Is this proper

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Roxie the Doxie

I want to make a strong point in this paragraph with the words, I you and I again. Is this proper to use italics as follows.

I came to a stop and turned to face her as I bit my lower lip, pausing to make sure I kept my temper in check. “Yes, Iam moving back into my mother’s house, the place I grew up, and the place you pay rent.”
 

macalicious731

Whether or not it's proper, it is a bit daunting to the reader's eye. You're get the point across to the reader, but it's also forced upon the reader by using the italics so much. In that sense, it's a little annoying. I feel like I'm being hit over the head when I read it.

Maybe, instead of italics, you could break up the sentence.

"Yes, I am moving back into my mother's house. The place I grew up. The place you pay rent."

??
 

Roxie the Doxie

Thank you very much. I like the sound of that more than my version.
 

macalicious731

Glad to be of help. (;

Then again, I'm sure someone else can pop in here with some really brilliant sentence structure...

Any takers?
 

zerohour21

It's up to you if you want to do it, though italics are mainly reserved for emphasis of the words as well as titles, and sometimes for thoughs and stuff like that. If the words don't need to be emphasised, maybe not use italics. For example of emphasis with such pronouns.

"No, I will take care of it."

As in you are saying that you are going to do something and emphasising that point that you are the one doing it.

Sorry if this post doesn't make much sense. I'm in a bit of a hurry.

I used to put a lot of stuff in italics in my earlier short stories, and perhaps overuse emphasis, though these days I have been less likely to do that.:shrug
 

maestrowork

If the context is clear, then it's not necessary to emphasize with italics. What I mean is, if the preceding conflict is about responsbility or resentment of what does what, then the word play on "I" and "you" would be very evident and there would be no need for italics.

For example (using your example):

"Me, me, me. Everything is about you, isn't it?"

I came to a stop and turned to face her as I bit my lower lip, pausing to make sure I kept my temper in check. “Yes, I am moving back into my mother’s house, the place I grew up, and the place you pay rent.”

Something like that, but you know what I mean?
 
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