I need some support, I am devastated

The_Grand_Duchess

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I called Low this morning to find out if he wanted me to just drop the kids off instead of having his mom come get them. There was a problem with that becuase he wasn't home.

He was at another woman's house.

Some nameless "Friend He's Known For A While" that he spent the night with.

I don't know what I said exactly. There were tears. It was something to the effect of, "I still love you so much and you're hurting me."

I'm sick to my stomach and my hands are shaking. I've been crying all day.

I love him horribly and he's sleeping with someone else.

I don't really know what else to say but it hurts so bad.
 

poetinahat

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You've got friends here, GD. Hang with us. We dig you.
 
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I know we're 'only' people online but as has been said, we're your friends here.

There will come a time when he will miss you and realise what an arsehole he's been, but by then you'll have moved on and you'll be happy again. Without him.

:Hug2:
 

The Lady

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So sorry. That hurts.
But you will get over this. It's going to take a while though, but be gentle with yourself. Remember to treat yourself well. Do something nice for yourself tomorrow. Remember you were a whole person (and happy) before you met him, and you will be again.
Hugs.
 

Magdalen

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Sorry to hear about your heartbreak. If you have time go read my poem
"This Room In Ruin" and read it aloud, loudly!!!

Magdalen
 

Jersey Chick

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I'm echoing what everyone's said - and sending :Hug2: as well.

It totally sucks now, but one day he will be but a distant memory and you'll wonder how it was you thought you couldn't live without him. Whether you choose to be with someone else, or you choose to be alone, you will be happy again and it will be on your terms.
 

TsukiRyoko

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I suggest skinning his nuts, rolling them in salt and vinegar, then hanging him upside down and beating his senseless with a bamboo cane studded with glass shards.

The one thing I absolutely do not stand for is cheating. I have very low standards and very high tolerance when it comes to the people I date, but I don't see cheating as acceptable at all. I wasn't joking about my suggestion. I guarantee he'll never cheat again.
 

William Haskins

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the only support you'll get around here is words of varying degrees of sincerity from strangers. none of this will stabilize your real life, help you keep balance with your children or help chart the right course with your estrangement from your husband.

so, accept the kind wishes of the people here, but don't view it as any substitute for taking real actions with the real people in your real life to find a real peace.

best wishes.
 

JoNightshade

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I agree with William. We can give you our kind wishes, but none of us is there to be with you. Go call a friend who can come over and give you a hug and hold your hand and listen to you cry. If you don't feel like any of your friends are that close, do it anyway. You'd be surprised how many people will be there for you when you need them, even if you just met.
 

ritinrider

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I agree with William. We can give you our kind wishes, but none of us is there to be with you. Go call a friend who can come over and give you a hug and hold your hand and listen to you cry. If you don't feel like any of your friends are that close, do it anyway. You'd be surprised how many people will be there for you when you need them, even if you just met.

This is very good advice. Although I usually come here and visit, or go to the chat room when I get depressed, for a whole 'nuther reason and it helps me, I also know how good an honest-to-goodness real shoulder to cry on feels. Also, your real life friends want to be there for you and help you, but they don't know what to do. Call them. Let them know you need them at your house, just to be there, they will come. I would tell you one of my experiences, but this is about you and the support you need.

Know we are all here for you and have you in our thoughts. Take care of yourself. :Hug2:
 

stormie

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I agree that it's hard to replace the real-life hug or face to face contact of a friend or relative, but there are times when you've talked it out with friends and/or family and you just want--need, even--to post on a forum about what's going on, then read the responses later. Knowing that others from all over the world are being there (virtually) for you, can lift your spirits. To be able to log on at 2 AM when you know your real-life buddies are sleeping, and you can pour your heart out, is wonderful.
 

Siddow

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Hang in there, girl. Hey, remember your date? Wasn't that fun?

I know the feeling--"He may be a total ass, but he's MY total ass, dammit!" Try to just remember the ass part. You deserve better than him.
 

The_Grand_Duchess

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Thanks everyone. I've called my "real life" friends I've talked to them endlessy but its nice to be able to log on and just get a "hug". Also online I get people who have been in this situation, my friends really haven't been and can't really say anything but they try.

He didn't cheat since he left me a month ago. It's the shock of the situation. It's hard to find out the person you were with is now with someone else. And not in a conventianl manner of he's dating such and such but more just I called and he's in the embrace with another woman.

He dropped off the kids and didn't even say anything. Like, "Hey, sorry you had find out about that this way." He just dropped off the kids and kept on going. In fact when I dropped the kids off at his place he still wasn't home from his new woman's house. I had to leave him with his father.

This sucks. I'm sick to my tummy and my hair is falling out.
 

Inky

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I don't know how it is for men, but for women, when we're left, we do the self blame game.
If only my hair were longer;
If only I were thin, tall, rich,...

You know, self depriciating.

Then we look at our children. How could he do this?
Anger sets in, the reality taking over. It doesn't matter whether it's over another woman, or the choice of a new lifestyle: he booked. He bailed.

He quit.

After the pain, the deceit, the revelations, and after the sickness of despair, slowly but surely, we begin to lift our head. A sunrise is seen like no other. Details are noticed, where once we couldn't care less.

A routine begins, both at home and at work, with self and the children. Happyness returns, only it's different this time. You'll also start to notice aspects of your life that are actually better now. And you'll enjoy no longer having someone to answer to; cooking what YOU enjoy for dinner; the hour on the phone with a girlfriend & no scowling because you were too long. Numerous examples can be inserted here.

To be left is a form of abuse. To leave children, they are also the victims of this abuse. The mental anguish the 'left' family suffers is horrific to self esteem, because not only are you blaming yourself, the children are blaming themselves as well.

I give the same advice I've given to women in shelters for battered women: if you take him back, you nod your head that you accept what he did. And he will do it again. Because he's figured out all he has to do is cry, say the right things, and take advantage of the love you have for him.

You'll always love him; he's the father of your children. Doesn't mean you have to love being abused.

Moving on isn't going to happen for awhile. Don't even worry about that part right now. It comes naturally. You'll know. For right now, there's nothing wrong with the despair; the pain. But, you've got to remember it's not just a woman's/mother's pain right now....you have to allow your children the right to grieve as well--whether it be ferocious verbal opinions regarding their dad, or the angery silence (classic way for kids to deal with huge changes in their life).
You're in a tough place right now. I've been there. The darn thing about being a woman is how strong we must be in the face of utter betrayal, how often we must put away our pain to make it through another day...how much we ache for that seemingly elusive emotion: love.

We may be virtual, here on AW, but we're here. Spill all you want, or simply cruise through threads finding laughter, heated arguments, brilliant writing, all the while being surrounded by those that completely understand your turmoil & offer a shoulder.

karey
 

ErylRavenwell

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I suggest skinning his nuts, rolling them in salt and vinegar, then hanging him upside down and beating his senseless with a bamboo cane studded with glass shards.

The one thing I absolutely do not stand for is cheating. I have very low standards and very high tolerance when it comes to the people I date, but I don't see cheating as acceptable at all. I wasn't joking about my suggestion. I guarantee he'll never cheat again.

Coming from you, it doesn't surprise me, Tsuki. But, hey, I agree with you. This bastard deserves some good beating to set him straight. I also have very low standards, but, hell, I won't date you. It's a dangerous affair. You sound more lethal than the pet Black widow spider I keep in my room.
 

Jaycinth

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Same Psychosis...different day.
He dropped off the kids and didn't even say anything. Like, "Hey, sorry you had find out about that this way." He just dropped off the kids and kept on going. In fact when I dropped the kids off at his place he still wasn't home from his new woman's house. I had to leave him with his father.

This sucks. I'm sick to my tummy and my hair is falling out.

And that is why you continue to call him 'Low'.

Look at it this way...he's already moved his nasty tail and his stinking attitude on another person. Wanna bet he's already manipulating her into covering his expenses?

I am so sorry, hon.
You are going to have to build up some defense against this because once he realizes it bothers you he is going to do his lousey best to up the ante.

You say you love him 'horribly'. What does that mean to you? To me it means that you still have feelings and you feel horrible because you have them.

I am sorry. I am mean. Stop reading this post. NOW!!!



Still Here? SIGH:::::::::::::::::::::::::
Ok.
GET OVER IT. FAST. Before he totally screws up your head.

I mean, benefit of the doubt, maybe he will not try to make this person a part of your lives. Maybe this person is just a fling to show off that he has freedom.

But there is just as much chance that he will be using this person to get back at you. Or worse...use her as a lever to get the kids.

"But Byatchie and I have a nice appartment and child care and Duchess doesn't so I should get my kids and she should have to pay support."

Don't shake your head. It happens.

I personally feel that unless yo are relying on him or his parents to provide child care, then HE and not his mother should be picking up the kids for visits.

AND: If he is not there to receive the children when it is time to drop them off, you should not drop them off. The visitation is supposed to be with him. He should have at least the courtesy to be there when they arrive.

And you have the right to insist that he not expose your children to his paramours.

Now...as I said...I am mean.

Stop crying. Get back up on your feet.

You are beautiful. You are worthwhile. You are a great person, a terrific mom and a perfect addition to the human race on this planet.

You are smart, talented, creative, wonderful, magnificent, and just a little funny.

People like you. People want to be your friend. People look out for you. People think you are cool, one of the in-crowd, and they want to be around you.

People cheer for your success and want to hold your hand and hug you when those successes aren't immediately there.

'Low' is no more worth your tears or consideration than 'Wart' is worth mine.

Dry your eyes and stand up. You can do this. The road may look bumpy now, but if you keep on it it will smooth out.

Low is just not worth your consideration. In time you will see him for the clown he is: Someone to be hauled out on the weekend for the amusement of your children and to be shoo-ed away on Sunday afternoon so you can organize your life for the week.

There is someone out there that is much better for you than 'Low'. In the mean time, have heart, because there is much wonderful in the world.


...and if I catch you crying over that diseased excuse for a mentally deficient, mutant silme mold from the bottom of an outhouse that should have been nuked before Stalin ever sat on it...

I'll yell at you again.

I promise.

Hugs/Mama Jay.

(Low, Low,
your brain's too slow
Pull your pants down
Before You GO!!!!!)
Evil 'Low' Cheer of the day....