Have you moved house with your kids?

The big problem our kids had was being afraid of losing friends. We told them they'd make new friends. When that didn't work, that we'd still drive them to their old friends. When that didn't work, my wife brilliantly pointed out the new house was within walking distance from the corner Dairy Queen. That worked.

Ken Johnson
Kingsville, OH

We moved last year with our kids. New school and new friends were big issues. For us, we included the kids on evaluating the new house we wanted. Once we knew we could get it, we took the kids to see it and told them it was largely their decision. They loved the lot, the location, and their new rooms...so they said they would move. No more kicking and screaming after that! Now that we have moved, they keep telling us how great a move it was and how things are soooo much better at the new house!

In the middle of it right now, or at the beginning of it!
Our kids are younger (2 and 1/2 and 1) and don't have the attachments that would make it difficult but two of them are twins and we are trying to prep them for not sharing a room any longer (they wake each other up, stop each other from going to sleep, disrupt naptime etc).
We plan to paint one room pink and one blue and then give them their choice of room (what do you mean manipulative?!). That way, we hope, they will be a little more invested in liking the new place. Henry already talks about "the Big House" and wants to go there, so I think we're on track (helps that there is a playscape in the back garden).

MarkEsq said:

In the middle of it right now, or at the beginning of it!
Our kids are younger (2 and 1/2 and 1) and don't have the attachments that would make it difficult but two of them are twins and we are trying to prep them for not sharing a room any longer (they wake each other up, stop each other from going to sleep, disrupt naptime etc).
We plan to paint one room pink and one blue and then give them their choice of room (what do you mean manipulative?!). That way, we hope, they will be a little more invested in liking the new place. Henry already talks about "the Big House" and wants to go there, so I think we're on track (helps that there is a playscape in the back garden).

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Oh but how you'll wonder if little Henry picks the pink room

I've been on the other side, we moved house when I was about 4 1/2, but it was only across the road (to a bigger house), and pretty much all I can remember is carrying a black bin bag of stuff that was bigger than me.

I've moved something like 24 times, and I'm getting ready to move again. Most of those were when my boys were small and I was still married to a military guy. Now my boys are going off to college!

When they were preschool age, a move didn't rattle them in the least. They were always excited about it. It was changing schools that bothered them. I think the longest time they ever spent in any school was *almost* 2 years.

Basically, the younger they are, the easier they adapt. When they reach teenage years, they tend to resent a move much more deeply. Friendships in the teen years are very important. When they have to move, they feel they are missing out on everything while they are trying to fit in with a new crowd who doesn't accept them yet.

Email is fantastic for keeping in touch, but watch out for cell phone bills. My boys have friends who still keep in touch from middle school. Now that they are driving and have cars of their own, they visit from time to time. Watch for special friendships and give them the opportunity - even encourage them - to keep in touch with those kids. It will mean a lot to them not only in keeping the friends, but in knowing that you care about it and them.

Something I've tried to do, even if I wasn't always successful, is to understand that what is important to them is valid. Just because leaving friends or a school doesn't upset you for your kids doesn't mean that they aren't going to be devastated, and rightly so. Their world is different, but just as important as yours.

As far as making the actual move easier on them regardless of their ages, make sure that their things are easy to find when you arrive in your new home. The sooner they can pull out their favorite toys and set up their beds with familiar blankets the better. With teenagers, it's the same. With familiar posters on their new walls and their favorite cd playing, it won't be quite as foreign to them. While adults are busy running around with boxes, kids can get lost in the shuffle. It can be scary for them. They need to have their hands on something they are comfortable with.

My older son just came home from work and I posed this question to him. He says that the best thing we did for them is taking them to the new place ahead of time so they could meet people and get used to the town. Going to the school so they could meet their teachers and the kids in class before the move was a good thing too. That way they aren't bombarded with everything being 100% new all at once.