Home Remedy Urgently needed!!!! HELP!!!!

Please do not laugh. Hubby has a bunch of business associates coming into town for a couple of days -- sort of 'career important' shit. Everything has to be perfect, we have to make the right impression (I am not good at this stuff at the best of times!!). The problem is last week I took our dog to the vet and he put her on heart meds and a new diet -- and THAT's the problem. The dog is very...odorously effervescent. I called the vet -- heart health trumps bad gas, and besides, it takes on average three to five days for the food to clear her system so even if I changed her food now it would make no difference. (The also 'don't consider a farting dog to be a medical emergency'). I can't keep her locked up because she panics and barks non-stop (not proper background noise for a dinner party). And yes, it is very bad!!!!! We're talking eye-watering here, even outside becuase she always slips under the table to be close to me.

OMG -- she always sits close to me. I just realized that! Oh crap, they will all think its me! Please or please, someone have some idea of how I can made her stop!!

Perks said:

I'm laughing anyway, but still, I feel for you. Can the dog go visiting at a sympathetic friend's or neighbor's for the day?

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'Howdy neighbor, can I bring my stinky farting dog by for a play date because we can't stand to have her here and we're afraid she'll cost my husband her job?' They are all too busy laughing at me, and I don't know that any of them are that sympathetic. I am, however, looking for one with hayfever or a sinus infection.

glendalough said:

Also, have her eat a little something with some PARSLEY in it. Helps both ends.

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Great idea!!! Thanks -- have lots growing in the garden!!!
Also have lots of airfresheners out and candles!

scarletpeaches said:

A cork?

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she might take someone's eye out.

I now know I'm at a desperate point -- I think I may have to invite my mother over. The dog likes her and hangs out with her almost as much as she does with me, and since my mom is 85, no one would say anything if they thought she was the root of the problem.

auntybug said:

I feel your pain!

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Better to feel it than to smell it!!!
Thanks for the suggestion!! I have some plain yogurt in the fridge.

You guys are the best!!! Thanks

Shwebb said:

Oh, you must let us know how it works out for you.

We had a German shepherd who once ate some of that Gravy Train stuff. Oh, it was nasty. She kept having explosive, smelly farts that scared her to the point she'd yelp and leap onto our bed. We finally had to just put her outside for the evening so we could sleep. (I think the poor animal was afraid she was going to poop every time she passed gas, too.)

LOL

She did recover nicely after a night. But yeah, folks know how bad dog gas is. If she has to stay, well, it might be an interesting ice-breaker.

Or our personal major contribution to global warming and greehouse gas emissions! Hope Al Gore isn't reading this!!!


And/or you could get a great story out of it, right?

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-- hope this one doesn't fart!!!!

I keep thinking about that scene in Mona Lisa Smile where the girls are taught how to hold the proper dinner for their husband's business associates -- like THAT's going to happen here!!

She's a small dog, a yappie dog -- now when she barks, she... you know... like a freaking gattling gun

- I think she's loaded for bear!!! Perhaps I should be looking for smelly recipes as well???

Azura Skye said:

Seriously. I would just explain the situation to them beforehand and apologize for the odor. I'm sure they would understand. Hiding it would be embarrassing. Besides, farts are funny. Of course, the stink isn't funny. Anyway, good luck.

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My husband is, to say the least, a prude. When our boys were little, if one of them 'created a foofie' in the same room as him, he would punish them. The word 'fart' is not allowed within his hearing -- seriously, the guy has some major issues about this and I have no idea why. If he thought a three-year-old boy giggling about a fluff was bad, wait till dinner time!!! I should probably check to see if his life insurance is paid up.
On the good side, it helps keep the creative juices flowing (no pun intended) to have to think of new ways to say fart.