My heart breaks a little

Oh, that's horrible. It's hard being a kid. My husband and I both despise people who torture and tease just for "the fun of it" as we suffered ourselves. That sort of behavior will never be tolerated out of our children, and I only hope more parents continue to teach their children that different is okay. Where I'm from, the adults and the children alike thrive in this disgusting behavior.

Tell him I said, "Chin up!"

I might have been considered geeky, but one day, I just decided they could all stuff it and I was going to be me.

That is heartbreaking.

My little guy (5) stutters.

There is no equal in nature to the cruelty of kids to kids.

few things are as wrenching as watching your child's vulnerbilities ridiculed by other children. speak honestly to him about why kids tease and help him to be strong.

and hug him tight.

My heart breaks for him also. I'm in education and I almost never sponsor parental interference--except on the home front--but what kids are doing to your son could effect him the rest of his life. I would suggest you give the school system fair warning. Make them aware that if kids tease your son in school, there will be legal consequences. Also, warn parents as well. My son had a high-pitched voice when he was in grade school and he was teased unmercifully. It took counseling to get him right with himself. Damn that teasing bull shit!

A hug to you and to your son.

i don't necessarily disagree with the notion of attempting to put in place protections at school, etc. but you can only control environment so much and for so long.

far better to instill strength. he'll carry that into every situation in his life.

William Haskins said:

i don't necessarily disagree with the notion of attempting to put in place protections at school, etc. but you can only control environment so much and for so long.

far better to instill strength. he'll carry that into every situation in his life.

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I completely agree with this. Empower him so he will always have the strength to overcome hard situations. The strength of character and esteem will serve him well his whole life.

If I were this kid, I would spread a rumor that everytime a child tics, a member of al qaeda burns in hell.

That way, whenever any kid teases him, he can ask "Why do you hate America?"

This really could work.

We did that with my son, also. However, it still made him question his own identity. A few months ago a kid in Connecticut committed suiced after years of being called gay. Then what? What if his parents had intervened by putting a stop to it? They would still have their son.

gerrydodge said:

We did that with my son, also. However, it still made him question his own identity. A few months ago a kid in Connecticut committed suiced after years of being called gay. Then what? What if his parents had intervened by putting a stop to it? They would still have their son.

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I wonder what role the parents played in making homosexuality something to be so ashamed of that it lead to suicide.

That's a good and valid question. However, peer pressure is so enormous now. Kids think their parents are telling them truths only to make them feel better,while at school,with peers, the truth actually resides.

er...I don't think a conversation about teasing leading to suicide is helpful to Caro. Can we get back to a more helpful conversation?

There's a little boy in my son's class who has a facial tic. They'll be in second grade next year. Last year I overheard a couple of little girls joking about "Jaret's twitch" and I took them aside and said, "You know, everybody has things that make them different. What if those things actually make us special?"

Haskins is right on the mark -- kids can be mean, and you can only do so much as far as the behavior of others. Your little guy will be far better off if you teach him how to deal with those people who make fun.

It also might be a good opportunity to talk to his teacher about doing a unit that focuses on differences -- last year, we had a student who has cerebral palsy who went around to different classrooms with his mom so they could educate other kids about his condition. He's in fourth grade, and has very limited mobility. He's also smart as a whip, and volunteered to do this to show the kids that just because someone looks or sounds different, they're just a kid like everyone else. It was hugely successful, and made the children -- especially the younger ones -- see him in a new light.

Oh God... I'm so sorry, Caro. Kids can be just awful. (Yeah, that really doesn't make you feel any better, does it?)

I agree with Haskins. No matter what you do it's still going to break your heart, and his, and the only thing you can take comfort in is the amazing resilience of children, and the knowledge that some day, it won't bother him.

(Or it will bother him, and he'll become a writer and start by murdering those little bastards in gruesome ways, and then he'll be a mega-bestseller and he can rub it in their rotten little faces... )

PattiTheWicked said:

It also might be a good opportunity to talk to his teacher about doing a unit that focuses on differences -- last year, we had a student who has cerebral palsy who went around to different classrooms with his mom so they could educate other kids about his condition. He's in fourth grade, and has very limited mobility. He's also smart as a whip, and volunteered to do this to show the kids that just because someone looks or sounds different, they're just a kid like everyone else. It was hugely successful, and made the children -- especially the younger ones -- see him in a new light.

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this sounds like a fantastic idea!

CaroGirl said:

I'm thankful every day that my children are physically healthy. I just have to work on his emotional health. I understand a little where the other kids are coming from. Even I find some of the tics hard to take. Try doing division equations with someone humming in your ear or tossing his head over and over within your field of vision.

If it worsens next year, I might ask his teacher to show a video I have about an adult man who's now a PhD and has Tourette's (my son does not have Tourette's, however, thank god).

I think it's a combination of giving him inner strength, and trying to educate the other children about his problems. Teasing often stems from ignorance.

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Yes, inner strength for him and education and tolerance for others.
Sounds like even with your heart breaking you are thinking clearly about how to go about making it better.

to you and your son.

I'm sorry to hear about your son's problems, Carogirl.

I hope things work out for him.

CaroGirl said:

My son, 9, has suffered from a tic disorder since he was about 5 yo. It comes and goes and the tics change, wax and wane. He's been ticking more of late, and recently the other children have begun to notice, and comment. My poor lad is now being ridiculed by the kids he's known and loved all his life.

My heart breaks for him a little every day. At least the summer's coming. sigh.

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My son has it, too--and the co-morbid ADHD that (sometimes) goes with it. My son will be 11 in August. I feel your pain. When my son was in 3rd grade, he had to go to the bathroom during class one day. He raised his hand, to ask permission to go. His teacher refused to let him go because she said he "gave me a 'look' ". HE HAS FACIAL TICS !!!!!! I'd explained that to her previously (she was young, and it was her first year teaching, so I guess she didn't know anything about Tourette Syndrome), as well as I could. But--she didn't allow him to go to the bathroom, and he sat there and wet his pants in class. Then, because he wet his pants, she made him stand outside. He was so humiliated! My heart broke. I've never felt such violent anger towards anyone in my entire life as I did toward that stupid bitch of a teacher. Of course, I couldn't strangle the life out of her, and I managed to have a conference with the school's principal about the incident without yelling, cursing, and sounding hysterical. He is no longer in that school.

He's grown very brave since then. We joined the TSA (Tourette Syndrome Association), and he gets a monthly newsletter which is written by kids with TS. When he went to his new school, I explained (as I always do for his teachers) his affliction. He, with no coaching from me, took his newsletter to class for show-and-tell. He stood up there, in front of his new class (at 9 years old) and explained why he twitches, and passed his newsletter around for all his classmates to read. I was so proud of him. I still am. The kids never teased him after that. He's very happy and successful in that school.

I'd strongly recommend you look into the TSA, CaroGirl. They may be able to offer you some comfort, ideas, solutions for helping your son be as happy as possible...

That is heartbreaking, Caro. Kids can be so thoughtlessly mean.

I don't know if this is something you'd consider or that your son would be interested in or able to do, but I've found it to be helpful: martial arts. Not for competitiveness, but for self-confidence. It can be physically challenging, and in the process you push your mental and physical barriers and find that you're capable of doing things you never considered - things that most people also never consider, much less attempt. Even if you're no good at it, you try, and that instills its own kind of confidence. Kids may continue to tease, but something like martial arts could help instill in him a stronger sense of self that can see through such simple cruelty. Additionally, the right dojo-like atmosphere can be great for fostering camaraderie.

Have you spoken to your son's teacher about the comments from the other children? He/she should be able to deal with this during classtime.

CaroGirl said:

My son, 9, has suffered from a tic disorder since he was about 5 yo. It comes and goes and the tics change, wax and wane. He's been ticking more of late, and recently the other children have begun to notice, and comment. My poor lad is now being ridiculed by the kids he's known and loved all his life.

My heart breaks for him a little every day. At least the summer's coming. sigh.

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