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View Full Version : Another body image question: Situations that irritate you



SpiderGal
06-26-2007, 07:32 PM
It happens all the time. Someone bogs you down with a comment on your gained weight. A boyfriend tells you are not hot enough (and he is snubbing you!). The society, and the people around us are constantly influencing our body image.

What situations/events have led to the lowering of your body image? In other words, what are the things that irritate make you look bad to yourself?

I am most vulnerable to the following:

1. Mom's comments on my weight, and body size. She is always comparing me to my thinner ("so beautiful") cousin, and other girls we know.

2. Good looking actresses/models, and the appreciation they get from boys I know. OK, I try to resist that, but it just happens. Media is crowded with good-looking faces, and the jealousy factor is always there.

How about you?

katiemac
06-26-2007, 11:24 PM
I don't know how much this personally affects me, but it never ceases to annoy me that media constantly refer to a woman's looks. If I'm reading a magazine about a woman doing charity work or the like, not necessarily an actress, somehow the opening introduction is all about her lip or hair color.

Articles on mainstream celebrities do this all the time, and rarely do I see the same attention given to male celebrities' looks. Stephen Colbert actually spoofed this whole idea recently in regards to the attention the media gives Hillary Clinton for her looks, but none for the male candidates.

arrowqueen
06-27-2007, 01:14 AM
I admire the way my biceps flex as I punch their teeth in. :D

job
06-27-2007, 01:54 AM
Hmmm .... I dunnoh how much this scenario has to do with 'body image', though that's an interesting subject.


The world will continue to be full of people thinner, smarter, richer, taller, more aristocratic, more energetic, more creative, more hard-working, better educated, better dressed and ad infinitum cetera
than anyone you care to point at
and some of them bought Google when it was at 40.

There will always be folks mean-spirited enough to point this out.

The answer to this is to learn how to deal with mean-spirited people.


Most peole will continue to admire good health, smartness, richness, tallness etc. even though it makes you jealous.
It's very shallow of them, but that's the way folks are.

scarletpeaches
06-27-2007, 01:55 AM
It really irritates me when magazines bang on and on about how your figure doesn't matter. Turn the page. "Try this new diet!"

Saanen
06-27-2007, 03:59 AM
My grandmother is always telling me I should wear makeup. I don't think she realizes how terrible that makes me feel. I like the way I look ordinarily, but sometimes I remember my grandmother's comments and wonder how other people see me--and then I imagine I must actually look like a hag.

Of course, she's 86 and she still dyes her hair brown. She's not fooling anybody!

katiemac
06-27-2007, 04:07 AM
It really irritates me when magazines bang on and on about how your figure doesn't matter. Turn the page. "Try this new diet!"

Yes, not to mention that the magazine's models have the same body type.

Stressed
06-27-2007, 04:24 AM
Someone I used to work with used to make comments all the time about how skinny I was and how I obviously wasn’t eating enough. It really pissed me off that she seemed to think it was fine to make disparaging remarks just because I was thin and not fat.

Stressed
06-27-2007, 04:27 AM
It really irritates me when magazines bang on and on about how your figure doesn't matter. Turn the page. "Try this new diet!"

Or when they have a humungous article on healthy diet or some health issue that relates to food: maybe cholesterol or something… and then you turn a few pages to find a recipe article featuring ‘mouthwatering desserts’.

Jersey Chick
06-27-2007, 04:53 AM
It really irritates me when magazines bang on and on about how your figure doesn't matter. Turn the page. "Try this new diet!"

Cosmo swears by this! Page 18 - Accept your body as it is.
Page 21 - Lose 50 pounds in 20 minutes with our workout
Page 32 - A twelve page spread of skeletons in bikinis that you can neither afford nor wear.
Page 50 - The hottest looks right off the catwalk - that you can neither afford nor wear.

Ugh.... give me real people, please. I'm not really all that hung up on my bodu - if my pants fit, I'm happy. If not, I have to put down the cupcake and go to the gym. Pretty simple...

misslissy
06-27-2007, 05:49 AM
Someone I used to work with used to make comments all the time about how skinny I was and how I obviously wasn’t eating enough. It really pissed me off that she seemed to think it was fine to make disparaging remarks just because I was thin and not fat.

Yeah. Actually, I agree with this. When I started high school, I was and still am really small. People felt the need to tell me that I needed to eat more, that I had an eating disorder. It really hurt me, because if you've ever even seen me eat, you'd know that I love to eat and I eat all the time. It's hard, trying to be happy with my small self when I feel like everyone is looking at me and gossiping about my "eating disorder" behind my back.

kdnxdr
06-27-2007, 06:01 AM
I'm over 50 and most of my life, my mom has consistently told me I need to do something with my hair. So, out of rebellion and being reactive, I have not!

I worked out an agreement with my hair when I was very young: we agreed to cohabitate; I leave my hair alone, my hair leaves me alone.

Occasionly, for health reasons, I cut off the split ends. I wash it every three days and brush it once a day unless I go somewhere after work.

I have learned to turn off the "little voice" that says, "you need a hair-do", whatever that is.

Scrawler
06-27-2007, 06:40 AM
20 years ago, when I read Cosmo and Glamour, a slight chip in my nail polish would mean I was a total slob. The fact that I couldn't afford all the beauty products advertised meant I'd never look halfway decent. Cosmo assured me on a monthly basis that I was never ever good enough, and never would be no matter what.

I don't read those magazines anymore. And with 20 years of maturity under my belt, I like myself just as I am. I use makeup and things, but I don't let anyone dictate how I should feel about myself.

Also, due to the length of time it took me to recover from an illness, I view my body differently- with much more love and respect. I will never again self-hate if my eyelashes don't have volume, curl, length and definition. I'm just happy to have my health.

Monkey
06-27-2007, 06:42 AM
I am also very thin, and get the same "you must have an eating disorder" crap. Yeah, that's irritating.

I also happen to have a lot of male friends who prefer bigger girls and have no qualms telling all about it..."Yuck, that model (here they point at a girl larger than me) is all skin and bones! Who wants to make out with a twig? Give me a girl with a *real* nice..." "Thanks," I say. "That girl probably weighs -what - 20 pounds more than me?" At which point they mutter, "Oh, but it's fine on *you*..." and change the subject. You'd think this would only happen once or twice, but for some reason, the same guys, my friends for many years, tend to do it more like once or twice *a month*. Drives me nuts.

Scrawler
06-27-2007, 06:46 AM
Oops. You said situations that irritate you.
Magazines like Cosmo that tell women they not only need to be thin, but they won't even be decent human beings unless they buy this, wear that, use this, enlarge that, shrink the other, expose those, cover these, hide this, accentuate that, minimize it...and sleep with all of them because you're a confident woman who knows what she wants! (and if you sleep with all of them you need to "Blow His Mind" with "Twenty New Bedroom Tricks" that "Men Confess They Love.")

scarletpeaches
06-27-2007, 06:49 PM
Sorry if this sounds like man-bashing; it's really not.

But I get annoyed if I'm upset over something and a man asks, "Are you on your period?"

Not really to do with body image, but it's related to femininity of course...A woman who shows upset must have the painters in. So it's best not to...

And other women who say to me, "It's all right for you; you're thin, you can eat what you want." Uh, no...I'm thin because I stop eating when I'm full.

It's the whole "It's okay for you because you look like this, or your body does that," thing that gets me. We all have things we're unhappy with and it's a rare woman who's happy with what nature or God gave her.

C.bronco
06-27-2007, 07:06 PM
I like it when an actor or actress gets a big part, and he/she is not the penultimate perfect body/face hollywood type, but still looks hot. I think that can have a very positive effect on all of us.

HoosierCowgirl
06-27-2007, 07:09 PM
A couple of years ago I lost 45 pounds or so. Went to family reunion and DH's cousins were ecstatic for me, telling me what a real genuine achievement that was. Here I had earned a college degree, had a career, was raising a civilized family and was (still am) writing a novel and THAT's what impressed them. Sometimes I wonder about that bunch. They all have perfect houses and no pets so there's not a lot of common ground to start with ;)

Thanks for letting me vent ...

Ann

WackAMole
06-27-2007, 09:33 PM
When I was in High School, it was a bit unusual to be 6ft tall. (These days it doesnt seem so uncommon)

I also happened to have Red Hair (it has gotten darker as ive aged but it was redder when I was younger)

So in reference to those two physical traits, here is a list of my biggest irritations:

1. Being Called:

*Big Bird
*Big Red
*Big Jack (name is jackie)
*Big *anything FFS!*
*Amazon ( Although I now consider this *somewhat* of a compliment heh)

2. Any rude references to my hair color such as:

*Is the hair *down there* (all sorts of snickering and pointing going on here FYI) the same color?
*Does the carpet match the curtains?
etc etc etc..im sure theres a million more i've long since forgotten

3. Any reference to my Height such as:

*Hows the weather up there - OMG i hate that one and every person that said it laughed hysterically at themselves as if they were the first person in the world that ever thought of it. My response, its fine up here. How is it down there around my arsehole?

*Do you play basketball? (As if any creature my size would dare not to apparently!)

*You're so lucky! If I could have your height I could be a model! (every teenage cheerleaders delusional early life ambition of course)

All of these things definitely influenced the thoughts I had about myself and the way I looked. They also irritated the hell out of me.

hope that helps

Jersey Chick
06-27-2007, 09:42 PM
In high school. my best friend was 6' tall and when she turned sideways, she'd disappear. She did modeling, but all anyone ever talked about was how effing tall she was. I am about 5'4" on a good day (tho in the 80s I was almost 5'8" due to Jersey hair**sighs**), so whenever we were together, that was what people pointed out. Mutt and Jeff. Um... ok... and I'm supposed to grow taller... how? And she was supposed to shrink... how?

I'm squishier than I used to be - but I don't care. If my clothes fit - fine. My daughter had a homework assignment about height and weight and I had to send a note with her to explain that we had to guess her weight because we don't own a scale. I'm thinkin' the teacher probably didn't believe me.

Someone will always find something as a flaw on someone else. And who volumizes their eyelashes anyway! I'm just happy they're there! Same goes with my eyebrows - I tweeze to make two and the unruly little buggers - aside from that... I could give a rat's backside what shape they are. :D

TrainofThought
06-27-2007, 10:08 PM
Nothing anyone says lowers my body image, but the one thing that guys do that ANNOYS the hell out of me… Forget it. I’ll go with beer commercials portraying single women as stupid, and sitcoms about married couples portraying the husband as fat (sometimes), lazy and stupid. Examples: Everybody Loves Raymond, Home Improvement and According to Jim. :Shrug:

Inky
06-27-2007, 10:51 PM
I was raised by a step-mother. I don't waste money on therapy; voodoo priestesses work wonders.

Jokes aside, I spent 15 years of my youth being told everyday I was ugly, chest too big for my age, and 'look, those Olympic gymnists are your age and they don't have a weight problem'.

I learned two things: 1) I'm a gorgeous person on the inside. Nope, not being conceited. I love people, life, and laughter.

2) I learned/aced sarcasm. Which came in handy.

When I was 16, and she started her diatribe over how ugly I was--AGAIN, I finally mustered the courage & replied:
"I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can diet."

I moved out a few days later.

My childhood crappy mother, and emotional madness back then has made me a great mom today for my own daughters. I understand their insecurities. When they hear my own stories, they realize I really DO know what it's like...and they laugh, realizing they have it rather good. And that they are blessed to be gorgeous on the outside too.

Okay...that's all. Moving over for the next poster. Hope it helped.

sassandgroove
06-28-2007, 12:57 AM
It really irritates me when magazines bang on and on about how your figure doesn't matter. Turn the page. "Try this new diet!"
ANd they have dessert receipes on the page after that.



Or when they have a humungous article on healthy diet or some health issue that relates to food: maybe cholesterol or something… and then you turn a few pages to find a recipe article featuring ‘mouthwatering desserts’.
Oh, she beat me to it.

Sassee
06-28-2007, 01:20 AM
Like I said in the other post, it's just my Dad that makes comments about my extra padding. Models, actresses, et al can just kiss my jiggly butt.

I do worry about my weight sometimes but only for health reasons (or if I find a favorite shirt/pair of pants doesn't fit right). My sister has diabetes and my family has a history of getting pudgy in their later years, so I try to remind myself that I want to be healthy enough to play with any future grandchildren.

The only time I'm jealous of "skinny" people is when I see someone who is in superb physical condition - they work out, they eat right, they get the right amount of sleep, etc. But even then, I think I just envy the fact that they have that much self-discipline.

That's horrible when people just assume you have an eating disorder because you're skinny. People should be able to tell the difference between someone that's naturally skinny and someone who's being unhealthy. Not that it might keep them from teasing you about your slim figure, but they should know the difference.

sassandgroove
06-28-2007, 01:24 AM
I don't wear makeup either. I had a boss tell me it wasn't feminine to go without it and I had a roommate and her friend chide me continually about it. I finally figured out that I threatened them becuase I carried myself with confidence and didn't need to hide behind makeup. Makeup - to me - should say "hey look how pretty ______ is, " not "Hey I'm ________'s make up!" I like make up, especially lip stick, I just can't be bothered with it most of the time. I didn't even wear it to my wedding. My friend, a make up maven, said that I shouldn't since I don't wear is normally I would just be uncomfortable on the (one of the)most important day of my life.

WackAMole
06-28-2007, 01:31 AM
I don't wear makeup either. I had a boss tell me it wasn't feminine to go without it and I had a roommate and her friend chide me continually about it. I finally figured out that I threatened them becuase I carried myself with confidence and didn't need to hide behind makeup. Makeup - to me - should say "hey look how pretty ______ is, " not "Hey I'm ________'s make up!" I like make up, especially lip stick, I just can't be bothered with it most of the time. I didn't even wear it to my wedding. My friend, a make up maven, said that I shouldn't since I don't wear is normally I would just be uncomfortable on the (one of the)most important day of my life.

Yeah! GAH I get so sick of the, "You would look so pretty with just a little make up" crap.

I wear it now and then, and I would never want it to go away, but why does it define what is beautiful and what is not?

During the summer when its warm I cant stand to wear it.

September skies
06-28-2007, 01:34 AM
... Any reference to my Height such as:
*Hows the weather up there - OMG i hate that one and every person that said it laughed hysterically at themselves as if they were the first person in the world that ever thought of it. My response, its fine up here. How is it down there around my arsehole?
*Do you play basketball? (As if any creature my size would dare not to apparently!)
*You're so lucky! If I could have your height I could be a model! (every teenage cheerleaders delusional early life ambition of course)...

I have a gorgeous tall daughter (six feet tall) and I am sick of everyone's comments. She's only 17 and rather quiet. She's handling it better than I did at her age (and I was only 5'9" - tall compared to everyone else at 5'3" to 5'5") Anyway, I am sick and tired of everyone staring up and shading their eyes and yes, asking about the weather. Usually followed with either "You get taller every time I see you" or "you can stop growing now" or some other stupid comment.
Don't people realize how they can hurt a child with this?
I mean, you wouldn't go up to a person and say "You get fatter every time I see you" or "you can stop eating now"
Auuughh.....don't even get me started!

sassandgroove
06-28-2007, 01:41 AM
Yeah! GAH I get so sick of the, "You would look so pretty with just a little make up" crap.

I wear it now and then, and I would never want it to go away, but why does it define what is beautiful and what is not?

During the summer when its warm I cant stand to wear it.
THe thing that got me was being told I wasn't feminine unless I wore make up. I thought/think/know I am a girly girl. I asked some men friends and they all assured me I am quite feminine. SO THERE.

WackAMole
06-28-2007, 01:44 AM
THe thing that got me was being told I wasn't feminine unless I wore make up. I thought/think/know I am a girly girl. I asked some men friends and they all assured me I am quite feminine. SO THERE.

My mom thinks because I have short hair I look gay and has actually told me that. (hurt my feelings terribly because I in no way want to give that impression even though i am a lesbian) I am very, very proud to be a woman.

Maybe I do look gay and maybe I dont. I dont happen to think I do. (Theres a pic here somewhere of our meet and greet, you be the judge LOL) Unfortunately make up and length of hair both somehow define a persons femininity (is that a word? LOL tough to say let alone spell!)

sassandgroove
06-28-2007, 01:46 AM
Link Link!

Well I am definitely hetero and I have sported short hair several times, so tell your mom she is wrong. :D

WackAMole
06-28-2007, 01:51 AM
Link Link!

Well I am definitely hetero and I have sported short hair several times, so tell your mom she is wrong. :D

http://www.flickr.com/photos/digitalmedievalist/543247072/in/set-72157600346443571/

I am the one in the red sweater...if I look gay just dont tell me okay? LOL

sassandgroove
06-28-2007, 01:52 AM
You look um...like a person. (I was going to say 'normal' but don't want to imply that being gay is abnormal.)


Here is the AW getogether we had in May in Pittsburgh, from Ray's House Of Love Party.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/jennymocha/sets/72157600224740405

I am the one that looks sassy and feminine. HA! (In the purple pj top that has Daffy Duck and says 'Sassy.'

scarletpeaches
06-28-2007, 01:54 AM
I prefer having long hair because I feel more feminine, or maybe that's to do with being blonde now. But I've had short hair. I once went from a waist-length perm to a crop in one go, and LOVED the low-maintenance of it.

Funny thing is, I've only ever (with the exception of one man) had a boyfriend when I've had short hair...

And I wear foundation and concealer every day; very rarely other cosmetic items. I make more of an effort when I'm going out at the weekend but honestly, after the skin problems I've had, if my skin looks clear and not blotchy, I'm happy with that.

WackAMole
06-28-2007, 01:54 AM
You look um...like a person. (I was going to say 'normal' but don't want to imply that being gay is abnormal.)

LOL very safe answer :P

scarletpeaches
06-28-2007, 01:56 AM
I don't think you look like a person. I believe you are an alien lizard-person in a human-suit. :D

WackAMole
06-28-2007, 01:57 AM
I don't think you look like a person. I believe you are an alien lizard-person in a human-suit. :D

omg...how did you know? heh

sassandgroove
06-28-2007, 02:01 AM
No no no she's a mole in a human suit. DUH.

TrainofThought
06-28-2007, 04:20 AM
You look um...like a person. (I was going to say 'normal' but don't want to imply that being gay is abnormal.)


Here is the AW getogether we had in May in Pittsburgh, from Ray's House Of Love Party.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/jennymocha/sets/72157600224740405

I am the one that looks sassy and feminine. HA! (In the purple pj top that has Daffy Duck and says 'Sassy.'Thanks for the link, Sass. Great pictures!

Zoombie
06-28-2007, 04:33 AM
http://www.flickr.com/photos/digitalmedievalist/543247072/in/set-72157600346443571/

I am the one in the red sweater...if I look gay just dont tell me okay? LOL

You look gay. As in happy. You also look, amazingly enough like...<drumroll> a WOMAN! It might come as a bit of a shock, though. :D

And in response to people talking about people getting taller, I get told that I'm getting taller every month or so...dosn't hurt my feelings. Insted I rub my hands together and laugh my evil laugh. If only the knew how tall I would really get! Muahahahahaha!

And so on.

BlueTexas
06-28-2007, 04:44 AM
A couple of years ago I lost 45 pounds or so. Went to family reunion and DH's cousins were ecstatic for me, telling me what a real genuine achievement that was. Here I had earned a college degree, had a career, was raising a civilized family and was (still am) writing a novel and THAT's what impressed them.
Ann

I so agree with this. I lost a similiar amount of weight last fall and now that's all I hear about. Yeah, it's nice that people think I look nice, but what about the rest of me? The actual important part inside my skin? Never mind how it goes when I say I dieted because I wanted to be healthy and in control of my body, not pretty.

And my sympathies to the thin women who get accused of having eating disorders - my closest friend is one of these. She works out so people won't think she looks unhealthy anymore.

And as for the things that screw with body image - here's one. My entire family is obese, some are in the super-obese/need-lap-band-surgery-if-they-want-to-live-ten more years category. When I got engaged, at a normal, healthy weight, my father-in-law-to-be warned my fiancee I'd end up looking like my 500 pound mother. I don't, and I didn't when I went on a diet, either.

Saanen
06-28-2007, 05:46 AM
I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who doesn't wear makeup! Thanks! I don't like the way it smells, and I have sensitive skin so it sometimes breaks me out--I guess that's why I just never got into the habit of wearing it.

I like my hair long but a few years ago I decided to get it all chopped off for summer. I hadn't worn my hair short in probably 15 years, but it's so much easier to take care of! I think I look better with shorter hair too. WackAMole, tell your mom short hair on women is really in-style and that you're just going along with the crowd! :)

Jersey Chick
06-28-2007, 07:21 AM
My hair is long because it goes curly if I cut it too short - last time I hacked it off, I ended up with these skinny curls, like you see on Hasidics. It took forever for them to grow out... grr...

I admit, I feel like a total troll without makeup - but I'm so in the habit, that I feel nekkid without it - but I am getting better now that it's so freakin' hot here.

WackAMole - it takes a very brave and unselfconcious woman to wear their hair short. My mom does, and she's always getting compliments from people who say they were brave enough to wear it short. Not everyone can pull it off, either.

Scrawler
06-28-2007, 10:30 PM
http://www.flickr.com/photos/digitalmedievalist/543247072/in/set-72157600346443571/


You look like someone I'd be friends with. :)

mommyjo2
06-28-2007, 10:33 PM
How about women asking when you are due (and you're not pregnant)?

This only happened to me once (and I DID just have a baby, okay!) but I still remember it.

And comments about birth control. I have more than 2.5 kids, and I hear about EVERYBODY's birth control method ALL THE TIME! The clerk at the grocery store tells me she had her tubes tied, the lady at Starbucks tells me she loves the patch... OMG, I *do* have a brain. And just keep the personal info to yourself, PLEASE!

And, the comment "You could look like that if you tried" , which I guess is supposed to be a compliment (you have good bones? I dunno).

WackAMole
06-28-2007, 10:33 PM
You look like someone I'd be friends with. :)


you guys really are gems...you know that?

That comment totally made my day, and I was having a really crappy one so far, let me tell ya!

sassandgroove
06-28-2007, 10:45 PM
mommyjo - people never cease to amaze me. If I saw you at Publix, I'd probably beam at how cute your kids are, it would never cross my mind to tell you about my birthcontrol. Ever.

I've been asked if I am pregnant. Let me tell ya', that is a question that you better damn well know the answer is "YES" before you ask. Becuase it dashes a woman's heart when she IS NOT pregnant to get that question, in more ways than one.


Scrawler wins for best answer of the day.