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jordijoy
07-15-2007, 02:39 AM
I'll start, "denigration aint the character boost you think it is, Mama."
Your turn...:D

althrasher
07-15-2007, 02:51 AM
Well, well, he hissed. It seems I have finally discovered how to break the great Zeroun. All it takes is the truth.

Slow day for me, haven't written much. I blame AW...;)

gerrydodge
07-15-2007, 02:52 AM
I don't remember, but the word paradigm was in it somewhere!

Toothpaste
07-15-2007, 04:05 AM
Okay I'll play! It's an oddly non-quirky line for my WIP, but I like the way it flows (I had other fav lines but I realised last minute that if I posted any of them then I would be giving away the ending of Alex which would be kind of wrong):

"As such, while I would never make a deal with my prisoners to somehow give them benefits outside the law, they are nonetheless treated with the utmost respect by men who would otherwise not lose sleep over an unfortunate accident happening to one of their keep."

Esopha
07-15-2007, 04:20 AM
I like this one. It's probably the only bit of description I've written so far that doesn't sound completely awkward.


Now, with the soft moonlight settling its white veil over the land, everything moved quietly around him.

jordijoy
07-15-2007, 04:25 AM
Okay I'll play! It's an oddly non-quirky line for my WIP, but I like the way it flows (I had other fav lines but I realised last minute that if I posted any of them then I would be giving away the ending of Alex which would be kind of wrong):

"As such, while I would never make a deal with my prisoners to somehow give them benefits outside the law, they are nonetheless treated with the utmost respect by men who would otherwise not lose sleep over an unfortunate accident happening to one of their keep."

Very nicely done.

jordijoy
07-15-2007, 04:27 AM
Esopha, I'm so there!

Esopha
07-15-2007, 04:44 AM
xD!

I actually churned out another pretty awesome one.


Kevin slowed as he entered the forest, the layers of dark coming to roost on his shoulders.

It must be something in the water. I must get drunk on it immediately.

Ziljon
07-15-2007, 05:11 AM
Here's a moment from my WIP.

He threw open the door, expecting anything but the lightning-lit figure of Mrs. Urban clad in her streaming white lab coat, yellow gloves, goggles, and holding the mended jar in which, by some unlucky chance of light, the homunculus was fully and horrifically revealed.

MelodyO
07-15-2007, 05:17 AM
As Xaphan the fallen angel saw it, a good girl was just a bad girl who hadn’t found the right sin yet.

:)

JoniBGoode
07-15-2007, 05:43 AM
It's more than a line, but...

“Well, technically darling you’re a chimpanzee, not an ape. Apes are larger. Less playful. And less couth. They use less imagery and fewer metaphors. Apes tend to write prose, while monkeys usually focus on poetry.”

NicoleMD
07-15-2007, 06:01 AM
"The End."

How about that! :hooray: :hooray: :hooray:

It's been a long time coming.

Nicole

Esopha
07-15-2007, 06:06 AM
Congrats, Nicole!

Hillary
07-15-2007, 06:13 AM
I raised my glass and though my eyes wanted nothing to do with it, parted my lips in a smile.
"Here's to today, and to everything it never meant."

(*growls* If I loved/hated the bastard anymore I'd explode all over the forum. Goo everywhere. Gross.)

Alexandra Little
07-15-2007, 06:41 AM
"The End."

Beautiful, congrats!!!

Alexandra Little
07-15-2007, 06:43 AM
I never write sci-fi, but apparently the forums inspire me:

"Kyja learned a very important thing the day that Harn walked into her shop: never, ever agree to repair a hovercraft that is riddled with bullet holes."

Azraelsbane
07-15-2007, 06:47 AM
"Right now you’re a dimension away from her, and as far as I’m concerned you could still do with some distance."

DeadlyAccurate
07-15-2007, 06:52 AM
Not so much a line I wrote as one I heavily revised ('cause I'm editing today, not writing.)


I would’ve given them Wallace Clifford’s name in a heartbeat if I didn’t expect Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome to blast a hole in my chest right after.

maxmordon
07-15-2007, 07:04 AM
él era el primer político les parecía tangente y no otra foto en la prefectura o en la escuelita federal

Translated (the scene is a funeral of a southamerican president in a timeless setting that is roughly equivalent to the 30's or 40's)

He was the first politician that seemed tangible to them and not just another picture at the prefecture or in the little federal school

NicoleMD
07-15-2007, 07:14 AM
Congrats, Nicole!


Beautiful, congrats!!!

Thank you!

Jen_D
07-15-2007, 07:48 AM
Poor Kayla (WIP: AICCT) is having a rough couple of days:

Closed doors may never open again, so be careful who you shut out.

fjeastman
07-15-2007, 09:29 AM
“So,’ I asked in that zombie, half-here half-not voice of the pleasured and sleepy, “what was that all about?”

And no, this is not erotica and there are as of yet no erotic scenes in this WIP.

elisabeth
07-15-2007, 09:35 AM
"I'm a five time Olympic gold medalist!" piped the dishonest mushroom.

RLB
07-15-2007, 09:53 AM
"Lunch conversation revolved around soccer practice, a new PSP game one of the other players had just bought, and the huge fart Dave had accidentally let rip in Spanish class."

maestrowork
07-15-2007, 10:11 AM
I don't know. There's not much to choose from. How about:

The large barrels of rice and buckets of soggy greens and overcooked beans were always a welcome sight. Tasteless food was better than no food at all. The men were here to survive, not to live.

Stephen Davis
07-15-2007, 10:28 AM
"Whatever deliverance there is to be had may it be safe from the seasons of the earth. The wind, the sun, the rain."

Zoombie
07-15-2007, 10:49 AM
“Can't...kill me that...easily,” I gasp, slowly pushing myself onto my feet. I start to walk slowly down the hall, my feet plodding softly against the metal.

And, because I'm on a roll, here's a second sentence.


“Ma'am, we are dealing with an escaped polymorph. She can look like anyone, including me, including you. So stand still!” The soldier runs the scanner up and down Montoya's neck, a soft whirring noise and the subliminal suggestion of movement between the scanner and Montoya's flesh. Montoya sighs, rubbing her neck as the soldier read the screen on the back of the scanner. “You're clear.”

amber_grosjean
07-15-2007, 12:38 PM
Nothing is better than love except love with an angel's kiss. And it is this angel's kiss that breaks the spell.

I won't tell you where I put this line but it is from the book Cursed Blood II: Spawn of the Curse

I just finished it this morning (Sat. at 3:30AM). It hasn't been published yet but I'm hoping the publisher from the first book will accept it. There was a tearful scene that led up to that little phrase and it fit perfectly to how I was feeling at the time. I felt good with the final line I wrote this morning and hope to write more that "inspire" my readers.

endless rewrite
07-15-2007, 01:57 PM
Sorry, I'm going to cheat and put more. I've been working on a play today, in this bit which I like we hear John's (who's a bit of an idiot) internal monologue but Bethany the girl he is trying to chat up, hears as intended, only the last line. Without the whole chunk the one line I've worked on doesn't make sense. It's a play set in a pub over one night and involves a quiz.

JOHN
There's a side to me you haven't seen but I'd be more than willing to show it to you. I've read Nelson Mandela's autobiography. I've got my own flat, it's got laminate flooring throughout and a terracotta lounge with cream throws, you'd be surprised. Why don't you come for lunch? I could make paella. I'm a good cook; I brought the pan back from Tossa. I used to work there as a rep, with kids, doing sports, I love kids, me. There's a beautiful mountain outside Tossa, I could take you there one day, we could sit on top of the mountain and watch the sun set over the hills and then I would make love to you, if you'd have lunch with me. I've got Chicken Soup for the Soul.

John addresses Bethany directly.
JOHN
Will you have lunch with me?
BETHANY
No.
JOHN
I better get back to my team.

WHOOPS! Please forgive me and/or ignore me I just read the thread title and the Writing Novels bit.

jordijoy
07-15-2007, 02:45 PM
[quote=Ziljon;1474222]Here's a moment from my WIP.

He threw open the door, expecting anything but the lightning-lit figure of Mrs. Urban clad in her streaming white lab coat, yellow gloves, goggles, and holding the mended jar in which, by some unlucky chance of light, the homunculus was fully and horrifically revealed.[/quote

I aspire to such eloquent prose.

jordijoy
07-15-2007, 03:02 PM
[quote=endless rewrite;1474744]Sorry, I'm going to cheat and put more. I've been working on a play today, in this bit which I like we hear John's (who's a bit of an idiot) internal monologue but Bethany the girl he is trying to chat up, hears as intended, only the last line. Without the whole chunk the one line I've worked on doesn't make sense. It's a play set in a pub over one night and involves a quiz.

JOHN
There's a side to me you haven't seen but I'd be more than willing to show it to you. I've read Nelson Mandela's autobiography. I've got my own flat, it's got laminate flooring throughout and a terracotta lounge with cream throws, you'd be surprised. Why don't you come for lunch? I could make paella. I'm a good cook; I brought the pan back from Tossa. I used to work there as a rep, with kids, doing sports, I love kids, me. There's a beautiful mountain outside Tossa, I could take you there one day, we could sit on top of the mountain and watch the sun set over the hills and then I would make love to you, if you'd have lunch with me. I've got Chicken Soup for the Soul.

John addresses Bethany directly.
JOHN
Will you have lunch with me?
BETHANY
No.
JOHN
I better get back to my team.

quote]

I can picture John; he sounds anxious. I don't think he thinks he's good enough for Bethany. Even then names you've chosen makes it seem as though Bethany may be out of Johns league. Bethany sounds regal to me... Anywho, I liked it!!!

JJ Cooper
07-15-2007, 03:04 PM
She was wearing an apron that had ‘I’m the boss of the BBQ’ written on it.

Azraelsbane
07-15-2007, 04:28 PM
Another day, another best line...

"My life does not revolve around kidnapping your girlfriends."

"No, it revolves around screwing them and ruining my life in the process."

jordijoy
07-15-2007, 09:47 PM
Poor Kayla (WIP: AICCT) is having a rough couple of days:

Closed doors may never open again, so be careful who you shut out.

Very insightful; I'm feeling it!

jordijoy
07-15-2007, 09:54 PM
Another day, another best line...

"My life does not revolve around kidnapping your girlfriends."

"No, it revolves around screwing them and ruining my life in the process."

I smell smart dialogue emerging here.

elisabeth
07-15-2007, 10:06 PM
Slade said he wanted to do things "differently" complete with the unnecessary air quotes and and Shannon not only hated him, but his mother as well, for naming him Slade.

raydad
07-15-2007, 10:22 PM
Here's the first two lines from my WIP:

The lonesome wail of the shrill steam whistle stifled the woman’s cries. The strewn hay formed a bed over the rough planks, which had been deep-scarred by the spurs of the vaqueros.

Zoombie
07-16-2007, 12:19 AM
“So that if one of our subjects took advantage of control failure, they can't escape that way.” Dobson's eyes are steely, fixed on mine. “You can't get out that way Eve. Let the President go and we can overlook this whole...incident.”

popmuze
07-16-2007, 01:37 AM
Unfortunately, my best line of the day was written in another AW thread:
"They've been telling me I'm a genius ever since I was 17."
And it's not even mine, it pretty much belongs to Steely Dan.
Second best line: "Show me the money." And that belongs to my good friend Cameron Crowe, who I still owe $50 if he's reading this.

Robert L.B.
07-16-2007, 03:54 AM
I looked down at my naked hands, the silver gauntlets floating freely in glowing green liquid. I breathed slowly, the liquid giving me air, not drowning. The armor felt heavy, and weightless as I floated in the tube. I opened my left eye and saw the hazy outlines of a laboratory in front of me. I opened my right eye and saw a vast valley stretching before me, the rising sun spreading its light. I opened both and saw reality. I opened both and saw the dream.

Bah, my attempt to be confusing in my writing while making the reader intrigued. Did it work?

Esopha
07-16-2007, 05:14 AM
You know, it's sentences like these that convince me that I actually have writing talent.

From LC:


Long, fluid strokes of fantasy alighted on the canvas of her mind.

From Blue:


Every time he did this, a mushroom cloud of dead, decaying paper musk surged into the air.

JohnDavidPaxton
07-16-2007, 05:50 AM
"A Gunshot."

Or, if that doesn't work.

"In a perfect world he would have run after her."

AJ Clare
07-16-2007, 05:58 AM
Genie sighed again. "See what I mean? People remember flaws. Nobody remembers perfect."

Zoombie
07-16-2007, 06:31 AM
“How many bullets did the security team put in you?” Dobson asks, fake concern flashing across his face.

“T...two.” My hand starts shaking harder. “Barely...more than a...I'll be fine.”

Jen_D
07-16-2007, 09:12 AM
Very insightful; I'm feeling it!
Thank you.

I had a hard time choosing one for today, so many great ones. I'm putting poor Kayla through the ringer. But this one was so funny, in a mean kind of way, that I had to share it. It's her best friends response to Kayla being mystified at why everyone acts shocked when they see her room for the first time.


“Well, I was kind of shocked myself, the first time I went in there. It’s like a six year olds fantasy.”

ccarver30
07-16-2007, 04:51 PM
Here ya go:


“Do not worry, love. It is with appreciation that they stare.”

JohnDavidPaxton
07-16-2007, 05:46 PM
Said to three men in large robes and a half human/half goat creature:

“Listen if you have to chant the answer in Latin or Betsy here has to stamp it out that’s fine; but I need an answer."

sheadakota
07-16-2007, 06:01 PM
Ok- I'm new here - But can I play?

That was the beauty of families. You knew what it took to make them bleed, the magic was in choosing not too.

jordijoy
07-16-2007, 06:22 PM
Genie sighed again. "See what I mean? People remember flaws. Nobody remembers perfect."

So true.

jordijoy
07-16-2007, 06:30 PM
Said to three men in large robes and a half human/half goat creature:

“Listen if you have to chant the answer in Latin or Betsy here has to stamp it out that’s fine; but I need an answer."


fantasy story? I like the impudence that I hearing in the speaker. I like smarty-pants characters.

JohnDavidPaxton
07-16-2007, 06:32 PM
fantasy story? I like the impudence that I hearing in the speaker. I like smarty-pants characters.

Nah. It's a biography.




Yes, good eye. Urban Fantasy. Urban because I don't want to have to pay royalties to the Elf Foundation and the only Gnomes that I want in my stories are sitting on front lawns.

And there will be lawn gnomes.

Oh yes, there will be lawn gnomes.

jordijoy
07-16-2007, 06:32 PM
The other two flawed minions in the room, Christine and Jennifer, have the deer in the headlights stare going on, the three men shift their bodies, looking extremely uncomfortable, and Katherine flips her hair and smacks her thin, overly glossed lips.

Stew21
07-16-2007, 06:33 PM
not sure about this one:


The mesmerizing falling sun, milling crowd and a tactile anticipation filled his senses, while a dull fullness he’d assigned to food and drink, but aching like something else, unnerved him.

Willowmound
07-16-2007, 06:49 PM
Not sure?

Get rid of "mesmerizing". Then read it again.

Esopha
07-16-2007, 09:26 PM
Yes, good eye. Urban Fantasy. Urban because I don't want to have to pay royalties to the Elf Foundation and the only Gnomes that I want in my stories are sitting on front lawns.

And there will be lawn gnomes.

Oh yes, there will be lawn gnomes.

There are lawn gnomes in my novel as well, except they're called garden gnomes.

Gnomes are awesome, end of story.

Zoombie
07-16-2007, 09:28 PM
Just to be contrary, I hate gnomes.

It's the Pink Flamingos that are awesome.

Esopha
07-16-2007, 09:31 PM
The gnomes could totally overtake the flamingoes any day. All they'd need was a couple of saddles and reigns and bits and a whip or two.

Ahem.

*goes back to writing*

Zoombie
07-16-2007, 09:32 PM
“I...I want...you to know something.”

“What?” The President asks.

“I...never voted for you.” I push him away from me and shoot his kneecap out.

davids
07-16-2007, 09:34 PM
Patience McCavoy shifted past to present, wondered about the future. Time as it always does slipped behind her and cut her throat.

LovesWillow
07-16-2007, 09:34 PM
The assassin stood and walked away while his target died slowly and quietly in the New Orleans sun.



Last sentence in a short short I wrote.

IrishScribbler
07-16-2007, 09:36 PM
from Deirdre of Sorrow:


There was the muffled metallic squeak of a metal hinge resisting movement, the footfalls stepping down the porch steps and across the sidewalk, then only the sound of nature.

Hillgate
07-16-2007, 10:42 PM
Best line today? Hmmm. This was from last week - and it's more than one line, but I felt it worth reproducing:

Dear [Agent],

Thank you for replying to my message of approximately one year ago.

I would under normal circumstances be happy to send you the work in question as you have now requested, but regrettably my book is now under option with [giant prodco] and in the intervening twelve month period I have secured representation elsewhere.

May I take this opportunity to thank you for your interest, for reading my material (which I would ask you to destroy) and to wish you a successful 2007.

Yours,:tongue

Ziljon
07-16-2007, 11:24 PM
Best line today? Hmmm. This was from last week - and it's more than one line, but I felt it worth reproducing:

Dear [Agent],

Thank you for replying to my message of approximately one year ago.

I would under normal circumstances be happy to send you the work in question as you have now requested, but regrettably my book is now under option with [giant prodco] and in the intervening twelve month period I have secured representation elsewhere.

May I take this opportunity to thank you for your interest, for reading my material (which I would ask you to destroy) and to wish you a successful 2007.

Yours,:tongue

Ha-ha! Take that, I love it!

Azraelsbane
07-17-2007, 01:08 AM
“Yes.” Luke nodded. “You’ll grow old. You’ll die. Mortality is a bit of a bitch in that respect.”

davids
07-17-2007, 02:03 AM
Thomas Flood's toes where aflame. So distressful was this that he could not possibly feel the shards of glass inserted between flesh and cuticle.

"Inevitability created a canundrum only a politician could predicate!" Thomas considered his thought, turned his toes downward, and used them to light his cigar.

Esopha
07-17-2007, 02:07 AM
I'm cheating. This is a paragraph.


The sunshine and happy chirping birds put Kevin in a bad mood. He wanted to stab something. That, combined with the fact that Liza had punctured his skin on many occasions last night, hung over his head like a rain cloud pouring rotten milk all over the porridge of life.

jordijoy
07-17-2007, 03:32 AM
[quote=Hillgate;1477652]Best line today? Hmmm. This was from last week - and it's more than one line, but I felt it worth reproducing:

Dear [Agent],

Thank you for replying to my message of approximately one year ago.

I would under normal circumstances be happy to send you the work in question as you have now requested, but regrettably my book is now under option with [giant prodco] and in the intervening twelve month period I have secured representation elsewhere.

May I take this opportunity to thank you for your interest, for reading my material (which I would ask you to destroy) and to wish you a successful 2007.

Yours,:tongue[/quote

Hitting below the belt...I like it!!!

davids
07-17-2007, 03:40 AM
Paxton Threll-Morton excused himself, removed his spectacles, and poked out his eyes. The train from Woking to Charing Cross did not miss a click.

Shady Lane
07-17-2007, 06:38 AM
Best I can do today:

Eight undesired cans of peaches in heavy syrup teetered on the edges of their shelves, threatening to take the plunge through the stale Safeway air and into Sash’s shopping cart.

There are way too many prepositions in this, though, and it's bothering me.

gerrydodge
07-17-2007, 06:42 AM
I once knew a woman who drove me to drink, if I could find her, I'd thank her. I didn't actually write that, but I wish I did. W.C. Fields wrote it.

Zoombie
07-17-2007, 06:48 AM
Shady! I haven't seen you around recently. Or maybe I'm going blind.

No matter.

First line in new WIP that I started while watching the Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai across the Eighth Dimension.



Megan knew there were no heroes, nothing but people trying to get by. And, as her mother had said, to get by...sometimes, you have to get your knees dirty.

Megan hadn't understood that till now.

Shady Lane
07-17-2007, 06:57 AM
I disappeared for a week or two, Zoom. I'm back now. :)

Zoombie
07-17-2007, 06:58 AM
Cool...cool. I'm about to disappear for a week myself, actually. And right when I decided to start a new story wherein the main character is named Otaku Surprise.

He fights crime.

ChaosTitan
07-17-2007, 07:05 AM
"I'm waiting for some brave soul to start marketing Gremlin Piss Schnapps."

(it makes more sense in context, but I love this line :D )

JoNightshade
07-17-2007, 07:08 AM
“Mm-hm,” she said, voicing a throaty skepticism. “Honey, I read your email.”

Actually that's the second-best line but the first best requires too much contextual explanation.

Zoombie
07-17-2007, 07:10 AM
“I am Otaku Surprise!” He pointed the sword at the rapist. “And you, good sir...are about to die!”

JohnDavidPaxton
07-17-2007, 12:46 PM
Apologize that it's not technically one line:

"You were inside me," Max blinked through the haze.
"Don't worry; I was gentle."

Willowmound
07-17-2007, 01:05 PM
“I am Otaku Surprise!”

Otaku Surprise is a wickedly good name.

Shady Lane
07-17-2007, 10:25 PM
I didn't really write it today, but I just cut out the last two chapters of my WIP and let this be the new last line:


Sash threw up all over the floor.

anodyne
07-17-2007, 10:45 PM
Again, not technically one line, but I just like it all.


The bells at the front of the café chimed and angry high heels clicked their way across the floor and up the stairs. The curtain was shoved aside by a well manicured hand as seven miles of leg were followed by a woman wearing an expensive power suit and frozen smile.


S_L: That is an awesome last line.

Spiny Norman
07-17-2007, 10:48 PM
Those who have beauty and nothing else are the last to realize when it's left.

glendalough
07-17-2007, 10:49 PM
Sometimes it's okay to hate your mother. Sometimes it's even crucial.

Azraelsbane
07-17-2007, 10:52 PM
More than one line... crap, I should give up on these things already.
---

“Following Lucifer’s advice is usually tantamount to throwing oneself off a cliff.” Azrael chuckled. “What sage counsel did he manage to give you this time?”

Morghan smiled and rolled her eyes. “He told me that I shouldn’t bother being curious about you, because you’re interested in hardware that I’m sorely lacking.”

“Is that an extremely roundabout way of claiming that I’m homosexual?”

Morghan stared at the stars and screwed up her face. “Yes.” She nodded. “Yes it is.”

davids
07-17-2007, 10:56 PM
He turned and disappeared into his dream-reality, looking for a way out, not knowing his duality followed him only a few short steps behind, the gap closing, the quick and the dead lurking in haphazard destruction.

Meerkat
07-17-2007, 10:59 PM
Harry eyed the new batch as they huddled on the Hogwarts platform, and barked a quick, rude "Whose your daddy!" in their direction. Ron snickered and Hermione rued the day she ever entered their compartment.

anodyne
07-17-2007, 11:04 PM
... fanfic?

Stew21
07-17-2007, 11:05 PM
here's mine. This is damn near the only thing I wrote today, so it must be the best.


There was no need to find one for him, Oliver wore his metaphor rolled up in his sleeve, save the one behind his left ear.

JoNightshade
07-17-2007, 11:27 PM
"Ah, and you’ve kept your charming-if-slightly-pathetic wit."

Lady Esther
07-18-2007, 12:14 AM
“When are you leaving?”

“Tomorrow,” he said.

She grabbed his hand. “We must find my room, then.”

davids
07-18-2007, 12:19 AM
The man standing before him did indeed have an enormous, melon-shaped head, with a nose that, after long years of alcoholic cultivation, had turned into what looked like a grotesque potato growing in the middle of his face. The vegetable had flowered and was beginning to take over the rest of the garden.

Esopha
07-18-2007, 01:25 AM
This is not as punchy as it was in my head.


Rosemary was arguing when a large passenger train came down the tracks like a primordial creature from the dawn of time and kicked up so much dust that for the next fifteen minutes every time she moved she shed dirt like an old rag rug.

rwam
07-18-2007, 02:38 AM
"Per your request, I've attached a copy of the full manuscript and I'll mail you a hard copy by tomorrow."

Alexandra Little
07-18-2007, 03:30 AM
The man standing before him did indeed have an enormous, melon-shaped head, with a nose that, after long years of alcoholic cultivation, had turned into what looked like a grotesque potato growing in the middle of his face. The vegetable had flowered and was beginning to take over the rest of the garden.

That is absolutely beautiful.

davids
07-18-2007, 03:36 AM
Alle tanzten mit dem Tod doch niemand wie Elisabeth

Das stimpt auf jedenfalls! toten tanzer Lizzy-was fur eine frau-cannot get umlauts on this goofy nicht Deutsche keyboard!

Thanks for the kind words!

De Lady
07-18-2007, 04:26 AM
He possessed this gentle, inquisitive sort of face, and always bought a quarter pound of the Divinity Fudge, which Evie took for a sign.

Iggmoe
07-18-2007, 06:51 AM
Percie frowned. "Time for Plan B."


(Just the way I like it -- short and sweet!) :D

JEMcGee
07-18-2007, 09:37 AM
I'm not really able to write right now, but I am taking notes and this is the position of one of my main characters when it comes to relationships.

"No, I don't feel safe opening up to you yet, and you demanding it so we can seem closer is not intimacy, it's dominance. If you love me then back off. Until I know you can do that when I need it, I'll never trust you the way you want me to."

Danger Jane
07-18-2007, 10:02 AM
The water blends with my silvery skin, with my human half and my fish half, I am a pocket of water.

Too tired to edit it.

Willowmound
07-18-2007, 05:34 PM
Alle tanzten mit dem Tod doch niemand wie Elisabeth

They all dance with the toad, but no one with Elisabeth.


Das stimpt auf jedenfalls! toten tanzer Lizzy-was fur eine frau-cannot get umlauts on this goofy nicht Deutsche keyboard!

That's right at least! Death-dancer Lizzie -- was for a woman -- konnen nichts Dotdot-thingie am dieses idiotisches not German Tasten-tisch erhalten!


Thanks for the kind words!

Danke fur die freundliche Worter!

:D

jordijoy
07-18-2007, 06:44 PM
Apologize that it's not technically one line:

"You were inside me," Max blinked through the haze.
"Don't worry; I was gentle."

Don't know if that's literally or figuratively, but you got my attention.

davids
07-18-2007, 08:25 PM
They all dance with the toad, but no one with Elisabeth.



That's right at least! Death-dancer Lizzie -- was for a woman -- konnen nichts Dotdot-thingie am dieses idiotisches not German Tasten-tisch erhalten!



Danke fur die freundliche Worter!

:D

I think Willow likes toads-me? Death is far more interesting so I have often danced with it-good dancer I must admit!!!!

davids
07-18-2007, 08:30 PM
So it is more than a line-here is a stick beat me I love ibeing beaten softly with a large supple bough!

Roberta Rosenshein leaned over and kissed her husband gently on his right nipple. Their lovemaking had always been satisfying, especially the variety they called late-night, talk show sex. Earlier in their marriage it had been more frequent, but no more intense than this evening. Roberta felt that having sex less often was a sign of marital maturity, like becoming friendlier with the boss at work.

JoNightshade
07-19-2007, 12:35 AM
It's still early in the day, but I think this one's gonna be the winner:

Does being a horrible person disqualify me from getting a ride home?

JohnDavidPaxton
07-19-2007, 01:06 AM
I just want to say that searching through the dungheap that is my writing for the day and trying to find the single best line, the one that survives without context and on it's own merits, is the best exercise I've yet scene for humiliation and personal growth.

I earnestly thank whoever came up with this insidious and destructive idea.



He thought of Lynn and how she looked at him that first, pantless night.

jordijoy
07-19-2007, 01:09 AM
How about this:
“Nyle’s completely off her rocker and her little brat Wenzel got more words for yah than the dictionary. One or the both of ‘em gonna raise up, watch what I tell you." :D

jordijoy
07-19-2007, 01:11 AM
I just want to say that searching through the dungheap that is my writing for the day and trying to find the single best line, the one that survives without context and on it's own merits, is the best exercise I've yet scene for humiliation and personal growth.

I earnestly thank whoever came up with this insidious and destructive idea.



He thought of Lynn and how she looked at him that first, pantless night.

You're welcome, and I love the thoughts fall from your brain.

jordijoy
07-19-2007, 01:20 AM
It's still early in the day, but I think this one's gonna be the winner:

Does being a horrible person disqualify me from getting a ride home?

I'm picturing rakish and blithe, if its a man. Exquisite and edgy, if it's a woman.

JoNightshade
07-19-2007, 01:24 AM
I'm picturing rakish and blithe, if its a man. Exquisite and edgy, if it's a woman.

It's a woman, and you've got it spot on. ;)

citizen_erased
07-19-2007, 01:47 AM
I don't know if this is a 'best' line from my work tonight, but it is a line nonetheless. I also don't know if it actually makes any sense but here goes!

However, having your fiancee murdered with no apparent motive other than being in the wrong place at the wrong time, just two days before your wedding is enough to cause anybody to feel like they have permission to go a little bit crazy.

Esopha
07-19-2007, 02:08 AM
I'm cheating again, but it's quite possible that these lines of conversation are keeping me from chucking this novel out the window.


"Look, I don't mean to be rude or anything, but the man's a complete twit! I mean, his name is Flinker Dink, for heaven's sake!"

"Actually, it's Lord Flinker Dink, Esquire."

"And you think that makes it any better?"

Mom'sWrite
07-19-2007, 02:14 AM
"Well, while the editor is removing your spleen with a straight pin, I'll be drinking that bottle of wine. For breakfast. Neener."

(from tiny acorns come mighty oaks, mighty oaks)

Bo Sullivan
07-19-2007, 02:39 AM
I'm quite pleased with these lines. I wrote over 1000 words today in my WIP.

Mrs Vanwicke rose suddenly from her seat. Without the necessary willpower to restrain herself, and breathing heavily, she leaned across the desk and fell upon Mr Johnson. She began to pull at his hair with both her hands, and with all her might, so that she shook his head about as if he were a helpless doll. The room was now filled with the lawyer’s shrieks as he called for his Clerk, and the bellows of laughter that came from Mr Harrison’s throat, and made their way out of his mouth.

davids
07-19-2007, 02:45 AM
"Well, while the editor is removing your spleen with a straight pin, I'll be drinking that bottle of wine. For breakfast. Neener."

(from tiny acorns come mighty oaks, mighty oaks)


This is good-more would be nice-where the hell is this book mom? Oh I forgotipated-it is from a WIP right-AH HAH! Well finish it alright?

jordijoy
07-19-2007, 03:36 AM
“It’s your fault she ain’t all there no more.” murmured Jordan, to Mama’s doublewide, receding back.

davids
07-19-2007, 03:41 AM
Ooh-Momma is a doublewide receding back-thank Christ she is walking away!

Like it but maybe a murmur is too loud-whisper I would-don't want Mama turnin' round fer a little bit a shit kickin' I would believe!

Shady Lane
07-19-2007, 04:30 AM
I'm a fan of this one:

A.J. fanned the back of his neck against the hallway heat.

jordijoy
07-19-2007, 05:41 AM
I'm cheating again, but it's quite possible that these lines of conversation are keeping me from chucking this novel out the window.

Witticism, I'm hooked! Also I'm rather taken with your use of "chucking", I haven't heard it much or seen it used since my days in Missouri. I've been of a Northern mind of late and tend to say throw, hurl, toss, fling, or pitch, but deep down I'm thinking...CHUCK it.

Mom'sWrite
07-19-2007, 05:58 AM
This is good-more would be nice-where the hell is this book mom? Oh I forgotipated-it is from a WIP right-AH HAH! Well finish it alright?


Alas, not a WIP, but an email to a writer-friend. We were supposed to get our monkeys together so we could drink and trash talk Dan Brown but she got called into her editor's office for being naughty and I got all excited about using the word "spleen" in a sentence. (I did it again, too.)

Shady Lane
07-19-2007, 06:30 AM
I like this.


But we were not a tragedy. We weren’t even a disaster.

Azraelsbane
07-19-2007, 06:37 AM
Titania stared unbelievingly into the confused eyes of her father. She had missed her time. After two weeks of running from him she had decided to stop being childish just in time to be forgotten.

jordijoy
07-19-2007, 06:51 AM
“I haven’t the knack for igniting. Remember what happened the last time I tried it? I set my hair on fire.”

Esopha
07-19-2007, 04:56 PM
Witticism, I'm hooked! Also I'm rather taken with your use of "chucking", I haven't heard it much or seen it used since my days in Missouri. I've been of a Northern mind of late and tend to say throw, hurl, toss, fling, or pitch, but deep down I'm thinking...CHUCK it.

Chucking is way more fun than flinging or hurling. Usually because an ungallant chuck involves the thing crashing into a tree/wall/other hard object with a satisfying thump.

At least, that's the way I see it.

larocca
07-19-2007, 05:05 PM
I didn't write today, so I'll share the best line I wrote 30 years ago.

"To kill someone for disagreeing with you is the ultimate arrogance."

I've spent 30 years waiting for someone to read that line, and I'm not naming names because this is a writing forum, dammit.

jordijoy
07-19-2007, 05:21 PM
I didn't write today, so I'll share the best line I wrote 30 years ago.

"To kill someone for disagreeing with you is the ultimate arrogance."

I've spent 30 years waiting for someone to read that line, and I'm not naming names because this is a writing forum, dammit.

Insightful, provoking, and true. Thanks for sharing.

davids
07-19-2007, 06:23 PM
Alas, not a WIP, but an email to a writer-friend. We were supposed to get our monkeys together so we could drink and trash talk Dan Brown but she got called into her editor's office for being naughty and I got all excited about using the word "spleen" in a sentence. (I did it again, too.)


So what? How do you think some of the good ones get started-of course one could argue the point-I started my first book on tour in a hotel room half sauced and bored-it worked-what can I tell ya-just some food for thought dear heart-thas all!

JohnDavidPaxton
07-19-2007, 08:43 PM
Not finding one that stays on it's own. Not finding a very good line in here. Guess that means re-write.

Oh well.

No matter what else happened and no matter what anyone said or did he knew it: She was evil.

Esopha
07-19-2007, 10:08 PM
This is from Bitter Sea, which I was suddenly possessed to work on. I should be working on LC, but there you have it.


Windows that hadn't been opened in years were flung out, carpets were being scrubbed vigorously, and maids everywhere were attacking the tapestries with such vigor that in the small corner of Amalia's mind that did not cry out for her father a niggling worry about the old family heirlooms lurked about.

I'm not sure if it's a black comedy yet. I honestly have no idea. It might just be a witty dark fantasy/sci-fi thing. Hmm.

jordijoy
07-20-2007, 12:09 AM
“O...kay...look here, you’re nine, Wenz. You got no business starting anything with anybody let alone your mama. Your how comes aren’t important to me.”

jordijoy
07-20-2007, 02:14 AM
Ooh-Momma is a doublewide receding back-thank Christ she is walking away!

Like it but maybe a murmur is too loud-whisper I would-don't want Mama turnin' round fer a little bit a shit kickin' I would believe!

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS, DAVIDS! CHECK IT, ( Mama stopped on a dime and started to turn. Jordan gasped, made a swift retreat, and soundly closed the bedroom door behind her.)

Shady Lane
07-20-2007, 02:17 AM
The smell of bacon was a pervasive guilt trip.

davids
07-20-2007, 02:21 AM
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS, DAVIDS! CHECK IT, ( Mama stopped on a dime and started to turn. Jordan gasped, made a swift retreat, and soundly closed the bedroom door behind her.)

Kind a though it'd be a good idea-nobody wants much of a no win situation with a Mama-well written cause what I done felt her comin'!!!!

davids
07-20-2007, 02:27 AM
my grandkids asked me since I write books why did I not write em something-this is theirs and the start of a little tale of ogre-ocity and just for fun!




The Canundrum forrest reached up and around where there hunting grounds were but the fact that things were getting more difficult and meat harder to find forced Damion and Alexander to forge for outer fodder even though they were not at all like the valiant hearted ones that had hunted them and theirs so very long ago.

Tri-Injuring Prophet
07-20-2007, 02:37 AM
I had a slow day today - had brainache, but I managed:

“Do you listen at all, Leon?”
“Yeah. Sometimes.”
“You know what I’m saying, then?”
“No.”

I like doing exchanges.

Bo Sullivan
07-20-2007, 03:57 AM
The problem with Dr. Clenche being rather prosperous concerning his finances brought about his eventual downfall. He was a generous man to many people who asked to borrow money from him. It was not that he was a moneylender in the eyes of society; but rather that he ought to have been described by others, as a benevolent and philanthropic soul who cared about the misfortunes of others.

Linda Adams
07-20-2007, 04:16 AM
From Game Piece (draft title):

Yes, his game piece was a popular person.

davids
07-20-2007, 04:21 AM
The problem with Dr. Clenche being rather prosperous concerning his finances brought about his eventual downfall. He was a generous man to many people who asked to borrow money from him. It was not that he was a moneylender in the eyes of society; but rather that he ought to have been described by others, as a benevolent and philanthropic soul who cared about the misfortunes of others.

This sounds a tad Dickens like-that is a compliment by the by-interesting to be sure!!!!

Bo Sullivan
07-20-2007, 04:29 AM
This sounds a tad Dickens like-that is a compliment by the by-interesting to be sure!!!!

Thank you so much. Here is another little taster of Murder in the Dark:

“It is not I who should suffer for the non-payment of the debt Dr. Clenche, but Mrs. Vanwicke! She is the one who borrowed the money from you. She hooked me into her scheme! I am the victim in this matter, and now I find that I have been arrested. I was only her advisor.” Mr. Rowe said as he looked at the doctor in the most imploring manner, and thereafter he sat in Newgate prison and pondered on his own situation. He concluded that all was not well.

davids
07-20-2007, 04:51 AM
Well done-I do enjoy a good well written piece-and this is certainly one-onward onward-if there is not-then there will be a place for this I am certain!

Bo Sullivan
07-20-2007, 05:13 AM
Well done-I do enjoy a good well written piece-and this is certainly one-onward onward-if there is not-then there will be a place for this I am certain!

Do you mean me, Davids?

As Mr. Harrison stepped down from the coach in a hurry, he turned to the coach driver and said,
“If you cannot control the horse, you should not be in charge of the coach. I must remind myself not to look to you to return us home.”

The coach driver looked decidedly embarrassed, took off his cap, and lowered his eyes to the ground as he spoke, “I am sorry Master! I am sorry Mistress!”

jordijoy
07-20-2007, 06:05 AM
Duped, you make my brain dance the salsa. Well done!

Bo Sullivan
07-20-2007, 06:18 AM
Duped, you make my brain dance the salsa. Well done!

Thanks!

Here's some more:

A young woman named Mrs Ashbolt who had just been on an errand requested by Madam Anwell, a Gentlewoman who lodged at her mother’s house, stood at her own door, near the coach, and she watched as the coachman went on his errand, and had overheard Harrison in the coach talking to the coachman. Thinking that the two men would slip out of the coach without paying, (which she believed was called bilking), she continued to watch them, so that with the aid of the street-light in Brownlow Street, which shone into the coach, she clearly saw the face of one of the men. She saw him look out of the coach at the coachman and swear at him because he did not hurry himself.

“Hurry up will you, you bloody fool! Make haste.” cried Henry Harrison to the unfortunate coach driver, upon which he seemed to pick up his feet and hurry along the road in the dark.

c.e.lawson
07-20-2007, 07:14 AM
“This will be your last full meal in some time, Theron. I suggest you stuff yourself and remember the sensation.”

Niteowl
07-20-2007, 08:13 AM
He looked to be of noble blood, it was his slow movements, and his his slightly befuddled look: as if he was contemplating the going rate for a properly attired junior footman.

jordijoy
07-20-2007, 08:42 AM
Thanks!

Here's some more:

A young woman named Mrs Ashbolt who had just been on an errand requested by Madam Anwell, a Gentlewoman who lodged at her mother’s house, stood at her own door, near the coach, and she watched as the coachman went on his errand, and had overheard Harrison in the coach talking to the coachman. Thinking that the two men would slip out of the coach without paying, (which she believed was called bilking), she continued to watch them, so that with the aid of the street-light in Brownlow Street, which shone into the coach, she clearly saw the face of one of the men. She saw him look out of the coach at the coachman and swear at him because he did not hurry himself.

“Hurry up will you, you bloody fool! Make haste.” cried Henry Harrison to the unfortunate coach driver, upon which he seemed to pick up his feet and hurry along the road in the dark.

Salsa time!

Shady Lane
07-20-2007, 08:48 AM
“Don’t say anything,” I said. “It’s bad luck.”

Julie rolled her eyes. “Living here is bad luck.”

She had a point.


The whole book so far is lines like this. I wonder if I can keep it up.

jordijoy
07-20-2007, 10:01 AM
The whole book so far is lines like this. I wonder if I can keep it up.

That's really fast. I haven't any real idea if it will matter to the majority, but I read on a writing exercise website, somewhere, that you have to give your reader time to catch their breath and you can do that by slowing things down with descriptions and explainations. Like I said...I read it--no proof of my own to back it up...

davids
07-20-2007, 06:11 PM
Do you mean me, Davids?

As Mr. Harrison stepped down from the coach in a hurry, he turned to the coach driver and said,
“If you cannot control the horse, you should not be in charge of the coach. I must remind myself not to look to you to return us home.”

The coach driver looked decidedly embarrassed, took off his cap, and lowered his eyes to the ground as he spoke, “I am sorry Master! I am sorry Mistress!”


I certainly do as stated in the rep point I sent you-I am not a repper or a reaper-once again-well done!

Azraelsbane
07-20-2007, 06:23 PM
Ok, this is actually from an article, not a novel, and I wrote it yesterday... Guess I'm cheating all around.

---

Come back and talk to me about investing when the cost is more than a month’s salary, because irrelevant drivel makes me itch in the least pleasant of places... My brain.

Stew21
07-20-2007, 06:24 PM
“Captive?” I asked, still watching the lit sky slip down below the tree line; dragging its tail of darkness behind it.

the word captive has little to do with the scene. I know it doesn't make sense without context, but I liked the description of the sunset.

aadams73
07-20-2007, 09:56 PM
"We are the Nights of the Slightly Lopsided Table," said Three.
"That's night with an N," said Two. "We're dark."


I crack myself up.

Shady Lane
07-20-2007, 10:00 PM
EDIT: Just kidding: This is way better.

I was Ferdinand the bull, and he was the burly Spaniard with the riding crop, trying to get me to fight.

squalid
07-21-2007, 01:38 AM
And as it rocketed up spewing its exhaust of vapor, ozone and smoke, it splintered and shattered the hard bullets of water spent and smashed into little pools after they hit their targets and it splintered and shattered those bullets still in trajectory, which were in its narrow trajectory, causing the splinters to dance and leap atmosphereward in defiance of Newton’s law and then arch, fountain-like, back to the ground, once again under the strict mathematical formula of Newton’s law.

jordijoy
07-21-2007, 01:39 AM
It had huge spiky ears that were in constant motion and extremely disproportionate to its oval head and even more so to its wee body.

Esopha
07-21-2007, 01:45 AM
I was Ferdinand the bull, and he was the burly Spaniard with the riding crop, trying to get me to fight.

Oh! I remember Ferdinand! I had a picture book when I was little. It was my favorite thing ever, next to my purple teddy bear and my piles of Dr. Seuss.

johnzakour
07-21-2007, 08:15 AM
______________________________________ is the best line I've written today. (Straight and right to the point.)

Far better than my early work of --------------------------------------------------.

Ah was I ever so young?

Mom'sWrite
07-21-2007, 08:40 AM
this thread is my guilty pleasure. I sneak in and peruse your shiny bits of brilliance.


more please.

Niteowl
07-21-2007, 12:28 PM
All my lines lately have been utter trash. This line, however, almost doesn't make my eyes bleed.

Sorry, I put the wrong line here. The one I put here on accident was just, uh.. Stupid.

MelodyO
07-21-2007, 06:30 PM
The regulars, stripped of one of their dearest vices, made do with styrofoam bowls of peanuts which they compulsively devoured, discarding the shells by the thousands on the floor, which gave walking to the bar a certain je ne sais crunch.

ChaosTitan
07-21-2007, 07:09 PM
It was novel experience: bringing someone back from the dead to apologize for getting them killed in the first place.

jordijoy
07-21-2007, 10:16 PM
“By whose authority do you dare?”

PastMidnight
07-23-2007, 01:07 AM
Call me a sinner, but I'll take sex over pie any day of the week.

Shady Lane
07-23-2007, 01:15 AM
She patted my cheek. A little bit harder, and it would have been a slap. It would have been a reason to hate her.

Devil Ledbetter
07-23-2007, 01:43 AM
She chewed her lip and stared at the phone as though it had slapped her.

davids
07-23-2007, 02:12 AM
Sky-Lark Breckinridge leaned into my heart and kissed my Petunia

Storm Surge
07-23-2007, 02:19 AM
I was going to make Azyr pay for this even if I had to grind him and his "plan" up so small I had to split the atoms.

Azraelsbane
07-23-2007, 02:21 AM
“Someone should be paying me for this.” His stalker frowned, shaking her head. “I can’t believe you managed to create an entire civilization. You’re a mess.”

Michael’s eyes widened. She knew who he was. “Who are you? What do you want?”

“World peace.” She laughed at his resulting look of confusion. “Sorry, standard answer.” She offered him a hand up, but he simply stared at it. “My name is Morghan Windstarr, and I’ll be playing the part of your guardian angel.”

jordijoy
07-23-2007, 02:36 AM
Sky-Lark Breckinridge leaned into my heart and kissed my Petunia

More please. (smiles)

Magdalen
07-23-2007, 02:44 AM
She was willing to get completely naked in the backseat of his Le Mans on Saturday nights; he was willing to overlook the fact that she wasn’t an “A” student.

jordijoy
07-23-2007, 02:48 AM
She was willing to get completely naked in the backseat of his Le Mans on Saturday nights; he was willing to overlook the fact that she wasn’t an “A” student.

Sounds naughty...(me likes)

davids
07-23-2007, 03:01 AM
"Jordijoy has a beautiful smile!"
"I don't give a shit about her damned smile, I am only concerned with gardening at the moment!" Sky-Lark Breckinridge began to hoe and rake my garden.


Sorry to use your name there Jordi-hope you do not mind-just havin' a bit of fun-alright?

Lyxdeslic
07-23-2007, 03:04 AM
"When people climb from their beds the next morning, their bodies won’t be the only part of them waking. The expressions -- ‘Another day, another dollar’, ’The early bird gets the worm’, hell, ‘Time to make the donuts’ -- will cease to be communicated. For the first time, they’ll truly realize, donuts make them fat, worms taste like shit, and money means nothing compared to what’s inside them. The world you people have constructed will come to an end, Jonathan."

Lyx

davids
07-23-2007, 03:06 AM
"When people climb from their beds the next morning, their bodies won’t be the only part of them waking. The expressions -- ‘Another day, another dollar’, ’The early bird gets the worm’, hell, ‘Time to make the donuts’ -- will cease to be communicated. For the first time, they’ll truly realize, donuts make them fat, worms taste like shit, and money means nothing compared to what’s inside them. The world you people have constructed will come to an end, Jonathan."

Lyx


Strong young man-very strong indeed-oh and well written as well if that makes any difference whatsoever!!

davids
07-23-2007, 03:09 AM
She was willing to get completely naked in the backseat of his Le Mans on Saturday nights; he was willing to overlook the fact that she wasn’t an “A” student.


Very good-well written-hard stuff-straight to the old gut writing-what the hell am I doing saying nice but true things to you kids-you don't need me telling you that you are talented-it is obvious in the writing-hell I better get back to me fishin'-sorry to interupticate the thread-but this stuff is pretty damned good what I am reading!!!! Yah I know and who cares if I like it-but hey you guys moved me to stop lurkipating-it is all your fault after all!

Devil Ledbetter
07-23-2007, 03:10 AM
Strong young man-very strong indeed-oh and well written as well if that makes any difference whatsoever!!Word.

Lyxdeslic
07-23-2007, 03:10 AM
Strong young man-very strong indeed-oh and well written as well if that makes any difference whatsoever!!
Wow, Davids. Thanks man.

Lyx

davids
07-23-2007, 03:12 AM
Word.

Help me out here D-I do not understand-it is an age thing I am sure!

davids
07-23-2007, 03:13 AM
Wow, Davids. Thanks man.

Lyx

You are completely welcome old thing-and the truth is the truth-well mine at least

Devil Ledbetter
07-23-2007, 03:14 AM
Help me out here D-I do not understand-it is an age thing I am sure!Word = I agree that Lyxdeslic is as talented a writer as you are apricot fuzzipated and flirtalicious.

Niteowl
07-23-2007, 03:16 AM
If the large, unbearably gargantuan machine of Central East South East Government moved, you could be sure its actions would be heavy handed, its policies opaque, and its bureacracy inspired.

davids
07-23-2007, 03:17 AM
Word = I agree that Lyxdeslic is as talented a writer as you are apricot fuzzipated and flirtalicious.


AAAHHHHAAAA-yup he is and thanks for the explainacation! I am all that-apricot fuzziapated and flirtarrific-yup thas me!!!!

JoNightshade
07-23-2007, 05:07 AM
She thought about leaving. She had no ties, no roots, no unbreakable commitments. Barely any friends. How temping it was just to pack up her books, a few pieces of furniture, and move on. But no; she couldn’t do that. She loved her job at the library, and after two years she was beginning to love this city. And if she fled every time something awkward or frustrating happened, she’d be halfway across the US in a decade. No; she would not run away.

So she did the next best thing: she curled up on the couch with a book, ruminated for a while, and then began to read.

Shady Lane
07-23-2007, 05:09 AM
She thought about leaving. She had no ties, no roots, no unbreakable commitments. Barely any friends. How temping it was just to pack up her books, a few pieces of furniture, and move on. But no; she couldn’t do that. She loved her job at the library, and after two years she was beginning to love this city. And if she fled every time something awkward or frustrating happened, she’d be halfway across the US in a decade. No; she would not run away.

So she did the next best thing: she curled up on the couch with a book, ruminated for a while, and then began to read.

Ellie?

JoNightshade
07-23-2007, 05:11 AM
Ellie?

Haha wow, that was quick. And yes, I just came up with a first-scene for her so this is actually the first time she appears. I seem to be doing a lot of filling in right now for some reason.

Shady Lane
07-23-2007, 05:13 AM
I think you just want your ms to be a thousand pages long. It's all a dirty plot. Don't deny it.

larocca
07-23-2007, 05:53 AM
The best line I've written all day is the one you're reading right now.

Shady Lane
07-23-2007, 05:59 AM
Fourth period American History was all kinds of bright, and none of them suitable for a Tuesday morning.

JoNightshade
07-23-2007, 06:58 AM
Pff I totally posted my thingie on the wrong thread. I meant to put it on the last paragraph one! Doh.

Shady Lane
07-23-2007, 07:00 AM
I've definitely done that, Jo. No worries.

JoNightshade
07-23-2007, 07:03 AM
I discovered it because I went to the paragraph thread and I was like "What the heck?! My post is totally gone! Who deleted it?!" Then I realized I was just an idiot. ;)

maestrowork
07-23-2007, 07:52 AM
"The unwanted paternity suit clung to me like a piece of stray, dry poop would on the hair on my ass."

Marian Perera
07-23-2007, 08:20 AM
Twenty feet above their heads, the roof of the prayer chamber curved up to a round window set at its highest point, a skyglass that focused sunlight in a concentrated beam down on to the Pedestal of the Presence. Kelan had heard that some skyglasses were lenses ground so well that they could set paper burning, but this glass was not one of those. It only provided enough light for him to see the priest's body hanging above the pedestal, turning slowly, swaying on the end of a long rope.

Zoombie
07-23-2007, 09:00 AM
Well...I'm at Alpha right now and good god is it awesome. It's so awesome, I'm thanking people who don't exist. Thank you Forthwinda. Thank you Galadriel. Thank you Tamora Perice.

Wait...she is real.

Well, becuase my days are writing writing writing but I only get one hour of internet (at best) every day, here's three of lines that I like:

Colorblind:

Fford assured him that that only happened to people who fell in.

Xlox:


Xlox stomped through the corridors of her home, tail flicking back and forth and a scowl etched on her face as her hooves clattered loudly against stone

Xlox:


Xlox closed her eyes and tried to imagine a place where there were no lava pools, or screaming victims. As she did, her father's words carried her away.



For your information, Colorblind is about a world where implants in the brain effect everything we see and hear and even think. When the main character's implants are shut down by a terrorist set off E.M.P bomb, he is forced to face reality.

Xlox is a tale about a half human, half demon. Her father is the Paladin Lothar, who sacrificed himself to end a massive demonic invasion of his home by throwing himself on the Rift to seal it. Unfortunately, the Demons took him alive and chained him to their queen's wall as her new toy. A year later, Xlox was born and the Queen was content to let other demons raise her. What the queen dosn't know is that Lothar has managed to be a really good father despite being unable to leave his room. He teaches Xlox his believes and the value of a human life. Xlox takes it to heart and conspires against her mother as best as she can, seeing as how she is only 13.

And yes, she does have goat legs.

Shady Lane
07-23-2007, 10:26 AM
The cafeteria was a TV special on the mating habits of insects. Whenever a large group of people stood up, the noise would suddenly surge, like the climax in the sex dance.

Mom'sWrite
07-23-2007, 11:21 AM
The Tablinski girls’ lessons on how to be well bred young ladies ended right there with Miz Haskins laying on her own front porch, her head just missed crashing into a giant terracotta container of pink geraniums.

jordijoy
07-23-2007, 03:05 PM
Pff I totally posted my thingie on the wrong thread. I meant to put it on the last paragraph one! Doh.

I thought as much. Still enjoyed it though.

davids
07-23-2007, 07:49 PM
Halcyon days of yore when you could just sit and not be counted and feel the up front feelings of being rectified and justified and just being what you hoped or didn’t hope you were

davids
07-23-2007, 08:18 PM
Ephiginy Aulus was caught in a frame of fragile dithering while shedding a light tear for the terms fed to her by an astute yet paregoric machine

Sorry to post twice-these are the two best lines I have written today-probably the last-at my age one has to be pleased with two as one is often hard enough!

Hillgate
07-23-2007, 08:20 PM
Although a direct descendant of the King of Sweden, Judd Borg worked at a fast-food restaurant three miles outside Gothenburg.

Spiny Norman
07-23-2007, 09:40 PM
The silence in the room became several trimesters more pregnant.

davids
07-23-2007, 10:06 PM
Broad-Wind Gedanken turned herself back to the beginning of her life, picked up her guts and left the room

Mom'sWrite
07-23-2007, 11:37 PM
paregoric machine



I had to look that one up. Thank goodness for Google and thank goodness for davids. (How else would I learn anything new?)

davids
07-23-2007, 11:49 PM
I had to look that one up. Thank goodness for Google and thank goodness for davids. (How else would I learn anything new?)


Mom'sWrite amorphous dance held to her puppets to prance as they may, amuck in anarchic hedonistic play



(Mom'sWrite is one of me favoritist ladies-so I dedicate this anecdotal anther to her flowery purdy self) The rest may make jest. I speak not in raconteurial quest but rather in simple admiration of a mother's best

LilliCray
07-24-2007, 01:00 AM
'All things considered, not being able to hear Luc was surely preferable to understanding what he was saying- or thought he was saying.'

...I still don't understand what it's saying. I've been staring at it for half an hour, but I think whatever meaning happened to be there decided to go out for a night at some many-starred hotel.

davids
07-24-2007, 02:06 AM
“Ruby go kill a chicken and eat its guts, forget the meat, don’t fry the innards, raw, just lick at the guts let ‘em slobber down your Goddamn chin and don’t chew ‘em, swallow the shit whole, then shut-up! No one deserves what she got, no one!”

DarkLight
07-24-2007, 02:18 AM
They say that insane people hear voices. The difference between the insane people and the rest of us is that the insane people tell everyone about the voices. The sane ones? We're smart enough to keep our mouths shut.

davids
07-24-2007, 02:23 AM
They say that insane people hear voices. The difference between the insane people and the rest of us is that the insane people tell everyone about the voices. The sane ones? We're smart enough to keep our mouths shut.

Nice-very nice indeed.

jordijoy
07-24-2007, 03:01 AM
Purceus landed with a bone-jarring thud, the jolt sending his precious bundle airborne, and like the rest of his party, landing he knew not where.

Magdalen
07-24-2007, 07:29 AM
His casual arrogance was like the softest whisper of a breeze on the dying ember of her rage, but it was enough to ignite the ember into flame. Her eyes still closed, she fed the flame – the images of their recent battle were the kindling that she needed. The fire was burning brightly as she opened her eyes.

Spiny Norman
07-24-2007, 07:13 PM
Come on, Finny, all those, all those bastards had their heads so far up their asses they can get prostate exams just by sticking out their tongues! Jesus!

Edit: actually, that's not better than,

"Really, at the end of the day Austin comes down to two different types of people: artists and politicians. It used to be musicians and politicians, but nowadays everyone in Austin is someone with an “artistic talent” or an opinion, both of which I’m starting to think are like bodily orifices: everyone’s got a few and nothing good comes out of them."

My humor type is most mature.

Xx|e|ph|e|me|r|al|xX
07-24-2007, 10:06 PM
Xx|^^ Hahaha. I love that. XD Both of them. I like the kind of humor. :3

This was just barely today (like, 12:30 AM XD) but it's my "best line of the day" so far...


My heart hit the ground and I left it there for him as I walked out the door and down the stairs.

Short and simple, but effective, IMO. ^_^|xX

jordijoy
07-24-2007, 10:06 PM
“You will answer boy or give your life as ransom for your audacity.”

wayndom
07-25-2007, 12:18 AM
Maybe I shouldn't be reading this thread... I'm not into flowery language, always regarded it as "writing that draws attention to itself," which I try not to do. (I've always felt that writing exists to serve the telling of the story, and writing that draws attention to itself distracts from the story.)

My "best lines" are usually short and sweet, and aren't at all impressive when taken out of context. For example, I just added a line of dialog to the tail end of the climax of my latest novel:

"Just so you know," she said without looking in his direction, "I was bluffing."

In context, it has a lot of impact. Out of context, it's nothing.

But this, to me, is a really hot line:

"Right now you’re a dimension away from her, and as far as I’m concerned you could still do with some distance."

Wry, hard-boiled, clever, but most of all, something that a real person might actually say.

The writing should never be more clever than the characters in the story. (I just made that up.)

wayndom
07-25-2007, 12:20 AM
'All things considered, not being able to hear Luc was surely preferable to understanding what he was saying- or thought he was saying.'

...I still don't understand what it's saying. I've been staring at it for half an hour, but I think whatever meaning happened to be there decided to go out for a night at some many-starred hotel.

It's a distant relative of Mark Twain's, "Better to be silent and thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt."

davids
07-25-2007, 12:59 AM
Wayne turned away from the computer where he had been trying unsuccessfully to write the indelible inkspots floating in his brain.

Writeagain
07-25-2007, 01:02 AM
This is something from a re-write I'm working on.

Then I woke up in a hospital, not really woke up as in awake, I was barely semi-aware that I was in a hospital based on the antiseptic smells and the whiteness and greeness of the room as I squinted through eyes that felt partially cemented shut.

Azraelsbane
07-25-2007, 01:04 AM
Nikoli’s smile nearly broke his face. “No injury is complete without the proper insult, my love. That is a lesson I will gladly teach you.”

rubarbb
07-25-2007, 01:06 AM
You're right, you don't understand...

Bo Sullivan
07-25-2007, 01:06 AM
The maid, Anne, proceeded to steal several items of clothing as she moved about the shop, and secreted the items beneath her cloak: the items she stole were two pairs of stockings, two bodices, a scarf, and a petticoat and lastly, a pair of leather shoes, which she thrust beneath the cloak of the small girl in her care, being Elizabeth.

jordijoy
07-25-2007, 05:45 AM
Shielding his eyes, Purceus indulged in a look around the immediate area, and nearly swallowed his tongue.

Devil Ledbetter
07-25-2007, 06:24 AM
Ellie sucked her teeth. “Border patrol’s never stopped us, not even once.”

“We’ve uh, never taken this bus to Sarnia that I know of. Have you done it?”

“Oh shit,” Ellie said.

Shady Lane
07-25-2007, 06:36 AM
This is not a line. I'm cheating.


A.J. gave me a sideways look. “Zach’s falling asleep.”

I was, but I hadn’t noticed it until A.J. pointed it out.

Griffin said, “You tired?”

“Yeah.” I closed my eyes.

“All right.” Griffin settled back into his seat. “Sammy, just drive around for awhile.”

“What?”

Griffin groaned, like Sammy was an idiot. “Zach’s our baby. Drive around until he falls asleep.”

JoNightshade
07-25-2007, 06:44 AM
I'm actually quite impressed with like the last ten lines on this particular page. I'd read more of any one of these. And mine:

Because he was pretty sure it was weird, very weird, to think your dad’s girlfriend was a turn-on.

Lyxdeslic
07-25-2007, 09:52 AM
“One-hundred years to peak in the evolution of communications. The Board accomplished this in one-twelfth of the time it took other civilizations to stop drawing stick figures. And no one ever stops to question why or how.”

Lyx

Shady Lane
07-25-2007, 10:34 AM
All right, I really like this one:

She opened the door and rolled her eyes like she’d been training for the eye-rolling Olympics.

Zoombie
07-25-2007, 10:58 AM
May the Highfather save us from whiny, lazy teenagers.



“Mom!” Xlox moaned. “I don't like magic!”

Just Mike
07-25-2007, 11:54 AM
When a man carries a bible in his pocket, cover your (expletive deleted) and smile; when he carries a bible in his heart just smile.

No, I don't know what it means. A first person character said it in my short story today. It's kinda' cute

ccarver30
07-25-2007, 08:07 PM
Ooh ooh! I just wrote a good one and had to come and share.


You make me forget every rule I have ever learned.

LilliCray
07-25-2007, 08:21 PM
Wrote these lines at 2 AM last night... or this morning... whichever you prefer. They were spoken by this lynx-bobcat-type creature thing (in this instance, the lynx is speaking to my male MC, who thinks of it as a bobcat).

Wicked is the gaze of the dreamer.
Seek not reality in reality, but in the eye of the living dead.
The secret of reversal lies within the dreams of those left behind.
The unbelievers are the first to fall.

There are some lines between each, but those aren't relevant. Besides, I'm cheating enough already by putting in four lines rather than one. :)

...Truth be told, I didn't know the thing could even talk until it started spouting out nonsense about dreams and reality and heaven-knows-what. Dude! It took over! My characters are cool enough to take over!!!

davids
07-25-2007, 08:28 PM
Taurrid Flatulencia lurched around the corner, burning, black, well actually she was on fire.

Spiny Norman
07-25-2007, 08:33 PM
My life is a series of nothings lined up and painted dirty.

jordijoy
07-26-2007, 02:12 AM
He suspected it was the doing of the notorious Dryad spirit, Nunesa.

Bo Sullivan
07-26-2007, 02:18 AM
“All I know is that she is probably sitting in Newgate Prison right now. You must go there directly and try to get her released.” Mistress Clenche said, as she took off her cloak.

“Get her released? It is more than I am able to do. You know the machinations of the law as well as I do! She will probably linger there for months and then she will be hung, if found guilty. Were there any witnesses.” Asked the Doctor.

Lyxdeslic
07-26-2007, 11:59 AM
She was out of her control, and into his.

Lyx

Spiny Norman
07-26-2007, 05:14 PM
A head covered with curly brown hair started to crown through the lip of the door, like the wall was giving birth to a particularly fat, ugly baby.

RRK
07-27-2007, 01:19 AM
Newbie here!

"I thought you were blind," she said, watching him in some confusion.

The old man stared back at her. "Only on good days," he replied.

Bo Sullivan
07-27-2007, 01:23 AM
Anne could barely manage to keep food inside her stomach. She vomited on nearly every occasion when she had been fed on the putrid offerings they called food. It having been dished up, from filthy porringers into dirty wooden bowls, to be eaten with dirty spoons after being cooked over the fire within the common area, in this corner of hell reserved for prisoners of Newgate Prison in 1692.

MerryDay
07-27-2007, 01:33 AM
Woohoo for my first post in this thread:

People often mistake well-behaved for nice, but Olivia knew it was just a matter of not getting caught.

Bo Sullivan
07-27-2007, 01:36 AM
Woohoo for my first post in this thread:

People often mistake well-behaved for nice, but Olivia knew it was just a matter of not getting caught.

Very true; I've done it myself!

maxmordon
07-27-2007, 01:58 AM
the seductive drug of power that first the sake offers a bite of the forbidden fruit and at the end they try to steal the tree

ottorino
07-27-2007, 02:04 AM
Her pubic hair was sharp, like oak leaves, and I came away with a thousand little cuts.

Bo Sullivan
07-27-2007, 02:05 AM
Taurrid Flatulencia lurched around the corner, burning, black, well actually she was on fire.

I wouldn't like to be her then!

Bo Sullivan
07-27-2007, 02:08 AM
Newbie here!

"I thought you were blind," she said, watching him in some confusion.

The old man stared back at her. "Only on good days," he replied.

I like this - it conjures up thoughts in my imagination of a man who does not want to see the world as others do, and so he decides to see only what he wants to see, but dares not do it all the time for fear of being found out.

Barbara

Esopha
07-27-2007, 04:43 AM
Dictionary gets a funny line.


"I feel dirty and violated." he snapped. "Plus, I just saw the girl I've been traveling with smash a fish's skull open in front of me."

JoNightshade
07-27-2007, 05:07 AM
Hi, I’m the kid your dad raised instead of you, and now he’s having a panic attack in my lap. Wanna grab something to eat?

Shady Lane
07-27-2007, 05:10 AM
She reached out to me and cranked her hands towards herself, reeling me in. Like she was a fisherman and I was what she caught--not what she wanted, not what she was fishing for, but not quite scrawny enough to throw back.

Lyxdeslic
07-27-2007, 05:52 AM
She reached out to me and cranked her hands towards herself, reeling me in. Like she was a fisherman and I was what she caught--not what she wanted, not what she was fishing for, but not quite scrawny enough to throw back.

Okay, screw anyone who comments on writers and their age. This girl is living proof...writing comes from the soul, and many a soul can remain ageless.

Although, I'd change it to -- and I her catch...and not what she fished for. :)

Lyx

Shady Lane
07-27-2007, 05:59 AM
Okay, screw anyone who comments on writers and their age. This girl is living proof...writing comes from the soul, and many a soul can remain ageless.

Although, I'd change it to -- and I her catch...and not what she fished for. :)

Lyx

There is not an appropriate smiley for this moment.

anodyne
07-27-2007, 06:23 AM
She is, indeed, "teh aw3s0m3"

Shady Lane
07-27-2007, 06:24 AM
*blushes all over the place*

Lady Esther
07-27-2007, 07:20 AM
Okay, screw anyone who comments on writers and their age. This girl is living proof...writing comes from the soul, and many a soul can remain ageless.

Although, I'd change it to -- and I her catch...and not what she fished for. :)

Lyx

Yes, Shady is awesome. And I have stalked her in the "Novel" forums to read all that she has written.