Which is worse; fear of failure or fear of success?

For years I have written, and I've had countless people encourage me to publish. Everything I've ever done is public domain. I've had success in a limited way, but I've never submitted to a publisher/agent.

I'm sure that some of the most successful writers had to overcome their own wall, whichever that is. If you ever had fear of success or fear of failure, I'd like to hear how you overcame this?

It's like being at the dance, and sitting on the sidelines. You know you'd have more fun on the floor.

For me? I honestly think it's the fear of success. I can deal with failure. I've dealt with it all my life, in one form or fashion.

Or actually, not so much failure, but not "winning". You never really fail, unless you don't try.

Getting past it? That's the hard part. Having friends and family encourage me helps. Having a little confidence, and taking what I do seriously helps, too.

There's such a fine line between the two. I do think I fear success, and the particular part that I think I fear is that success requires exposure, and exposure allows for scrutiny, not only by those who would enjoy your work, but by those who would loathe your work. "Skate? What a phony!" Even being here on these boards, you are amongst icons that have unrivaled vocabularies. On my best day, I'll spell grammar correctly. Or was that grammer? (ADHD' R' US- got Ritalin?)

And in that context, it's not really a fear of success, but being seen and exposed, standing somewhat naked.

It's hard to fall if you are sitting on the curb, but it's another to fall from a mountain top. And yet, the view from the curb has lost its appeal, and I'm longing to stand on top of the mountain. So, it's simply a matter of taking the plunge, come what may!

I found there came the day when I realized in my gut it was "time to put up or shut up". When that happened, I made the decision to submit something, chose a market, wrote an article for it, and sent it away.

I have a feeling that day is very nearly upon you, too. Don't worry, it will happen.

*Raises hand* ADD here.

As far as exposure goes, I know the feeling. Fortunately, being a published writer has the advantage of (unless you're Stephen King), anonymity. You can have your name well known, but still have your private life.

Which would be just fine, with me.

Definitely fear of both. I have a strong desire to succeed, mind you. But when it comes close to fulfilling my dreams, I have strong desire to just crawl away and hide... I don't know where that comes from, since I've always been kind of a show-off. But I've always gone for what I wanted. I figure, you'll never know until you get it, use it, and experience it. What kind of a life is it if you just sit on your ass and wonder, because you're afraid. Like Lori said, put up or shut up. Just frigging jump -- as long as you know there's a safety net down there.

Skate,

"Fortune favors the brave!"

Say it with me… loud and proud. "FORTUNE FAVORS THE BRAVE!"

Use what you will: "Just do it", "Seize the day", "Rock on", "Change your stars"… what have you, just use something, something that inspires and enthralls your heart and mind.

For me, it has always been "play big!" What this means is simple- do not play small and make small mistakes, play big and make big mistakes. I learned of this analogy while learning to master the drums. I realized I did not enjoy watching timid musicians, lightly tapping hesitantly-grasped sticks to loosened skins, daring nothing, playing soft and safe. That, that horrid tentativeness is failure in and of itself. When I play the drums, I don't play loud just to be loud. That would be silly. What I do is I play with confidence, with conviction, with passion and blood and heart and courage, knowing that if I were to make a mistake it would be a doozy. However, if I were to play meekly then the music would suffer, and I would not be half the musician I believe myself to be, and I would become that which I most abhor- a coward, risking nothing, and at the same time, gaining nothing. These are things I try to instill and infuse in my own writing, that same sense of purpose and nerve.

So, play BIG! Strive… and strive… and strive… and strive. Do not give up. Moreover, do not quit before you have even started.

drgnlvrljh is right. The only failure in life is not trying.

Strength, effort, and discipline. These are the watchwords of a warrior.

"Write on…"

Kevin
www.kevacho.com

"An' don't forget the Joe."

Well, here's where I'm at? Dare to submit, or submit to a freelance editor first? It seems to me that in this market, you're competition is immense, and being noticed requires a work of art. But I don't simply want to print something, because as I'm seeing, unless it is a masterpiece, even being printed has pitfalls-not being marketed, falling out of print fast.

My problem is that I think I can always change this or that, and that I should change this or that. Yet, you could go on forever and ever trying to perfect something.

I think I've lost objectivity at this point. It could be far better or far worse than I imagine. However, I've had proof readers that love it, but still, meeting industry standards is another thing. Has anyone here gone that route, hiring a freelance editor? Was it worth it the first go around?

Skate, it's not a choice of a view from the curb vs the view from the mountaintop. Few get from one to the other in a single bound.

The road from writing that never leaves your room, to published success, is normally traveled in incremental steps.

Forgive my oft-used baseball analogy but too many batters approach the plate thinking if they don't hit a home run they've failed. There's lots of ways to get on base and get into the game: take a walk, bunt for a single, get hit by a pitch.

Or - sub a short-short to a small ezine, write a letter to the editor of your local paper or an article to a writing mag about how a writer copes with ADHD.

Risking a little instead of a lot preps you for both success and failure. Just get into the game.

Aim high.

One thing my father used to always say to me is this: "The worst they can do to you, is say no."

Easier said than done, I know. But it helps put it all in its place.

I think I'll have to do that.

I have writing and speaking experience, which is why I've had people pushing me to publish. I've had some serious writings disseminated in various public formats. But I haven't ever tried to publish, and I think you are correct, in that I'd need to build up a resume by trying some short stories in a magazine, and even a newspaper.

Since the work that I want to publish is "fantasy", I'd need to find some magazine that will accept short stories.

IMHO, fear is overrated.

Courage is acting despite fear. That's what brings success.

I fear both success and failure. Mainly I fear rejection, and some of my successes have been rejected

Steinbeck was in a funk when he won his Nobel because at least one NY critic debased him for "not having written anything worhwhile since 'Grapes of Wrath' ".

Failure is not trying, not doing, not acting. That's what I fear most, if I analyze it.

There's no such thing as perfection.

Do you think the first thing Hemingway wrote and published was perfect?

Do you think everything Leonardo da Vinci did was perfect?

Do you think Picasso didn't draw and sell crap?

Do you think you can get to the moon without first escaping many "failures" first?

Do you not find it amazing that Thomas Edison "failed" over 2000 times before he invented the light bulb?

There's a lot to say about "finishing something" and "sending it off." The rest is NOT up to you.

Writing is an on-going process. Once you're done with a piece, let it go. Send it out. Do whatever YOU can do to make it a success. But if it doesn't (and a lot is out of your control), forget it. Move on to something else. Writing is a "life," not a "moment."


To answer the practical question: Yes, I have used the help of a professional, freelance editor. What I gained from that experience was a totally new understanding of what editing was about. I learned to watch out for things and self-edit (cliches, awkward sentence structures, stilted dialogue, etc.)

If you have the desire to succeed, conquer your fear by just doing it and doing it the BEST you can. If you think you have what it takes to get published, but not enough skills or whatever, go get them. Then do whatever you can to get published. To not do it, then wonder what might have been, is itself a failure.

Do you have a trusted friend who is willing to send out your stories, and collect the rejection slips?

Give your pile of tales to that person and tell him to only tell you if one sells.

Meanwhile, write more and better stories than those.

Do you have a trusted friend who is willing to send out your stories, and collect the rejection slips?

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Aren't they called agents or managers? :lol

Do you have a trusted friend who is willing to send out your stories, and collect the rejection slips?

Click to expand...

Wow! Now there's a thought! What a wonderful idea. I might just do that one, myself.

Aren't they called agents or managers?

Only if they take a percentage of the sale.

If the problem is that you can't bear to put the story in an envelope, maybe your beloved spouse has the emotional distance to do it for you.

failure

I definitely fear failure more than success. I just try to work past it.

I appreciate your words of encouragement, and also those who are mostly trying to light a fire saying, "Stop making excuses."

Honestly, I agree. I was thinking of going through my story one more time, but I think I will just do the freelance editor thing. I might cut something that should stay, or keep something that should go. To me it would be like "Cleaning the house" so that you aren't embarrassed to let the maid see how dirty it is.

I suppose it affects different people in different ways, but for me, fear of failure was a Very Good Thing, and not something to be overcome. Fear of failure meant I worked like a dog to succeed.

I think fear of failure can either paralyse or motivate, and for me it's always been an extremely powerful motivation.

It seems to me that fear of success would be harder to overcome.

The reason for asking was, "Why am I still here? What's taking so long? Am I psychologically-subconsciously defeating myself?"

Or am I just in need of more drive and discipline? I've pondered this. It could be a bit of each.

But I agree that there needs to be a pragmatic, "Am I really good enough to swim with the sharks?"

And that can force us to push deeper, and not turn over something that might be good enough to publish, but falls short of great. And perhaps that scrutiny might be what it takes, as long as we don't give up and stay focused.

I don't think there is such a thing as "Fear of Success". The basic definition of success means there's nothing to fear. I have struggled for years in the arenas of art, music, and writing, always doing the best i could with what I had. I've never had any financial "success" due to the fact that I suck at business.

To me, "business" and "money" are two talents I don't posess. That's why they make agents and accountants. I have relentlessly developed the talents that I do have.

I consider myself successful every time I finish another work of art, be it visual, sonic, or literary. I consider myself successful every time I best my past performance. I am constantly working on art, and always getting better. I've never given up despite lack of funds, lack of time, and lack of encouragement. I do my best to put my work in the public and get what exposure I can for myself without compromising any ethics. All this, and I have unflagging faith that one fine day, I'll get a break. All this I consider to be success.

So what really *kills* me is when somebody looks at my empty wallet, or my lowly day job and says, "I think you're just afraid of success." Whoever says that to me is only trying to excuse themselves for letting their own talents atrophe from disuse.

So what really *kills* me is when somebody looks at my empty wallet, or my lowly day job and says, "I think you're just afraid of success." Whoever says that to me is only trying to excuse themselves for letting their own talents atrophe from disuse.

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I have to applaud that one!

I'm the same way, when it comes to that. I work to live, I don't live to work. I work part time because that's enough, and it gives me more time to pursue my passion.

On the other hand, I live to create.

Fear of success vs fear of failure.

There is definitely a fear of success, as their is a fear of failure.

The main difference is the expectation. Someone who has a fear of failure, expects failure, and deep down believes, "I can't do it, and don't want the embarrassment and shame associated with failure." So, they don't try, because they don't want to fail again and again, which proves what they've been told, "You'll never amount to anything." That voice becomes their own voice,"If I do that, it will just rot. Nothing I ever do is any good."

Fear of success is different in that you know you can do it. You expect that you can write a book, and that you can build a business. The fears aren't about "the success", but the price that goes with success.

For instance, if a father has an athletic son, who knows he could get a college scholarship, but like "One Tree Hill", you have an overbearing dad who will ride him, the storyline shows how the "Talented Kid" Quit, not because he couldn't play basketball, but because as long as he has played, he's had to endure the scorn of his father riding him and pushing him.

It can be much more complicated than that. Some people have a hole inside. They may feel embarrassed being in the limelight, even to the point of social anxiety. Deep inside, it could be a fear, knowing they could cut another record, or score more touchdowns, but they don't want to deal with the demands of the industry, the show and tell, the critics.

Some people love the art, but don't love what comes with success. And so, they may actually try to fail on a subconscious level.

Where does that come from? Generally it is learned somewhere in life. And perhaps it is the fear of emptiness, that when you get there, it will not be what you expected, like Ecclesiastes, where they accomplish great things only to find out that it was empty.

In my case, I'm not sure I fully understand it, but someone said something to me once, "You are this person who is larger than life, but you always seem like you are hiding." It wasn't an insult, but rather to say that he saw something great in me, but also this desire to retreat into the shadows, and I realized there might be something to it.

I can't say that I'd really want to be famous. When I was a young man, I was a scholarship athlete, and I was a fan favorite. "Imagine thousands chanting your name." Some love that, but I always felt uncomfortable with that. I felt uncomfortable with so many people in town knowing me by name, and worse yet, I was terrible with names, so I'd forget other people's names, and felt embarrassed, like they would think I didn't care about them, because I couldn't remember their names, so I'd developed these coping skills to try to address them without saying their name.

I've been in positions of honor before, where people carry your bags, and treat you like an important person. I like to carry my own bags, and felt quite uncomfortable. In a weird way, I'm a push-me, pull-you going in two directions. Why? I still don't know.

Re: Fear of success vs fear of failure.

I think fear of success is another way of expressing fear of failure... the old saying, "the higher you get, the deeper and faster you fall..." We're afraid of "success" because we fear that the fall after the success would be unbearable. It's better to be still and be the way we are, so we don't have to go through the disappointment.