can't be any more poison in your system to purge.

JJ Cooper
08-27-2007, 04:00 PM
We're happy little vegemites as bright as bright can be
We all enjoy our vegemite for breakfast, lunch and tea
We really love our vegemite
We all enjoy our vegemite
It puts a rose in every cheek.

It may be ironic but I think the company who makes vegemite is owned by an American corporation.

JJ

Perks
08-27-2007, 04:06 PM
Yeah, seeing the 'Kraft' label was a hoot. I did try it about four times so far. It's still sitting in the fridge. I'm figuring it'll last until the apocalypse and I'll outlast everyone, 'cause I have a jar of Vegemite.

JJ Cooper
08-27-2007, 04:24 PM
The problem may be that you are putting it on too thick. Tiny amounts spread on hot toast with butter. Can't go wrong.

JJ

Perks
08-27-2007, 04:25 PM
Nah, I was warned ahead of time. I made toast, buttered it, then topped it with a paper thin smear of black goo.

It made my daughter cry.

aadams73
08-27-2007, 04:27 PM
:roll::roll:

Oh dear. Poor kid.

Bmwhtly
08-27-2007, 04:28 PM
Is Vegemite related to Marmite?

(Marmite, which was known in my neighbourhood as 'Satan's skid-marks')

Perks
08-27-2007, 04:48 PM
I haven't tried Marmite yet, but yes, I believe that's two versions of the same snot.

Bmwhtly
08-27-2007, 04:54 PM
I haven't tried Marmite yet, but yes, I believe that's two versions of the same snot.Yes, despite it's effect on world peace, I'd ban Marmite production given my way.