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Vanhoven
08-03-2007, 11:57 AM
Hey, I didn't get a chance to introduce myself with the first thread I posted before it was shut down with with almost 400 views and 36 posts in less than two days. I'm a Traffic Magnet. There may be a few of you that have actually heard of Vanhoven in heated discussions from other screenwriting websites. Obviously I have a extensive background in screenwriting that I use to start dicussions on the boards that immediately draw responses and views to a thread. At first, the moderators and especially the owner of the site, love me. They say, who the hell is this Vanhoven, he got 500 hits and 50 responses in that thread the other day? Did you read any of it, the moderator responds. No, says the owner. Pretty interesting stuff. I'm very good at bringing in the traffic, which is why I'm called a traffic magnet. But with any open discussion with different viewpoints and opinions flying around you're bound to get conflict. This is where my self-destructive persona comes into play, that often puts the modertors into a dilema. Christ, did you see what he said to that chick, yeah that's way over the line. Yeah, but our membership is up 20% over the last month. Give him a warning--but oh don't make it sound like you're mad at him, okay. And then the line is shifted, where exactly is the line that you step over to get booted from the site? I can't believe he said that. Yeah, but it's Vanhoven, the sites been thriving. Where do you balance conflict and possible flame wars against doubling the membership to your site in a short span? Just something to think about. However, my posts are funny and interesting so take them for what they are worth.

dpaterso
08-03-2007, 12:20 PM
Welcome to Absolute Write.

The #1 rule around here is "respect your fellow writer." Whenever threads go wrong 'cause folks start sniping at each other, they tend to get locked.

There's a point where funny and interesting can suddenly become unfunny and tedious. This could be one of them. Eh, everybody's a critic.

-Derek

xhouseboy
08-03-2007, 12:23 PM
And then the line is shifted, where exactly is the line that you step over to get booted from the site?

I don't know about AW, but with some sites it's when the God complex kicks in.

scripter1
08-03-2007, 04:04 PM
:crazy:

Jerm
08-03-2007, 05:20 PM
Hmm.. kinda of a odd intro.. but welcome. As I read your post the first thing that came to mind was the scene from the clint eastwood movie Heartbreak Ridge.. I'll just say, "RECON!!!!!"

javili
08-03-2007, 07:41 PM
However, my posts are funny and interesting

That's good to know. So few people straighten us out on such matters.

You sound very much like somebody who does "business" with Anthony SanFillipo

zagoraz
08-03-2007, 08:30 PM
I guess if you can't be a chick magnet, being a traffic magnet is the next best thing. I'm perplexed nonetheless.

dclary
08-03-2007, 09:23 PM
Generally speaking, when I'm a newcomer to a web community, I look at all of the forum names before deciding where to post.

A post like yours here doesn't happen to have one single iota of value as a screenwriting post, so it's difficult to believe that you paid any attention to your surroundings. If you had, you'd maybe have posted this one in the "new people saying howdy" forum.


For the record, 500 hits and 50 posts in a single thread in a day is a slow thread for AW. There are true messageboarding professionals here, and you're pure bush-league.

Look me up when you hit the majors.

Hillgate
08-03-2007, 09:45 PM
Hey, I didn't get a chance to introduce myself with the first thread I posted before it was shut down with with almost 400 views and 36 posts in less than two days. I'm a Traffic Magnet. There may be a few of you that have actually heard of Vanhoven in heated discussions from other screenwriting websites. Obviously I have a extensive background in screenwriting that I use to start dicussions on the boards that immediately draw responses and views to a thread. At first, the moderators and especially the owner of the site, love me. They say, who the hell is this Vanhoven, he got 500 hits and 50 responses in that thread the other day? Did you read any of it, the moderator responds. No, says the owner. Pretty interesting stuff. I'm very good at bringing in the traffic, which is why I'm called a traffic magnet. But with any open discussion with different viewpoints and opinions flying around you're bound to get conflict. This is where my self-destructive persona comes into play, that often puts the modertors into a dilema. Christ, did you see what he said to that chick, yeah that's way over the line. Yeah, but our membership is up 20% over the last month. Give him a warning--but oh don't make it sound like you're mad at him, okay. And then the line is shifted, where exactly is the line that you step over to get booted from the site? I can't believe he said that. Yeah, but it's Vanhoven, the sites been thriving. Where do you balance conflict and possible flame wars against doubling the membership to your site in a short span? Just something to think about. However, my posts are funny and interesting so take them for what they are worth.

I've never heard of 'Vanhoven'. You profess to an extensive background in screenwriting. Have you written any screenplays I might have heard of? I'm dying to find out!

How far would your self-destructive persona go? I mean, like, would you ever self-destruct, do you think? It'd make for a good script! :D

BTW - your post was not funny. Really. Not even a titter. From me or my dog. It was however interesting in its display of self-aggrandisement, which I understand is normally linked to an inferiority or persecution complex. ;)

dpaterso
08-03-2007, 09:48 PM
Glad to see everyone is welcoming a fellow screenwriter to the board! Keep up the good work!

-Derek

icerose
08-03-2007, 10:05 PM
Dear God, not another Gordon Jerome...er, I mean welcome. Please do not take on the "god" complex. We aren't here for hits, we aren't here for attention, we are here to learn and help each other.

Want to contribute to that? Then please, by all means. But please don't be another spotlight poster who's only concern is "Look at me."

scripter1
08-03-2007, 10:06 PM
you know we only attack those we love!


Warmest AW welcome Van.
I look forward to more of your incredibly funny posts and to watching the excitement your traffic magnet personality brings to this site.

First drink's on me.

icerose
08-03-2007, 10:18 PM
Hope it's vodka in a jug...

scripter1
08-03-2007, 10:25 PM
I have a wonderful new home picked out. A nice, happy place where the doctors all talk very softly and the jackets are comfortable.

Bottoms up.

zagoraz
08-03-2007, 10:36 PM
If you re-read the original post and pretend that Owen Wilson is saying it, it's much more amusing. There's something about that drawl.

Plot Device
08-03-2007, 11:01 PM
So .... the OP is basically saying:

"Hi! I am a poster who is guaranteed to cause controversy in this forum community! I will offend other posters! I will upset other posters! And I fully admit that I suffer from an unstable personality which can be best described as self-destructive!"

Welcome!


:gone: :gone: :gone:

*backs away slowly*
:gone: :gone: :gone:

mscelina
08-03-2007, 11:32 PM
hmm....I don't normally pop in here that much, but I was told there was something really funny in here....

Oh.

*big grin* Welcome to AW--hope you have as much fun here as everyone else does. Of course, I LURVE self-destructive traffic magnets so I bid you a most cordial welcome!

Soccer Mom
08-03-2007, 11:35 PM
36 posts is not traffic. It's like a four way stop out in BFE.

But anyway. :welcome:

davids
08-04-2007, 12:01 AM
Welcome back Gordon-the Memorial Can awaits and has not moved!

RumpleTumbler
08-04-2007, 12:13 AM
The best strategy might be to create your own board. Being a "traffic magnet" you could pay for your bandwidth with Google AdSense alone.

Buy Vbulletin here. (https://www.vbulletin.com/order/)

Find a good web host.

You won't have to worry about being banned because it will be your board.

Because of the huge influx of traffic you will be on Big Boards (http://www.big-boards.com/) in no time.

When you headline on Foxnews, CNN, & the BBC for over 24 straight hours then sell your board and retire.

The question I have is why didn't you think of that?

Hillgate
08-04-2007, 02:27 AM
I think, for maximum effect, OP's post could be read aloud in the style of Ben Stiller in either Zoolander or Dodgeball.

Welcome Van Halen. I loved 'Jump.' :)

Joe270
08-04-2007, 03:26 AM
Welcome, Van. I like the fast moving threads, so long as they stay cool. This is the only board I have ever belonged to (I don't count Gather, because I just did that for the contest.), and I have found this to be a wonderful community.

But they won't hesitate to jump your **** if you mess up, which I have done occationally, as dpat can attest.

We have a few guys and gals who can keep up. I'll keep a weather eye out for you and be sure to include Rob, BoP, Haskins, Tour d F, Haggis, Dawno, OFG, Blacbird, Spooky, and Aruna in on the fun. That should be a blast. Dclary, Plot, Soccer, Hill, davids, and Ice are already prepped I see. Dpat's always a great addition. I left out so many. Javili's pretty new, but he seems to hold his own quite well.

RT provides comic relief.

So this seems like a good start.

Soccer Mom
08-04-2007, 04:01 AM
I think, for maximum effect, OP's post could be read aloud in the style of Ben Stiller in either Zoolander or Dodgeball.

:)

Try it as William Shatner! Excellent fun.

davids
08-04-2007, 04:04 AM
With Leonard Nimoy flexing his ears! He also does great voice over! Now Gordon just come on over-the world awaits your flexed thrust!

dclary
08-04-2007, 04:18 AM
Hmm.. kinda of a odd intro.. but welcome. As I read your post the first thing that came to mind was the scene from the clint eastwood movie Heartbreak Ridge.. I'll just say, "RECON!!!!!"

He strikes me more of Stitch Jones than Profile, man.

Hobbledehoy
08-04-2007, 04:23 AM
All these posts/replies have sadly proved his point.

davids
08-04-2007, 04:34 AM
Yah and a buck'll get ya a cup of coffee!

dclary
08-04-2007, 04:44 AM
All these posts/replies have sadly proved his point.

Not really. He promised 50 posts and 500 reads in 2 days. He's still WAY short.

scripter1
08-04-2007, 05:57 AM
He has to help Juan move the furniture.

DanielD
08-04-2007, 07:02 AM
Hey! but he didn't say which two days.
Could be Friday to Thursday, for example.
Like when I have my two drinks "The first and the last".
Okay! So I just wanted to add something to this record breaking attempt.
Take care.
Daniel.

Williebee
08-04-2007, 07:20 AM
I had a friend who was a traffic magnet. The truck hit him really hard, too.

DanielD
08-04-2007, 07:58 AM
No, that's a speed hump.
Just sits there as the hits, keep ooooonnn coming.
Daniel.

Mac H.
08-04-2007, 08:04 AM
If you are trying to be a traffic magnet, you aren't doing too well. For example, this thread is being vastly outstripped in popularity by one on the subject of ... office supplies (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=71789).

So here's a suggestion - why don't you follow the lead of the 'office supplies' thread, and go for the REALLY big topics?

I suggest the following thread titles:

* "Two brads or three? The final answer HERE!"

* "A3 .v. A4 paper. Is it REALLY twice the size?"
(This title has the advantage of giving people outside the US the opportunity to insult Americans for not being familiar with international paper sizes)

* "Courier New or Courier? What the production companies DON'T tell you ..."

Good luck,

Mac

MacAllister
08-04-2007, 08:59 AM
Heh. You guys are merciless.

javili
08-04-2007, 09:47 AM
I don't normally pop in here that much, but I was told there was something really funny in here....

Whoa! It WORKS! The thread is magnetized. Hopefully that will cure arthritis and eliminate buildups from hard water.

Joe270
08-04-2007, 10:15 AM
I think it's about time to smoke this tread with a whole bunch of posts. Time to get the local color involved.

Bartholomew
08-04-2007, 10:43 AM
Hey, I didn't get a chance to introduce myself with the first thread I posted before it was shut down with with almost 400 views and 36 posts in less than two days. I'm a Traffic Magnet. There may be a few of you that have actually heard of Vanhoven in heated discussions from other screenwriting websites. Obviously I have a extensive background in screenwriting that I use to start dicussions discussions on the boards that immediately draw responses and views to a thread. At first, the moderators and especially the owner of the site, love me. They say, who the hell is this Vanhoven, he got 500 hits and 50 responses in that thread the other day? Did you read any of it, the moderator responds. No, says the owner. Pretty interesting stuff. I'm very good at bringing in the traffic, which is why I'm called a traffic magnet. But with any open discussion with different viewpoints and opinions flying around you're bound to get conflict. This is where my self-destructive persona comes into play, that often puts the modertors moderators into a dilema. dilemma. Christ, did you see what he said to that chick, yeah that's way over the line. Yeah, but our membership is up 20% over the last month. Give him a warning--but oh don't make it sound like you're mad at him, okay. And then the line is shifted, where exactly is the line that you step over to get booted from the site? I can't believe he said that. Yeah, but it's Vanhoven, the sites been thriving. Where do you balance conflict and possible flame wars against doubling the membership to your site in a short span? Just something to think about. However, my posts are funny and interesting so take them for what they are worth.

Good Lord, child.

http://www.phoenixhouse.org/

Make extensive use of their services.

Vanhoven
08-04-2007, 10:46 AM
Wow, you guys are having a ball. All right, not a bad start, over 400 views and 36 replies with one post. Let's rate the responses:
Williebee--very good, but could be better with same premise.
DanielD--adequate but nothing special
Mac H.--So, so but not that good. Here's the problem with Mac's humor (or is it humour where you're from?) He's the type of guy that has an insulting wit, which I like, but tries too hard to make it work. It's an overall persona of I'm smarter than you and I'm going to use my trivial knowledge of somewhat useless things to insult you. It's like the really smart geek in a "Revenge of the Nerds" movie trying to insult the popular kid who just asked him a question. Like the popular kid saying, "She's got a booty that just won't quit." And the nerd commenting to his nerd friends, "Hee, hee everyone knows that booty was only manifested by the English and Spanish pirates over a thousand miles from here." See it just doesn't quite work, but he's making an effort to be more noticable like the popular kid by insulting him with what he has, trivial knowledge. Mac probably does really good at Jeopardy.

Okay, at this point I have to choose a nemesis that can somewhat take any insults that I might give them and throw it right back at me. See, without an antagonist(Oh wait, maybe I'm the antagonist, so I'll need a protagonist) the discussions can get extremely boring and result to trivial knowledge like paper brads, and I don't want to step on Mac H.'s shoes that's his gig. I have someone in mind but I have to see if the person is a regular poster to continually keep me on my toes. I'll let you know

Cassiopeia
08-04-2007, 10:46 AM
:roll:
Dear God, not another Gordon Jerome...er, I mean welcome. Please do not take on the "god" complex. We aren't here for hits, we aren't here for attention, we are here to learn and help each other.

Want to contribute to that? Then please, by all means. But please don't be another spotlight poster who's only concern is "Look at me."

Bartholomew
08-04-2007, 10:51 AM
Wow, you guys are having a ball. All right, not a bad start, over 400 views and 36 replies with one post. Let's rate the responses:
Williebee--very good, but could be better with same premise.
DanielD--adequate but nothing special
Mac H.--So, so but not that good. Here's the problem with Mac's humor (or is it humour where you're from?) He's the type of guy that has an insulting wit, which I like, but tries too hard to make it work. It's an overall persona of I'm smarter than you and I'm going to use my trivial knowledge of somewhat useless things to insult you. It's like the really smart geek in a "Revenge of the Nerds" movie trying to insult the popular kid who just asked him a question. Like the popular kid saying, "She's got a booty that just won't quit." And the nerd commenting to his nerd friends, "Hee, hee everyone knows that booty was only manifested by the English and Spanish pirates over a thousand miles from here." See it just doesn't quite work, but he's making an effort to be more noticable like the popular kid by insulting him with what he has, trivial knowledge. Mac probably does really good at Jeopardy.

Okay, at this point I have to choose a nemesis that can somewhat take any insults that I might give them and throw it right back at me. See, without an antagonist(Oh wait, maybe I'm the antagonist, so I'll need a protagonist) the discussions can get extremely boring and result to trivial knowledge like paper brads, and I don't want to step on Mac H.'s shoes that's his gig. I have someone in mind but I have to see if the person is a regular poster to continually keep me on my toes. I'll let you know

Vanhoven. Listen to me carefully.

White space and syntax are your friend.

mmk?

Vanhoven
08-04-2007, 10:56 AM
Barfolomewl, listen to me carefully.

You're stepping on Mac's shoes.

Cassiopeia
08-04-2007, 10:58 AM
Vanhoven. Listen to me carefully.

White space and syntax are your friend.

mmk?LOL...I couldn't have said that better.

Joe270
08-04-2007, 11:00 AM
Van, I thought you might just be sorta coming on a bit strong or whatever.

Then I thought, hey, I'd make your dreams come true. So I pm'ed a few acquaintances on the board and asked them to drop by. I'm sure you'll enjoy the challenge.

And I'll drop by on occasion, but I'll try to limit my input. I get testy at times.

But little old me, technologically challenged and board inexperienced, can only bask in your shadow. Sorry for the paraphrasing.

dpaterso
08-04-2007, 11:01 AM
Who on earth spends time looking at the number of replies and views? This is significant, how? This board gets plenty of interesting traffic already, thanks.

Vanhoven, you've stumbled headlong into a writers' community. What can you contribute aside from some tall tales and blunt barbs?

If all we have to look forward to is aggravation masquerading as wit, there are non genre sandbox type forums like Office Party and Take It Outside, just dying to hear from you.

-Derek

Joe270
08-04-2007, 11:02 AM
You need to watch that Mac thing. There's a Mac, and there's a Mac H., don't put words into Mac's mouth.

I've been down that road, just a caution from a friend. We're all friends here, you see, even if we sometimes don't see eye to eye or sometimes fight.

BTW, thanks for healing a rift between Cassio and I.

Bartholomew
08-04-2007, 11:04 AM
Barfolomewl, listen to me carefully.

You're stepping on Mac's shoes.

Oh, wow. Barfolomewl? O Mighty King of Wit! I am humbled by your prowess.

A third grader could make fun of my name better.

F- - 0/100. Hold this one back a grade.

ALLWritety
08-04-2007, 11:08 AM
Now now kiddies recess is nearly over and class time is about to begin. Come now shake hands, kiss and make up!

Or you can carry on and try to insult us which would only backfire on you Van!

Cassiopeia
08-04-2007, 11:08 AM
You need to watch that Mac thing. There's a Mac, and there's a Mac H., don't put words into Mac's mouth.

I've been down that road, just a caution from a friend. We're all friends here, you see, even if we sometimes don't see eye to eye or sometimes fight.

BTW, thanks for healing a rift between Cassio and I.We had a rift? Really? Aww..come on Joeypoo..you know I loves ya little scorpion tail I do *stomps on him crushing him into the dirt* There..nice scorpion..NICE scorpion..OW! darn it..he always does that.

Guess it's just in his nature. ;)

dpaterso
08-04-2007, 11:12 AM
Must... resist... temptation... to move thread... to Office Party!

-Derek

Bartholomew
08-04-2007, 11:13 AM
Must... resist... temptation... to move thread... to Office Party!

-Derek

Aww...

Joe270
08-04-2007, 11:13 AM
Hang back there, dpat, no mods allowed yet.

The local trailer trash gets to address the new guy in like manner, yes?

Too bad it's such a quiet night. I figure the morning will dawn with a red glow.

Sailor, it's time to either set your sails or greet our board owner in a more respectful way. I've had my problems there, and she's pretty damn forgiving. You are most welcome here, sorry to put words into Mac's mouth, but perhaps a fresh start is in order.

Cassiopeia
08-04-2007, 11:14 AM
Must... resist... temptation... to move thread... to Office Party!

-DerekBut ...but...:) we could have sooooooooooo much fun with it and more people would get to join in.

Vanhoven
08-04-2007, 11:15 AM
See that's what makes it so funny, but I guess it went over your head. It's not the mispelling of your name that you seemed so intent on correcting, oh wait, you didn't correct me for mispelling your name, mission accomplished. But it's the second line that's the payoff.

Mac H.
08-04-2007, 11:16 AM
Hang-on, I make ONE joke about paper-sizes and I end up being type-cast as 'the trivial knowledge guy'??

Now I'll never be able to keep up my reputation - I'm hopeless at trivial knowledge. I have to look it up on Wikipedia, which is the Internet equivalent of scrying with chicken entrails. (Except without the enjoyment of annoying PETA.)

Seriously though, the Office Party forum is made for these kind of communications .. you'll probably never want to leave after your first few posts.

Good luck,

Mac
(PS: I still don't get the joke about 'See that's what makes it so funny ... it's the second line that's the payoff'. Can someone explain it to me!?)

ALLWritety
08-04-2007, 11:16 AM
Hey guys
I think it is time to get a bucket of pocorn, an icecream and a coke. I think that the main feature is about to start.

Van self destructs! Rated R for gore & blood.

K

Cassiopeia
08-04-2007, 11:18 AM
See that's what makes it so funny, but I guess it went over your head. It's not the mispelling of your name that you seemed so intent on correcting, oh wait, you didn't correct me for mispelling your name, mission accomplished. But it's the second line that's the payoff.Aww Doggone it...I thought you might at least be amusing for ten minutes.

Sheesh guys..come on..let's go back to Office Party. Drags the popcorn and goodies with.

Yeah I know how to get a crowd to watch follow me...;)

Bartholomew
08-04-2007, 11:18 AM
See that's what makes it so funny, but I guess it went over your head. It's not the mispelling of your name that you seemed so intent on correcting, oh wait, you didn't correct me for mispelling your name, mission accomplished. But it's the second line that's the payoff.

Does your mother know you're up this late?

Vanhoven
08-04-2007, 11:20 AM
Whoops, sorry, didn't know Mac was the head guy--er--gal. My mistake.

dpaterso
08-04-2007, 11:21 AM
"Jim! This man is a Klingon!"
"Beam him to Office Party!"
"I wager 400 quatloos on the newcomer."

-Derek

Bartholomew
08-04-2007, 11:22 AM
"Jim! This man is a Klingon!"
"Beam him to Office Party!"
"I wager 400 quatloos on the newcomer."

-Derek

I... I like Klingons.

Mac H.
08-04-2007, 11:23 AM
Having two people called 'Mac' in this thread could get confusing.
I'd just like to point out that I was in this thread first - so get the name of Mac#1.

I'm fairly magnanimous, so if the owner of this board wants to claim the name of Mac#2, I won't veto it.

Mac.

Cassiopeia
08-04-2007, 11:24 AM
"Jim! This man is a Klingon!"
"Beam him to Office Party!"
"I wager 400 quatloos on the newcomer."

-DerekAs you wish Captain!

Vanhoven
08-04-2007, 11:27 AM
I've been moved! I feel so dirty.

Cassiopeia
08-04-2007, 11:30 AM
I've been moved! I feel so dirty.
*dumps ice cold water on Vanhoven*

Does that help? If not, I have the zappy thingy back in Cassiopeia's House of recovery...It might just help adjust your attitude a bit. :D

dpaterso
08-04-2007, 11:31 AM
I... I like Klingons.
Klingon lover!

http://www.mc.edu/campus/users/swhitfie/klingon-lady.jpg

-Derek

Cassiopeia
08-04-2007, 11:33 AM
Heh. You guys are merciless.Mac! You trained us well ..Oh She Who Must Be Obeyed. :D

Vanhoven
08-04-2007, 11:34 AM
I don't know if I like the new neighborhood. Holy Christ there's a thread with over 400,000 thousand views. I want to go back home, sob.

Joe270
08-04-2007, 11:34 AM
Whoops, sorry, didn't know Mac was the head guy--er--gal. My mistake.

Kaboom, bucko, made the same first mistake myself. The game is only beginning, and you have made yourself the puck. (Everyone feel free to change the first consonant as you prefer.)

Regrettably, this is a very slow night. We have asked, begged the mods to keep off, although I doubt we can stop OFG or Medi from weighing in, but they have restrained themselves wonderfully. You presented us as some hayseeds from the beginning, and I will admit I am, as far as forums are concerned. I don't even know most of the terminology. But, the bumpkin that I am has been accepted here, despite my constant stumbling, and if you want to be, you will be.

If not, sorry, the dawn tomorrow will show you a touch of the intellect which inhabits this forum.

I am not one of the top minds here, not by far.

BTW, Bart's second line, seems to the point to me.

dclary
08-04-2007, 11:35 AM
Klingon lover!

http://www.mc.edu/campus/users/swhitfie/klingon-lady.jpg

-Derek


That's so fake. Where's the bony breast-spikes?

Bartholomew
08-04-2007, 11:37 AM
Klingon lover!

http://www.mc.edu/campus/users/swhitfie/klingon-lady.jpg

-Derek

Take me now.

dclary
08-04-2007, 11:41 AM
Blake? Is that you?

Joe270
08-04-2007, 11:43 AM
Just what we need now, testosterone overload. Way to go, dClary.

Down, boys.

Bartholomew
08-04-2007, 11:44 AM
I don't know if I like the new neighborhood. Holy Christ there's a thread with over 400,000 thousand views. I want to go back home, sob.

Glad you've got a little perspective.

dclary
08-04-2007, 11:46 AM
Just what we need now, testosterone overload. Way to go, dClary.

Down, boys.

?!?

ME?

Bartholomew
08-04-2007, 11:46 AM
?!?

ME?

Yes, you.

Everything is Dclary's fault, by default.

Cassiopeia
08-04-2007, 11:48 AM
Yes, you.

Everything is Dclary's fault, by default.oh yes! That's right.

*makes a reminder note*

Everthing is Dclary's fault!

Thanks Bart ;)

dclary
08-04-2007, 11:49 AM
Ah man!

You guys are too much. TOO MUCH!

I was just trying to see if this was really Blake Arthur Wiley, PGL top-100 screenplay finalist, Austin semifinalist, who's optioned 2 scripts, has another stinker up at Triggerstreet right now, and lives at **** Country Hill Lane, in Ballwin, Missouri?

Joe270
08-04-2007, 11:55 AM
I pm'ed Haskins, and I am sorely disappointed in him. This was tailor made for him. Of course, I also sent msgs to Spooky, bard, Bart, BoP, TdF, and a few dozen others.

The morning will see what Van promised, and more. I am so looking forward to it all. I have extended the welcoming hand over and over. I'll keep trying, but time now runs short before the main body of AW enters. Tonight, it's just a couple of us kingons who have no dating life.

Whew. Van, if you really want to join us, now is the time to show a sense of humor, and greet everyone as equals.

Vanhoven
08-04-2007, 11:57 AM
Dave is that you? I go by many names, that might be one of them, although it sounds a little fake. What soap opera is that from? Barfolomewl says he doesn't like the name Barf because it reminds him of his third grade teacher. Fill in your own punch line to finish that story.

dclary
08-04-2007, 12:00 PM
Dave is that you? I go by many names, that might be one of them, although it sounds a little fake. What soap opera is that from? Barfolomewl says he doesn't like the name Barf because it reminds him of his third grade teacher. Fill in your own punch line to finish that story.

Uh huh.

dclary
08-04-2007, 12:01 PM
Remind me, when were you going to be funny and controversial?

Joe270
08-04-2007, 12:08 PM
Dave is that you? I go by many names, that might be one of them, although it sounds a little fake. What soap opera is that from? Barfolomewl says he doesn't like the name Barf because it reminds him of his third grade teacher. Fill in your own punch line to finish that story.

Wow. I am underwhelmed with your humor. Ooooh, barf instead of Bart, that's so second grade. If you sold a screenplay, I won a few Academy Awards.

dclary
08-04-2007, 12:09 PM
He didn't say they were comedy screenplays... Duh.

Opty
08-04-2007, 12:10 PM
Boy, I miss all the fun.

Van, if you're going to try that shtick, you need to study the masters.

I've got one name for you, Van.

Optimus.

'Nuff said.

dclary
08-04-2007, 12:11 PM
:ROFL:


The legends are never forget, eh, Sporky, LOL.

Get on AIM, bitch.

Joe270
08-04-2007, 12:12 PM
Well, BanComin, you established yourself. Nice soap opera line, too. I expect that's all you aspire to. Welcome to AW.

dpaterso
08-04-2007, 12:13 PM
That's so fake. Where's the bony breast-spikes?
In the eye sockets of her last victim.

Way to go, baby, way to go.

-Derek

Vanhoven
08-04-2007, 12:15 PM
Mission accomplished, got more than the posts and views I said I would, but I had a lot of help. Got to go for now. Where? Ask Dave, he thinks he knows everything about me.

Later,
Jake--er I mean-- Blake

Joe270
08-04-2007, 12:25 PM
Damn it, ya'll, ya chased off Van. I liked her, she showed some spunk. Oooh, she was feisty, feistaaay. I like the wild women. . . what? I'm not believing a thing you say, dclary. What, Cassio? Look for an Adam's apple? So why didn't ya'll tell me sooner?

I feel so unclean. I need to take a shower. Bye for now. Don't tell anybody, okay? Thanks, I know you won't. You all are such true friends.

Hey, dang it, you sent me one of those pm's, d. Jeez. I get no respect.

Cassiopeia
08-04-2007, 02:16 PM
Damn it, ya'll, ya chased off Van. I liked her, she showed some spunk. Oooh, she was feisty, feistaaay. I like the wild women. . . what? I'm not believing a thing you say, dclary. What, Cassio? Look for an Adam's apple? So why didn't ya'll tell me sooner?

I feel so unclean. I need to take a shower. Bye for now. Don't tell anybody, okay? Thanks, I know you won't. You all are such true friends.

Hey, dang it, you sent me one of those pm's, d. Jeez. I get no respect.Van was a she? Noooo, I don't think so. *shrug* looking for what joey? hmmm....I feel so confused. :(

JJ Cooper
08-04-2007, 02:30 PM
Okay, at this point I have to choose a nemesis that can somewhat take any insults that I might give them and throw it right back at me. See, without an antagonist(Oh wait, maybe I'm the antagonist, so I'll need a protagonist) the discussions can get extremely boring and result to trivial knowledge like paper brads, and I don't want to step on Mac H.'s shoes that's his gig. I have someone in mind but I have to see if the person is a regular poster to continually keep me on my toes. I'll let you know

I'll put my hand up to represent the international corner.

JJ

aadams73
08-04-2007, 02:43 PM
Is there some kind of factory that churns out these self-important bores?

JJ Cooper
08-04-2007, 03:25 PM
Hey, you're not talking about me are you?

JJ

RumpleTumbler
08-04-2007, 03:41 PM
I don't know if I like the new neighborhood. Holy Christ there's a thread with over 400,000 thousand views. I want to go back home, sob.

Four hundred thousand thousand? Isn't that a series?

JJ Cooper
08-04-2007, 03:43 PM
Like an ATM Machine.

JJ

Rolling Thunder
08-04-2007, 04:12 PM
Hey, I didn't get a chance to introduce myself with the first thread I posted before it was shut down with with almost 400 views and 36 posts in less than two days. I'm a Traffic Magnet. There may be a few of you that have actually heard of Vanhoven in heated discussions from other screenwriting websites. Obviously I have a extensive background in screenwriting that I use to start dicussions on the boards that immediately draw responses and views to a thread. At first, the moderators and especially the owner of the site, love me. They say, who the hell is this Vanhoven, he got 500 hits and 50 responses in that thread the other day? Did you read any of it, the moderator responds. No, says the owner. Pretty interesting stuff. I'm very good at bringing in the traffic, which is why I'm called a traffic magnet. But with any open discussion with different viewpoints and opinions flying around you're bound to get conflict. This is where my self-destructive persona comes into play, that often puts the modertors into a dilema. Christ, did you see what he said to that chick, yeah that's way over the line. Yeah, but our membership is up 20% over the last month. Give him a warning--but oh don't make it sound like you're mad at him, okay. And then the line is shifted, where exactly is the line that you step over to get booted from the site? I can't believe he said that. Yeah, but it's Vanhoven, the sites been thriving. Where do you balance conflict and possible flame wars against doubling the membership to your site in a short span? Just something to think about. However, my posts are funny and interesting so take them for what they are worth.

How come this wasn't written in script fashion? And why is it so wordy?

'Hi, I'm an asshat', would have been just as informative and far more amusing.

robeiae
08-04-2007, 05:07 PM
How come this wasn't written in script fashion? And why is it so wordy?

'Hi, I'm an asshat', would have been just as informative and far more amusing.:ROFL:
Well, one out of ninety-six isn't bad. Wait, yes it is.

Dammit, Joe. I want four minutes of my life back.

aadams73
08-04-2007, 05:51 PM
Hey, you're not talking about me are you?

JJ

Oh heck no. You're one of the good 'uns!

scripter1
08-04-2007, 06:30 PM
deleted.

benbradley
08-04-2007, 06:42 PM
Good Lord, child.

http://www.phoenixhouse.org/

Make extensive use of their services.
Don't do it, they'll abuse you and sell you a "Big Book" for $25,000 or so when you can get it for free online, and you can get the same abuse at meetings any time day or night. Just memorize these twelve steps. If you can recite them and say how "grateful" you are, that's often good enough for the pardons and parole board (reminds me of "A Clockwork Orange")

http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/en_information_aa.cfm?PageID=17&SubPage=68


Heh. You guys are merciless.
Mac, if you'd stop feeding us, we'd go away...

scarletpeaches
08-04-2007, 06:47 PM
I was magnetised to this thread myself. Who'd'a thunk it? I stopped reading on page two and just thought I'd skip straight to the reply button and say BUTTSECKS!

scripter1
08-04-2007, 08:35 PM
She said butt.

Jersey Chick
08-04-2007, 08:45 PM
Damn - I miss all the fun. And I even brought popcorn - :popcorn:.

**sighs, munches popcorn, waits for festivities to begin again**

Danger Jane
08-04-2007, 08:52 PM
why isn't this thread more badass?

Go and take a sister by her hand...lead her far from this foreign land...somewhere we might laugh again....we are leaving, you don't need us.............


I keep trying to think of something badass but really I just want to eat.

vanhoven, did you write the script for The Godfather? If not, you don't count as a screenwriter.

TrainofThought
08-04-2007, 08:56 PM
Van was a she? Noooo, I don't think so. *shrug* Nooooo. Women are funnier than this even when they aren’t trying. You can tell by the posts it is a pissing contest… and I have to go clean my shoes. http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/3/3_11_11.gif

Siddow
08-04-2007, 09:25 PM
http://www.rsc.co.uk/opus/B3TA/ugly-kittens.jpg

How could you guys forget the kittens?

dclary
08-04-2007, 09:49 PM
According to the first post of this thread, Vanhoven has been famous on other screenwriting messageboards, if somewhat controversial, right?

There's a vanhoven at scriptwritersutopia, and at triggerstreet.

There's also a vanhoven signed up at some st. louis-area screenwriter's online screenwriter's community.

The vanhoven at triggerstreet has posted a script, that says is authored by Blake Arthur Wiley, and Zabasearch puts a Blake Arthur Wiley in a St. Louis suburb.


The intermanet. Ain't it cool?

dclary
08-04-2007, 09:49 PM
http://www.rsc.co.uk/opus/B3TA/ugly-kittens.jpg

How could you guys forget the kittens?


Haggis did it, didn't he? He went and fooled around with that Chupacabra.
I told him this would happen.

mscelina
08-04-2007, 11:24 PM
ah, me...torturing the helpless is SO wrong, and yet SO satisying. I thought about posting something that would in no way be as witty and controversial as the OP, but for some reason my fangs aren't even bothering to itch. *shrug* Sorry, but a carnivore just can't be tempted by mere cheese.

Haggis
08-04-2007, 11:26 PM
Haggis did it, didn't he? He went and fooled around with that Chupacabra.
I told him this would happen.

Please don't tell Soccer. I'm already in enough trouble.

Jersey Chick
08-04-2007, 11:46 PM
So, is that a chupachihuahua?

did i spell that right? it so doesn't look right.

Or maybe a chupahuahua?

i give up

dclary
08-04-2007, 11:48 PM
So, is that a chupachihuahua?

did i spell that right? it so doesn't look right.

Or maybe a chupahuahua?

i give up

Honey, it don't look right no matter what you call it.

:ROFL:

robeiae
08-04-2007, 11:50 PM
It's prom night all over again...

mscelina
08-05-2007, 12:00 AM
oh no. does that mean I have to get pneumonia again?

:O

SpookyWriter
08-05-2007, 12:02 AM
oh no. does that mean I have to get pneumonia again?

:ODid you know that there is only one vowel missing in your name to make mescalina.

mscelina
08-05-2007, 12:10 AM
*grin*

once upon a time, my screenname was mescalina. Of course, there were no ulterior motives with that...no, none at all.

made for some very interesting pms though.

Siddow
08-05-2007, 12:11 AM
How can a screenname cause PMS?

SpookyWriter
08-05-2007, 12:14 AM
How can a screenname cause PMS?:roll:

Cath
08-05-2007, 12:50 AM
:e2yawn:

This looks like a good place for a snooze. Wake me up if anything exciting happens.

Joe270
08-05-2007, 01:14 AM
Hmm, it does seem to be a snoozer despite all the early promise. I think I might take a nap, too.

LimeyDawg
08-05-2007, 01:43 AM
Where's the wit that was promised? Vanhoven is a screenwriter??? Where's the funny? Where's the ooooooh, that was hilarious??? I had to wade through 120 posts for nothing? This couldn't have been less inspiring had Vanhoven been reincarnated as a proctologists rubber glove.

Jersey Chick
08-05-2007, 01:53 AM
Well, I tried. It don't look right no matter what I call it.

i'm sad

Siddow
08-05-2007, 02:08 AM
Somebody has to write a movie about a chupachihuahua that terrorizes a town. Vanhalen, you up to it? Hello?

LOUSIEST. FLOUNCE. EVAR.

Soccer Mom
08-05-2007, 03:57 AM
Please don't tell Soccer. I'm already in enough trouble.

I recognized those hairless kits right away. You are so busted mister.

I mean, I could understand the cocker spaniel twins. You've always been weak for blondes.

But La Chupacabra? That's ... that's just....

:rant:

javili
08-05-2007, 04:15 AM
Just make sure there isn't a magnet there with the opposite polarity.

Joe270
08-05-2007, 04:36 AM
Has anyone else noticed how all these flounce/pseudo-flounce threads wind up messing with Haggis instead?

Although this time he deserves it. The chucacabra? Chucahuahuas?

The horror.

Silver King
08-05-2007, 05:36 AM
To Van's credit, he's batting a solid ten percent between posts versus views in this thread. That's a respectable number, albeit average, for any active thread. Now should he advance to the fifteen or twenty percentile any time soon, why I would be the first to acknowledge him as a posting stud. Until then, however, he's merely average, no better or worse, than anyone else around here seeking attention.

Jersey Chick
08-05-2007, 05:38 AM
A posting stud - now that's something to aspire to (ouch, that grammar hurts!) :)

Haggis
08-05-2007, 06:44 AM
I recognized those hairless kits right away. You are so busted mister.

I mean, I could understand the cocker spaniel twins. You've always been weak for blondes.

But La Chupacabra? That's ... that's just....

:rant:

But Sweetie. It's not what you think. I was...uh...doing research for a horror novel I wanted to write (yeah, that's it), and then she gave me THE LOOK I just kinda blacked out. I woke up in Philadelphia, and have no idea what happened at all.

:Shrug:

Danger Jane
08-05-2007, 07:38 AM
wait the flounce happened?

it was so lame I didn't even notice it.


I declare this flounce using the power vested in me by virtue of the large amount of space Grace Slick takes up in my brain

LAME as HELL

javili
08-05-2007, 08:55 AM
Is is just me, or this a really wacky thread?

What never go explained is how this magnet's presence draws in posts fromoutside the site.

Did I miss it?

That is not a chupacabra. I think it's a Taco Bell overdose case.

BenPanced
08-05-2007, 09:11 AM
Vanhoven? Didn't you direct Showgirls (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0114436/)? Man. Scariest movie I've ever seen. Woulda been better with less boobies and more explosions, and...

He didn't? Nuts.

Joe270
08-05-2007, 09:24 AM
wait the flounce happened?

it was so lame I didn't even notice it.

Lame doesn't come close, I'm so bummed. I thought we had a run going.

Sorry, everyone. I thought there was some fire there, just smoke. Oh, well.

Opty
08-05-2007, 01:37 PM
Told ya.

mscelina
08-05-2007, 11:27 PM
*yawn I am completely underwhelmed.

dclary
08-06-2007, 01:13 AM
Anyone notice how much better this thread is without Van Oven in it?

robeiae
08-06-2007, 01:20 AM
That's Van Johnson.

Bartholomew
08-06-2007, 03:24 AM
Anyone notice how much better this thread is without Van Oven in it?

Yes. Yes, I did.

scripter1
08-06-2007, 03:46 AM
There was a Van in this thread?

I must have blinked.

dclary
08-06-2007, 03:47 AM
Yeah.

A VAN.... DOWN BY THE RIVER!

Mac H.
08-06-2007, 04:06 AM
Anyone notice how much better this thread is without Van Oven in it?Stone soup.

Soccer Mom
08-06-2007, 04:49 AM
But Sweetie. It's not what you think. I was...uh...doing research for a horror novel I wanted to write (yeah, that's it), and then she gave me THE LOOK I just kinda blacked out. I woke up in Philadelphia, and have no idea what happened at all.

:Shrug:


I can't believe I let myself go red head for you, thinking that you wanted the new and exotic. If only I had known how exotic. :e2teeth:

BenPanced
08-06-2007, 04:49 AM
That's Van Johnson.
Van Morrison.

DUH.

Joe270
08-06-2007, 05:00 AM
Anyone notice how much better this thread is without Van Oven in it?

Yep.

But now I feel compelled to keep it going. Perhaps one day Ban will return to find his thread has six thousand posts on it.

Soccer Mom
08-06-2007, 05:14 AM
Yeah, he'll learn not to be too proud about attracting traffic around here. We'll post about anything. What other forum could boast 6,000 posts about ham sandwhiches?

Joe270
08-06-2007, 05:28 AM
I thought his boast seemed awfully low. I mean, This Thread Shall Die has over ten thousand.

Ray's House Of Love is 38 k.

Now Ray's got some bragging rights.

Just Mike
08-06-2007, 05:39 AM
my self-destructive persona .

Hey, come on now. Van-whatsit is admitting to a deeply seated self loathing here and yet you mock? How is this charity? How is this compassion?

For shame!

On another matter, where are these ham sandwich posts? Sounds yummy.

san_remo_ave
08-06-2007, 07:07 AM
Did the chubacabra get Van Whoosier? Maybe she needed to feed the chubahuahua young....

Joe270
08-06-2007, 07:37 AM
How do you spell chubacacabra, anyway?

MacAllister
08-06-2007, 07:54 AM
Heh. Joe, we're soooo keeping you.

I didn't do anything to Van. I promise.

Joe270
08-06-2007, 08:00 AM
I never suspected you did. I expected a better flouncing style from one of Van's vast experience, though.

dclary
08-06-2007, 08:04 AM
I seriously think I scared him away by knowing his name and address. At least... the name and address of the person who he gave credit and a WGA script registration for the script he uploaded to Triggerstreet.

Unless that's a different VanHoven... who has 3 posts in the TS forums, and the third one includes a "watch out or you'll get banned" reply from a mod...

Joe270
08-06-2007, 08:15 AM
Definately, dClary. You outed him and he bolted.

Jersey Chick
08-06-2007, 08:26 AM
You would think a screenwriter would have a much more dramatic flounce. Too bad we'll never really know.

oswann
08-06-2007, 09:14 AM
Okay, I'm here. Hello. Helloooo.


Os.

oswann
08-06-2007, 09:28 AM
Has anyone actually told our own Vanhoven how to get booted?

Few are actually booted, my dear. Most flounce.

(I like the flouncing.)

He flounced.

Os.

Bartholomew
08-06-2007, 01:44 PM
He flounced.

Os.

How can anyone be sure? It really didn't look Flouncish to me.

dclary
08-06-2007, 02:34 PM
I'm guessing mr. super-messageboarding god doesn't even know HOW to flounce.

:poke:

Jersey Chick
08-06-2007, 06:29 PM
Damn shame. It could have been a glorious flounce!

robeiae
08-06-2007, 06:30 PM
But look at the views!

And now, a letter to our governor, composed by our very own beloved school marm, Harriet Johnson:

WE THE GODFEARING CITIZENS OF ABSOLUTE WRITE wish to express our extreme displeasure with your choice of troll. Please remove him immediately. The fact that you have sent him here just goes to prove that you are the leading asshole in the state!

Plot Device
08-06-2007, 06:37 PM
Nah. He didn't flounce. He's down at the Day's Inn right now having a production meeting with some high powered Hollywood producer.


http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1516491#post1516491

When he's finished up over there, he'll be back to tell us all how it went.

mscelina
08-06-2007, 06:44 PM
I'm sure that it went really really well. *snicker* After all, it was even a CHEAP hotel as opposed to one worthy of Van's baser talents...

Plot Device
08-06-2007, 06:50 PM
I'm sure that it went really really well. *snicker* After all, it was even a CHEAP hotel as opposed to one worthy of Van's baser talents...


Indeed.

Hey! dclary!


Try your web-searching prowess on the name "Johnson Longfellow." VanHoven claims that's his porn-film name.

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1517378#post1517378

He says he's had to slum a little bit in his recent past by writing scripts for porno movies while waiting for his big break into REAL movies.

Plot Device
08-06-2007, 06:53 PM
Of course, another possibility is he's moving furniture again with Juan.

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1516548#post1516548

Plot Device
08-06-2007, 07:11 PM
Okay--I fixed all the broken links.

Thanks to Rumple-Tumbler for pointing them out to me.

RumpleTumbler
08-06-2007, 07:28 PM
Try your web-searching prowess on the name "Johnson Longfellow." VanHoven claims that's his porn-film name.

None of this may be him.

Myspace (http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=107950766)

Check out this (http://forum.nuklearpower.com/showthread.php?t=2842&page=2) thread. Search for porn, Johnson or Longfellow on the page and then check out the user profile.

The person who referred to Johnson Longfellow in that thread as a good porn name also has a Live Journal (http://daier-mune.livejournal.com/) where they refer to themselves as a writer.

His Live Journal profile. (http://daier-mune.livejournal.com/profile)

Dawno
08-06-2007, 08:16 PM
He may not be posting, but he's definitely lurking and watching the discussion about him. I'm sure he's intensely gratified by all this attention.

BenPanced
08-06-2007, 08:35 PM
*points at Dawno's av*

LOOK! SOMETHING SHINY!

RumpleTumbler
08-06-2007, 08:38 PM
He may not be posting, but he's definitely lurking and watching the discussion about him. I'm sure he's intensely gratified by all this attention.

So the forum profile and the Live Journal both list Chicago as the home. Is the IP in Chicago?

Silver King
08-06-2007, 08:49 PM
So the forum profile and the Live Journal both list Chicago as the home. Is the IP in Chicago?
It wouldn't be prudent to divulge anyone's IP location.

Dawno
08-06-2007, 08:51 PM
SilverKing is correct, we don't divulge IP addresses. I'm also a bit concerned that even a edited street address has been posted here.

My point for posting above is simply, why do we continue to give this thread any attention at all?

Siddow
08-06-2007, 08:53 PM
Because you keep posting in it, Dawno. Little lurid details like "He's lurking."

Duh!

Where's my ham sammich?

RumpleTumbler
08-06-2007, 08:53 PM
It wouldn't be prudent to divulge anyone's IP location.

:e2tongue:

Rolling Thunder
08-06-2007, 08:54 PM
I say, Lock It.

Siddow
08-06-2007, 08:55 PM
boogers.

BenPanced
08-06-2007, 09:02 PM
So, how do you prefer the ham cut for your sammiches? Thin sliced at the deli or do you just carve a chunk right off the bone?

Joe270
08-06-2007, 09:03 PM
Some of us thought I'd be a nice welcome back to have his prediction exceed his wildest expectations.

Then again, many of us simply have nothing better to do. Uhm, I could be fininshing that rewrite. . .

Okay, lock thread.

RumpleTumbler
08-06-2007, 09:03 PM
If you lock it you'll make him a martyr. :)

Siddow
08-06-2007, 09:05 PM
I'd liek it thin sliced, with mielk, pls.

davids
08-06-2007, 09:06 PM
Or at the very least an exceedingly dry Martini

Siddow
08-06-2007, 09:07 PM
Wave the vermouth past the glass and fill er up!

Siddow
08-06-2007, 09:08 PM
Is it too early? It's past one. If I worked in NY, I might already be at a martini luncheon, right?

Am I right? Tiny tea sammiches and big fat martinis.

davids
08-06-2007, 09:09 PM
Ditto HICs!

davids
08-06-2007, 09:09 PM
Is it too early? It's past one. If I worked in NY, I might already be at a martini luncheon, right?

Am I right? Tiny tea sammiches and big fat martinis.


Luncheon repast fit for a queen such as yourself!

Plot Device
08-06-2007, 09:22 PM
To be honest, Dawno, I think it would be just fine to keep posting in here, ESPECIALLY if he's lurking, because I think he needs to know EXACTLY what we think of him.

I was immediately put off by him when he launched that (now-locked) thread in the Scriptwriting forum. And as that first (locked) thread progressed, I was tempted to hand out my first-ever negative rep point to him. He started really weirding out on us in that first thread, spiralling ever more into the realm of self-important, know-it-all diva-hood. And then when Derek very approriately locked that first thread, Miss Thang (my nick-name for VanHoven) next chose to launch THIS very thread (the one we are now mucking about in) right there in the Scriptwriting forum. I was so disgusted with him via the OP of this thread (back when it was still in Scriptwriting) that I made a sarcastic reply (found on Page 1 of this thread) and then I placed Miss Thang on ignore. It was less than 24 hours later that I realized the thread had been moved to Office Party. And via that thread-move Miss Thang has been gloriously fed to the wolves.

He wanted attention. And baby, he's now got it! He is SOOOOOOO over his head and SOOOOOOOOOOO out of his league here at AW that if he's young enough he'll hopefully learn from it all.

So I say let the thread continue! Let his lesson be taught well.

Joe270
08-06-2007, 09:26 PM
Did someone mention martinis?

That'll keep the thread open.

Joe270
08-06-2007, 09:33 PM
Another comment about the traffic magnet bit, since he mentioned 36 posts in two days.

Cassio's birthday has generated more than twice that in two hours.

Folks here post like crazy.

robeiae
08-06-2007, 11:31 PM
He may not be posting, but he's definitely lurking and watching the discussion about him. I'm sure he's intensely gratified by all this attention.
Ha! He just posted, again:

I say, Lock It.

Wait...did you mean someone else?

Rolling Thunder
08-06-2007, 11:51 PM
Oh, go scritch your other moob. :tongue

mscelina
08-07-2007, 12:27 AM
Martinis are being served in the fang relief thread...BenPanced is the bartender du jour...

Milk martinis....sigh....

dpaterso
08-07-2007, 12:41 AM
Eep! So many pitchforks and torches and screaming angry people! Hug me teddy, I'm scared!

I vote we give the poor bugger a chance.

Maybe we just haven't tuned into his sense of humor yet.

-Derek

mscelina
08-07-2007, 12:58 AM
*pssssssssst! Or, maybe he doesn't HAVE one*

dclary
08-07-2007, 01:59 AM
Indeed.

Hey! dclary!


Try your web-searching prowess on the name "Johnson Longfellow." VanHoven claims that's his porn-film name.

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1517378#post1517378

He says he's had to slum a little bit in his recent past by writing scripts for porno movies while waiting for his big break into REAL movies.

I don't believe that for a second.

Joe270
08-07-2007, 04:21 AM
dpat, I extended the welcoming hand many times. He can easily come in from lurking and post. Given the right attitude with his return posts, I think he'd be overwhelmed by the responses.

You know well how I have blundered in the past, and I still piss folks off sometimes, but I stayed. Sure, some folks probably have me on 'ignore' for all time, my loss, but most folks here are pretty forgiving. But you have to put up with the ribbing after a stumble.

You and Mac should have banned me months ago. You had plenty of reason. Sometime it takes new people, like me, a while to learn the ropes. I had never been a member of an online community before. Heck, it took me a month to figure out what IMHO meant. But I stuck it out, and Mac was super gracious, and I took the ribbing with humor.

And he'll have much to endure for a while. Or he could just be a total dweeb and keep lurking.

Joe270
08-07-2007, 04:25 AM
It has just occurred to me that you two might have just let me stick around because you saw tremendous potential for a spectacular flounce.

You dirty, lowdown. . . mods! :D

Rolling Thunder
08-07-2007, 04:29 AM
That was very touching, Joe.

Ban him. Lock Thread.
































:D

Haggis
08-07-2007, 04:30 AM
It has just occurred to me that you two might have just let me stick around because you saw tremendous potential for a spectacular flounce.

You dirty, lowdown. . . mods! :D

Joe. They're mods. They're just waiting for the perfect time to ban you. That's what they do, you know? When you least expect it...

:rolleyes:

BenPanced
08-07-2007, 04:31 AM
Or, y'know, they thought you might be a nice guy.

...

i liek choklit meelk

("Milktinis"? *cringe! gak!*)

Dawno
08-07-2007, 04:37 AM
I want to be clear - I'm not saying anything about banning anyone or locking any threads. I just find it -hmmm- interesting that folk want to keep feeding the ego of this person, whom I feel believes wholeheartedly in "any publicity is good publicity" and is just loving this thread.

Rolling Thunder
08-07-2007, 04:39 AM
Ban Dawno. Lock Thread

Joe270
08-07-2007, 04:43 AM
I can't imagine an ego that could attempt to take any credit past page three on this thread.

All the rest of it is just us goofing off instead of writing.

And I can't believe you banned Haggis for absolu. . .

Silver King
08-07-2007, 04:47 AM
Someone call Bad Penny and ask him to join us here. Then we'll have something to talk about.

Haggis
08-07-2007, 04:49 AM
I want to be clear - I'm not saying anything about banning anyone or locking any threads. I just find it -hmmm- interesting that folk want to keep feeding the ego of this person, whom I feel believes wholeheartedly in "any publicity is good publicity" and is just loving this thread.

I feel it's necessary to say that all I've done is defend myself from insinuations regarding a certain Chupacabra and its darling, and extremely attractive offspring. Okay. I might have given Joe some fatherly advice too. But never once have I mentioned anything about any ego-maniacal screenwriter who gets off on counting views and posts. 'Cause that would be wrong. :)

Joe270
08-07-2007, 04:57 AM
Sure, deny all you want, but I was at the border town bar when you took up the local three step challenge.

First, you drank the whole bottle of 120 proof mescal, ate the worm, and then vanished out the door.

You came back an hour later all scratched up, clothes torn, yelling "Now where's that woman I'm supposed to kill?"

So your denials fall on deaf ears.

Haggis
08-07-2007, 05:00 AM
Sure, deny all you want, but I was at the border town bar when you took up the local three step challenge.

First, you drank the whole bottle of 120 proof mescal, ate the worm, and then vanished out the door.

You came back an hour later all scratched up, clothes torn, yelling "Now where's that woman I'm supposed to kill?"

So your denials fall on deaf ears.

You've been talking to Clary, haven't you? Just make sure you two get your stories straight. I will be vindicated!

Silver King
08-07-2007, 05:02 AM
I think I'll ask a few folks from Rep Point Central to gang-rep Van, you know, just to make him feel welcome.

He may go down as the first AW member ever with a thousand rep points before he hits his fiftieth post.

BenPanced
08-07-2007, 05:03 AM
Sure, deny all you want, but I was at the border town bar when you took up the local three step challenge.

First, you drank the whole bottle of 120 proof mescal, ate the worm, and then vanished out the door.

You came back an hour later all scratched up, clothes torn, yelling "Now where's that woman I'm supposed to kill?"

So your denials fall on deaf ears.
Oh, GHOD, not this story again.

Make one little mistake and you have to keep hearing about it every 10 minutes for the rest of your life...

Haggis
08-07-2007, 05:08 AM
Oh, GHOD, not this story again.

Make one little mistake and you have to keep hearing about it every 10 minutes for the rest of your life...

See? Toldja. It wasn't me. :D

scripter1
08-07-2007, 05:17 AM
I beat you to the punch on BOTH Juan and the Hotel bit.
First in the locked thread at Scriptwriting and then here in this one.

What?
Heck no! Look the post numbers up yourself!
I'm too lazy.











PS, I got bit years ago by a Chihuahua. (ever hear the term " a kick me dog?")
Am I uh, gonna, you know..........

Haggis
08-07-2007, 05:35 AM
PS, I got bit years ago by a Chihuahua. (ever hear the term " a kick me dog?")
Am I uh, gonna, you know..........

What? Shoot the kitty in your avatar? Go for it.

scripter1
08-07-2007, 06:37 AM
The @!#^ thing won't stand still!!!


Actually what I meant though, am I gonna turn into some ....thing?
It's been a while. I didn't know if it might be a slow acting metamorphosis.

Joe270
08-07-2007, 07:06 AM
You should use a shotgun on small target like that. Just being helpful.

dclary
08-07-2007, 07:11 AM
Where're you going with that gun in your hand, Joe?

dclary
08-07-2007, 07:12 AM
Someone call Bad Penny and ask him to join us here. Then we'll have something to talk about.

Or Brad Penny.

Either one. Bad Attitude Canadian, or Baseball Pitcher who likes to Throw Down

Siddow
08-07-2007, 06:48 PM
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1137/996196569_19ddafb5b2_o.jpg

OMG. It's worse than we thought.

Dawno
08-07-2007, 06:51 PM
I am so sad that we didn't find that picture for Haggis's Hello Kitty avatar - a couple of sparkles and it would have been perfect.

MidnightMuse
08-07-2007, 06:55 PM
I am so sad that we didn't find that picture for Haggis's Hello Kitty avatar - a couple of sparkles and it would have been perfect.


You say that like it's too late, and you have no "special powers".

BenPanced
08-07-2007, 07:12 PM
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1137/996196569_19ddafb5b2_o.jpg

OMG. It's worse than we thought.
Hey! I think it's saying something! Need to lean a little closer...

"...please...kill...me..."

mscelina
08-07-2007, 07:18 PM
poor stoopid critter. What an awful thing to do to a dog. Even a yip dog.

*grin* Let it come to MY house for a while. We'll make a real dog out of it--or kill it in the trying. ;)

Haggis
08-07-2007, 07:22 PM
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1137/996196569_19ddafb5b2_o.jpg

OMG. It's worse than we thought.

That is just...it's just so...

I...

Uh...

*walks off exasperated*

Soccer Mom
08-07-2007, 07:56 PM
Oh? An who is this now mister? You've got pics up of some hot little number dressed in....

Haggis?

Is that you?

Oh.

Oh dear.

:gone:

Haggis
08-07-2007, 08:00 PM
*bows head in prayer*

Dear Dog.
IwillnevermesswithaChupacabraagain. IwillnevermesswithaChupacabraagain. IwillnevermesswithaChupacabraagain. IwillnevermesswithaChupacabraagain.

Now, please get me out of this. :e2cry:

Siddow
08-07-2007, 08:05 PM
Here, Haggis, this might come in handy:

http://blog.lib.umn.edu/deg/campfire/images/HelloKittyP14.jpg

Siddow
08-07-2007, 08:10 PM
I just signed my own death certificate, didn't I?

MidnightMuse
08-07-2007, 08:13 PM
Here, Haggis, this might come in handy:

http://blog.lib.umn.edu/deg/campfire/images/HelloKittyP14.jpg

Oooh! I want one!

"Say hello to my Hello Kitty!"

mscelina
08-07-2007, 08:21 PM
*snort!*

Soccer Mom
08-07-2007, 11:29 PM
So Haggis, do you feel like Hello Kitty today? Well do ya punk?

ETA: Stop looking at me like that! You know I get weak when you do the flashing eye thing.

That's just wrong.

Dawno
08-07-2007, 11:56 PM
You say that like it's too late, and you have no "special powers".

Well, I certainly wouldn't want to abuse those special powers











unless there's money involved...

Haggis
08-08-2007, 12:47 AM
Well, I certainly wouldn't want to abuse those special powers











unless there's money involved...

No, no you wouldn't. *makes loud sucking sounds* That's why your everyone's favorite mod. :)

Haggis
08-08-2007, 12:51 AM
So Haggis, do you feel like Hello Kitty today? Well do ya punk?

ETA: Stop looking at me like that! You know I get weak when you do the flashing eye thing.

That's just wrong.

Is that a grass skirt you're wearing? My, my. Isn't that pretty on you. :e2brows:

Siddow
08-08-2007, 01:09 AM
Is that a grass skirt you're wearing? My, my. Isn't that pretty on you. :e2brows:

Once a dog, always a dog. :D

Dawno
08-08-2007, 01:12 AM
No, no you wouldn't. *makes loud sucking sounds* That's why your everyone's favorite mod. :)


riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight...

Vanhoven
08-23-2007, 12:23 PM
holy christ I just wanted 500 responses, and I find out a couple of weeks later it's in the thousands! Thank you very much, I have to give credit to the site though and all of the responders. I 'm back for a little while while I finish a rewrite--you know what the rest of you are supposed to be doing, an option is your greatest friend, so I'll keep you updated on my career. Thank you again and please respond like you have in the past.

dclary
08-23-2007, 12:48 PM
I bet you get real excited when the toothpaste comes out all curly, too.

oswann
08-23-2007, 01:55 PM
holy christ I just wanted 500 responses, and I find out a couple of weeks later it's in the thousands! Thank you very much, I have to give credit to the site though and all of the responders. I 'm back for a little while while I finish a rewrite--you know what the rest of you are supposed to be doing, an option is your greatest friend, so I'll keep you updated on my career. Thank you again and please respond like you have in the past.

You really are full of yourself aren't you?

Os.

tjwriter
08-23-2007, 02:23 PM
holy christ I just wanted 500 responses, and I find out a couple of weeks later it's in the thousands! Thank you very much, I have to give credit to the site though and all of the responders. I 'm back for a little while while I finish a rewrite--you know what the rest of you are supposed to be doing, an option is your greatest friend, so I'll keep you updated on my career. Thank you again and please respond like you have in the past.


Really? Because you're either you can't read or you can't comprehend because this thing only has 235 (236 if you count this one) responses. That's surely less than 500. However, if you look at views, that where you have 3,234. Hardly a big deal around here.

You might try a smaller board where your traffic magnet superpowers can really work their magic.

Also, I'm still waiting for you to self-destruct...

dclary
08-23-2007, 02:25 PM
Really? Because you're either you can't read or you can't comprehend because this thing only has 235 (236 if you count this one) responses. That's surely less than 500. However, if you look at views, that where you have 3,234. Hardly a big deal around here.

You might try a smaller board where your traffic magnet superpowers can really work their magic.

Also, I'm still waiting for you to self-destruct...

He is a brave little earth magnet in a world of electromagnetics.

RumpleTumbler
08-23-2007, 02:37 PM
holy christ I just wanted 500 responses, and I find out a couple of weeks later it's in the thousands! Thank you very much, I have to give credit to the site though and all of the responders. I 'm back for a little while while I finish a rewrite--you know what the rest of you are supposed to be doing, an option is your greatest friend, so I'll keep you updated on my career. Thank you again and please respond like you have in the past.

Is this Sean Penn?

dclary
08-23-2007, 02:43 PM
Get yer ass to chat Rumple. I'm lonely.

robeiae
10-22-2007, 09:03 PM
Ban Dawno. Lock Thread
You're a Mod. Do it yourself--and stop whining, for PeeDee's sake!