Should men attend baby showers?

willwrite4food · Jun 14, 2007

I'm writing an article for iparenting.com on whether or not expectant fathers should attend baby showers. Does Dad have every right to be there or should it be a ladies only affair?

The article will be presented in debate format. I will have the opinions of one mom who is for dad being at the shower and the opposing viewpoint. I am interviewing a pop culture expert for his take on the subject.

I still need to find a woman who doesn't believe men should attend the baby shower. Please let me know if you are interested in presenting your viewpoint.

In addition, I need some input from dads for a sidebar to the article. Yes, no, whatever you believe, I'm interested!

My deadline is June 25. Thanks!

Haggis · Jun 14, 2007

No.

Thank you.

Jersey Chick · Jun 14, 2007

I guess he has a right, but the question really is, why would he want to be there? The only one who ever really wants to go to a shower is the guest of honor

I think most guys would be bored out of their heads, or really grossed out when all of the birthing horror stories and newborn horror stories start flying - which they inevitably do.

Nah - men are better off going and playing golf. They should only come back when it's time to load the car.

asorum · Jun 14, 2007

Haggis said:
No.

No...

scarletpeaches · Jun 14, 2007

It's his kid too, why shouldn't he go? I'd hope he'd be involved in the raising of his own child.

Desert Author · Jun 14, 2007

Not really

For the most part, this would be something that men get dragged to. In certain cases, with newly weds and young couples, the man might be eager to attend just to be with his wife, but after 33 years, I'd break a leg to avoid it, even though I'm sure the intent is meaningful.

alleycat · Jun 14, 2007

For most of the ones I've seen, the expectant dad makes an appearance at some points and then quickly disappeared (to his relief). I mean, a guy has a hard time oogling over baby blankets and booties.

As far as I'm concerned they can stop inviting single guys (me) to bridal teas. Yes, yes, I'll send a wedding gift . . . no need to invite me to a tea.

Dancre · Jun 14, 2007

Jersey Chick said:
I guess he has a right, but the question really is, why would he want to be there? The only one who ever really wants to go to a shower is the guest of honor

I think most guys would be bored out of their heads, or really grossed out when all of the birthing horror stories and newborn horror stories start flying - which they inevitably do.

Nah - men are better off going and playing golf. They should only come back when it's time to load the car.

AMen!! It's not the same when the guys are around. And I don't think the guys really think looking at ten different baby socks is really that charming. I think it is, but that's just me.

kim

JJ Cooper · Jun 14, 2007

Women = Baby shower.
Men = Pub or Sporting event.

JJ

RLB · Jun 14, 2007

Well I'm at the age where I'm invited to a baby shower once every month or two. Sure, the man has a right to be there, but there is no way I would wish that on my husband. I find them a little dull myself. There's only so many times I can play the guess-that-baby-food game and ooh and ahh over little clothes. (I mean, they're cute, and I'm happy to give gifts to my friends, but come on) These days, I need a high-concept (read: enticing menu) shower to get me interested. Like the chocolate and cheese fondue shower I went to a few months back.

Rosamund · Jun 15, 2007

In my opinion, no.

I think that a baby shower is the time for the expectant mum's female friends to pass on their collective wisdom about pregnancy and the process of giving birth. In my experience, having a male present interrupts the female-to-female dynamic and flat-lines the process.

If the husband wants to be involved, I would suggest a separate event where both he and his wife can discuss the care etc of babies with other couples.

Of course, there is nothing stopping the husband from gathering with his mates at the time of the baby shower and discussing pregnancy and birth from the male point of view.

I believe that some events are single-sex only, and a baby shower is one of them.

poetinahat · Jun 15, 2007

I don't see any reason why baby showers have to be women-only. Actually, I kind of resent, as a man, being excluded from anything important related to the birth of my child.

I always imagined baby showers as a bit of fun, rather than some sort of rite of passage. So it was perfectly natural not being involved. But even in that case, I don't see why the ladies-only aspect should be sacrosanct.

if I'd thought that it was something significant in preparing for birth and parenthood, I would insist on being included. Especially if I'm going to be equally responsible for caring for the child.

I guess I just don't have a clear picture of what baby showers are about. It would disturb me to think that there would be important secrets about childbirth that would be hidden from me, the father.

And I sure wouldn't want to be asked to make myself absent at certain points in the pregnancy/childbirth process, then all of a sudden be expected to be there all the time for the unglamorous work.

If it's something important in preparing for parenthood, I'll darned well want to be involved. Just tell me "Hey, it's just a party for the women" and I'll be happy. (And yes, I'll enjoy my last round of golf for the next three years.

)

waylander · Jun 15, 2007

What's a baby shower?

alleycat · Jun 15, 2007

waylander said:
What's a baby shower?

A "party" given for the mother-to-be, with her family and friends. Baby gifts are given, funny little games are played for the entertainment of everyone, some cakes or other foods are served. Most of the time it's just other women who go to the shower, although the dad-to-be might show up when the gifts are unwrapped to thank the givers as well.

JimmyB27 · Jun 15, 2007

waylander said:
What's a baby shower?

Like a baby bath, but it uses less water.

Astro · Jun 15, 2007

I believe like everything it should be a choice made between the two expectant parents. My husband didn't come, nor did I want him to. In my experience baby showers are full of recounted birthing stories and I didn't feel it necessary for him to hear about his sister's,mother's and aunts private parts. Why everywoman thinks you want to hear about their vagina the minute you announce your pregnancy is beyond me.
having said that, the games and itsy, bitsy clothes and even the vagina stories are a part of pregnancy I wouldn't have missed (my mother enjoyed putting on the party so much) but as my husband would have merely endured it why make him?
It's not like he's skipping out on his baby's baptism or anything.

Perks · Jun 15, 2007

It seems to be getting much more popular (wisely, I might add) for baby showers to be more of an all out party -- all inclusive. Female only baby showers I found to be a complete bore.

Who ever thought it was a good idea that the first time a man lays eyes on a diaper should be the first time he goes to change one?

But when you start talking about 'rights' and parties, well, way to suck the fun out of the whole event. Scary. If this isn't something relatively easily agreed upon by both parents, I'm predicting a rough transition to familihood.

C.bronco · Jun 15, 2007

If the men actually want to be there, then why not? Otherwise, it's most appropriate to have them drinking beer and shooting pool in the basement. They may surface for cake.

alleycat · Jun 15, 2007

Maybe men should have a separate baby shower. Say, at a sport bar. the other men could brings gifts . . . like baseballs and kiddie golf clubs and small firearms and such. They could play games such as "How much beer does a condom hold?" and "Final child support payment".

scarletpeaches · Jun 15, 2007

poetinahat said:
I don't see any reason why baby showers have to be women-only. Actually, I kind of resent, as a man, being excluded from anything important related to the birth of my child.

I always imagined baby showers as a bit of fun, rather than some sort of rite of passage. So it was perfectly natural not being involved. But even in that case, I don't see why the ladies-only aspect should be sacrosanct.

if I'd thought that it was something significant in preparing for birth and parenthood, I would insist on being included. Especially if I'm going to be equally responsible for caring for the child.

I guess I just don't have a clear picture of what baby showers are about. It would disturb me to think that there would be important secrets about childbirth that would be hidden from me, the father.

And I sure wouldn't want to be asked to make myself absent at certain points in the pregnancy/childbirth process, then all of a sudden be expected to be there all the time for the unglamorous work.

If it's something important in preparing for parenthood, I'll darned well want to be involved. Just tell me "Hey, it's just a party for the women" and I'll be happy. (And yes, I'll enjoy my last round of golf for the next three years. )

*sigh* Yes, it's true, all the good ones ARE taken.

C.bronco · Jun 15, 2007

They do make Nascar baby clothes and accoutrements, now that I think about it.

Oh no! Toonces!

scarletpeaches · Jun 15, 2007

Oh and personally I don't see the point in baby showers although they're catching on here these days too. It's your baby; you pay for its stuff. Same goes for weddings. If I ever got married I wouldn't see the point in gift-giving then, either. I already have everything I need because I already run a home. Seems to me it's a leftover from the days when couples didn't have their own place (either individually or as a couple) before they got hitched. And I sure as hell ain't paying for someone else to clothe their child.

Perks · Jun 15, 2007

This is true. Its fun enough, though. A party a few weeks before the baby, when you're feeling whale-ish and unwieldy does make for a boost to the whole waiting around thing.

And presents? Presents are nice. I like buying wedding and baby gifts - and I hate shopping.

C.bronco · Jun 15, 2007

But shopping for cute baby things is fun! AND, there's cake. Caaaaaaake
P.S. My sister just found out she's having a boy!

PattiTheWicked · Jun 15, 2007

I've got to say, for me, being invited to a baby shower is a special form of hell. I'm not a girly girl, and being forced to sit in a room with a bunch of other women going "awwww" and "how darling!" is not my idea of fun. Worse yet is the stupid games -- tying a string around the mom-to-be's belly, or seeing how many other words you can make out of the phrase "diaper genie". As if that wasn't bad enough, all anyone can talk about is their kids, as if childbirth was the defining moment of their entire life.

So I think a better question is really, why the hell would men WANT to attend a baby shower?

Should men attend baby showers?

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