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SpookyWriter
08-26-2007, 10:23 PM
Girlfriend wants to get married. But she’s been dead for quite some time and I hate to break the news to her. So how do I go about it without making her upset. I've seen what she can do when alive. She can be a real monster. But now that she's dead, I'm afraid she'll become a living nightmare. Don't get me wrong, I do care for her very much. It's just not a good idea to get her hopes up. I may not end up joining her in the distant future.

Plans change, right?

So what am I to do?

Esopha
08-26-2007, 10:27 PM
Couple's therapy.

SpookyWriter
08-26-2007, 10:31 PM
Couple's therapy.That'd be a little difficult since we have a long distance relationship.

Haggis
08-26-2007, 10:32 PM
Another inch and a half of concrete ought to keep her down.

Esopha
08-26-2007, 10:32 PM
Get a medium?

Or a mediator?

Or one of those nifty cellphones with unlimited long distance calling? You'd have to buy her one, as well, and sacrifice it in a pagan ceremony involving goats, of course, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

lostintheweb
08-26-2007, 10:33 PM
Just leave a message that it is a dead subject.

SpookyWriter
08-26-2007, 10:40 PM
Get a medium?

Or a mediator?

Or one of those nifty cellphones with unlimited long distance calling? You'd have to buy her one, as well, and sacrifice it in a pagan ceremony involving goats, of course, but you gotta do what you gotta do.She already has unlimited calling time on her plan. The problem is reception. Sometimes there's so much static I wonder what's she trying to say.

But I heard her loud and clear last weekend "Jonny, why haven't you asked me to marry you?"

What could I say?

Just Mike
08-26-2007, 10:43 PM
Do zombie chicks nibble on your frontal lobe instead of your ear?

And on a more serious note: If your zombie gal has been dead for some time and you still haven't told her . . . this bodes ill for any sort of life (unlife?) you could have together.

Communication, darnit, communication!

robeiae
08-26-2007, 10:44 PM
Girlfriend wants to get married.


Who does she want to marry?

Esopha
08-26-2007, 10:46 PM
Communication, darnit, communication!

I have to agree with this. If she doesn't know by now that you're not going to ask her to marry you, she's either delusional, or a stalker, or both.

Run, man. Run.

joyce
08-26-2007, 10:50 PM
Tell her the truth. It may hurt now but it will hurt more in the future if you don't break it off and you remain with her. From the sound of it you don't want to be with her now and probably not in the future. Though you will probably get stalker phone calls from a not so happy girl, at least she's not living right down the street. You will be safe from any physical danger she may inflict upon you, though your ears may burn off from her words. Don't stay with anyone who makes you unhappy. I don't know if there is a nice way to break it off with anyone, male or female. Somebody is going to get hurt. Just hide if she comes into town or make yourself really small so she can't find you. Good luck.

SpookyWriter
08-26-2007, 10:50 PM
Who does she want to marry?I thought it was me. I could be mistaken though. She does have a thick Ukrainian accent.

SpookyWriter
08-26-2007, 10:56 PM
Tell her the truth. It may hurt now but it will hurt more in the future if you don't break it off and you remain with her. From the sound of it you don't want to be with her now and probably not in the future. Though you will probably get stalker phone calls from a not so happy girl, at least she's not living right down the street. You will be safe from any physical danger she may inflict upon you, though your ears may burn off from her words. Don't stay with anyone who makes you unhappy. I don't know if there is a nice way to break it off with anyone, male or female. Somebody is going to get hurt. Just hide if she comes into town or make yourself really small so she can't find you. Good luck.I tried that already. She didn't take the news very well and killed herself. She jumped right in front of the train and was gone before anyone could react.

I heard about it from her mother when I called. Yes, I was devastated and losing my Galina hurt more than I realized. Then a couple of weeks later the phone calls began. "Jonny, I miss you. Why haven't you called me?"

Since then I've have to keep up the good face and continue to talk about our future even though I know it's not possible. So, I've finally reached a decision to tell her but I'm just afraid of what she'll do next.

Esopha
08-26-2007, 10:57 PM
If she kills herself again, will she go to Heaven?

Little Red Barn
08-26-2007, 10:58 PM
Well, you're obviously contemplating it or you wouldn't ask--they're must be something alive in her, err you ;)

joyce
08-26-2007, 11:02 PM
Reminds me of an old Twilight Zone episode where the old lady starts getting phone calls from her dead lover. She ends up getting the phone line fixed and screams at the dead lover to go away(she does not know it's him) and he goes away never to return. Try that, otherwise you are fxxxed and will most likely have to put up with the calls from the dead girl. If you've got caller I.D. don't answer. What's the worse that could then happen....................she starts appearing at the end of your bed a night blowing a train whistle.

Just Mike
08-26-2007, 11:06 PM
I tried that already. She didn't take the news very well and killed herself. She jumped right in front of the train and was gone before anyone could react.

I heard about it from her mother when I called. Yes, I was devastated and losing my Galina hurt more than I realized. Then a couple of weeks later the phone calls began. "Jonny, I miss you. Why haven't you called me?"

Since then I've have to keep up the good face and continue to talk about our future even though I know it's not possible. So, I've finally reached a decision to tell her but I'm just afraid of what she'll do next.

Dude.

A lie is never acceptable as the cornerstone of a relationship.

You must tell her.

And I must find out who her long distance carrier is.

SpookyWriter
08-26-2007, 11:08 PM
Reminds me of an old Twilight Zone episode where the old lady starts getting phone calls from her dead lover. She ends up getting the phone line fixed and screams at the dead lover to go away(she does not know it's him) and he goes away never to return. Try that, otherwise you are fxxxed and will most likely have to put up with the calls from the dead girl. If you've got caller I.D. don't answer. What's the worse that could then happen....................she starts appearing at the end of your bed a night blowing a train whistle.The noon train departs on the hour, every hour, is a scary thought indeed. But not the worst idea I can imagine. Like the woman I met the other night. She had the same green eyes and was too familar with me to be a coincidence.

SpookyWriter
08-26-2007, 11:10 PM
Dude.

A lie is never acceptable as the cornerstone of a relationship.

You must tell her.

And I must find out who her long distance carrier is.That's what my granny used to tell me before she died. Then again, she still reminds me when we talk on Sunday evenings. I'll have to ask her opinion.


Is lying to a dead person the same as a living person?

SpookyWriter
08-26-2007, 11:14 PM
Well, you're obviously contemplating it or you wouldn't ask--they're must be something alive in her, err you ;)Well at one time we did talk about having a family, so maybe I'm still thinking about it. Could be a problem though. I'm not sure. Maybe I should go ask a priest or someone in the clergy?

Del
08-26-2007, 11:29 PM
But I heard her loud and clear last weekend "Jonny, why haven't you asked me to marry you?"




Are you sure she didn't want you to bury her?

SpookyWriter
08-26-2007, 11:41 PM
Are you sure she didn't want you to bury her?I don't have a shovel long enough to reach Ukraine.

Del
08-26-2007, 11:52 PM
Okay. Pass the joint and we'll try to work this out.

Little Red Barn
08-27-2007, 12:01 AM
Well at one time we did talk about having a family, so maybe I'm still thinking about it. Could be a problem though. I'm not sure. Maybe I should go ask a priest or someone in the clergy?
Ahh, n' therein lies the subconcious--eh?

threedogpeople
08-27-2007, 12:01 AM
Ask her to marry you BUT tell her that you've consulted your psychic and your psychic advises that you have a long engagement.

Your wedding will take place 28 years into the next time both of you are incarnated together.

That should buy you some time.....

Susie
08-27-2007, 12:29 AM
Spooky, that's rough. You sure are from a 'mixed' relationship!:) Hope your prob. gets solved quickly. And I'm hurt that you have a girlfriend, besides me, that is.:)

SpookyWriter
08-27-2007, 12:49 AM
Spooky, that's rough. You sure are from a 'mixed' relationship!:) Hope your prob. gets solved quickly. And I'm hurt that you have a girlfriend, besides me, that is.:)Are you still warm to the idea of a train trip? I know there's a midnight train to Georgia.

Tracy
08-27-2007, 01:01 AM
Girlfriend wants to get married. But she’s been dead for quite some time and I hate to break the news to her. So how do I go about it without making her upset. I've seen what she can do when alive. She can be a real monster. But now that she's dead, I'm afraid she'll become a living nightmare. Don't get me wrong, I do care for her very much. It's just not a good idea to get her hopes up. I may not end up joining her in the distant future.

Plans change, right?

So what am I to do?



Oh for God's sake, marry her already! You have to understand that nobody's perfect, and if you're going to get picky about minor flaws, well, I'm sorry Spooky, but it doesn't reflect very well on you. Now, you've obviously got her hopes up and given her understandings - be a man and face up to your responsibilities.

And as for the rest of you who were giving him weasly opt-out advice ... well, let's just say it's not your finest moment, and I'm very disappointed.

Del
08-27-2007, 01:12 AM
Oh for God's sake, marry her already! .

I agree. I mean, it is ''"til death do you part" so the marriage will be over as soon as it starts. Make the girl happy and then shower her the light in the tunnel.

SpookyWriter
08-27-2007, 01:15 AM
Oh for God's sake, marry her already! You have to understand that nobody's perfect, and if you're going to get picky about minor flaws, well, I'm sorry Spooky, but it doesn't reflect very well on you. Now, you've obviously got her hopes up and given her understandings - be a man and face up to your responsibilities.

And as for the rest of you who were giving him weasly opt-out advice ... well, let's just say it's not your finest moment, and I'm very disappointed.I guess I could return to Ukraine and dig her up for the wedding. I just hope she can still fit her wedding dress. :D We can go to Transylvania for our honeymoon.

Kentuk
08-27-2007, 01:21 AM
Hire a priest but change the sacrament on her at the last moment.

Danger Jane
08-27-2007, 01:27 AM
Well at one time we did talk about having a family, so maybe I'm still thinking about it. Could be a problem though. I'm not sure. Maybe I should go ask a priest or someone in the clergy?

For an exorcism?

SpookyWriter
08-27-2007, 04:02 AM
For an exorcism?Does that involve intercensal bumbling?

dclary
08-27-2007, 04:14 AM
Spooky, has anyone mentioned just how fucked up your social life is?

SpookyWriter
08-27-2007, 04:16 AM
Spooky, has anyone mentioned just how fucked up your social life is?:roll: What's a social life compared to spending my freetime writing a dead loved one?

clockwork
08-27-2007, 04:20 AM
Girlfriend wants to get married. But she’s been dead for quite some time and I hate to break the news to her. So how do I go about it without making her upset. I've seen what she can do when alive. She can be a real monster. But now that she's dead, I'm afraid she'll become a living nightmare. Don't get me wrong, I do care for her very much. It's just not a good idea to get her hopes up. I may not end up joining her in the distant future.

Plans change, right?

So what am I to do?



Good Lord, Jon what on earth are you jabbering on about?

scarletpeaches
08-27-2007, 04:21 AM
Good Lord, Jon what on earth are you jabbering on about?

He likes it squelchy.

thethinker42
08-27-2007, 04:22 AM
Oh wow...that's tough....a zombie Bridezilla. That could...hmm...well...if you need a photographer...*points over SpookyWriter's shoulder and then runs like hell the other way*

SpookyWriter
08-27-2007, 04:26 AM
Oh wow...that's tough....a zombie Bridezilla. That could...hmm...well...if you need a photographer...*points over SpookyWriter's shoulder and then runs like hell the other way*Do you capture the honeymoon also?

joyce
08-27-2007, 04:33 AM
Well if you do get her 6 feet in the grave you could really get down and dirty with her. Just a thought........................ok forget it.

akiwiguy
08-27-2007, 04:45 AM
Don't get me wrong, I do care for her very much.



That's just lust talking Spooky.

thethinker42
08-27-2007, 04:47 AM
Do you capture the honeymoon also?

Well, her coffin couldn't be any darker than the last reception I shot...so...hell, why not?

SpookyWriter
08-27-2007, 04:59 AM
Well, her coffin couldn't be any darker than the last reception I shot...so...hell, why not?Can you travel to Ukraine though? She lived close to Moldova. Nice little town.

Susie
08-27-2007, 05:00 AM
Are you still warm to the idea of a train trip? I know there's a midnight train to Georgia.

Hey, I'd rather fly, but with you, I'd take a midnight train to Georgia anytime! Or an afternoon one. I don't do mornings, though. :)

SpookyWriter
08-27-2007, 05:12 AM
Did I mention that Georgia is in Eastern Europe? We can switch trains and travel the Orient Express.

thethinker42
08-27-2007, 05:17 AM
Can you travel to Ukraine though? She lived close to Moldova. Nice little town.

MOLDova. How appropriate.

Buy my ticket, and I'm there.

Opty
08-27-2007, 10:21 AM
Girlfriend wants to get married. But she’s been dead for quite some time and I hate to break the news to her. So how do I go about it without making her upset. I've seen what she can do when alive. She can be a real monster. But now that she's dead, I'm afraid she'll become a living nightmare. Don't get me wrong, I do care for her very much. It's just not a good idea to get her hopes up. I may not end up joining her in the distant future.

Plans change, right?

So what am I to do?



"I lie next to her in the bed,
She's the kind of girl I'd like to wed,
Never mind the fact that she's dead,
It turns me on. It turns me on.

Sure, she's a little cold to the touch,
But that doesn't bother me much,
Because the embalment's such,
A lovely job. A lovely job.

She's a month dead and she's starting to smell,
But if loving a corpse is a sin...
I'll see you in hell.

And now, I've got her propped up in a chair,
She's losing her skin and her hair,
And I'm wishing she wouldn't stare,
so much at me. So much at me.

Yeah, rigor mortis has taken its toll,
And her body is as stiff as a pole,
But I'll never put her back in the hole,
I dug her from. I dug her from.

She's a month dead and she's starting to smell,
But if loving a corpse is a sin...
I'll see you in hell.

I love you."


from "A Month Dead" by Stephen Lynch

Siddow
08-27-2007, 04:17 PM
Go ahead and marry her, Spook. I don't think it's binding in this dimension anyhow, and maybe you'll get a sammich out of the deal.