Is this worth my rewriting?

reenkam · Aug 25, 2007

Okay, before I start...I know I should "just do it" and whatnot, but I want to figure out how much time I should spend on this. I also realize that I won't really know if it's working until I do it, and I know that you guys can't tell me if it works because I could be a crappy writer, so of course it wouldn't.

But, anyway, does this sound like a semi-interesting idea to people?

It's supernatural horror, semi "paranormal romance" with LGBT (GLBT) themes, and coming-of-age.

The MC is rich, preppy guy named Luka who's moved from a California boarding school to one on the East Coast. His school in California was destroyed by a mysterious fire and his friend died in it. At his new school the social hierarchy is almost set in stone, but he decides to shake things up and changes everything around. Meanwhile weird stuff starts to happen and entities start to attack students and teachers. Things get darker and the spirits try to eliminate him and his friends, but they fight back. They eventually have to get the help of Langdon, who's the class outcast, and who becomes a love interest for the MC (first in secret, then public). Eventually they figure out that the entities are called the Zodiac (based off the Zodiac) with a 13th spirit who wants to take over everything. Luka and the others get stronger (supernaturally) in order to fight the Zodiac and their 'minions'. In the end, Langdon is the strongest and sacrifices himself to save the others.

So how's it sound? Semi-interesting? Stupid? Boring? Waste of revising time? I want honest opinions...I was going to take out the whole LGBT (GLBT) angle, but I'm getting a "leave it" vibe from people, sooooo what do you think?

ETA: Really, be honest...cause I have no emotional connections to this at the moment. I finished last December and haven't even read it, really, since then. So attack the idea...

ETA2: I don't think I was clear at first, but Luka's supposed to be "out" and it's generally okay at the school, but the issue with Langdon is that he's an outcast while Luka isn't. Do people think I should add more of the coming out angle, though?

TiA! Rep points for everyone!!!

roskoebaby · Aug 25, 2007

The MC is rich, preppy guy named Luka who's moved from a California boarding school to one on the East Coast. His school in California was destroyed by a mysterious fire and his friend died in it. At his new school the social hierarchy is almost set in stone, but he decides to shake things up and changes everything around. Meanwhile weird stuff starts to happen and entities start to attack students and teachers. Things get darker and the spirits try to eliminate him and his friends, but they fight back. They eventually have to get the help of Langdon, who's the class outcast, and who becomes a love interest for the MC (first in secret, then public). Eventually they figure out that the entities are called the Zodiac (based off the Zodiac) with a 13th spirit who wants to take over everything. Luka and the others get stronger (supernaturally) in order to fight the Zodiac and their 'minions'. In the end, Langdon is the strongest and sacrifices himself to save the others.

Oh, at first I thought that the MC was going to die and I was like NOOOO! But his love interest dying could be very poetic, and even more so if it reminds him of his best friends death.

I like the moving idea, especially if the circumstances of the fire are mysterious. Losing his friend should affect him and maybe make him withdrawn so that at first we get an observatory glance at his new classmates.

I like the relationship with the outcast. Make him odd, but sexy. And of course, funny. I'm a sucker for romances, so decide if their relationship is a side story or the main focus.

Give your story a few more chapters and decide how you feel about it. Don't let anyone here discourage you. What I sometimes do is write out of sequence and get all of the good stuff out of my head first. Then I can look back and see if I have something interesting!

reenkam · Aug 25, 2007

roskoebaby said:
Oh, at first I thought that the MC was going to die and I was like NOOOO! But his love interest dying could be very poetic, and even more so if it reminds him of his best friends death.

Yeah, at first I thought the MC might do it, but I thought it might be interesting if the MC doesn't save the day and just has to help someone else do it. I think it works better that way, too.

I like the moving idea, especially if the circumstances of the fire are mysterious. Losing his friend should affect him and maybe make him withdrawn so that at first we get an observatory glance at his new classmates.

I didn't even think of that! It's a perfect way to describe the school and everything...I'll definitely have to utilize that more when I go back.

I like the relationship with the outcast. Make him odd, but sexy. And of course, funny. I'm a sucker for romances, so decide if their relationship is a side story or the main focus.

I wonder if he's funny...I can't remember. I'll make him funnier. Actually, I think he gets funnier as Luka gets to know him more. And it's main focus in the second half of the story, after they meet and everything. The first half has Luka with this other guy, Todd, who's president of the student body. I forget what happened with that...

Give your story a few more chapters and decide how you feel about it. Don't let anyone here discourage you. What I sometimes do is write out of sequence and get all of the good stuff out of my head first. Then I can look back and see if I have something interesting!

Thanks for the encouragement! I like your idea of writing out of sequence and I might try that out, since this is a rewrite and everything so I already have the main story.

Thanks!!

Legionsynch · Aug 25, 2007

I can't say for certain whether you need to play up the coming out angle or not. This sounds really interesting though, and I think you should pursue it. (Mostly because I'd love to buy it in a bookstore, but that's selfish and stuff).

If in reading through it again, you feel like the angle's strong enough, then go with that. Or flesh it out if it doesn't feel like it's enough. I'd think of it in terms of which story is more dominant. Is it the relationship that takes center stage, or the supernatural elements?

Anyone ever seen the Zeppo episode of Buffy. Where the whole Apocalypse storyline was the B-plot that you only saw fragments of, and the real story was the coming-of-age type growth story?

I'd kindof enjoy a story like that, I think.

reenkam · Aug 25, 2007

Which was the Zeppo episode? Apocalyse happened in buffy all the time, so I don't know which time you mean...lol

The romance is definitely a part of the story. Langdon never would have come in if he and Luka didn't get involved, (but I could change it...though everyone seems to like it). I guess it can kind of be both...it's definitely long enough (120k - longest book I've finished)

Thanks Legion!

Danger Jane · Aug 25, 2007

Sounds interesting. I don't remember seeing a book with that on the back flap at the library yesterday so I think you're good. Go for it, man.

And yeah as far as the GLBT themes go...same as anything: if it enhances the story or the characters, leave it. If not, cut it.

Sounds cool.

EriRae · Aug 25, 2007

LOVE IT

ALL of it. Go for it. It is worth it, if it's already finished.

Legionsynch · Aug 25, 2007

The Zeppo episode was from season 3, when they were still in high school.

Demons came to open the Hellmouth, but the story focused on Xander, and the school bully that was a zombie, who raised all his friends from the dead after killing them in a gang initiation. They planted a bomb in the school and he had to save the day, even though the Apocalypse was probably more damaging in the long run.

reenkam · Aug 25, 2007

Thanks Danger and Erin!!!

Legion, I vaguely remember that one....but *sigh* I only have seasons 1, 4-7 so I can't even refresh my memory.

I <3 Buffy, though haha

EriRae · Aug 25, 2007

I DO remember that episode...I miss Buffy. And Angel. And Firefly. Joss Whedon, where have you gone?

DancingMaenid · Aug 25, 2007

The Zeppo was one of my favorite episodes. One of the funniest, in my opinion. I love how the apopcalypse is handled in an increasingly melodramatic way as things progress.

Anyway, though, I think this idea sounds like a good one. It's something I'd be interested in reading. I think it'll be hard to know how strong it is until you start.

Shady Lane · Aug 25, 2007

Honestly, man, I think this sounds cool. I'd totally rewrite it.

Ziljon · Aug 25, 2007

Go for it. But you might want re-think Langdon as a name; people might think you had written a prequel to The Davinici Code.

The Story of Dr. Robert Langdon when he went to highschool.

reenkam · Aug 25, 2007

Since no one's said "that sucks" I guess I'll go for a rewrite!

This is actually good cause I'm in a major writing slump right now, so rewrites without any major imagination use might be nice...

You'll all be seeing a query soon...and by soon I mean it'll probably be a while...lol

Nakhlasmoke · Aug 26, 2007

Chiming in. I Like the sounds of this.

I wouldn't play the "coming out" angle. I like stories where peopll are gay/lesbian/whatever, and don't freaking angst about it all the time. Granted, some people do (especially if they come from a culture that is very anti), but not everyone does. And even the people I've known who hadn't come out to their parents for fear of what the repercussions would be, didn't spend their time moping about it ad nauseum.

So, revise! rewrite! Let us read it and hack!

bethany · Aug 26, 2007

The story itself is definitely worth writing/rewriting. Is it going to be a dark paranormal? I hope so, that sounds really good.

I do think that anything with gay/lesbian themes is going to raise some eyebrows in certain sectors of society. Certain libraries, you know. A few months ago I was ordering books specifically with gay/lesbian themes, and I was all like, wow, this has gotten a lot more mainstream in just a few years. Just a day or two later I read about a big scandal in which a librarian actually quit over a fight with a parent over banning a book with lesbian themes. Fun stuff. I guess the world takes a step forward and two steps back.

As you rewrite, if I were you, I would think about your target audience. Girls? Many girls would read and enjoy that, of course a small selection of boys. Not that you should make it girly, just something to consider.

Sometimes I think happy gay people might be the last truly edgy area for writers. Most of the edgy topics the character makes poor choices or they're a victim, but if they are happy and gay..oh my god.

Anyway, have fun with it. Sounds like a winner to me.

JLCwrites · Aug 26, 2007

I LOVE the 13th Zodiac idea. Very imaginative! I agree with what other posts are saying. Keep the gay and lesbian relationship as a casual note to the story. (No brooding) In fact it may add some symbolism to the battle with the zodiac. (I am a sucker for symbolism) But it is a definite keeper! Looking forward to seeing it on the bookshelves!

BTW - great job with your summary! It isn't easy to squish a 120k word story into a paragraph!

(Something I need to learn how to do)

reenkam · Aug 26, 2007

Thanks everyone! I'm really excited about this now. I hadn't even considered querying it when I wrote it...it was all just for fun. But maybe this'll be my "it" novel!

Southern_girl29 · Aug 28, 2007

I'm chiming in late here, but I think it sounds fantastic. I would love to read it.

maddythemad · Aug 29, 2007

Go for it, Reenkam!

moth · Aug 29, 2007

Also chiming in late... I agree that keeping the gay/lesbian aspect low-key would be the best choice -- and the 13th Zodiac idea ABSOLUTELY ROCKS! :e2headban

I am totally curious about that. I hope you write this novel, and I hope it does become that "it" novel for you!

reenkam · Aug 29, 2007

Wow, you guys are getting me so pumped for this! haha

Thanks for all the support and encouragement!

Is this worth my rewriting?

reenkam

aka cupcake

roskoebaby

reenkam

aka cupcake

Legionsynch

reenkam

aka cupcake

Danger Jane

EriRae

:P

Legionsynch

reenkam

aka cupcake

EriRae

:P

DancingMaenid

New kid...seven years ago!

Shady Lane

my name is hannah

Ziljon

Tortilla di Patate

reenkam

aka cupcake

Nakhlasmoke

yes

bethany

:)

JLCwrites

reenkam

aka cupcake

Southern_girl29

maddythemad

moth

my own two hands

reenkam

aka cupcake