Historical Fiction and the time travel cliche

I am truly stuck here, and I'd appreciate some ideas and opinions.

I have a first-draft historical novel set in Mesopotamia 3,000 BCE. My first two MS readers complained of getting disoriented. So, I considered the time travel device to put a 21st Century perspective on the almost alien life style of a post-neolithic civilization on the cusp of such discoveries as the wheel and writing.

I'm familiar with Gabaldon's works and the device she uses to put a contemporary reader in the midst of her time period. But to me, time-travel involves a fairly radical suspension of disbelief, whereas I'm striving for realism that reflects anthropological finds of nascent Sumerian and neighboring cultures during the past 80 years.

Wilbur Smith is successful, but his "River God" and other depictions of ancient Egypt don't move me, and I wonder how much of his excruciating detail appeals to contemporary readers. He mixes adventure with authenticity, but I don't think he's a powerful writer.

I guess my dilemma is, can I make my "invented" world a compelling read with a dramatic story and strong characters alone? Or do I need to insert a 21st Century character with his POV and knowledge of where things will wind up?

wee said:

One of the things I love about historical writing is the ever-present reminder that people are essentially the same, always. They face, with some variations, the same trials, temptations, desires, interactions. They fall in love, raise children, desire wealth, lust after inappropriate partners ...

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Thanks for the quick response. You hit the nail on the head about characterization being universal.

I've created two main characters whom I believe embody human foibles, desires, ambitions. They are lovers, but caught on opposing sides of a political upheaval--the end of matricentric rule and the introduction of the first male priests through a cabal of violence-prone fanatics.
The woman is a seer, a serpent adept, and queen of Nippur. The man a rebellious lion hunter persuaded by a misogynist to invert the status quo.

So we have temple intrigue, passion, unrequited love, deception, calumny, and a climactic battle that presages the destructive warrior way.

But Sumer is an enigma. The pace of life is slow, people walk everywhere, no beasts of burden yet. The Sumerian names and words are completely foreign-looking and -sounding. Temple life is run by a caste of women, the Lukur. Women own property, men till the fields. It's a role inversion stemming from discoveries of neolithic European development. There is no wheel to propel a cart, writing is a primitive form of carved pictographs, not cuneiform yet. Inanna is God as a woman, and she is revered as Great Mother, the fount of all life.

There are many more contrasts, but my two readers, both school teachers and avid book gnomes, couldn't get a foothold. Obviously that's my fault as a writer, and I've taken steps to build a better setting and show those contrasts through the eyes of a traveling merchant, an ancient crone, etc. But I wonder if a better grasp could be afforded by a contemporary in the midst gawking at the contrasts and striving to adapt. Maybe, maybe not.

pdr said:

the time travel is a vital and integral part of your story please don't tack it on.

Go back and find ways to take your readers in to the world you have created.

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You're suggesting that I believe in the story's power itself. That has an appeal. It places the burden squarely on me to create a piece that stands on its own merit. Thank you.

Doogs, et. al., sorry for the delay, but I'm off rewriting this thing -- minus the time travel.

Have read enough other historicals to know they can be done eloquently without TT. Thanks for the pointers. Just questioned my own situation.

This discussion was great inspiration to resume the work and toss the TT idea. Not much invested in it anyway. What little I wrote of it as openers may just lead to a new book with a contemporary venue. Something good always comes from hard work.

Thanks to all.