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III
08-21-2007, 05:12 AM
The phrase I heard repeatedly growing up that I swore I would never use, which I now find myself using:

"That's neither cute nor funny"

What are you horrified to hear yourself saying to your kids?

William Haskins
08-21-2007, 05:14 AM
"i'm about to knock yer goddamn teeth out! hold my beer..."

SpookyWriter
08-21-2007, 05:14 AM
The phrase I heard repeatedly growing up that I swore I would never use, which I now find myself using:

"That's neither cute nor funny"

What are you horrified to hear yourself saying to your kids?Can I have my teeth back now.

scarletpeaches
08-21-2007, 05:16 AM
I don't have kids, but I've often opened my mouth and heard my gran (God rest her) speak.

"How much? I'm not paying that! Look at the stitching on that! You can see right through that skirt! Ooh, won't she get cold wearing such a low-cut dress? You'll twist your ankle if you go out in those shoes."

Ad infinitum.

Well, someone's gotta carry the flame, eh, Nan? :D

Ol' Fashioned Girl
08-21-2007, 05:16 AM
"Mirror, mirror on the wall... I am my mother, after all."

maestrowork
08-21-2007, 05:16 AM
I caught you masturbating last night.

scarletpeaches
08-21-2007, 05:18 AM
What!

I-

Oh.

kristie911
08-21-2007, 05:33 AM
"Because I said so."

My dad used it and now I use it all the time. It works though...my son's too young to question me further. :)

Soccer Mom
08-21-2007, 06:22 AM
Yes, I am my mother in too many ways to list. It's okay. I didn't turn out too warped.





crap.

Danger Jane
08-21-2007, 06:26 AM
Almost everything I say when I'm taking care of kids is my mother. So basically I spent the majority of three weeks this summer being my mother.

Azraelsbane
08-21-2007, 06:27 AM
"Because I said so."



Same here. You beat me to it. :)

That and "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it."

My family lived for cliche parental phrases.

SpookyWriter
08-21-2007, 06:31 AM
"Because I said so."

My dad used it and now I use it all the time. It works though...my son's too young to question me further. :)Look on the bright side. When your dad comes to live with you at eighty-five you can say the same thing to him.

Dad: "Why to I have to eat my oatmeal?"
Kristie: "Because I said so."

A.M. Wildman
08-21-2007, 06:41 AM
In the Army. Married, 5 year old step-daughter, three weeks of 20 hour days. Finally get some time off. I'm frazzled, burnt and well beyond being down to my last nerve.

Step-daughter gets upset because I told her she couldn't go do something. Begins wailing, you know, like somebody is slowly stripping the skin off her. Won't stop for anything. Full blown I'm gonna scream bloody murder mode.

I'm thinking about where to hide the body after I kill her.

Send her to her room to save her life and discover that the sound conducting properties of a child's room and a hallway just make it worse.

I jump up from my chair, march down the hall to her bedroom door, finger raised in emphasis and in that VOICE yell out:

"IF YOU DON"T KNOCK IT OFF I'M GONNA COME IN THERE AND GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT!"

That stopped me dead in my tracks. I turned to my wife, finger still poised and said, "I'm out of here. I'm going to the bar."

"Why?" She asked.

"Because I just turned into my father, that's why." I said as I headed for my truck.

Devil Ledbetter
08-21-2007, 06:47 AM
The phrase I heard repeatedly growing up that I swore I would never use, which I now find myself using:

"That's neither cute nor funny"

What are you horrified to hear yourself saying to your kids?Kids need to hear that phrase early and often, III. It's called honesty.

When mine annoy me with a penny whistle, a kazoo or a harmonica, I say "How'd you like to be making that sound when you fart?"

My dad used to say "I'm going to break your arm off and beat you with the bloody stump of it."

Gods, I love idle threats. Sometimes I just go with that, you know, "Hey, cut that out or I'll make an idle threat."

They snap-to every time.

Jersey Chick
08-21-2007, 06:53 AM
:ROFL:

It's inevitable... Here's me and my mom:

"But Kris's mom said she could go!"
"If Kris's mom said she could jump off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you want to as well?"

(just for the record, that would involve quite a hike since Brooklyn's about an hour away by car)

OK - now, fast forward 25+ years and it's me and my daughter:

"But Gabby's mom said she could go!"
"If Gabby's mom said she..." (Here's where the record needle scratches loudly across hte vinyl and dead silence gives way to chirping crickets.)

I gasp, and slap a hand over my mouth. Then, I send my daughter to her room.

"But why!?!"
"For making me sound like Gram!"

And that's only the beginning - I've used the "Because I said so," "I don't care if you like me, as long as you listen to me," "You are NOT leaving the house wearing that," and "Someday, I hope you have a daughter JUST LIKE YOU!" (That's a biggie, 'cause that freakin' curse WORKS!)

Ahhh... I'm my mother...

somebody shoot me now

Susie
08-21-2007, 07:05 AM
Ahhh, you're too nice to be shot, Jersey. It's just the law of mother/daughter feuds.:)

The_Grand_Duchess
08-21-2007, 07:05 AM
Nothing yet to my kids but I since my . . .issues I have made multiple comments about my ex that sound exactly like my mom. I've just come to terms with it. It's not so bad.

Shadow_Ferret
08-21-2007, 07:43 AM
Don't make me turn this car around!

kristie911
08-21-2007, 07:45 AM
That and "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it."


I can't wait to use that one! But my son's only 3...he wouldn't understand it yet.

Azraelsbane
08-21-2007, 07:48 AM
Oh, another thing I worry about doing...

My mother always compared me to my friends when they did better than I did. As in, I would get a 90 on a math test and the first thing out of my mother's mouth was "Well, what did Heather get?" The answer (on math at least) was usually around a 96+.

Then one day I came home with a 96 and I was super excited because Heather had gotten a 92. I had the highest grade in the class and my mother said "Why do I care what Heather got? She's not my kid. It's not a 100. You could have done better."

If I ever catch myself doing that stuff to my kids... Wow. I don't know.

Then again, my mother was the one that had a 30 min argument in a parent/teacher meeting, screaming that I could have done better than the 99th percentile on the CTBS... She just couldn't understand that there was no 100th percentile, because that would mean the person would have done better than themselves.

I can't see myself ever doing something like that.

::sigh:: So glad I'm not a kid anymore.

reigningcatsndogs
08-21-2007, 07:58 AM
"When I was your age, we came in from the field and it didn't matter a damn how tired you were -- you rubbed down the horses, fed and watered them and then bedded them down, THEN you came in to eat and clean up yourself. You take care of your responsibilities first!" -- my dad to me many years ago.

only a few years ago, in a moment of weakness and extreme frustration, I actually did the..."When you Grandfather was your age, he..."

The kicker -- my 95 yr old aunt damn near falling out of her hospital bed a few weeks ago when I told her about this. "He actually told you that load of garbage? Your father wouldn't know one end of the horse from the other -- we had tractors by that time. And if he ever told you he milked the cows at 5:00 am every morning (he did tell me this), that was a load, too. He wouldn't know what to do with a cow's teat if his life depended on it." -- Moral: make up new, non-time-sensative crap to tell/threaten/ lecture your kids so that your 95-yr-old aunt doesn't blow the whistle on you!

JoNightshade
08-21-2007, 08:09 AM
Don't have kids yet, but my husband and I are already doing our respective-gendered parents to each other. Sometimes I think, I wonder if my mom and his dad would work out together? Because we sure do fine. ;)

A.M. Wildman
08-21-2007, 08:13 AM
Don't have kids yet, but my husband and I are already doing our respective-gendered parents to each other. Sometimes I think, I wonder if my mom and his dad would work out together? Because we sure do fine. ;)

Lol. Just wait until you say something as intelligent as this to your child.

:Lecture:

"Once you're 18, living on your own and paying your own bills, then you can screw up your life if you want. Until then I get to do it."

:crazy: :Ssh:

Jersey Chick
08-21-2007, 08:27 AM
"When I was your age, we had no remote controls! Well, we did, but it was attached to the tv by a cord, so you couldn't sit too far away! And we had only ten channels! And not only that, but when we listened to music, we actually had to hit the fast forward or rewind button to get to the song we really wanted to listen to!"

And don't forget walking to school five miles uphill. Both ways. In ten feet of snow.

A.M. Wildman
08-21-2007, 08:31 AM
"
And don't forget walking to school five miles uphill. Both ways. In ten feet of snow.

You left out barefoot.

My dad tried that on me until I pointed out Grandma's house was only four blocks away from the school.

Jersey Chick
08-21-2007, 08:36 AM
Rats! You're right!

And we were too poor to afford boots - we just wrapped barbed wire around our feet! (I stole that from a comedian whose name escapes me.

And Bill Cosby - "My father told me about the time he had to beat a grizzly bear to death with his loose-leaf notebook."

Kentuk
08-21-2007, 09:27 AM
Kind of like OFG in the mirror.
Get these deja-vu moments where I am my father, like he inhabits me for a moment.

Salem
08-21-2007, 10:17 AM
"Because I said so."

I'm almost too embarassed to admit it, but I'm guilty of using this phrase, too.

Lady Esther
08-21-2007, 10:29 AM
"Go take a nap!"

Every time my mother got angry (when I was a child), she'd say "Go take a nap!"

My sister has a child, now she says it to her daughter. I tell her she's turning into our mother.

ALLWritety
08-21-2007, 12:07 PM
"IF YOU DON"T KNOCK IT OFF I'M GONNA COME IN THERE AND GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT!"

This echos out of my mouth with my kids.

skelly
08-21-2007, 01:42 PM
"As long as I'm the one putting a roof over your head and food on this table, you'll do as I say."

I hated it when my parents trotted out the roof and the food argument. I swore I would never say that...I swore...

And I failed. In fact, I've expanded it to include the phrase "By God," either right at the beginning or at the end.

rhymegirl
08-21-2007, 04:28 PM
Ah yes, the turning into my mother thing.

I've said:

"Because I said so."

"Who do you think you're talking to?" (my dad's line)

"This is MY house, not yours!"

"Turn off those lights! We don't own the electric company." (dad's line)

"Wait til your father gets home!" (my mom's feeble attempt to scare us)

"If I don't do it, it doesn't get done."

thethinker42
08-21-2007, 04:50 PM
Don't make me turn this car around!

I've said that to my husband a few times while I'm driving. "Do I have to stop this car?"

reigningcatsndogs
08-21-2007, 06:08 PM
"My house, my rules!"
"Don't you take that tone of voice with me" -- must be accompanied with appropriate finger wag in the face.

I'm not so sure if I should laugh or cry when I read these!! I am too guilty of too many of them!!

Jersey Chick
08-21-2007, 07:08 PM
"Just who do you think you are?" I should have this one recorded and on loop - I say it to my daughter at least five times a day...

III
08-21-2007, 07:17 PM
After fruitlessly looking for a complete board game:

"We can't play any games because you guys have lost pieces from EVERY GAME IN THIS HOUSE!"

reigningcatsndogs
08-21-2007, 07:30 PM
"Who died and left you in charge?"

Siddow
08-21-2007, 07:32 PM
This one has my mother all over it:

Kid: "Mom, where's my [shoes, pencil, toy, whatever]?"

Me: "How would I know? I don't keep up with where you put your things. What do you think, I follow you around all day and watch where you put stuff? You think I've got a catalog in my back pocket of where every item in this house is? If you'd look with your eyes instead of your mouth, you'd probably find it!"

Sigh.

Azraelsbane
08-21-2007, 07:37 PM
This one has my mother all over it:

Kid: "Mom, where's my [shoes, pencil, toy, whatever]?"

Me: "How would I know? I don't keep up with where you put your things. What do you think, I follow you around all day and watch where you put stuff? You think I've got a catalog in my back pocket of where every item in this house is? If you'd look with your eyes instead of your mouth, you'd probably find it!"

Sigh.

Wow. That's too complex for my mom. Her answer was simply. "You and your father always think things are just going to jump out and wave at you. Look for the damn thing!"

gerrydodge
08-21-2007, 07:39 PM
"i'm about to knock yer goddamn teeth out! hold my beer..."

wait...are you sure we're not related?

reigningcatsndogs
08-21-2007, 08:38 PM
One of my favorites was 'Do as I say, not as I do!" -- a lame rule at best.
"Are you waiting for it to jump up and bite you in the ass" -- to teenagers either a) attempting to look for something they lost, or b) looking at a shovel, duster, vacuum etc that they are supposed to be running!

thethinker42
08-21-2007, 09:04 PM
Just for fun...My husband and me at the grocery store...

Eddie: *picks up magazine and starts reading*
Lori: Put it back.
Eddie: But I don't want to.
Lori: You can't have it. Put it back.
Eddie: But I want it.
Lori: 1....2....
Eddie: *puts magazine back, crosses his arms, stomps his foot, and pouts*
Lady Behind Us: *stares in wide-eyed disbelief*

Hey, we don't have kids, so we can still act like dumbasses in public. And to our credit, we both kept perfectly straight faces until we left the store.

We have also been the reason that numerous parents lean over to their kids and whisper "that's not how we behave in public". I'll know I've become my parents when *I* am saying that to *my* kids someday...

reigningcatsndogs
08-21-2007, 09:14 PM
Literally, five minutes ago, younger son walks into room

him: You still on that computer?
me: Um, yeah, well, I, um, don't really feel like working yet.
him: I see. And I suppose you think that everyone else in the world has that option? Maybe none of us should work today? Wouldn't that be wonderful? Did you stop to think that there are millions of people in the world who would love to have a house to clean or a yard to mow or a job to do? Did you think about them?

I'm still laughing!!!!

BTW -- I did load the dishwasher and clean the kitchen and clean the bathrooms, and I already ran to town for my errands there -- get off my ass, son!!:D

Jersey Chick
08-21-2007, 09:38 PM
My Daughter: "Where's my GameBoy?"
Me: "Where did you leave it?"
Daughter: "If I knew that, I wouldn't be looking for it, Mom."

remember - she's 6. 6 going on 30. One of these days, she'll add on, "Here's your sign."

StoryG27
08-21-2007, 09:46 PM
I, thankfully, have not fully morphed into my mother. I do use the "Because I said so," as she did, but that's about it. My mom and I seemed to be on the same level when I was a kid (I'm not trying to be mean, she'll be the first to admit that I always acted like more of a parent than she did). She used the ol' "I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it too." But I hated that. Considering she once tried to stab me with a screwdriver, I didn't know if she was kidding. That saying always made me feel disposable. One that sort of made me laugh, that I have to admit I have used on occasion, is when I'd want something ridiculous and she'd say, "People in hell want ice water." Or if I'd say, "If I just had . . ." She'd respond, "Yeah, and if frogs had wings they wouldn't bump their ass on the ground every time they hopped." I haven't used that one yet, doubt I ever will, but it still makes me laugh.





My sayings that my kids hate, that I think they will end up using one day:
"You may not like me, but you will respect me."
"You better remember who you're talking to."
"Toughen up Buttercup." Don't know how or why, I started that, but now, if I feel they are being whiny or overly dramatic about small things, I just say, "Buttercup," and they know what I mean. They scowl but they do toughen up a bit.

Stew21
08-21-2007, 09:50 PM
Do you see me smiling? If I'm not smiling, it's not funny.

Because I said so.

Azraelsbane
08-21-2007, 09:54 PM
I think the first time my kid says something that would incur the viciously ludicrous response of, "Because I said so," I will make an itemized list of monthly bills, divide the end cost in three and give it to said child as a goal. I will then tell them that once they are able to contribute that amount of money per month, they are free to do as they wish within the boundaries of the law.

Yes, this is a drawn out way of the "providing a roof over your head" answer, but I HATED "because I said so." I never thought it was a valid explanation. Give me a REASON! LoL. ;)

Jersey Chick
08-21-2007, 09:55 PM
Don't you look at me like that.

Stew21
08-21-2007, 09:59 PM
so many times I swore I would not be my parents and then I became one.

Which is exactly what my mother said to me when I questioned the stupid things she said, which are now stupid things I say.

I swear I can't believe what I hear myself saying when I say it.

On Sunday after a day of rain and the kids being stranded in doors, and I was trying to finish my first draft I finally gave up trying to keep order in the house, I was ridiculously frustrated, and hated that I was barking at them. They're just kids! So I loaded them into the car "Why are we going for a ride mommy? Where are we going mommy?"
"We're going because I said so. We are going because we need to get out of here. We are going for the sake of Everyone involved. Trust me."

Soon, I had calmed down, the older of the kids fell asleep, and the younger sang take me out to the ballgame about 20 times.
And now I know why my dad always liked to go for a drive.

Stew21
08-21-2007, 09:59 PM
Don't you look at me like that.


which was usually followed by, "ANSWER ME!"

Jersey Chick
08-21-2007, 10:03 PM
Are you even listening? Tell me what I said!

(I heard this as a kid and my thought was always, "Oh, you mean you weren't listening, either?")

And my favorite: "Do you think I'm talking just to hear myself talk?"

it's a wonder i survived childhood.

Stew21
08-21-2007, 10:05 PM
I like the visuals my mom always gave, pinching her thumb and index finger together with barely a shred of light to be seen between them.
"You're this close..." she never finished the sentence.
I thought my brother would hear the end of the sentence when he responded with his fingers in like fashion, "how close? this close?"

StoryG27
08-21-2007, 10:08 PM
"You're this close..." she never finished the sentence.
:D I've used that one, but I do finish the sentence. "You're this close to being grounded for a week. . .or getting sent to your room for the rest of the night. . .or losing a dollar off your allowance. . ." Whatever fit at the time. And I do that stupid thing with my fingers too, to show how extremely close they are. I'm such a nerd!

III
08-21-2007, 10:20 PM
I like the visuals my mom always gave, pinching her thumb and index finger together with barely a shred of light to be seen between them.
"You're this close..." she never finished the sentence.
I thought my brother would hear the end of the sentence when he responded with his fingers in like fashion, "how close? this close?"

That reminds me of Bill Cosby:

Worst beating I ever got in my life, man. My mother said "I am just sick", I said "and tired!" I don't remember anything after that.

Jersey Chick
08-21-2007, 10:24 PM
Don't you roll your eyes at me! I'll roll that little head of yours right across the floor!

I saw Bill Cosby:Himself about a zillion times and I still laugh like anything... I also think about how right he was - you aren't a parent until you have at least two. My kids are in that "he's touching me!" stage and I find myself yelling, "That's it! Nobody in this house is allowed to touch another person ever again for the rest of your life."

Stew21
08-21-2007, 10:29 PM
my favorite on Bill Cosby, Himself was

BUt mom! I thought i was Jesus Christ!

III
08-21-2007, 10:30 PM
Don't you roll your eyes at me! I'll roll that little head of yours right across the floor!

I saw Bill Cosby:Himself about a zillion times and I still laugh like anything... I also think about how right he was - you aren't a parent until you have at least two. My kids are in that "he's touching me!" stage and I find myself yelling, "That's it! Nobody in this house is allowed to touch another person ever again for the rest of your life."

Bill Cosby: Himself is quite possibly the most dead-on, insightful trieste on parenting ever. We loved it as kids and teenagers, but we thought it was just comedy. Now we watch it and go THAT IS SO TRUE!!!

Dear man, thank you for your concern. But we cannot go to sleep until we've had a good beating.

Jersey Chick
08-21-2007, 10:40 PM
"Get in the tub. Turn on the water. Use soap. Rinse off. Get out of the tub. Dry yourself (this one's important, because if you don't tell them, they won't do it. Pajamas get all stuck to their bodies), and get into the bed."

And my daughter does this all the time:

Daughter: "Mommy, I got a cookie (or handful of Raisinettes, Sno-caps, anything really) for you."
Me: "Thanks, sweetie, but I don't want anything right now."
Daughter: "Well then, can I have it?"

Azraelsbane
08-21-2007, 10:48 PM
Daughter: "Mommy, I got a cookie (or handful of Raisinettes, Sno-caps, anything really) for you."
Me: "Thanks, sweetie, but I don't want anything right now."
Daughter: "Well then, can I have it?"

Oooh, that's clever.

Jersey Chick
08-21-2007, 10:57 PM
Yeah - she's good.

reigningcatsndogs
08-21-2007, 11:20 PM
I made the very serious mistake of answering one of those many rhetorical questions.
Mom: Do you think I'm dumb?"
Me: No, just stupid. There's apparently nothing wrong with your mouth.

Have you used the "Don't you turn your back to me while I'm still talking" one?

My excuses #1 -- I had to endure these damn stupid statements from my parents
#2 -- My kids made me do it

Azraelsbane
08-21-2007, 11:25 PM
I made the very serious mistake of answering one of those many rhetorical questions.
Mom: Do you think I'm dumb?"
Me: No, just stupid. There's apparently nothing wrong with your mouth.



Oh, that's good! :)

When I was 10 I got tired of my dad raising his hand and threatening to hit me. I slammed my fist into the fridge and knocked all the magnets off (and my mom was a collector), and told him to bring it on, let's see who'd win.

His eyes went really wide and he turned and walked away. Never raised his hand to me again. Heh.

thethinker42
08-21-2007, 11:35 PM
Don't you look at me like that.

I say that to my cats. That, and "don't take that tone with me, young lady."

sassandgroove
08-21-2007, 11:38 PM
Wow.
(ETA that Wow was to Azrealsbane)

I am not a parent yet but I find myself already wondering what I will say.

For instance. Mr. Groove likes to eat Totino's Pizza Rolls for breakfast on Sat. I make myself pancakes. Now what do I do if we have kids? The only thing I can think of is:

"How come Daddy gets to eat pizza rolls for breakfast?"
"Becasue Daddy pays the mortgage."

It isn't something my mom ever said, but I got nothin' else. *Shrug* I know, Cart before the horse.

RumpleTumbler
08-21-2007, 11:43 PM
she'd say, "People in hell want ice water.

:roll: Was she serious or being a smart ass?

III
08-22-2007, 12:01 AM
"How come Daddy gets to eat pizza rolls for breakfast?"
"Becasue Daddy pays the mortgage."



We have a similar conversation at the dinner table quite frequently.

"How come Daddy doesn't have to eat the [insert the green vegetable here]?"

I don't even dignify the question with a response.

Jersey Chick
08-22-2007, 12:01 AM
Wow.
(ETA that Wow was to Azrealsbane)

I am not a parent yet but I find myself already wondering what I will say.

For instance. Mr. Groove likes to eat Totino's Pizza Rolls for breakfast on Sat. I make myself pancakes. Now what do I do if we have kids? The only thing I can think of is:

"How come Daddy gets to eat pizza rolls for breakfast?"
"Becasue Daddy pays the mortgage."

It isn't something my mom ever said, but I got nothin' else. *Shrug* I know, Cart before the horse.

Dad is great - gives us the chocolate cake!

III
08-22-2007, 12:04 AM
Dad is great - gives us the chocolate cake!

And those children ... who had been singing praises to meeeee .... lied on meeeeee .....

sassandgroove
08-22-2007, 12:05 AM
Yeah its all song and dance until MOM shows up.

"He MADE us eat cake, Mom."

III beat me to it.:D

The_Grand_Duchess
08-22-2007, 01:37 AM
"Toughen up Buttercup."

That's a good one, I'm stealing it.

Jersey Chick
08-22-2007, 01:39 AM
Y'know, I'd heard of conniptions. But I'd never actually seen one.

III
08-22-2007, 01:49 AM
"My mother was an expert on pig stys. 'This is the WORST pig sty I've ever seen in my life.'"
- Bill Cosby (continuing)

wee
08-22-2007, 02:09 AM
I HATED "because I said so." I never thought it was a valid explanation. Give me a REASON! LoL. ;)



Oh, my. I think this is a GREAT thing to say. Particularly when your 5-year-old is NOT asking "why" because she really wants to know why, but simply to avoid having to do what she was told. Kids don't get to question instructions until they are at least old enough to understand the explanation!

My favorite isn't mine, but that of a friend of mine. He had a brother close to his same age, & his father's favorite threat was that he was going to "pick one of you up & the beat the other one to death with him." That one gets me every time.

I know a girl whose dad (I kid you not) would hang them over doors like ragdolls, caught just below their ribs so they couldn't move or it would be unbearably painful, and could barely breath. He would make them hang there until the calmed down or promised to behave. She thinks this is funny, completely reasonable parenting, and she is also pregnant. :crazy:

Sometimes all you can do is be grateful you recognize that maybe you should try something different from what was done to you (unless you grew up in my husband's house with June & Ward Cleaver & can more or less safely repeat everything without thinking about it).


wee

zahra
08-22-2007, 02:37 AM
This thread has made me laugh so much!

I haven't got Ninevah, Kitty-Rose, Clara and Mitsouko (the future kids) yet, but I think I was practising on my ex-boss, Tom. He had an infuriating habit of printing out every e-mail we got, resulting in, 'Do you think we're made of money?' He made the excuse for using a funny but non-PC term that I'D said it first. 'And would you follow me if I jumped into the fire?' (His answer to that was 'Only to make sure you were really dead'.)

Oh, and when I had little rough-housing cats, I did use the '...until somebody loses an eye' line. Sad.

reigningcatsndogs
08-22-2007, 03:25 AM
Actually, when you think of the stupid things we, as parents say, its amazing the self-control our kids (sometimes) show. We sort of set ourselves up too many times.
"You think I'm made of money?"
"You want your face to freeze that way?"
"Why shouldn't I just send this meal to the poor starving children in Africa?" (I ALWAYS wanted to reply "Because they already have enough problems without you adding to them", but after the stupid/dumb thing, I figured it was much wiser just to be quiet.

Soccer Mom
08-22-2007, 03:31 AM
In my car every day:

kid: Are we there yet?
me: Am I still driving?
kid: Yes.
me: Then we aren't there yet.

DamaNegra
08-22-2007, 03:54 AM
"But Kris's mom said she could go!"
"If Kris's mom said she could jump off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you want to as well?"

Hahahaha I once got my mother with this one. She always used to tell me this when I was a kid, and one day I wanted very badly to go somewhere but my mom wouldn't let me.

"You already went out with your friends yesterday. Valerie's mom didn't let her go out yesterday and she's not going to let her out today, see?"

"And if Valerie's mom jumped out of a bridge would you jump too?"

I got a death stare and decided to just run for my life.

maddythemad
08-22-2007, 05:05 AM
I've used some parent lines on my parents. Does that count? :D

"So, Dad, just where do you think you're going?"

Mom'sWrite
08-22-2007, 07:12 AM
from my 7 year-old, adorable but smart-ass daughter...

"You're not going out looking like that, are you?"

I can't even figure where she heard something like that. I've never said it to her or anyone in the house. Jeez, I'll let the kids wear their jammies to school if they want. I'll bet my mother is behind this. She couldn't just sugar them up and send them home, now she teaching them to sass me.

maestrowork
08-22-2007, 07:17 AM
Me to my parents:

"Finish your food (they couldn't eat that much now that they're older). There are hungry children dying in China."

Payback is a bitch. :D

Jersey Chick
08-22-2007, 07:30 AM
I use hungry children in Africa and my daughter says right back, "Well, they can have my dinner." I swear, it's like being zapped back in time, only the clothes aren't so goofy and the fridge isn't that weird tomato soup color that seemed so popular circa 1977.

sassandgroove
08-22-2007, 07:03 PM
One time, when I was a grumpy teenager, tired of being harranged by my grandmother to "Clean my plate," and simultaneously "Lose weight." She used the starving children sob story. I had had it. I snapped back, "Well it won't help starving children in china if my thighs get thicker, will it?!" She stopped bugging me after that.

Shadow_Ferret
09-03-2007, 02:00 AM
I just passed on The Curse.

"I hope when you grow up and are a parent that you have a kid just like you!"

lfraser
09-03-2007, 02:37 AM
I never had children, possibly because I was terrified I would end up sounding just like my mother. I don't sound at all like her, after all. But the older I get the more I look like her.

akiwiguy
09-03-2007, 02:40 AM
My daughter about a week ago...

"You're going to end up one of those grumpy old men in a resthome who sits around all day snarling at people."

acharity
09-03-2007, 02:41 AM
I don't have kids ^^;; but one thing that I hate that my dad says is, "Trust me."

No matter what he says, he tacks that on the end *sigh* (or the beginning if you're lucky).

OR! The ultimate... "you're too young to understand"

At times, yes... but not when I'm at a weary stage of twenty-one ~_~

What else... hmmmmmm... oh... he thinks this is hilarious; "I borned you into this world to do things for me! If you don't listen, I'll put you right back!"

Haha, no. Really, no typos in that phrase. I roll my eyes, pity laugh, my mom rolls her eyes and I end up zoning out into a book.

ALLWritety
09-03-2007, 08:51 AM
Has anyone said while dishing out punishment?

"This hurts me more than it hurts you"

K

poetinahat
09-03-2007, 10:20 AM
"Better not do that. <somebody> might not like it."

I don't want my kids growing up repressed. I'd rather that they find that it's easier to get forgiveness than permission.

Too bad I don't set a better example for them. (Fortunately, they're already very assertive!)

J. Weiland
09-03-2007, 10:56 AM
My dad used to say "I'm going to break your arm off and beat you with the bloody stump of it."

Oy! David Gemmell used that one in Waylander II. :D