I've become my dad

"i'm about to knock yer goddamn teeth out! hold my beer..."

III said:

The phrase I heard repeatedly growing up that I swore I would never use, which I now find myself using:

"That's neither cute nor funny"

What are you horrified to hear yourself saying to your kids?

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Can I have my teeth back now.

I don't have kids, but I've often opened my mouth and heard my gran (God rest her) speak.

"How much? I'm not paying that! Look at the stitching on that! You can see right through that skirt! Ooh, won't she get cold wearing such a low-cut dress? You'll twist your ankle if you go out in those shoes."

Ad infinitum.

Well, someone's gotta carry the flame, eh, Nan?

"Mirror, mirror on the wall... I am my mother, after all."

I caught you masturbating last night.

What!

I-

Oh.

"Because I said so."

My dad used it and now I use it all the time. It works though...my son's too young to question me further.

Yes, I am my mother in too many ways to list. It's okay. I didn't turn out too warped.





crap.

Almost everything I say when I'm taking care of kids is my mother. So basically I spent the majority of three weeks this summer being my mother.

kristie911 said:

"Because I said so."

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Same here. You beat me to it.

That and "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it."

My family lived for cliche parental phrases.

kristie911 said:

"Because I said so."

My dad used it and now I use it all the time. It works though...my son's too young to question me further.

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Look on the bright side. When your dad comes to live with you at eighty-five you can say the same thing to him.

Dad: "Why to I have to eat my oatmeal?"
Kristie: "Because I said so."

In the Army. Married, 5 year old step-daughter, three weeks of 20 hour days. Finally get some time off. I'm frazzled, burnt and well beyond being down to my last nerve.

Step-daughter gets upset because I told her she couldn't go do something. Begins wailing, you know, like somebody is slowly stripping the skin off her. Won't stop for anything. Full blown I'm gonna scream bloody murder mode.

I'm thinking about where to hide the body after I kill her.

Send her to her room to save her life and discover that the sound conducting properties of a child's room and a hallway just make it worse.

I jump up from my chair, march down the hall to her bedroom door, finger raised in emphasis and in that VOICE yell out:

"IF YOU DON"T KNOCK IT OFF I'M GONNA COME IN THERE AND GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT!"

That stopped me dead in my tracks. I turned to my wife, finger still poised and said, "I'm out of here. I'm going to the bar."

"Why?" She asked.

"Because I just turned into my father, that's why." I said as I headed for my truck.

III said:

The phrase I heard repeatedly growing up that I swore I would never use, which I now find myself using:

"That's neither cute nor funny"

What are you horrified to hear yourself saying to your kids?

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Kids need to hear that phrase early and often, III. It's called honesty.

When mine annoy me with a penny whistle, a kazoo or a harmonica, I say "How'd you like to be making that sound when you fart?"

My dad used to say "I'm going to break your arm off and beat you with the bloody stump of it."

Gods, I love idle threats. Sometimes I just go with that, you know, "Hey, cut that out or I'll make an idle threat."

They snap-to every time.

It's inevitable... Here's me and my mom:

"But Kris's mom said she could go!"
"If Kris's mom said she could jump off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you want to as well?"

(just for the record, that would involve quite a hike since Brooklyn's about an hour away by car)

OK - now, fast forward 25+ years and it's me and my daughter:

"But Gabby's mom said she could go!"
"If Gabby's mom said she..." (Here's where the record needle scratches loudly across hte vinyl and dead silence gives way to chirping crickets.)

I gasp, and slap a hand over my mouth. Then, I send my daughter to her room.

"But why!?!"
"For making me sound like Gram!"

And that's only the beginning - I've used the "Because I said so," "I don't care if you like me, as long as you listen to me," "You are NOT leaving the house wearing that," and "Someday, I hope you have a daughter JUST LIKE YOU!" (That's a biggie, 'cause that freakin' curse WORKS!)

Ahhh... I'm my mother...

somebody shoot me now

Ahhh, you're too nice to be shot, Jersey. It's just the law of mother/daughter feuds.

Nothing yet to my kids but I since my . . .issues I have made multiple comments about my ex that sound exactly like my mom. I've just come to terms with it. It's not so bad.

Don't make me turn this car around!

Azraelsbane said:

That and "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it."

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I can't wait to use that one! But my son's only 3...he wouldn't understand it yet.

Oh, another thing I worry about doing...

My mother always compared me to my friends when they did better than I did. As in, I would get a 90 on a math test and the first thing out of my mother's mouth was "Well, what did Heather get?" The answer (on math at least) was usually around a 96+.

Then one day I came home with a 96 and I was super excited because Heather had gotten a 92. I had the highest grade in the class and my mother said "Why do I care what Heather got? She's not my kid. It's not a 100. You could have done better."

If I ever catch myself doing that stuff to my kids... Wow. I don't know.

Then again, my mother was the one that had a 30 min argument in a parent/teacher meeting, screaming that I could have done better than the 99th percentile on the CTBS... She just couldn't understand that there was no 100th percentile, because that would mean the person would have done better than themselves.

I can't see myself ever doing something like that.

::sigh:: So glad I'm not a kid anymore.

"When I was your age, we came in from the field and it didn't matter a damn how tired you were -- you rubbed down the horses, fed and watered them and then bedded them down, THEN you came in to eat and clean up yourself. You take care of your responsibilities first!" -- my dad to me many years ago.

only a few years ago, in a moment of weakness and extreme frustration, I actually did the..."When you Grandfather was your age, he..."

The kicker -- my 95 yr old aunt damn near falling out of her hospital bed a few weeks ago when I told her about this. "He actually told you that load of garbage? Your father wouldn't know one end of the horse from the other -- we had tractors by that time. And if he ever told you he milked the cows at 5:00 am every morning (he did tell me this), that was a load, too. He wouldn't know what to do with a cow's teat if his life depended on it." -- Moral: make up new, non-time-sensative crap to tell/threaten/ lecture your kids so that your 95-yr-old aunt doesn't blow the whistle on you!

Don't have kids yet, but my husband and I are already doing our respective-gendered parents to each other. Sometimes I think, I wonder if my mom and his dad would work out together? Because we sure do fine.

JoNightshade said:

Don't have kids yet, but my husband and I are already doing our respective-gendered parents to each other. Sometimes I think, I wonder if my mom and his dad would work out together? Because we sure do fine.

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Lol. Just wait until you say something as intelligent as this to your child.



"Once you're 18, living on your own and paying your own bills, then you can screw up your life if you want. Until then I get to do it."

"When I was your age, we had no remote controls! Well, we did, but it was attached to the tv by a cord, so you couldn't sit too far away! And we had only ten channels! And not only that, but when we listened to music, we actually had to hit the fast forward or rewind button to get to the song we really wanted to listen to!"

And don't forget walking to school five miles uphill. Both ways. In ten feet of snow.

Jersey Chick said:

"
And don't forget walking to school five miles uphill. Both ways. In ten feet of snow.

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You left out barefoot.

My dad tried that on me until I pointed out Grandma's house was only four blocks away from the school.