Hi, me again. 
Sorry to ask so many questions. This time I need help with an autopsy description. I have pasted the whole descriptions down below and just need to know where I have gone totally wrong in terms of facts and/or tone and/or anything else. Please help me not make a twit of myself!
Excerpt:
Wessels tucked a file under his arm and they followed him down to the basement. Frieda was now prepped for the final indignity of a violent death.
Andrew was relieved that time in the fridge had diminished the resemblance to his wife. Now she looked like a wax doll, no longer a person. Pity the smell didn’t disappear too, he swallowed several times.
Wessels spoke to them over the girl’s corpse. The x-rays had already been done, and Wessels had had thankfully removed the duct tape covering her genitals and sent it to the lab.
‘There is evidence of torture.’ As he spoke he pointed out the injuries, turning her over to show her back. Thulani gasped.
She had been whipped and there were burns on her breasts and genitals. It looked like electrical burns. The sort of thing Andrew had seen in the bad old days during the liberation struggle.
The security forces had sometimes used torture to obtain information about insurgents and plans for terrorist attacks on the civilian population. Sometimes they had used torture just because they could, because they had the power.
They stared at the bruises, cuts and burns covering the young woman’s body while the photographer quietly moved around the body to capture every angle. Ngwenya was looking grey and finally took a step backwards, turning away. They could hear him taking deep breaths to steady himself.
‘And then of course there is the pentagram. Pre-mortem like the rest of the injuries.’ Wessels was studying the incisions intently. ‘Should be able to give you some information on the knife used, but probably not enough to do anything with.’
Andrew studied the crudely incised symbol, soon to be divided by the autopsy’s Y-incision.
Wessels had moved to a position from where he could check the injuries to the girl’s genitals. Andrew could hear Thulani taking short breaths, but avoided eye contact with the younger man.
‘Well, she was brutally raped and sodomised and the whole bloody mess was then covered in tape. There is evidence of a hymen.’ Wessels looked up. ‘So before she was brutalised, the girl was a virgin. Don’t see that much any more these days.’ Andrew looked up briefly, then back to the floor again, mesmerised by a small stain.
Wessels’ voice continued, ‘He or they used condoms, doesn’t look like there’s any semen here. I’ll prepare slides and let you know if I find anything.’
‘Cause of death was exsanguination.’ At this Andrew looked up sharply. Wessels had moved to the girl’s head and was studying her neck. ‘She bled to death. Her throat was cut deeply. She would have bled out quickly. Death was fast.’
As Wessels started cutting, Thulani ran from the room, his face grey and eyes huge. Wessels shrugged and carried on working. The only other interesting facts to emerge from the autopsy were that her stomach was almost completely empty and that some time before she died, the girl had suffered a massive blow to the back of her head.
Wessels said, ‘It does not look like blunt force trauma, more like the head connected with a hard surface. She could have fallen, or someone may have slammed her head into a wall or the floor. There was bleeding inside the cranium. She would have been unconscious by the time her throat was slit. From the amount of intracranial swelling, I would say that she was unconscious for a few hours before she was finally killed.’
Wessels left the body to his assistant to close up. As they moved into the change room, Wessels summed up, ‘The beating looks as though it happened over a period of several hours. I have sent off blood, urine and tissue samples to the lab, we’ll have to wait for the results of that. Besides her stomach being empty, there are also signs of vomiting. Hardly surprising given the extent of the injuries.’
Wessels pulled a hanky from his pocket and wiped his brow. ‘Time of death was around midnight, give or take an hour. The nightie she was dressed in was brand new, not expensive, bought at Pick ‘n Pay. We found a few fibres. And we combed the pubic area, found quite a few foreign hairs there. I’ve sent everything to the lab. The nightie looks like it was put on her just before the body was posed and her throat slit. There was very little sweat or other fluids on it. We’ll have to wait for the lab results to get any more info.’
Andrew thought that this amount of anger looked personal. He had yet to meet the brother, but wondered if he would go so far as to “punish” her for her involvement with a coloured boyfriend. Then stage the crime to look like a ritual, perhaps to steer the police in the wrong direction.
Wessels continued, ‘Have to tell you Andrew, I have seen some horrible things done to people by other people, but this one just feels worse. She was young and pure and someone took that from her before killing her.’
Andrew just nodded. He could feel anger stirring in his gut. Anger was good, it would propel him forward, help him to get the job done. He wanted this killer. The bastard was not going to get away with it.
‘Could be personal, but I’m still wondering about the blood caught in the bowl. He may have kept it, or drunk it. Some sort of vampire fantasy. Hell, I don’t know how these guys' heads work. You know, Lindiwe mentioned that it was full moon that night,’ Andrew said.
Wessels’ eyebrows shot up at that, but he didn’t reply, just shook his head.
‘The question is whether this is a psychosexual killer, or a real Satanist ritual. Must say, I’ve never seen one like this before.’ Andrew continued.
Wessels said, ‘I just give you the facts, you have to do the detecting. I haven’t seen one like this before either, so I can’t help with that.’
‘Thanks Wessie.’
Once Wessels had left the change room, Thulani emerged from one of the stalls. He washed his hands for a long time and splashed water on his face.
Once they got into the lift, Andrew started feeling better and he noticed that Thulani seemed to be looking a bit brighter too. The cloying smell of the morgue always made him feel nauseous.
Sorry to ask so many questions. This time I need help with an autopsy description. I have pasted the whole descriptions down below and just need to know where I have gone totally wrong in terms of facts and/or tone and/or anything else. Please help me not make a twit of myself!Excerpt:
Wessels tucked a file under his arm and they followed him down to the basement. Frieda was now prepped for the final indignity of a violent death.
Andrew was relieved that time in the fridge had diminished the resemblance to his wife. Now she looked like a wax doll, no longer a person. Pity the smell didn’t disappear too, he swallowed several times.
Wessels spoke to them over the girl’s corpse. The x-rays had already been done, and Wessels had had thankfully removed the duct tape covering her genitals and sent it to the lab.
‘There is evidence of torture.’ As he spoke he pointed out the injuries, turning her over to show her back. Thulani gasped.
She had been whipped and there were burns on her breasts and genitals. It looked like electrical burns. The sort of thing Andrew had seen in the bad old days during the liberation struggle.
The security forces had sometimes used torture to obtain information about insurgents and plans for terrorist attacks on the civilian population. Sometimes they had used torture just because they could, because they had the power.
They stared at the bruises, cuts and burns covering the young woman’s body while the photographer quietly moved around the body to capture every angle. Ngwenya was looking grey and finally took a step backwards, turning away. They could hear him taking deep breaths to steady himself.
‘And then of course there is the pentagram. Pre-mortem like the rest of the injuries.’ Wessels was studying the incisions intently. ‘Should be able to give you some information on the knife used, but probably not enough to do anything with.’
Andrew studied the crudely incised symbol, soon to be divided by the autopsy’s Y-incision.
Wessels had moved to a position from where he could check the injuries to the girl’s genitals. Andrew could hear Thulani taking short breaths, but avoided eye contact with the younger man.
‘Well, she was brutally raped and sodomised and the whole bloody mess was then covered in tape. There is evidence of a hymen.’ Wessels looked up. ‘So before she was brutalised, the girl was a virgin. Don’t see that much any more these days.’ Andrew looked up briefly, then back to the floor again, mesmerised by a small stain.
Wessels’ voice continued, ‘He or they used condoms, doesn’t look like there’s any semen here. I’ll prepare slides and let you know if I find anything.’
‘Cause of death was exsanguination.’ At this Andrew looked up sharply. Wessels had moved to the girl’s head and was studying her neck. ‘She bled to death. Her throat was cut deeply. She would have bled out quickly. Death was fast.’
As Wessels started cutting, Thulani ran from the room, his face grey and eyes huge. Wessels shrugged and carried on working. The only other interesting facts to emerge from the autopsy were that her stomach was almost completely empty and that some time before she died, the girl had suffered a massive blow to the back of her head.
Wessels said, ‘It does not look like blunt force trauma, more like the head connected with a hard surface. She could have fallen, or someone may have slammed her head into a wall or the floor. There was bleeding inside the cranium. She would have been unconscious by the time her throat was slit. From the amount of intracranial swelling, I would say that she was unconscious for a few hours before she was finally killed.’
Wessels left the body to his assistant to close up. As they moved into the change room, Wessels summed up, ‘The beating looks as though it happened over a period of several hours. I have sent off blood, urine and tissue samples to the lab, we’ll have to wait for the results of that. Besides her stomach being empty, there are also signs of vomiting. Hardly surprising given the extent of the injuries.’
Wessels pulled a hanky from his pocket and wiped his brow. ‘Time of death was around midnight, give or take an hour. The nightie she was dressed in was brand new, not expensive, bought at Pick ‘n Pay. We found a few fibres. And we combed the pubic area, found quite a few foreign hairs there. I’ve sent everything to the lab. The nightie looks like it was put on her just before the body was posed and her throat slit. There was very little sweat or other fluids on it. We’ll have to wait for the lab results to get any more info.’
Andrew thought that this amount of anger looked personal. He had yet to meet the brother, but wondered if he would go so far as to “punish” her for her involvement with a coloured boyfriend. Then stage the crime to look like a ritual, perhaps to steer the police in the wrong direction.
Wessels continued, ‘Have to tell you Andrew, I have seen some horrible things done to people by other people, but this one just feels worse. She was young and pure and someone took that from her before killing her.’
Andrew just nodded. He could feel anger stirring in his gut. Anger was good, it would propel him forward, help him to get the job done. He wanted this killer. The bastard was not going to get away with it.
‘Could be personal, but I’m still wondering about the blood caught in the bowl. He may have kept it, or drunk it. Some sort of vampire fantasy. Hell, I don’t know how these guys' heads work. You know, Lindiwe mentioned that it was full moon that night,’ Andrew said.
Wessels’ eyebrows shot up at that, but he didn’t reply, just shook his head.
‘The question is whether this is a psychosexual killer, or a real Satanist ritual. Must say, I’ve never seen one like this before.’ Andrew continued.
Wessels said, ‘I just give you the facts, you have to do the detecting. I haven’t seen one like this before either, so I can’t help with that.’
‘Thanks Wessie.’
Once Wessels had left the change room, Thulani emerged from one of the stalls. He washed his hands for a long time and splashed water on his face.
Once they got into the lift, Andrew started feeling better and he noticed that Thulani seemed to be looking a bit brighter too. The cloying smell of the morgue always made him feel nauseous.
