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Plot Device
06-13-2007, 01:38 AM
This is actually gonna be a lot cleaner than you might have thought, judging by the thread title.

Here goes:

A guy is alone in the bathroom doing morning routine kind of stuff (maybe shaving, maybe brushing teeth, etc) in front of the mirror (so he's not on the toilet and he's not in the shower). While engaged in his grooming ritual, he's musing out loud to himself about a female interest of his. And then he says something kinda rude about her.

The Powers That Be in the universe hear him and decide to exact a little poetic justice on him at that precise moment for his un-called-for remark against that innocent woman.

What sort of "punishment" can conveneintly befall him?

It needs to meet all of the following:

1) funny
2) strangely coincidental
3) can't cause permanent injury
4) can't make too much of a mess
5) can't cause property damage

One of the things I thought of was he might be using an electric razor, and it shorts out on him at that moment, and then his stubble gets caught in the rotars and hurts him severely (but again, not a permanent injury).


Any ideas?

alleycat
06-13-2007, 01:52 AM
-The light break, not just goes out, shatters.
-His toothbrush slip out of his hand into the toilet.
-He's admires himself in the mirror and notices a giant zit growing on his forehead.
-He suddenly sees the word "LOSER" in the steam-covered mirror.
-He mistakes the KY jelly for toothpaste.
-He hand slips while he's shaving . . . he now has one high and one low sideburn.
-He's preening without paying attention and the sink overflows.
-He mistakes the Off for his spray deodorant.
-He spray something into his eyes . . . now he can't see and he stumbles and fall into the tub.
-He's shaving and cut the mole on his chin . . . it bleeds, and bleeds, and bleeds. He has to put tissue on it and now he looks like an idiot.
-He's using the blow dryer when he makes the comment . . . it keeps getting hotter and hotter until it catches on fire.
-He notices something written on his chest as the steam on the mirror disapates . . . it reads JERK.

I could go on . . . and on . . . and on. If you want to get meaner, we can have his penis involved.

Plot Device
06-13-2007, 01:59 AM
Okay. Funny stuff. :D

I am planning on having him do no less than three such bathroom mumblings against this woman, and all three times he gets a thwap on the nose from poetic justice.

I already did two of what you said suggested:




-The light break, not just goes out, shatters.
(This was the very first one I had befall him on Page 6)
-His toothbrush slip out of his hand into the toilet.
-He's admires himself in the mirror and notices a giant zit growing on his forehead.
-He suddenly sees the word "LOSER" in the steam-covered mirror.
-He mistakes the KY jelly for toothpaste.
-He hand slips while he's shaving . . . he now has one high and one low sideburn.
-He's preening without paying attention and the sink overflows.
(I had the plumber come by that day and fix some pipes, so when the water main got turned back on, he got blasted on page 8 by a huge air pocket built up in the pipe because the plumber failed to properly bleed it.)
-He mistakes the Off for his spray deodorant.
-He spray something into his eyes . . . now he can't see and he stumbles and fall into the tub.
-He's shaving and cut the mole on his chin . . . it bleeds, and bleeds, and bleeds. He has to put tissue on it and now he looks like an idiot.
-He's using the blow dryer when he makes the comment . . . it keeps getting hotter and hotter until it catches on fire.
-He notices something written on his chest as the steam on the mirror disapates . . . it reads JERK.

I could go on . . . and on . . . and on. If you want to get meaner, we can have his penis involved.


Please--keep going! I could use some more! :)

Jedi Dad
06-13-2007, 02:21 AM
This is actually gonna be a lot cleaner than you might have thought, judging by the thread title.

Here goes:

A guy is alone in the bathroom doing morning routine kind of stuff (maybe shaving, maybe brushing teeth, etc) in front of the mirror (so he's not on the toilet and he's not in the shower). While engaged in his grooming ritual, he's musing out loud to himself about a female interest of his. And then he says something kinda rude about her.

The Powers That Be in the universe hear him and decide to exact a little poetic justice on him at that precise moment for his un-called-for remark against that innocent woman.

What sort of "punishment" can conveneintly befall him?

It needs to meet all of the following:

1) funny
2) strangely coincidental
3) can't cause permanent injury
4) can't make too much of a mess
5) can't cause property damage

One of the things I thought of was he might be using an electric razor, and it shorts out on him at that moment, and then his stubble gets caught in the rotars and hurts him severely (but again, not a permanent injury).


Any ideas?


He starts losing hair in ...places

Robert L.B.
06-13-2007, 02:28 AM
Assuming the sink is very close to the door..

He turns around and walks right smack into the side of the door, making his nose sting and eyes water.

Plot Device
06-13-2007, 02:29 AM
He starts losing hair in ...places

Needs to be an immediate thing that's over and done with at that exact moment.

I liken it to rolling up a newspaper and thwapping a dog on the nose. It's done in seconds, but he'll remember.

Plot Device
06-13-2007, 02:30 AM
Assuming the sink is very close to the door..

He turns around and walks right smack into the side of the door, making his nose sting and eyes water.


Okay--you're in the right neighborhood. BUT I want somethig that HAPPENS to him, as oposed to some dumb miscalculation he does himself --in your scenario he misjudges the door. That's his own doing. I want something to "befall" him.

alleycat
06-13-2007, 02:33 AM
-He could suddenly get sprayed with water from the facet.
-His shaving cream won't not stop squirting out; it goes everywhere.
-He get his comb stuck in his hair, he won't come out. He has to cut his hair.
-The rings holding up the shower curtain pop out one by one.
-His aftershave turns his face green.
-Right after he makes the comment about the women, he smiles . . . and notices his teeth are blue. He panics.
-He gets his nosehair chippers stuck in his nose.
-After he makes the comment, his rub his feet, then notices some fungus growing rapidly.

veinglory
06-13-2007, 02:33 AM
I like the toothbrush in the toilet one ;)

Robert L.B.
06-13-2007, 02:34 AM
The door quietly swings just enough so he thinks it's still open, then he walks into it. No mistake, he didn't see it move.

Plot Device
06-13-2007, 02:36 AM
-He could suddenly get sprayed with water from the facet.
-His shaving cream won't not stop squirting out; it goes everywhere.
-He get his comb stuck in his hair, he won't come out. He has to cut his hair.
-The rings holding up the shower curtain pop out one by one.
-His aftershave turns his face green.
-Right after he makes the comment about the women, he smiles . . . and notices his teeth are blue. He panics.
-He gets his nosehair chippers stuck in his nose.
-After he makes the comment, his rub his feet, then notices some fungus growing rapidly.

I think I like this one.

"-He get his comb stuck in his hair, he won't come out. He has to cut his hair."

I don't want anything "supernatural" just oddly coicidental. (I know--kind of a tall order!)

Getting back to the electric razor--do you guys use electric razors? And .... would they do that? (Would they snag your beard?)

Plot Device
06-13-2007, 02:38 AM
I like the toothbrush in the toilet one ;)


Hmm... maybe he is attempting to take it out of his toothbrish case and it fumbles in. Hmmm... maybe that one is kinda cool.

Plot Device
06-13-2007, 02:39 AM
The door quietly swings just enough so he thinks it's still open, then he walks into it. No mistake, he didn't see it move.


Yes but .... we're kinda getting into the territory of "Final Destination" here with that one. This is supposed to be funny, not creepy.

alleycat
06-13-2007, 02:44 AM
Hmm... maybe he is attempting to take it out of his toothbrish case and it fumbles in. Hmmm... maybe that one is kinda cool.
I would just have him holding the toothbrush and it squirts out of his wet hand and into the toilet.

Rolling Thunder
06-13-2007, 02:45 AM
He sprouts breasts. Double-D's.

Of course, most guys would just call in sick and...well...

Plot Device
06-13-2007, 02:47 AM
I would just have him holding the toothbrush and it squirts out of his wet hand and into the toilet.

Or maybe the toothbrush's head breaks off in his mouth and so now the whole toothbrush is useless.

Plot Device
06-13-2007, 02:48 AM
He sprouts breasts. Double-D's.

Of course, most guys would just call in sick and...well...


Nothing supernatural. Just oddly coincidental. ;)

Plot Device
06-13-2007, 02:51 AM
I almost launched this thread as JUST a question about guys using electric razors since that was my initial thought. But I find repeatedly in this forum that ever-so-helpful respondents tend to ask: "What's this all about?" so then by the third or fourth post, the OP needs to clarify what the REAL deal is.

So I did it from the get go.

But now ...



... my electric razor question is getting overshadowed. (less is more, I guess).


Can any guys here tell me about foibles with electric razors?

alleycat
06-13-2007, 02:53 AM
I can't. I use a Mach 3.

I could make up all sort of stuff about electric shavers however.

alleycat
06-13-2007, 02:54 AM
If you let him be driving down the road in his car . . . we could really give you some ideas.

;-)

Rolling Thunder
06-13-2007, 02:57 AM
I don't shave. Well, not often.

Plot Device
06-13-2007, 03:03 AM
I can't. I use a Mach 3.

I could make up all sort of stuff about electric shavers however.

Do so! :)


If you let him be driving down the road in his car . . . we could really give you some ideas.

;-)

Nope--gotta be in the bathroom. Sorry.


I don't shave. Well, not often.

S'okay.

underthecity
06-13-2007, 04:21 AM
I can't believe this hasn't been mentioned yet; all the guys here will nod their heads, and the gals will say, "Wha--?"

Have it so when he starts to pee, the stream goes into two (or three) directions. One can go all over the floor mat, one can go all over his feet, one over the wall, etc.

It always sucks when this happens.

allen

Rolling Thunder
06-13-2007, 04:39 AM
You mean...that's not normal? :eek:

Plot Device
06-13-2007, 04:43 AM
I can't believe this hasn't been mentioned yet; all the guys here will nod their heads, and the gals will say, "Wha--?"

Have it so when he starts to pee, the stream goes into two (or three) directions. One can go all over the floor mat, one can go all over his feet, one over the wall, etc.

It always sucks when this happens.

allen


Uhhh ...... this is a movie script, and I need to keep it safely in the realm of PG or PG-13.

(But that IS pretty funny!)

Tiger
06-13-2007, 06:45 AM
While flushing, he notices there's (still) no TP (because he didn't change the roll the night before).

The dispenser has one of those telescoping spindles with the spring. The spindle sproings out of the dispenser, hits him in the forehead and dives down the drain just when the flush is finishing its spiral adieu.

This isn't the kind of stoppage you can clear with Draino, or a plunger; it requires major surgery.

alleycat
06-13-2007, 08:03 AM
I can't believe this hasn't been mentioned yet; all the guys here will nod their heads, and the gals will say, "Wha--?"

Have it so when he starts to pee, the stream goes into two (or three) directions. One can go all over the floor mat, one can go all over his feet, one over the wall, etc.

It always sucks when this happens.

allen
That's one of the first one I thought of, but I thought Plot wanted to keep it "cleaner".

I used to work at an office where one guy would turn the light off in the restroom when he left (as a joke) . . . you'd be standing there or sitting there having to finish up in complete darkness. Cute.

benbradley
06-13-2007, 09:39 AM
-He mistakes the KY jelly for toothpaste.
Or vice versa, but the OP wants to keep it "clean."

-He's shaving and cut the mole on his chin . . . it bleeds, and bleeds, and bleeds. He has to put tissue on it and now he looks like an idiot.
Even without something to get caught up on, it's easy to cut yourself with a cheap plastic dual-blade razor just by moving it the wrong way (any side-to-side motion rather than pulling straight), especially if the blade hits a lip.

This seems like the most likely "coincidental" scenario that could happen in a bathroom.

Cassie
06-13-2007, 09:54 AM
BF uses an electric razor on weekends. I've seen him miscalculate (as one could with a manual razor) and trim too much off one side of the moustache/sideburns/beard. Then, comically, your character would have to keep shaving to even things out - and perhaps end up with no or little facial hair.

Cassie
06-13-2007, 09:58 AM
-
-He mistakes the KY jelly for toothpaste.


For real: An ex-boyfriend of mine (who was from Austria) mistook Desitin for toothpaste one morning. Desitin - for those of you who don't know - is the stuff you put on baby's bum when it's chaffed and red. I will never forget the verbal outcries from the bathroom the morning that Rolf brushed his teeth with Desitin!!!
:ROFL:

SpookyWriter
06-13-2007, 09:59 AM
I didn't read all the replies. But from personal experince, my girlfriend came around the corner about the same time as I was muttering on about "She's such a fucking bitch." or something like that...

Needless to say the powers-to-be were a luke warm reception for the next couple of day.

And I was on holiday with her in Turkey, so that's a double sucko feeling.

Zoombie
06-13-2007, 10:20 AM
I have a few:

-Man looks at himself in the mirror, nods, and says "That's one handsome devil." The floor collapses beneath him and he lands in the septic tank

-The man is shaving with his electric razor and it gets stuck on his thick beard, hanging their like some kind of weird metallic leech.

-The man turns to urinate but gets caught in the door. Play it all on his face. That'd be PG-13!

-The man walks to the shower, but finds that the glass door was actually closed. That's happened to me so many times...especially when I'm groggy.

alleycat
06-13-2007, 01:18 PM
I didn't read all the replies. But from personal experince, my girlfriend came around the corner about the same time as I was muttering on about "She's such a fucking bitch." or something like that...

Needless to say the powers-to-be were a luke warm reception for the next couple of day.
Try giving one "the finger" when you're having an argument.

(Hint: it's not good.)

alleycat
06-13-2007, 01:50 PM
Do so! :)

-I think it could be funny if the electric shaver kept turning on and off . . . he turns the shaver on and starts to shave, it stops, he bangs on it (always a guy's first method of solving a problem), it starts again, it puts it to his face, it stops again, etc., etc.

-He makes the comments about the woman, smiles at himself in the mirror, starts to shave . . . and yells out like he's been stung by a bee. He looks at the shaver . . . one of the protective covers has popped off.

-He's using a cheap shaver, he's half-way done, he makes the comment about the woman . . . and the shaver suddenly fall apart or shorts out . . . he's stuck with one side of his face shaved, and the other half with a day-old growth.

Some that don't involve an electric shaver:

-Using a regular razor, the puts a new blade in, make the comment about the women, smiles at his own little jokes, and start to shave . . . the first stroke takes a strip of skin off.

-He makes the comment, smiles . . . notices a single gray hair, he's shocked, he meticuously plucks the hair out and goes back to what he was doing . . . he notices yet another gray hair . . . and another.

-He makes the comment, smiles at himself in the mirror, looks down to get something, looks back in the mirror . . . one of his eyelids is stuck. He can't get it unstuck, he tries and tries. Next shot: He's shaving, brushing his teeth . . . all with one eye.

-He's still sleepy, he's going about his business half-awake, he makes the comment about the woman under his breath . . . he looks into the mirror . . . . he sees the face of an old man . . . he yells out, looks again, his face is normal . . . this happens two or three times.

I like the idea of two or three things happening to him. One could occur after he makes the comment about the woman ("Yeah, I can do better than Paula"), something bad happens, he shrugs it off and goes back to what he was doing, he makes a comment about himself ("I'm just too good for you, baby"), something else happens, he curses under his breath, continues, he makes a comment about his plans with the big-boobed bottle blonde he has a date with ("I got me a date with woman who doesn't ask so many questions" . . . mimicing a woman's voice: "'How do you feel? Where is this going? Am I the only one?' Sheesh"), something else suddenly goes wrong.

Plot Device
06-13-2007, 03:53 PM
The man is shaving with his electric razor and it gets stuck on his thick beard, hanging their like some kind of weird metallic leech.



I didn't know it could "hang" off your face. That's very visual! This is a GOOD one! http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/icons/icon14.gif http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/icons/icon14.gif

Plot Device
06-13-2007, 04:12 PM
Some of this stuff I never knew about. Thanks for al this time and effort, alleycat! One of them I really liked!


-I think it could be funny if the electric shaver kept turning on and off . . . he turns the shaver on and starts to shave, it stops, he bangs on it (always a guy's first method of solving a problem), it starts again, it puts it to his face, it stops again, etc., etc.

That's a maybe.

-He makes the comments about the woman, smiles at himself in the mirror, starts to shave . . . and yells out like he's been stung by a bee. He looks at the shaver . . . one of the protective covers has popped off.

Ouch! I think I like it. But ... would it injur him? It can't injur.

-He's using a cheap shaver, he's half-way done, he makes the comment about the woman . . . and the shaver suddenly fall apart or shorts out . . . he's stuck with one side of his face shaved, and the other half with a day-old growth.

I think I like that one also.

Some that don't involve an electric shaver:

-Using a regular razor, the puts a new blade in, make the comment about the women, smiles at his own little jokes, and start to shave . . . the first stroke takes a strip of skin off.

Ouch! More injury!

-He makes the comment, smiles . . . notices a single gray hair, he's shocked, he meticuously plucks the hair out and goes back to what he was doing . . . he notices yet another gray hair . . . and another.

That's more supernatural stuff. It can't TRULY be outside of reason.

-He makes the comment, smiles at himself in the mirror, looks down to get something, looks back in the mirror . . . one of his eyelids is stuck. He can't get it unstuck, he tries and tries. Next shot: He's shaving, brushing his teeth . . . all with one eye.

But why would his eyelid get stuck? Outside of the supernatural, does that actually happen to people?

-He's still sleepy, he's going about his business half-awake, he makes the comment about the woman under his breath . . . he looks into the mirror . . . . he sees the face of an old man . . . he yells out, looks again, his face is normal . . . this happens two or three times.

That's kinda scary. Getting into creepy territory now.

I like the idea of two or three things happening to him. One could occur after he makes the comment about the woman ("Yeah, I can do better than Paula"), something bad happens, he shrugs it off and goes back to what he was doing, he makes a comment about himself ("I'm just too good for you, baby"), something else happens, he curses under his breath, continues, he makes a comment about his plans with the big-boobed bottle blonde he has a date with ("I got me a date with woman who doesn't ask so many questions" . . . mimicing a woman's voice: "'How do you feel? Where is this going? Am I the only one?' Sheesh"), something else suddenly goes wrong.


It becomes an on-going theme in the script. He's alone in the bathroom, there's a picture of hre on the mirror, he mumbles at her, and sometimes it's not a nice thing he says. And ZAP! he gets poetic justice for it.

Plot Device
06-13-2007, 04:15 PM
A lot of responses! Thanks everyone! :cool:

alleycat
06-13-2007, 04:20 PM
None of the injuries have to be that serious. Just somewhat painful.

And I didn't mean those odd ones as supernatural, more along the line of him "seeing things" or something freaky happening.

J. Weiland
06-13-2007, 04:35 PM
Man with long nosehair meets nose trimmer.

Plot Device
06-13-2007, 04:40 PM
None of the injuries have to be that serious. Just somewhat painful.

And I didn't mean those odd ones as supernatural, more along the line of him "seeing things" or something freaky happening.


Well, this is a movie script, not a novel. So if I visualy portray it on the screen, audience members are apt to get confused. I can't risk that. So it's gotta be pretty clear what's happening. :cool:

Plot Device
06-13-2007, 04:41 PM
Man with long nosehair meets nose trimmer.


:D

alleycat
06-13-2007, 04:51 PM
Well, this is a movie script, not a novel. So if I visualy portray it on the screen, audience members are apt to get confused. I can't risk that. So it's gotta be pretty clear what's happening. :cool:
You just say what happens in your script. For example, one of the cardinal rules in a comedy is no one gets seriously injuried. A character can fall down six flights of stairs and the only thing that happens is he has a giant goose egg knot on his head. Ha ha ha.

Summonere
06-13-2007, 11:23 PM
Drops toothbrush in toilet. Reaches in to grab it. Slips on wet floor. Fumbles for something to hang onto, simultaneously sticking one hand in the toilet where it gets stuck, while at the same time the flailing other causes the thing to flush. Water gushes in, but not out. Toilet overflows. Electric razor is plugged in, charging, but in his slip he's knocked it off the counter. It's on the floor near him, but he can't reach it. Overflowing water does, though. Bzzzt! Electrical short gives him a serious jolt before knocking out the lights. But not just to his place. Knocks out all the lights in his apartment building. Guy's late for an appointment, though, so with a Paul Bunyan heave, he tries to pop his stuck hand out of the toilet, but then the whole commode pops off floor and plumbing, sending him hollering and crashing around on slippery wet bathroom tile with a commode stuck to his hand.

All this noise arouses the attention of his NEIGHBOR in the apartment below, an elderly lady who is a paranoid, suspicious type, the kind who's always peeking out windows and barely-open doors, spying on everyone, the kind of lady who spraypaints her hair blue with a bottle of Holds Like Iron, whose rare smiles are just as false as her teeth. She looks up at her ceiling, alarmed, and...

...our hero can't un-stick his hand, and that water is still gushing everywhere from busted pipe, so he decides to smash the toilet bowl to bits against the bathroom counter, but that commode is a lot tougher than he thought. It CLANGS but doesn't break. He tries again. It still doesn't break, but the shock of impact against counter causes the medicine cabinet door to fall off, all contents inside spilling out everywhere in a big bouncy mess of noise and breaking things. Now he's really frustrated, so he starts CURSING and CLANGING that commode like an SOB, and ...

...below, the Neighbor hears all manner of vile curses and howls and fury. Sounds just like someone's being murdered up there! She calls the police.

Our hero finally shucks the shattered toilet, sees in the dim window-light what started this mess: his toothbrush, clenched tightly in hand. He jams it in the busted pipe, stopping up the gushing water leak, throws on some dry clothes, yanks open the front door, and...

... the outer hall is filled with a SWAT team pointing weapons at him, meddlesome NEIGHBOR looking on from behind them all.

In the beam of multiple flashlights we see that he's wearing rumpled, mismatched clothes grabbed out of a dark closet, only half his face is shaved, his electrified hair sticks in all directions, and a wee trickle of blood seeps from a big goose egg on his noggin where he banged it against something in his slip'n slide bathroom adventure.

Stew21
06-13-2007, 11:33 PM
one time I flushed my wrist watch down the toilet.
the clasp came undone and fell in when I was flushing and away it went.

Now when I have a bad day I refer to it as a watch-flushing.

But of the suggestions, I like the toothbrush in the toilet,
don't know anything about electric razors. but maybe it starts making funny noises and when he looks at it, one of those protective rotating head thingys pops off and hits him in the eye?

Plot Device
06-13-2007, 11:35 PM
..... too.............funny............

:ROFL: :ROFL: :ROFL: :ROFL: :ROFL: :ROFL:

Plot Device
06-13-2007, 11:37 PM
but maybe it starts making funny noises and when he looks at it, one of those protective rotating head thingys pops off and hits him in the eye?


oooh! Good one! :cool:

Stew21
06-13-2007, 11:46 PM
i can imagine him now, standing in front of the mirror, running the electric razor, mumbling something unpleasant about the woman, and the thing goes haywire making noises, he looks and boink - right in the eye.

Plot Device
06-13-2007, 11:52 PM
i can imagine him now, standing in front of the mirror, running the electric razor, mumbling something unpleasant about the woman, and the thing goes haywire making noises, he looks and boink - right in the eye.

I'm totally digging that one. It fits the bill perfectly for what I'm looking for also. Thank you! http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/icons/icon14.gif

alleycat
06-14-2007, 02:08 PM
I'm totally digging that one. It fits the bill perfectly for what I'm looking for also. Thank you! http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/icons/icon14.gif
That's pretty good.

Be sure to use a SOUND line to describe the grinding sound of the shaver when it first screws up. I'm not sure how I'd describe it, maybe "like a high-speed dental drill" or "the revving sound of the electric razor gone beserk".