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writerterri
08-25-2007, 09:12 AM
We couldn't afford new backpacks, shoes and school clothes this year. School starts on Monday. What are the chances they're going to be teased? Have you ever been teased in grade school for not wearing new stuff on the first day? Or did anybody even notice?

I remember going to school without new school clothes in high school and I was teased by this girl named Bambi, to tears. To this day I can't stand that name.

This is not a solicitation for money, I just want to feel better. Plus I'm very emotional from PMS at this time. I just need to feel at ease.

Did anyone else not be able to afford school clothes and how did you and your kids do?

It's no big deal, right?

I called my brother and asked him if he and his wife would buy my kids new shoes, at least, and they said yes but asked me why I didn't ask my little brother who makes 500,000 a year not to mention his wife who makes a little more. I was stumped and told him never mind that we would be okay. My little brother wouldn't give me two bucks if I was dying and my big brother knows that. I hate asking people for anything! The last time I asked someone in my family for something, my mom had just died and I asked my cousin if she would fly me down to San Diego. She bought me a one way ticket! Duh! And she makes over 10 grand a month. I'm just not going to ask these people for anything anymore.

I didn't help bake their cookies so I don't get to help eat them. *sigh* They all had good lives and were fostered or raised by rich people but I had to go to my dad's house and get screwed. Literally. (sorry that was a vent)


Anyways there is good news in all this. I ended up getting a job as an on call banquet server. I'll get them stuff a little at time, but first I have to pay my uniform and shoes off.

Sometimes life is hard, yes?


Fartinwhizz, I need some love!

Thanks for listening.

RLB
08-25-2007, 09:33 AM
I'm sorry you're so down. My parents didn't have money when I was in grade school, and I don't remember getting new school clothes during those years, nor do I remember being teased because of it. You're probably just feeling really sensitive about it since it's something you wish you were able to do for your children. But it sounds like your kids are lucky to have such an empathetic, caring mom.

Good luck with the job. I wait tables part-time so let me know if you ever need to swap war stories.

Life is often hard, but venting helps.

louisgodwin
08-25-2007, 09:39 AM
Hmm, maybe it's different for girls than it is for boys, but the guys at my school never picked on other boys for not having new clothes. I often wore old clothes to school even though I had new ones simply because the old clothes were more comfortable. (Drove my mother nuts! :D)

BardSkye
08-25-2007, 09:47 AM
:Hug2:It'll get better. Give 'em hugs and kisses and support and that's worth much much more than new stuff.

Venting is necessary and that's what your friends here are for; a place where you'll always find a shoulder to cry on so you can find the strength to carry on.

Lyra Jean
08-25-2007, 10:00 AM
I hardly ever got new clothes or shoes in time for the new school year. If I did it was like one outfit and one pair of shoes but more like one or the other if I got anything at all.

I never got picked on for being out of style there was much more better stuff to pick at instead of my clothes. Maybe the clothes wasn't enough of a challenge for them.

It'll all work out. Hugs.

Susie
08-25-2007, 10:20 AM
I'm sure sorry, Terri you're feeling that way and hope the kids will have what they need very soon. I know I've never felt secure financially growing up or now. :Hug2: Much good luck w. your new job. Sure hope you enjoy that and can buy whatever you want for you and yours.

JoNightshade
08-25-2007, 10:28 AM
Particularly these days, when grunge or whatever is in, I don't think not wearing brand new clothes to the first day is a big deal. In fact I remember getting teased FOR my new clothes in grade school, likely because my mom let me pick my own outfits out... not a good idea. Anyway, I think the only reason it might make a difference is if you have a younger, very "girlie" girl who feels self-conscious about such things.

But even if they don't have new clothes, there are always other things you can do to spruce them up a bit before school. For girls, you can do their hair very nicely and use a couple of pretty ribbons. Or you could use puff paints and ribbons to do some easy, cheap shoe decoration. You could go to the craft or sewings store and help your kid pick out some cute/neat patches to sew onto a backpack. Or you could take some extra time to wash their clothes and iron them so they look crisp and new. I think the important thing for kids, if anything, is that it feels SPECIAL. Number one, they want to know that their first day is special to YOU, so the more you play up the "Oh wow, it's the first day! You'll do great! I'm so proud of you!" the better they will feel regardless of clothes. Number two, they want to feel a little special about themselves. So however you can make that happen, go for it.

Most of all, DO NOT let your worries and your self-consciousness show in front of your kids. DO NOT apologize to them for not having enough money; let them know mom is working her hardest, and she knows that they will also do great. But if you are "sorry" or worried, your kids are going to instantly pick up on it and they'll mirror you. Basically, however YOU treat the situation is how the kids will treat it. So if having new clothes is NOT A BIG DEAL to you, then it won't be A BIG DEAL to them.

Joe270
08-25-2007, 12:26 PM
You are just fine, and so are your children. Know that in yourself, I know you do. Don't doubt yourself. Everyone is too caught up in the first days of school to notice new clothes. Iron them if you want, but nobody will notice. My kids don't have new school clothes, haven't for years. They want the clothes in the summer and that's what they get for the new year. Their choice.

The only thing that makes a difference in a child's life is your relationship with them.

Nothing else makes a goddamn in the long run. Stand tall, stand proud, and be proud of the accomplishments your child makes in school. Ensure they become self-confident by themselves, ignore all the easy hand out self-esteem bullshit.

They stand on their own, with your support, on their own two hind feet to earn self-confidence no matter what their clothes look like.

Let the other kids wallow in the self-esteem crap and fail in life.

You are on the right path.

Oh, sorry, I forgot: Dork!

akiwiguy
08-25-2007, 01:47 PM
I personally don't remember that we've ever bought our children new clothes at the start of school years. It's usually when someone notices they're falling to bits. My son had been perstering me that his backpack was basically falling to bits, and eventually after lots of "yeah, we'll do it tommorrows" I finally got around to getting one at the point his books were all hanging out the arse of his other one.

I'm just don't think it's a big deal. My daughter said something interesting about a week back. When we had our children we were living in an affluent little beach resort town. We weren't affluent, more the shittiest house in a good location thing. And I was glad to get away from there, it was as though all anyone ever talked about was their latest house renovations. Anyway, we left the province and returned a few years back, and my children now go to the same secondary school as many of those from that first home town of theirs. So, my daughter said to me, and not really nastily but like a genuine thought, "I wonder if we'd have stayed there whether I'd have ended up part of that clique of snobby, nasty brats at our school?" She was saying really that she's glad she never.

I've always felt that my biggest concern isn't how my children are treated, perhaps bullied by others, or how they are judged.. it's my own children's own attitude to others that's a bigger concern. They'll carry their own attitudes towards others into life with them, more than the attitude of others towards them. And I am absolutely sure Dorkstress that your children have the finest of values.

Having said all that I know how that sort of thing hurts, we all want the best for our children, and it's great news about the job. But nah, forget about the new clothes thing. It ain't a biggy.

oswann
08-25-2007, 02:43 PM
I keep trying to convince mine they don't need any new stuff because the old stuff is perfectly fine. We have enough money but I don't see the point of buying just for the hell of it. Hey! Maybe we can swap children. Think about it.

Os.

Old Hack
08-25-2007, 02:43 PM
Terri. Don't worry. When my children have new clothes, they turn them into old clothes the first time they wear them. And Freddy wrecks his new shoes within minutes of them going on his feet.

School uniform is optional at their school, and I let them wear what they want. They are just about the only kids not to wear uniform. Their friends think they're really cool because of that, and I get to save a whole heap of money as a result. I buy them backpacks and stuff like that at charity shops--you wouldn't believe how nice the second-hand stuff round here is, barely used at all!--and they never even stop to think that they'd prefer new. The only thing I spend real money on is their shoes, partly because Tom has talipes and so we have to be a bit more careful about his feet.

Anyway. What I mean to say is, stop worrying. You do a wonderful job of looking after your children. You, of all people, know just how badly wrong things can go for some kids. Love them. Give them what you can. The rest doesn't matter. They'll be fine.

skelly
08-25-2007, 02:51 PM
Look at it this way, WT. This is probably going to be the most moving scene in your first best-selling book. When Larry King asks you if you would like to say anything to the people who "knew you when," you will smile sweetly and say: "Fuck those bitches." Your fans will go nuts and buy 1.7 zillion copies of your next book and J.K Rowling will ask to borrow a dollar from you for the snack machine in the "green room" while you're waiting to appear on Oprah because she "forgot her purse."

:Hug2:Things will get better!

Unique
08-25-2007, 03:09 PM
What are the chances they're going to be teased? I suppose that would depend on the grade they're in and the location. Some people don't raise their children right (not to be insufferably rude) but that doesn't include you, sweetheart.

Have you ever been teased in grade school for not wearing new stuff on the first day? Nope. Never. But that was long, long ago and far, far away. Besides - I was usually taller and stronger and meaner than anyone else. I mean come on - would you fuck with me? Didn't think so.

Or did anybody even notice? I don't think that they did. Some people wore new stuff, others didn't. Just a new shirt or necklace or something was good enough ... you know ... 'conversation fodder'. Have your kids tell them you aren't wasting money on frivolities - ya'll are saving it for something worthwhile - whatever that happens to be for your family. We got most of our new stuff at Christmas.

'Back to School' sales are a manipulative tool to boost sales and encourage a Consumptive mindset in the American people. Resist! Tell your kids to laugh at any teasers and say, 'Yeah. And I bet your momma drives a hummer, too.'

Don't sweat the small stuff. And other people's opinions on pointless shit are always small stuff... best lesson you can teach your kids. :Hug2:

aadams73
08-25-2007, 03:17 PM
What Unique said. Let it also be said that I really despise consumptive guilt-driven advertising. "You're a bad child if you don't buy your mother this Big Ticket Item for Mother's Day." You're a bad parent if you don't buy your kid the Hottest Toy for Xmas."

My parents were broke when I was a kid. No one ever made fun of me for not having brand new clothes at the beginning of the school year, but then most of them didn't have new clothes either. I only got new stuff when I outgrew the old stuff, or it wore out.

Of course, you could always teach your kids this little comeback if anyone says anything to them about their clothes and whatnot: "My parents show me they love me by hugging me, not by buying me."

Keep your chin up, Terri; good times are coming!

RumpleTumbler
08-25-2007, 03:38 PM
Did anyone else not be able to afford school clothes and how did you and your kids do?

It's no big deal, right?

For 12 years straight. Just fine.

No big deal. It hurts you much more than them if it hurts them at all.

Azraelsbane
08-25-2007, 03:48 PM
I wouldn't worry. I never had new stuff or name brand shoes when I was in elementary, and I was one of the most popular kids. That stuff doesn't start coming into play until 6th or 7th grade, and then mostly with stuck up girls that you likely don't want your kids hanging with anyway.

I also suggest schooling your children in witty comebacks, just in case someone named Bambi rips on them. They should then turn around and say "Well, changing clothes is easy enough, but changing your hideous name is much harder." Or something like that.

A preppy girl in 6th grade made fun of my shoes once, and I told her about the same thing, except my come back was "well at least my nose didn't get stuck on my mother on the way out." (she had a turned up nose). She ran into the classroom crying and never teased me again. Ha!

Also, no offense to people named Bambi...not really.

Siddow
08-25-2007, 04:49 PM
FWIW, I did buy my kid new shoes for school, but he wouldn't wear them until he'd scuffed them up on the concrete driveway. Sigh. Seems pointless, right? He did carry the same backpack for 5 years and never asked for a new one because the old one was still in good shape.

You should only buy new stuff when the old stuff is ruined or outgrown. Not so the kids at school can go, "Ooh, nice!"

larocca
08-25-2007, 04:54 PM
Speaking as a former kid, Mom probably felt pretty bad when she couldn't buy new clothes for my brother and I to wear to school. I don't know about Barry, but I never noticed who had new clothes and who didn't, myself included, and never saw anyone pick on anyone about it. Now I was picked on about many other things, but never my clothes.

I believe your kids know they've got a great mom who loves them, and that's all they care about, okay? I'll always know how good that makes a kid feel, even if the kid's 44 years old.

acharity
08-25-2007, 04:57 PM
It'll be fine... when I was in school, I would perhaps get a new outfit and a pair of shoes (before I was told to get a job and start taking care of my own things) and that was because I asked and asked... no one at school cared, though.

What matters is that you're trying as best you can to give them everything that counts.

Kida Adelyne
08-25-2007, 05:01 PM
The whole 'back to school' thing is entirely put out by advertisers. It probably comes from all the new university students needing computers and everything, and the stores just slid it all down into little eight year olds that 'need' new clothes.

I agree with the letting your kids know they are special through hugs and praise and teaching them witty comebacks to the bullies. Not buying them everything they think they 'need' is probably one of the best things you can do for your kids.

Ol' Fashioned Girl
08-25-2007, 05:12 PM
Golden words above, goober. The kid's'll be fine. Geez... LOOK at the crap kids put on these days! Even if you did dress 'em all in finery, the instant they're out the door, they're scuffing, tearing, tugging, drooping, dribbling lunch on it, dragging it down the street... relax. It's mostly your hormones. :D

MonaLeigh
08-25-2007, 05:26 PM
My story is like everyone else's. We didn't have money growing up, and didn't get new school clothes. Once when I really, really wanted a pair of Jordache jeans (this was about '84) there was no way my single mom could afford the $38 for them. My grandma bought them for my birthday. The first day I wore them to school some a**hole threw a bottle of Wite-out at me and it exploded on the floor in front of me, ruining the jeans.

maestrowork
08-25-2007, 05:37 PM
I'm sorry, Terri. If there's any comfort... I would say your girls would understand. Mommy and daddy are trying their best and it's okay to not have new shoes and backpacks like all the other girls and if anyone tease them -- tell mommy and daddy and they will deal with them. There's no reason to swallow your pride and ask other for favors...

I grew up poor and I understood my parents would rather put food on the table than buy me new snickers and school uniforms. I wore my older brother's hand-me-downs all the time. I didn't like it -- I thought I looked like a dork in old clothes, but I was okay with that. Nobody teased me because as I had an attitude -- an "if you say anything I'm going to punch you in the mouth" attitude. LOL. I was quite a brat so other kids didn't try to mess with me.

And if I really wanted something, like that new pair of Adidas snickers, I saved my allowance and bought them myself. My parents taught me the value of saving and to become self-sufficient.

To me, I think it's important to show your girls how much you love them not by new shoes and backpacks but by family values and just love, and show them how they don't have to swallow their pride and be teased in school for simply being different. I think that's an important lesson -- one that I learned at a very young age.

I know you feel bad because you remember your own childhood, etc. but try not to impose your own misgivings on your children.

You're a great mom and it hurts you because you feel bad for them. And they know. Just love them and they will be fine. If anyone gives them a hard time -- let your parent's wrath show them the way. :)

Little Red Barn
08-25-2007, 06:05 PM
A lot of kids don't seem to care now-a-days. My daugh has not asked for a new uniform going on three years and her shoes are literally falling apart. I grabbed her yesterday and told her we must at least go get a cheap pair of shoes at Payless. I bought her socks at the start of the year, but she rummages through her dad's dresser for his old ratty ones--
Sorry Terri, good luck with your job!! :)
ETA: of course she's in all girls Catholic High, it may be different if she was in with boys...

kristie911
08-25-2007, 06:21 PM
Stop beating yourself up, Terri. Your kids are not going to be teased. As long as the kids and the clothes are clean and pretty much fit, no one is even going to notice. The only kids that got teased when I was in school (no jokes about how long ago that was!) were the ones that came to school unwashed and smelling bad. Seriously.

There are so many things that are more important than clothes.

rhymegirl
08-25-2007, 06:41 PM
Terri, I didn't read all the posts, but this is what I think.

There were times over the years when I did not buy my kids any new school clothes. Believe me. I know how expensive it is. With three kids, they had to deal with hand-me-downs from each other and my sister-in-law's offerings.

I had them use the same backpack until it totally wore out. I waited until school started (if I did need a new one), and then bought one once they marked them down.

I always tried to teach my kids that people matter more than things. It's nice to have new things, but when money is tight, it's not always possible to buy things. If your kids are part of a loving family, they have the most important thing they need. Tell them you'll try to get them some new stuff later on down the road. (You said you have a new job--congrats!)

I think today's kids in general get bombarded with messages that they have to have "everything". My parents were children/teens during the Depression so they learned what it meant to do without. People can function and even be happy with very little material things if they have to.

Nobody likes to be teased but I figure the ones doing the teasing are the ones to be pitied. They're not being taught the right values.

Carrie in PA
08-25-2007, 06:53 PM
I didn't get my munchkin any new clothes last year for school. This year I had no choice, since he's about 5 inches taller and several pounds heavier. ;)

I grew up poor. Generic mac & cheese for dinner 4 nights a week cuz it was only 29 a box poor. (There's a story in there but I don't have the guts to write it.) I got "new" clothes from consignment shops and yard sales and "rich" relatives who handed stuff down. The only year I got NEW clothes was the year I started junior high.

I never got teased for wearing not-new clothes.

They'll be fine, Terri, they really will. I would just caution you to not say anything in front of them about how worried you are that they don't have new clothes.

Petroglyph
08-25-2007, 07:00 PM
I doubt there will be any teasing. I think you are harder on yourself than need be. I didn't get my kids new outfits for the first day of school and they have all survived so far. Dignity comes from the inside.....without apologies. Try to reduce your stress about it. They'll be fine.

Del
08-25-2007, 08:18 PM
Isn't it, like, cool to buy clothes that are already worn out; i.e. holey and faded? Old is cumfy. I love my old. New smells funny.

larocca
08-25-2007, 08:20 PM
Just don't buy any shoes from the Michael Vick line of footwear

Perks
08-25-2007, 08:24 PM
Terri, it'll be okay. I grew up having to wear shoes with, literally, no soles at the heels. Remember the ballerina flats we wore without socks in highschool? I'd run them straight through and hang back in the hallway to let others up the stairs before me so they wouldn't see my bare feet dangling out of the back of them.

The kids weren't awful about it, but I knew that they had to notice how shabby I was.

But my mother loved me and we scraped by and all's well. Your kids may know ups and downs, but it'll be fine.

Don't worry.

The_Grand_Duchess
08-25-2007, 08:26 PM
Hugs sweetie! I wouldn't worry about it. I don't know how old your babies are but I'm sure they won't be teased about not having new clothes. I'm sure they will be clean and pressed and smelling good (the kids not the clothes. Or wait was that the other way round?).

:) It'll be fine sweetie!

Joe270
08-25-2007, 09:39 PM
Just a little aside here, my daughter got some nice clothes at the end of July which my wife expected her to wear for school, only occasionally in the summer.

However, I uncovered a box of old souvenier t-shirts. My daughter went nuts over the vintage concert shirts, I was forced to fight to keep my stuff. I let her have some shirts that I had doubles of. Now she wants to go on the first day in jeans and a Bruce Springsteen '78 Tour baseball shirt.

The wife and daughter are now fighting over what clothes will be worn on the first day.

Of course, daughter is royally pissed that I refused to give her a Who, Ramones, or Rolling Stones shirt.

maestrowork
08-25-2007, 09:43 PM
Who knew the Old Man is so kewl... kids are into all kinds of vintage stuff now. I wish I had kept that Village People mesh wifebeater.

Haggis
08-25-2007, 09:51 PM
Terri, the only thing the kids are going to remember is what a good mom you were to them. Everything else is fluff. Stuff doesn't matter.

Now, come on over to the mayo aisle. I've been waiting five minutes already.

:D

ritinrider
08-25-2007, 09:59 PM
Terri, sorry you're feeling so bad. Don't. You're kids probably don't really care. My kids usually got new jeans and shirts for school, but that's because they only had a few pair and by the time a new school year rolled around they wre pretty ratty. But, the kids didn't care that much about the new clothes.

You feel bad because of the bad experience you had, but your kids will be fine. Since you can sew have you thought about sewing them an outfit or two? If fabric is too expensive (I have a cool fabric shop that sells 100% cotton for $3.00 a yard, it only takes a couple of yards to make a little girl's dress, less for a top), consider buying adult clothes at the thrift store and using that material to make something new and unique for your kids.

Hope things turn around soon for you. Good luck with the new job.

writerterri
08-25-2007, 10:18 PM
Same here. I grew up dirt poor and fought hard to get where I'm at today (a nice cot and cold beans for dinner), but I make nearly 1k a month and still feel poor all the time. Maybe it's being poor that makes the person or is it the person who makes it?

I'd help, but I feel awkward since you are married and have a husband.


You dork. I wasn't asking for a hand out just a hand up. My husband works to support 5 people on one income. He does the best he can. He doesn't drink, do drugs or gamble. He likes a nice steak once in a while on the grill at home. We're mostly broke because of extra expenses we enquire. We don't make enough to make it from check to check. Life is expensive! Then there's my medication, very expensive. Breathing sucks!

Both of our cars needed things that couldn't be put off any longer and it soaked up any money we had that could go toward school supplies.

So what were you going to do, marry me and consummate out marriage on your cot? You always make a derogatory statement when I put up these threads. You suck, dork. I feel like you need a spanking!

writerterri
08-25-2007, 10:20 PM
:Hug2:It'll get better. Give 'em hugs and kisses and support and that's worth much much more than new stuff.

Venting is necessary and that's what your friends here are for; a place where you'll always find a shoulder to cry on so you can find the strength to carry on.


You're the best! Hug well taken.

BardSkye
08-25-2007, 10:26 PM
Writerterri has never called me a dork. Not once. I feel so bereft.

I know how hard it can be to try and make expenses when your income and your outgo are unbalanced, even with two people working. Been there, done that, hasn't changed much. If the kids have love and support from their parents, they'll be much richer than many with fancy new clothes. Try not to stress about it too much.

eldragon
08-25-2007, 10:27 PM
I didn't buy my daughter new school clothes this year, because I am always on the look-out for clearance sales and stock up when I see them.

Plus we live in a rural area and alot of families have less than us. Now, I'm sure if we lived in a city again, the kids would be different.


We have excellent salvage and closeout style stores around here, and I get great deals all the time on new designer clothing. I wouldn't be caught dead paying retail!

The best advice I have is to keep your eyes open year around, and shop in stores like TJ Maxx, Ross, etc., that have excellent clearance racks. Then you won't worry when a new school year comes around.


Also, Belks and Macys have super sales - and so do outlet malls. (Burlington Coat Factory is excellent.)


Or you can buy awesome things at many thrift stores, yard sales or consignment shops. It teaches your kids to be thrifty and humble - and to spot a bargain when they see one.


Hang in there, girl! Chin up!

SpookyWriter
08-25-2007, 10:30 PM
You dork. I wasn't asking for a hand out just a hand up. My husband works to support 5 people on one income. He does the best he can. He doesn't drink, do drugs or gamble. He likes a nice steak once in a while on the grill at home. We're mostly broke because of extra expenses we enquire. We don't make enough to make it from check to check. Life is expensive! Then there's my medication, very expensive. Breathing sucks!

Both of our cars needed things that couldn't be put off any longer and it soaked up any money we had that could go toward school supplies.

So what were you going to do, marry me and consummate out marriage on your cot? You always make a derogatory statement when I put up these threads. You suck, dork. I feel like you need a spanking!Yikes! You know I loves ya girl. Sorry, I was in a bad place last night. I meant to remove my comments this morning but forgot. Honestly, I know you guys will do fine. The kids will be okay. I'm like wishing the best for your family and you.

maddythemad
08-25-2007, 10:57 PM
I think most kids aren't as bad as the movies make them out to be (with the exception of horrid Bambi, it seems). Although I never did go to elementary school, so I can't be sure. However, I certainly don't get a whole new wardrobe every school year, and I've had the same backpack for maybe five years now, and no one has so much as batted an eye (I'm going into 10th grade, and it probably helps that the backpack I picked out when I was ten doesn't have Barbie on it. ;)) So although it is really sweet that you're worried for your kids and I completely understand, I think they will be fine. I don't know how young they are, but if someone does tease them, I think it would be worth pointing out that anyone who cares what brand of clothes they're wearing is not someone they should want to be friends with anyway.

(Dear God, I'm sure you're thinking, I'm getting mothering advice from a fifteen-year old. Well feel free to ignore it. :tongue)

writerterri
08-25-2007, 11:47 PM
Writerterri has never called me a dork. Not once. I feel so bereft.

I know how hard it can be to try and make expenses when your income and your outgo are unbalanced, even with two people working. Been there, done that, hasn't changed much. If the kids have love and support from their parents, they'll be much richer than many with fancy new clothes. Try not to stress about it too much.


I was saving the best for last.


Dork. :D

Now that I've gotten so much support, I'm feeling much better. Especially since I've gotten that job and I can buy then some clothes in the fall.

Thanks!

SpookyWriter
08-25-2007, 11:50 PM
Congrats on the job!

I guess this means you won't be bringing the family to come stay with me and share the cot? Now I'm just devastated and will need lots of comfort from my Uncle Bacardi.

writerterri
08-25-2007, 11:57 PM
Yikes! You know I loves ya girl. Sorry, I was in a bad place last night. I meant to remove my comments this morning but forgot. Honestly, I know you guys will do fine. The kids will be okay. I'm like wishing the best for your family and you.


You're still the best in my little black book. :tongue


The spanking was for your own good.

Dork.

Rolling Thunder
08-25-2007, 11:58 PM
Yeah, congratulations on the job, Werri! And I feel the same as the rest, you're doing a great job as mom and your husband sounds like a stand-up guy. Those are two things that build a strong foundation for your children's self esteem, things that money can't buy. You just have to remind them sometimes.

Incidentally, is there a Dollar General anywhere near your home? I stop in there quite often and am amazed at what they have. Just this spring they were clearing out all their winter clothes and a woman behind me was just happy as a clam. She was buying clothes for her grandchildren as Christmas presents (yeah, I know, :rolleyes:, clothes for Christmas) and they had been marked down to $1 each, brand new. Even their regular prices are dirt cheap.

SpookyWriter
08-26-2007, 12:08 AM
You're still the best in my little black book. :tongue


The spanking was for your own good.

Dork.Gwad knows how I enjoy a good public flogging. But you're the best in my white book and will always be a special friend. Loves ya!

Tracy
08-26-2007, 12:14 AM
Terri, know that you're great, that your children are great, and that you're rich in the ways that matter - concern and love. Your children are lucky to have you as amother. Try not to worry about it all. F**k the begrudgers as we say here in Ireland!

SpookyWriter
08-26-2007, 12:15 AM
Incidentally, is there a Dollar General anywhere near your home?I shop at the dollar store too! I get some great deals there on stuff I need. Great idea. Except I must remember never to buy my underwear there again. The last time I got a bad case of bum itch and was miserable for my whole flight to Europe.

Rolling Thunder
08-26-2007, 12:19 AM
That's what you get for wearing thongs. :D

SpookyWriter
08-26-2007, 12:20 AM
That's what you get for wearing thongs. :D
You want I should send pictures?

Rolling Thunder
08-26-2007, 12:26 AM
You want I should send pictures?

Send them to Werri. She could use the cheering up. Send a few to Mac, too. :D

BardSkye
08-26-2007, 12:31 AM
I was saving the best for last.


Dork. :D



I made it! I'm finally a member of the in crowd! I've been dorked!

:e2tongue:

ap123
08-26-2007, 12:31 AM
Ugh, I know what you're feeling.

We do the best we can, let the kids know that, and roll on from there.

My oldest is 14, and works his tail off, both in school and out, because he knows things like clothing and food don't magically appear with the commercials on tv. Great head, great values, he's got little in material things, yet spends two afternoons a week working on a sandwich line--his idea.

My middle child has made it part of his look (he's 9). There is no way we could compete, or pretend to, with the other kids/families in his class. So, I've got a 9 yr old boy running around with long hair and questionable hand me downs. He tells everyone he's going to be a rock star, and his classmates (who spend summers in the Hamptons) think he's cool.

Any "extra" money we would have goes to our youngest one's meds. The older two know that, but they also know if it were one of them instead of her, the extra would go to them.

It is really hard, and IMO, sometimes you have to let yourself rant, or cry, or whatever it is that allows you to let it out. I'd rather be the poor mom than the poor and bitter mom.

SpookyWriter
08-26-2007, 12:35 AM
Send them to Werri. She could use the cheering up. Send a few to Mac, too. :DYes sir, right away.

http://www.geocities.com/~pack215/bs-salute150x165.jpg

Ol' Fashioned Girl
08-26-2007, 12:37 AM
That's what you get for wearing thongs. :D

Especially the used, dirty ones. :P

SpookyWriter
08-26-2007, 12:44 AM
Especially the used, dirty ones. :PIt's your fault for sending me out in public with ol'boys used garments.

writerterri
08-26-2007, 02:01 AM
Congrats on the job!

I guess this means you won't be bringing the family to come stay with me and share the cot? Now I'm just devastated and will need lots of comfort from my Uncle Bacardi.


I call the head end of the cot!

Is it a double wide? :D

writerterri
08-26-2007, 02:07 AM
It is really hard, and IMO, sometimes you have to let yourself rant, or cry, or whatever it is that allows you to let it out. I'd rather be the poor mom than the poor and bitter mom.


You feel me so well!

You get a dorking for that.


Dork.

SpookyWriter
08-26-2007, 02:11 AM
I call the head end of the cot!

Is it a double wide? :DI wish. Four more months and I'll have a real bed again. Of course it will be in another country, but I don't get many complaints from the Dutch about my snorning. :D Now the guys in jail are such wimps and can't just put me on ignore. No, they got's to keep jabbing me "Wake up man, you're snoring."

writerterri
08-26-2007, 02:36 AM
I personally don't remember that we've ever bought our children new clothes at the start of school years. It's usually when someone notices they're falling to bits. My son had been perstering me that his backpack was basically falling to bits, and eventually after lots of "yeah, we'll do it tommorrows" I finally got around to getting one at the point his books were all hanging out the arse of his other one.

I'm just don't think it's a big deal. My daughter said something interesting about a week back. When we had our children we were living in an affluent little beach resort town. We weren't affluent, more the shittiest house in a good location thing. And I was glad to get away from there, it was as though all anyone ever talked about was their latest house renovations. Anyway, we left the province and returned a few years back, and my children now go to the same secondary school as many of those from that first home town of theirs. So, my daughter said to me, and not really nastily but like a genuine thought, "I wonder if we'd have stayed there whether I'd have ended up part of that clique of snobby, nasty brats at our school?" She was saying really that she's glad she never.

I've always felt that my biggest concern isn't how my children are treated, perhaps bullied by others, or how they are judged.. it's my own children's own attitude to others that's a bigger concern. They'll carry their own attitudes towards others into life with them, more than the attitude of others towards them. And I am absolutely sure Dorkstress that your children have the finest of values.

Having said all that I know how that sort of thing hurts, we all want the best for our children, and it's great news about the job. But nah, forget about the new clothes thing. It ain't a biggy.


I just lost a whole big fat post I replied about. I hit a button and lost it.

To sum it all up so I don't have to rewrite it, I'm trying to teach my kids to look at the heart, not the clothing or what country they come from.

It isn't a biggie, huh? We only have to get through the first week. After that I could care less. My kids can wear some clothes out.

Thanks kiwidork!

writerterri
08-26-2007, 03:20 AM
I doubt there will be any teasing. I think you are harder on yourself than need be. I didn't get my kids new outfits for the first day of school and they have all survived so far. Dignity comes from the inside.....without apologies. Try to reduce your stress about it. They'll be fine.


I guess it's all coming from the way I was raised. At the end of summer we all got a shopping trip for new clothes and a lunch at the mall to kick off school. It was sort of a tradition. But my grandma paid. I don't have that luxury and when I couldn't buy them clothing this time, I felt like a bad mom.

But don't worry, I don't feel that way at the moment. My kids still need clothes but they will just have to wait until mom puts some money away for the fall when they will really need them. It's gets cold here.

Thanks!

zahra
08-26-2007, 08:10 PM
Just a little aside here, my daughter got some nice clothes at the end of July which my wife expected her to wear for school, only occasionally in the summer.

However, I uncovered a box of old souvenier t-shirts. My daughter went nuts over the vintage concert shirts, I was forced to fight to keep my stuff. I let her have some shirts that I had doubles of. Now she wants to go on the first day in jeans and a Bruce Springsteen '78 Tour baseball shirt.

The wife and daughter are now fighting over what clothes will be worn on the first day.

Of course, daughter is royally pissed that I refused to give her a Who, Ramones, or Rolling Stones shirt.

Good God, any teenager worth her salt can wheedle Dad's clothes out of him; your kid is just not TRYING, or you must have brought her up properly or something. My Dad tried not to give me his clothes when I was a teenager, but my take on it was, 'You're old and married, who cares what you look like?' I was a charming child, as you can guess.

Yes, vintage, Terri, that's the way to go. Vintage and lots of well-rehearsed comeback lines for all and every barb. You guys will have fun thinking them out, and laugh and bond over the whole 'no new clothes' thing. And then your kids'll go to school with a sparkle in their eyes, thinking, 'I wish a m***f*** would make fun of my clothes!':)

ap123
08-27-2007, 02:52 AM
You feel me so well!

You get a dorking for that.


Dork.

Wouldja look at this. I was dorked and didn't even know it. :Shrug:

Dorkings to you, and so glad you're feeling better. :)