POV Technicalities

Okay, I have POV issues. It's probably my biggest writing weakness.

Example:

Dick looked at Jane. He thought she was unhappy.

-OR-

Dick looked at Jane. She was unhappy.


In the second group of sentences, is it one POV or two? I find "he thought" to be a part of the unnecessary word category. Granted, "he thought" is a different definition from just "was." But if the first sentence is used as more of an introduction, then I would think both groups of sentences are still just one POV....

Thanks! Sorry if there's any confusion... my head is muddled.

Macalicious731 wrote:

Dick looked at Jane. She was unhappy.

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I suppose it depends on the context. If your entire work's been in Dick's POV and we've already seen him draw these sorts of conclusions about people, we're unlikely to be confused here. But if three paragraphs earlier, we did have a section that was in Jane's POV, the reader may pause to wonder if it's Dick or Jane who knows this about Jane.

One contributing factor to this confusion is that this writing is rather weak. You can eliminate some of the ambiguity by showing us what it means for Jane to be unhappy, rather than simply telling us that she is:

Dick looked at Jane. She was walking swiftly toward him, frowning, and her eyebrows were pressed together in that familiar Jane expression which meant that somebody in her head was being subjected to deep, creative suffering. Dick moved out of her way by reflex, and she turned with him, eyebrows locked on target. This was not good.

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Any questions about POV in this one? Generally, the more vivid you are, the clearer the scene's going to be -- and the more fun it is to read, too.

Have Fun,
- Steve Eley

I think both sentences can be considered single POVs, depending on who's POV it is. For example, if we are in Dick's POV, then the first example is a single viewpoint. Dick knows that he looked at Jane, and he also knows that he thought Jane was unhappy. However, if we are in Jane's POV, then this group is incorrect, because while Jane can know that Dick looked at her, she can't know that he thought she looked unhappy. Turn that around for the second example, and you will see that if we are in Jane's POV, it's acceptable, but from Dick's viewpoint, it is not.

Wow, now my head is muddled.:wha

Cindy

The first example is clearly Dick's POV. However, it is weak writing. But considering we are not critiquing "show vs. tell" here, the first example is perfectly fine for Dick's POV.

The second example is confusing. We don't know the context so we can only assume that it's Dick's POV. In this case, there's a slight POV inconsistency. We are being told, through Dick's POV that Jane is angry -- the only way for Dick to know is to figure out from Jane's reaction. Again, because it isn't shown, the only way you could tell is through Dick's senses. However, if you show BOTH Dick and the readers that Jane is angry (stomping her feet, gritting her teeth, etc.) then there would be no POV issue.

Now if it's Jane's POV, it's perfect fine. Because you are allowed to get into Jane's head and know that she is angry. The fact that Dick looks at her does not violate the POV. Remember, there's always the narrator's POV to consider in every scene -- the narrator's POV is intrincit. So in this case, "Dick looked at Jane" is a narrator's POV but still related to Jane (it implies that Jane saw Dick looking at her). "Jane is angry" is Jane's POV.

The problem...

The problem is that your second example states something as certain that your POV character can only surmise.

Try replacing "she was unhappy" with "she looked unhappy" (or something similar) and all the problems go away.

Of course, some of the other suggestions above will also help improve the strength of the sentence, but that's the Minimum Necessary Change.

Re: The problem...

Jules Hall is correct.

You do not have a POV problem. What you have is a "Show, don't Tell" problem.

You are telling us she is unhappy. Even when using the first person POV saying "I was unhappy" is not the best way to convey the story. Your ( The character's) unhappiness should contribute to the story in a direct way.

"In my absorbtion with my own unhappiness I failed to pay full attention to what the witness was saying." This clues the reader in to the fact there is a clue in what is said and that the POV character missed it.

"Her expression was so pained I wanted to hug her but was afraid she would misinterpret my motives."

"The pain, so visible in her face attracted my attention to the point I did not notice him sneaking up behind me."

At the very least, "Her brow was twisted in sadness."