Why?

Don't listen to her. My mother's like that. Always finds the negative in everything. Always a million reasons why something won't work. It's very discouraging. That's why I never discuss anything writing-related with her. I'm not thick-skinned enough to be able to stand it.

Do you have anyone else around you who is more supportive? You need to hang around them a lot. The difference that some positive encouragement can make is truly amazing. That's one of the great things about this forum.

It's so sad that you're doing this for your family and not getting the support back (from at least one of them). What about the rest of them? What are they like?

Or maybe you could get some help from someone who's totally unbiased about it. I don't know.

Hope this helps in some way.

Well, at least now you've found your way here. And I'm pretty sure you'll find lots of people here who will give you encouragement when you need it, who'll tell you when something is crap but who will also suggest how to fix it, and who are just plain fun to be around.

Welcome to the boards. Poke around, have fun, join in.

You know what? Don't ever say you've never amounted to anything. You have. But I do understand what you mean. And maybe this should make you more determined to go ahead and succeed in spite of her.

Something I just thought of, and have experienced myself - (yes, with my mother!) - you have to try to not be disappointed or upset or angry because people don't react to your efforts in the way you expected them to. Quick story to try and explain - my mother recently organised a family reunion for her side of the family. All her siblings have died and she's the only one left, so this was a huge deal for her - all her nieces and nephews and their kids, and of course us, her immediate family. On the day, I took my little video camera and got some footage of the day for her. Then I put it all onto a tape, set it to music, put a title on it; the whole thing, and gave it to her for her birthday. I was so excited, thinking that she would absolutely love it. Well on the day I gave it to her, she didn't even watch it. She said "I'll put it on later". So after that, every time I spoke to her, I kept waiting for her to mention it and say how much she enjoyed it. Nothing. Eventually I asked her about it. "Did you watch that video?" I said. "Yeah" she said. "It was alright." Alright! What! And then she said "It was a bit shaky." Shaky! What do you want? A cinema-quality movie? (Keep in mind I never said any of this to her.) You know what I mean. And then after I finally calmed down, I realised that I was holding her responsible for my feelings, and the way that I expected her to react. And it wasn't her fault that she didn't react the way I thought she would. Disappointing, but I guess in the end, we're only responsible for our own feelings, not someone else's. So if she's not supporting you, maybe you just have to accept that that's the way she is, and let her deal with that.

My mum has good intentions too, but I think she just has no idea.

Give her a piece of your mind if it makes you feel better, but remember, people don't forget stuff like that. And it could put your whole project at risk. Just my opinion.

Hey Conny,
I am sorry you're hurting. You certainly have a benchmark now of where not to look for support, eh?

When you hoped for the best with your POD, what were you envisioning would happening? I'm wondering what your understanding of the publishing world is? Are you expecting your book to be in bookstores?

At any rate, it's wonderful that you have completed a book and are enthused about another. Keep at it! Perseverance is key in this field.

(I do cringe reading your comment that your mother has nother better to do than work on your book. Unless someone is my employee or my child, I really don't get to direct their activities and decide how well spent their time is.)

Hang in there!

Because.

caw

Hi Conny,

I'm guessing your mother means this to be "tough love," but it still stinks to be on the receiving end of it. Definitely look elsewhere for a critique.

I have to admit it's odd to me to see that a publisher said they were turning it down over spelling errors. If a manuscript is very good, that's the key point. Publishers hire copyeditors and proofreaders to fix errors. Is it possible they weren't being truthful with you, and that's the real reason your mom is jumping ship?

In any case, good for you for continuing to work on your craft and for taking it seriously even without family support. Hope you'll get some of the support you're looking for here.

Hi, Conny, and congratulations on your successes.

Editing is a lot of hard work, and my guess is that your mother found that out when she started to seriously review your manuscript. A few spelling errors is one thing, but it sounds like there may also be a deeper language problem that is harder to fix.

If you are serious about this project, I recommend you hire a professional translator to review the translation. After that, have a professional Flemish proofreader look over the translation and make whatever corrections are needed.

It is easy for us to think our moms are free to help us out with important projects, but is it really fair for us to judge how they use their spare time? I don't say this to be hard on you. It's just something to think about.

I think the main reason people get overly-critical and bitter is because you're at least trying to make something of your life. You're arousing jealousy in other people.

And that, I think, shows you're on the right path. Only successful people, or those on their way to success, elicit such strong reactions in others.

I started cutting toxic people from my life years ago.

My mother was the first to go.

Here's a nice quote for you, though:

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

And a whole bunch more in case that one doesn't work:

http://www.quotegarden.com/confidence.html

Book

It's your book, not your mother's. I doubt she's trying to hurt you, but, jeeze, aren't you big enough and old enough to handle your own writing without your mother getting involved?

The whole thing, start to finish, sounds highly presumptuous on your part. Why think they would want to read a POD book filled with errors? Why in the world try to get them to get the novel to a publisher?

And do you want people to tell you the truth, or do you want them to lie so little you won't have your feelings hurt?

Writing isn't supposed to be about your family. You're the one who is supposed to write a good book. One with no errors. Then you find a good agent, who then finds a good publisher, who publishes the book.

When and if this happens, then, and only then, do you send copies of the book to your family.

JAR! Can we please mix a little compassion and understanding with your tough love and curmudgeonliness?

Actually, I was going to agree with James. I certainly wouldn't expect my mother to be an editor for my stuff. I think her mother went above and beyond the call doing what she did.

There are ways to give straight talk without being unnecessarily harsh--if one cares to.

Notice I call it tough love. I don't think there's anything wrong with what he said. It's an opinion and a perspective and as legitimate as anything else said here, but it's a tad bit condescending to say to the OP

so little you {emphasis added} won't have your feelings hurt?

Click to expand...

I just think there's ways to express the same opinion without being insulting and condescending.

Hmm. Well, I didn't read his whole post.

In fact, I think I only read the first half sentence.

I had a teacher once who said, "people will tell you all kinds of things. They'll tell you you're not good enough, they tell you you'll never be published, and that's just from your friends and family. You have to learn to ignore it."

Wow. If I had a nickel for every time someone looked down on me or made a negative prediction about me ...

... I would be a useless sot right now, traveling the world first class & always ordering room service.

Even my husband, sweet though he is, thinks this is just something to occupy my mind a little bit.

I don't tell anyone what I'm working on or what I'm doing anymore. If it is published & does well, my efforts will speak for themselves.

Why not get that book published in English & let the publishing house translate it?


-wee

Man, I almost feel guilty for having a very supportive family. I think they believe in my novels more than I do half the time.

I'm sorry your family isn't backing you. But don't give up and don't let them make your decisions for you.

There's not much more that I can add to what the others have already said here so I will just encourage you to keep writing and follow your own heart. You always have support from all of us here!

A big part of the writing process is learning how to improve, even if the criticism you get doesn't TELL you how to improve. You have to read between the lines, and to do that, you can't let your feelings get hurt.

There will always be people who respond negatively and hurt you. It is worse when the person is your mother.
Find your cheerleader is my meager advice. And know it is much easier to critisize and condemn than to celebrate and cheer you on.

I'm glad you found this forum. I don't post too much, but I am a lurking fanatic. Please keep your chin up and keep following your dream. Just remember, you can pick your friends, but you can't choose your family. Life is short. I hope you can look past this, after all, you only have one mother.

Best of luck to you.